New Fathers Help!

[Jason Sypher]

My little son is six months and keeping us up all night long. We actually tried to let him cry it out a bit tonight and it just about drove my wife insane. I just kept hitting the bottle of wine and trying to rationalize it.
Neither of us felt very good about it and now she's in there nursing him to sleep again. Here we go again....a long days journey into night. Any stories or suggestions?

[ZuluFunk]

Originally Posted by Jason Sypher

My little son is six months and keeping us up all night long. We actually tried to let him cry it out a bit tonight and it just about drove my wife insane. I just kept hitting the bottle of wine and trying to rationalize it.
Neither of us felt very good about it and now she's in there nursing him to sleep again. Here we go again....a long days journey into night. Any stories or suggestions?

ROUTINE ROUTINE ROUTINE!!!
Had huge problems with my second. Even went to CHoP in Philly for help. You have to be disciplined though, don't give in.

As bedtime nears, start calming things down.
Make bathtime a prelude to bedtime.
A story in bed.
Then...lights out and you out. Don't go back in.
The kid will cry. Make sure he's safe...but let him cry.
After a week or so, he'll be sleeping through the night.

If you keep having problems, go to a sleep specialist like I did.

[reedo35]

First off, realize that babies do not cry just to irritate you, there is a reason for it. They are either hungry, cold,hot, tired, dirty,overtired, or sick. The frustrating part is figuring out which one it is. I didn't have too many problems with my daughter, thank goodness, but when she did cry, I used to take her out for a walk or a drive, the motion calmed her down. Also, six months is not too young to start teaching some simple sign language. Babies also cry because they have no other way to express themselves. If he can express what he wants with some simple signs, he will be less apt to cry out of frustration.

[ctxbass]

Our babies (now 20 and 18) both slept in bed with us. This is common in many cultures throughout the world, and I think it helps a child in developing a great sense of security. Neither one had any trouble adjusting to sleeping in their own bed later. It may not sound ideal, but no one has to get up and the baby goes back to sleep after a bit of nursing.
During a growth spurt, a baby can have a nearly insatiable appetite, and breast milk is so easily digested that it may only satisfy the youngster for a couple of hours.
My wife and I never believed in just letting the babies cry. We would always try to comfort them day or night. There were however, a few times when I had to put them down and walk away away for a while as they were totally inconsolable.

[bassist1962]

My second would wake in the middle of the night and scream until my wife or I would come and tend to her. It got to the point that she would force herself to throw up so we would have to get her out of bed. This was her game, and it got old quick. We were given advice from Riely's in Indianapolis to multiply the sheets, and put plastic between them. She wakes up, does her routine, we no longer took her out of bed, just moved her out of the way, took the top layer off, laid her back down, cold wash cloth to clean her, lights out. Starts again, same routine. After a couple of nights, she realized we weren't giving in to her, and she stopped.

[Uncletoad]

Originally Posted by ctxbass

Our babies (now 20 and 18) both slept in bed with us. This is common in many cultures throughout the world, and I think it helps a child in developing a great sense of security. Neither one had any trouble adjusting to sleeping in their own bed later. It may not sound ideal, but no one has to get up and the baby goes back to sleep after a bit of nursing.
During a growth spurt, a baby can have a nearly insatiable appetite, and breast milk is so easily digested that it may only satisfy the youngster for a couple of hours.
My wife and I never believed in just letting the babies cry. We would always try to comfort them day or night. There were however, a few times when I had to put them down and walk away away for a while as they were totally inconsolable.

+1. Vincent is still in the bed with us and quite happy. He's 6 months old and wakes up once or twice for food but for the most part sleeps well.

When he sleeps on his own in his crib he doesn't last more than an hour or two unless he's sick.

We got so much grief about the family bed from our first pediatrician that we ended up going to another doc who didn't have such strong opinions.

Family bed is controversial here in the states but I think most families in other places don't think twice about that stuff. If you poll your closest friends about it they'll admit to having done it more than you'd think.

I don't like the "cry it out" thing either. I say it's love and milk for the first year. They are to young to be tortured into submission. You'll have plenty of time and opportunity to set limits as they get older and become crafty. The only "spoiled children" are parents with expectations that their child will do what they want them to when they want them to do it.

Of course Vincent has been a pretty happy fella so that's just one story. We're probably lucky. There's far more experience than ours out there, I could be wrong and often am.

One last thought, be sure that your guy isn't sick or having tummy issues or responding to other stress in the home.

If you two are stressed he's like a big loud mood ring.

[phat daddy]

My first two were great-- slept in the crib through the night.
Therefore we were falsely confident about the 3rd, but no way-- cried inconsolably once he hit the crib. We tried baths, feeding, everything, then I got the notion to take him on a drive-- kids love motion, and it worked.

And yeah, when it comes to going to bed in the crib, you gotta let 'em cry and beat them at "the game". It sucks to hear your beautiful new baby driving themself (and you) mad, but it won't last more than a week.

[Hawaii Islander]

It did help to take turns checking on the baby.

I would rock Jonathan either walking or sitting in a chair until he fell asleep and then I would try to get him tucked into the crib for the night.

Get relatives to give you a break now and then so you don't burn out.

The other thing that sometimes helped was playing soft music.

Six months old is still a bit young to worry about setting a rigid schedule for sleeping. JMHO

Hang in there!

[Rune Bivrin]

As far as getting them to sleep in their own bed, neither of my two kids presented much of a problem, as long as we were there as they fell asleep. That my oldest had - and still has - general trouble going to sleep is another issue. He's got that from me, I suppose...

When it came to getting them to sleep in their own room, that was something we did when they were about a year and a half. We'd put their cribs in their room, put them down in the crib and gently leave. They'd cry, and we'd just look in through the door and tell them we were there. Took two, three days and they were cool with it. One trick was to make sure to make a lot of noises when we were out of the room, mainly by talking. That way they'd know we hadn't left.

[Jason Sypher]

My wife is nursing with the occasional supplement of formula. We had a glory time at about 4 months where he slept next to us in a co-sleeper and fed about every 3-4 hours. This was fine with us. The last part of the night he would sleep in the bed (from about 5 on) and nurse/sleep until he woke us at about 7. This was totally workable for us. Then he changed it all up and started nursing every 1 hour or so. That has made us crazy, of course. I don't mind sleeping with him but he seems to wake as much if not more when he can just sort of "snack" feed endlessly. We realized the other day that he never really gets to cry, day or night. We are always there to fix whatever it is. So we started letting him cry a little more in the stroller or wherever, just to let it out.
Then, last night, in a moment of desperation, he woke a half hour after he was put in bed. We do have a glorious routine by the way of jazz (loves it), bath, story...dark room etc etc. So we let him cry a bit to see what would happen. It was terrible. We waited and then went in to check on him then repeated the process (this is ferberish). After the third time he was getting better and he seemed to respond calmly when I went in, just listening to me talk to him and chilling. Then my wife couldn't stand it and went in and held him. She nursed a bit (he wasn't really hungry) then put him down before he was asleep. She said he looked at her with understanding in his eye and didn't cry but went to sleep. I don't know if this was a fluke or that he was just tired finally of all the crying. I don't know what we'll do tonight. I guess we're sort of trying a very modified "cry it out" program to just see if he takes to it. We're not cry it out people, if anything we're bleeding heart liberals who want to give him everything all the time etc etc etc.
We did get some sleep last night. When he woke up she nursed him and then, I believe, put him back still awake to see if he could self-soothe. I'm sure I'll get the full report later.

[Freddels]

It's been a while (boys are not 6, 8, 9) so I'll try to remember what we did. My wife is asian and by culture the kids slept in our bed (still do sometimes). Many advocate against this b/c they claim it's dangerous for the baby but for me, the baby could move a little bit and I'd feel it and wake to check on him. I guess it's sort of being very alert even when sleeping.

I don't believe in letting a baby cry. They cry for a reason, so I felt that at the first sign I was going to try to relieve whatever was bothering them. At night they usually woke b/c they were hungry, we kept it dark, gave them a bottle and got them back to sleep. Do not stimulate them at night or else they thinks it's play time. We also used to do what we referred to as in flight refueling. We knew that they would start to wake up b/c they were hungry at night and so we would get up every few hours and get a bottle ready. If you give them the bottle while they're still sleeping they will just drink it and continue sleeping. You can then change them and they won't wake up. Have a lamp with a very low wattage bulb to give you just enough light to see what you're doing so it won't wake them.

Parenting is definitely on the job training and we're forever trying to improve on our mistakes.

my .02

[Rune Bivrin]

Yeah, it's funny how you'll constantly get into a routine that works, and it will only be a short time and the routine breaks down. The thing is children grow, and babies grow fast, so their needs change quickly. Amd what with growth spurts, RS virus, chicken pox and what not, you're always in for surprises. And still, you need the routines for things to work.

Very key (in my opinion) is getting night time to be sleep time, and day time to be play time.

As for letting children sleep in their parents beds: Of course they can do that! I don't think there's ever been a single, documented case of parents rolling over children in their sleep. And if it's happened, I'm pretty sure there's alcohol involved. Lots of it.
We used to love it, but got to a point where the kids disturbed our sleep too much. It was like sleeping with a revolving door at times. So they were dumped in the crib next to our bed, because tired parents are bad parents.

[threshar]

We had that problem too, we just let her cry - she had a bottle & whatnot. she just wanted to be held. It was pretty horrible, but she got the idea and then the key factor (we think) is when they realize they can play with the toys in their crib.

Each of my 3 daughters is / was breast fed so they'd spend the first few months in bed with us. Around 3-4 months or so we move them to the crib. I admit I do enjoy having my baby next to me. They are so cute

The crying is pretty awful, but they need to learn. If they are crying for no good reason beyond they are pissed (yes, babies get pissed) do not check on them every 2 minutes, otherwise they won't go to sleep.

Good luck! This stage usually doesn't last long!

[GrooveWarrior]

Buy this book!!!!!

http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Baby-...0379302&sr=8-1

I give it to all my friends who are expecting kids. They thank me over and over. We used it with our two kids. By 8 weeks old, they were both sleeping through the night. I just gave it to a co-worker of mine who had an 8 month old who wouldn't sleep through the night. Within 10 days of using the methods in the book, the kid was sleeping through the night. The guys wife called me at work and thanked me profusely.

Routine is the key. I have seen a lot of really bad suggestions here in this thread. Having the baby sleep with you is a really bad idea. It's lazy and it is purely for the convenience of the parent. You have to do what is best for the child. Teaching them to sooth themselves and put themselves to sleep is what you need to teach the child. Putting them in their crib before they are asleep is a huge part of this. You have to teach them that the crib is where they fall asleep. Not on your chest, or in the swing. You have to be disciplined and do what is best for the child.

[SteveC]

1. Routine is so important.
2.Sleeping in bed is fine. Nursing is the best thing. These concepts are very matter of fact in the rest of the world. We are messed up in the US.
3. We have a 17 month old girl who is up all night and then the next she sleeps through. We don't buy into the let them cry camp. It's not necessary.

Hang in there. Some kid - like ours - are just hard. Fortunately she's a doll during the day. Love 'em and know that eventually, this to shall pass.

[GrooveWarrior]

Originally Posted by SteveC

1. Routine is so important.
2.Sleeping in bed is fine. Nursing is the best thing. These concepts are very matter of fact in the rest of the world. We are messed up in the US.
3. We have a 17 month old girl who is up all night and then the next she sleeps through. We don't buy into the let them cry camp. It's not necessary.

Hang in there. Some kid - like ours - are just hard. Fortunately she's a doll during the day. Love 'em and know that eventually, this to shall pass.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with letting a kid cry if you know they are dry, fed, and warm. It sounds to me like she has trained you, and will likely continue to do so. I agree that nursing is the best thing, and am a strong proponent of it. Unregulated nighttime sleep like she is getting is not a normal or healthy habit. We, in the US, tend to be very selfish and do things that are in our best interest, and not necessarily what is best for the child.

[john turner]

Originally Posted by ZuluFunk

ROUTINE ROUTINE ROUTINE!!!
Had huge problems with my second. Even went to CHoP in Philly for help. You have to be disciplined though, don't give in.

As bedtime nears, start calming things down.
Make bathtime a prelude to bedtime.
A story in bed.
Then...lights out and you out. Don't go back in.
The kid will cry. Make sure he's safe...but let him cry.
After a week or so, he'll be sleeping through the night.

If you keep having problems, go to a sleep specialist like I did.

+1 the above is what we have done with our little eva (she's about 4 months now) and it's worked great. she went from cosleeping to crib with only a little fussing, and now she sleeps from 8:30 or so until about 7 am. my wife still gets up to nurse her around 2 am for about a half hour, but that's going to stop soon too.

[Uncletoad]

I'm pretty sure there is no one size fits all in child rearing. Every child is different and being raised by different parents. What works for one may not another. Some people thrive on structure others whither in the presence of it.

I filter the parenting advice I get through my own conscience and my relationship with my wife. Our instincts match up well and the choices we make are based on our sense of what is right for us and our family. You can always find a book on the shelf that will tell you what you're doing is right or what your doing will screw your kid up for life. Pick your poison.

A very important thing in our house is that my wife and I are on the same page and that we are continuing to feed our relationship with each other in addition to the our relationship as a family. Our kid is pretty happy and I imagine part of that is cause his parents are happy too.

[TimoMetzemakers]

Originally Posted by Uncletoad

We got so much grief about the family bed from our first pediatrician that we ended up going to another doc who didn't have such strong opinions.

Originally Posted by GrooveWarrior

I have seen a lot of really bad suggestions here in this thread. ...is a really bad idea. ... You have to do what is best for the child. ... You have to be disciplined ... There's absolutely nothing wrong with ... It sounds to me like she has trained you ... is the best thing, and am a strong proponent of it ... is not a normal or healthy habit.

Uncletoad, your former pediatrician seems to have tracked you down and is out to get your sorry a**!

[GrooveWarrior]

Originally Posted by TimoMetzemakers

Uncletoad, your former pediatrician seems to have tracked you down and is out to get your sorry a**!

I claim no responsibility for Uncletoad!!!