A.S.S'es on fire

Don Higdon · #1 08-03-2001, 10:34 AM

Yesterday, I picked up my new old American Standard bass. It's a full 7/8, with gamba corners. And it's uglier than Rosanne Barr's ass. But what a sound!

Here's my question: It is serial number 87. Does anybody know what approximate year this could have been made?

Will this be the question that stumps (All Hail) Bob Gollihur? Stay tuned.

EDIT: For those desiring to cast their opinions on the ugliness or lack thereof of either of the basses in question, the links to view both monstrosities can be found below. Special thanks to John Turner for hosting the pics, and Xavier G for creating the links.

**john turner** · #2 08-03-2001, 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Don Higdon
And it's uglier than Rosanne Barr's ass.

i do NOT want to know how you know this

Bob Gollihur · #3 08-03-2001, 03:47 PM

http://www.musictrader.com/king.html has serial numbers for Kings, and American Standards were made by the same company - but I don't know if the serial numbers are coincident. I thought I had a line on a page with a couple paragraphs of history on the companies but can't seem to locate it.

**Chris Fitzgerald** · #4 08-03-2001, 05:48 PM

I can't help with clearing up the issue of when # 87 was made, but maybe Don can answer a question for me. Where is the serial # on American Standard basses located? I don't have a small enough mirror to look inside mine, but this thread has made me curious.

P.S. - that must be one BUTT UGLY bass, my friend.

Don Higdon · #5 08-03-2001, 10:04 PM

I'm just back from sitting in with Old 87. The pianist has heard every bass I have, and was totally gassed by this one. I'm too tired to take the cover off, Chris, I'll spot the serial # tomorrow.

Don Higdon · #6 08-04-2001, 07:28 AM

Chris: There is a paper label, about 1" x 4", located in the center of the back, between the end of the fingerboard and the bridge. It is readable from the E side f-hole. The label says:
American Standard
Made By The Cleveland Musical Instrument Co.
A Subsidiary of The H. N. White Co.,
Cleveland, Ohio
In the lower right corner, the label print says "No._",
and entered in ink by hand is "87".

As I read (All Hail) Bob's link, this mother is old. Certainly smells it.

Monte · #7 08-04-2001, 08:35 AM

Is this a laminated bass? I've heard from several people that American Standards are by far the nicest sounding plywood bass, even better than Kays, if you can find one. Wow, a 7/8; I'll bet it does have a sound...

Monte

Don Higdon · #8 08-04-2001, 08:43 AM

Yes, it's plywood. And I have seen 3 American Standards that were superb sounding. And what's great about this one is, it's ugly. I'll post pictures when I get them.

Mark Steel · #9 08-04-2001, 09:33 AM

Congrats on the new bass, Don! Am I reading those serial #'s right on Bob's link--that it could have been made anywhere from the late 1890's to 1930 or so, if those numbers also refer to American Standards? Wow.
I think I also read somewhere that the American Standard basses had fully carved scrolls, whereas the Kays had square pegboxes with the scrolls "affixed" to either side. Is that right?

**Chris Fitzgerald** · #10 08-04-2001, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Don Higdon
Chris: There is a paper label, about 1" x 4", located in the center of the back, between the end of the fingerboard and the bridge. It is readable from the E side f-hole. The label says:
American Standard
Made By The Cleveland Musical Instrument Co.
A Subsidiary of The H. N. White Co.,
Cleveland, Ohio
In the lower right corner, the label print says "No._",
and entered in ink by hand is "87".

As I read (All Hail) Bob's link, this mother is old. Certainly smells it.

Well I'll be damned...mine is no. 158.

As I've mentioned to a few folks here before, I'm actually toying with the idea of selling this bass. The problem is that - like Don's - the bass bears a close resemblance to Chris Farley's BUTT (yes, I'm aware that he's been dead for some time now. That's part of the description). In other words, there are no words to accurately describe how UGLY this bass is, and you'd have to hear/play it to appreciate it.

If I knew how to post pics, maybe Don and I could have an UGLY contest. We could call it A.S.S. (short for "American Standard Showdown"). Hmmm, that's not a bad idea!

Don Higdon · #11 08-04-2001, 10:51 AM

Chris: You're on. Fair warning: My finish has a dull, olive green caste. It smells like Moms Mabley's armpit. Still wanna take me on?

Mark: Correct on scrolls. AmStd were nicely carved, Kays were pieces glued together.
My read on the link is that both Chris' bass and mine were made in 1925.

bassdude · #12 08-04-2001, 11:22 AM

I've had the pleasure of playing an American Standard it was a 7/8 size also. This one was a Frankinstien bass complete with a bolt through the neck. It had a wonderfull loud sound. The best plywood bass I've seen.

**Chris Fitzgerald** · #13 08-04-2001, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Don Higdon
Chris: You're on. Fair warning: My finish has a dull, olive green caste. It smells like Moms Mabley's armpit. Still wanna take me on?

DONOSAUR,

I scoff at your "fair warning". My bass has the color and texture of dried ****, the back has been painted brown (which I've left like that), the top has been patched twice, the bridge adjusters are unevenly unscrewed because of the shape of the top, and all of the edges are pretty much worn away to the level of the sides of the bass. Not only that, it still has the original CHEESEMASTER 2000 endpin, and somebody installed the tuners backwards.

How do you like me NOW?

Don Higdon · #14 08-04-2001, 01:20 PM

Can't wait

**Chris Fitzgerald** · #15 08-04-2001, 03:00 PM

Ok, you're on!

Maybe since neither of us old relics has a scanner or knows how to post pics, we could ask someone to help us out. I bet Mr. Turner would probably agree to participate if we played nice. Whaddaya think?

JT,
If we could get some pics to you snail mail, do you think you could - at your leisure, of course - help us get them posted in a FAIR and SPORTSMANLIKE manner (I only mention this because I suspect that Don isn't above cheating when it comes to stakes like the title of "WORLD'S UGLIEST BASS")? We could agree to take a certain # of pics from certain angles only, and you could post them side by side, whenever you got the time.

By way of payment, I'd be more than happy to:

a) Stomp a couple of annoying BG trolls of your choosing; or...

b) Refrain from doing so. Whichever makes your life easier.

How about it?

Don Higdon · #16 08-04-2001, 04:00 PM

Chris: Weren't you one of the guys who chortled at my computer ineptitude? Well, I CAN SCAN even if you can't.

I propose a panel of 3 judges: JT, because he runs the place, and he's probably never seen anything as big as a double bass that didn't have 'John Deere' painted on it; Ed Fuqua, because we need to get him back here for a guest appearance; and Bob Gollihur for a desperately needed touch of class.

I think we should be free to show whatever feature is ugly. They won't be the same from bass to bass. I would agree with one 3/4 angle shot, and then anything goes for 3 - 5 more pictures. I'm already at a disadvantage because I can't photograph how my bass smells.

**john turner** · #17 08-04-2001, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Don Higdon
The pianist has heard every bass I have, and was totally gassed by this one.

this wouldn't have anything to do with rosanne barr's behind, would it?

oh, yeah, and i'm totally up for this here competition. i can scan the pics if you guys need me to, just send em my way.

**Chris Fitzgerald** · #18 08-04-2001, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Don Higdon
Chris: Weren't you one of the guys who chortled at my computer ineptitude? Well, I CAN SCAN even if you can't.

Sort of. I only laughed at you when you inadvertantly switched to all bold letters in one of your posts and couldn't figure out how to turn them off. I don't know why I found that so funny, but it tickled me and I couldn't help myself. May I add that I had a bad, bad feeling that my laughter was going to come back on me someday. Turns out I was right, too...

I propose a panel of 3 judges: JT, because he runs the place, and he's probably never seen anything as big as a double bass that didn't have 'John Deere' painted on it; Ed Fuqua, because we need to get him back here for a guest appearance; and Bob Gollihur for a desperately needed touch of class.

I think we should be free to show whatever feature is ugly. They won't be the same from bass to bass. I would agree with one 3/4 angle shot, and then anything goes for 3 - 5 more pictures. I'm already at a disadvantage because I can't photograph how my bass smells.

Agreed. It's a shame we aren't doing this in BGland. Up there, we'd just take yet another poll...I'll start hunting for some film in the morning.

Prepare to meet your maker, Higdon.

Mark Steel · #19 08-04-2001, 05:29 PM

Would love to see this competition on TV--like one of those shows where the machines bash the crap out of each other--Battlebots?--
"The UglyBass Competition! Tonight's matchup--Donosaur versus Duurrrl!"
Of course, from the way you're describing the basses, it might be hard to determine the winner after it's all over....

pkr2 · #20 08-04-2001, 09:02 PM

Where is E.S.P.N. when you need them ?

Pkr2