An Effects Pedal Cool Wall: A Proposal

[andvari7]

As I first described in "Never Meet Your Heroes, OR:" what we need around here is a forum-wide standard for how cool an effect is. Being a big fan of the BBC2 series, "Top Gear," I co-opted Jeremy Clarkson's scale of measurement, the Cool Wall. In the aforementioned "Never Meet Your Heroes, OR:" I mentioned that the quality of the effect has nothing to do with cool, but I failed to mention the unit of measurement. Unfortunately, I can't use Clarkson's Kristin Scott-Thomas test, where one pulls up to her house to take her out, and her reaction to the car determines the place of the car on the wall. I'll use my version: Say you're playing bass for Larry LaLonde (a guitarist, for those who are unfamiliar with him). His reactions to the pedals on your pedalboard determine where they go on the TalkBass Effects Pedal Cool Wall.

As I previously mentioned, certain effects are always "Seriously Uncool," including artist signature pedals (Bad Horsies, EVH Flangers and so on), and the Tubescreamer. Above that, we have "Uncool," which includes CryBabys (apart from the Wylde, Hammett, Slash, and Van Halen sigs, which are, by rule, seriously uncool), Boss effects (except for the RT-20 Rotary Ensemble, which, for reasons I will detail shortly, is seriously uncool), Fulltone effects (except for the Clyde Deluxe, for the same reason as the RT-20), and any pedal Justin Chancellor uses (I'll explain why shortly). In the "Cool" section, the Mu-Tron III, Danelectro pedals (with certain exceptions), EHX pedals (with certain exceptions), and the original Digitech Whammy. And, finally, "Sub-Zero," which houses Devi Ever's range (apart from any that are subject to aforementioned rules), the Parapedal (and the Chicago Iron Parachute), and the Moog MF-102. For now.

As previously mentioned, there are certain...reasons...for placing a pedal in a specific segment of the Wall.

First, the Justin Chancellor problem: while a very good bassist, and a man of good taste (He plays Wal basses), Justin Chancellor has spawned too many obnoxious imitators (none of you, obviously; I actually listened in on a conversation of this type at a shop in Madison - the shop that sold me the Clyde Deluxe, actually - and believe me, even the most die-hard Chancellor fan would have been annoyed), and that disqualifies him from being anywhere above "uncool." Sad, yes, but true. This is especially true of the Digitech Bass Whammy, because he has become the de facto lord of the pedal (chiefly because nobody else, apart from the denizens of these here TalkBass forums, actually HAS one).

Next, I will bring up the specific examples I mentioned: the Clyde Deluxe, the RT-20, and those EHX and Danelectro pedals. They are seriously uncool, because of who owns them. And the person of whom I speak is, of course, me. I ruin the reputation of any pedal I buy, by virtue of the fact that I (emphasize that) buy them, as I'm just about the least cool person on the planet (I wear parachute pants, watch "Kim Possible," and think Tom Baker had the best haircut in existence). So, that Moog MF-102 is, for now, Sub-Zero. However, as that is almost certainly the next pedal I am going to buy, its days are numbered.

So, how about it? Does it sound like a good plan?

[andvari7]

I'll start with some additions:

Danelectro pedals I DON'T own - The '57 Chevy motif is quite kitschy, but precisely because of that kitsch - no poseur would be caught dead with them, out of fear of embarrassment - they are cool.

Behringer: Cheap copies of Boss pedals. So, copying an uncool pedal would be seriously uncool. But, apart from online vendors, I've had a difficult time actually finding them. Exclusivity is chic, and that goes a long way. It really does. Therefore, they're cool, but with a proviso - the minute I walk into Best Buy, who now sell instruments (thanks to Guitar Hero), and I see these plastic boxes of cheap; or, you tell me of their rapid infestation in your local guitar shop, they go down the board. No exclusivity, no chic. And no chic = uncool.

[Smurf-o-Deth]

Any dirt pedal whose manufacturer puts up demos played through an all-tube head, all the while professing its "tube-like sound," is seriously uncool.

[metalmariachi]

Fuzzhugger pedals have to be seriously cool (sub zero?) because Tom will customize them to what you want including the graphics.

Any thing that sounds great and was discontinued like the Harmonic Percolator and D*A*M Ezekiel are seriously cool.

Limited editions like the Mellowtone Clean Channel-Dirty Channel with the buyers choice of colors are also seriously cool.

Question how do you factor in the availability issues, things that we can't get in the US are seriously cool because we can't get them but may be un-cool in Japan or the UK and visa versa..

MM

[Sean S]

I would venture to say that Behringer pedals are "cool" by virtue of trying to be a direct replica of something "uncool". It's like the hipster state of mind where the uncool is uncool, but copying the uncool is cool. Take, for example, a Britney Spears song, which by nature is uncool, a cover is seriously cool.

[Mudfuzz]

Any dirt pedal that says BASS on it or in it's description that doesn't actually add lows - uncool.

[Thunderscreech]

Tech 21 XXL Bass Edition: Sub-Zero.

It's PURPLE. 'Nuff said.

Also: HM-2 needs an exception. G.C. Green used one, and he is cool.

[kevteop]

Rules I generally go by:

All Danelectro pedals must be rock-bottom because they look like arse.

Everybody owns a Boss OC-2, because it's the one effect pedal that is guaranteed to work for every bassist regardless of application, but because of that it's automatically cool.

The Mutron III+ is the epitome of cool and the pedal by which all others shall be judged.

Anyway... My nominations for cool pedals:

EHX Bass Micro Synthesizer
Robot Factory Pulse Synth
Anything by BugBrand
Any Malekko Echo

Uncool:

EHX XO Bass Micro Synth
Entire Line 6 product range
Any digital Multi-FX excluding Eventide
Any pedal in a black case

[andvari7]

Originally Posted by Sean S

I would venture to say that Behringer pedals are "cool" by virtue of trying to be a direct replica of something "uncool". It's like the hipster state of mind where the uncool is uncool, but copying the uncool is cool. Take, for example, a Britney Spears song, which by nature is uncool, a cover is seriously cool.

I did say Behringer was cool, but added that if I see them at Best Buy, they go down, down, down that scale.

[andvari7]

Originally Posted by metalmariachi

Fuzzhugger pedals have to be seriously cool (sub zero?) because Tom will customize them to what you want including the graphics.

Any thing that sounds great and was discontinued like the Harmonic Percolator and D*A*M Ezekiel are seriously cool.

Limited editions like the Mellowtone Clean Channel-Dirty Channel with the buyers choice of colors are also seriously cool.

Question how do you factor in the availability issues, things that we can't get in the US are seriously cool because we can't get them but may be un-cool in Japan or the UK and visa versa..

MM

I think I should clarify some issues concerning exclusivity, including customization. Customization is, to an extent, cool, but too much of it, especially little things, concerning colors, runs aground of pretentiousness, and that kills any buzz.

Availability is a tricky proposition, I will admit, as the test was designed for cars, which can be bought just about anywhere. But, I will say this: a cool pedal is a cool pedal, regardless of location, so if it's cool in Japan, it's cool in the US.

Discontinued is always good. Except when someone who spawns imitations, like Justin Chancellor, uses such a pedal, like the Digitech Bass Whammy, at which point it becomes uncool.

And, as for the Bass Micro Synth: I own one, and since I'm not about to sell it anytime soon, it stays seriously uncool.

[thekage]

I think your all dorks. With way too much time on your hands.

[kevteop]

Originally Posted by thekage

I think your all dorks. With way too much time on your hands.

<internet pedant mode>"You're"</internet pedant mode>

[bongomania]

I was mildly annoyed by the whole thing until I got to this part:

Originally Posted by andvari7

I ruin the reputation of any pedal I buy, by virtue of the fact that I (emphasize that) buy them, as I'm just about the least cool person on the planet (I wear parachute pants, watch "Kim Possible," and think Tom Baker had the best haircut in existence).

...Where I cracked a grin and said "all right, this guy knows this topic is a bit silly, so it's OK."

I think any pedal that does the job really well is cool, even if it's made by a giant corporation and endorsed by teen idols or has-been rockers. Of course most of the time that type of pedal doesn't do the job really well, but it can't be assumed.

There's obvious cool from exclusivity, but I think there's also cool from doing something that bucks popular expectations. So my FEA Dual-Band comp is cool because it's a bit exclusive (not to mention metallic blue, with 11 silver knobs); but the Arion SCO-1 is also cool because it is so terrible that no-one in their right mind would use it, so if you do use it for the great lofi sounds it can make, you're cool.

[Wasted Bassist]

Originally Posted by kevteop

<internet pedant mode>"You're"</internet pedant mode>

Oh snap. Forum snarkiness pwnage.

[fightthepower]

Originally Posted by kevteop

The Mutron III+ is the epitome of cool and the pedal by which all others shall be judged.

Hmm.. you can HAZ reissue? (the original does not bare the +)

[nad]

Cool:
Malekko
Frostwave

Uncool:
Discontinued pedals that cost more than double used what they went for new.

[Bootzilla]

People we NEED a list in the first post so I'll just do some suggestions and others can edit them to their liking.

Seriously Uncool:

Uncool:
Boss
Zvex (overpriced and mainstream "boutique")

Cool:
Supercollider
MI audio Neo/GI fuzz
Malekko

Sub Zero:
Electronix (full range)
Cream Pie (because of the name )
Most of Devi ever (minus the strange noise double joystick things)
\/
DE Kareoke Party (the name, the sound, the visual, it's perfect)

Edit: Just a quote from bongo on the issue of "what is cool"
BONGO: "I think any pedal that does the job really well is cool, even if it's made by a giant corporation and endorsed by teen idols or has-been rockers. Of course most of the time that type of pedal doesn't do the job really well, but it can't be assumed.

There's obvious cool from exclusivity, but I think there's also cool from doing something that bucks popular expectations. So my FEA Dual-Band comp is cool because it's a bit exclusive (not to mention metallic blue, with 11 silver knobs); but the Arion SCO-1 is also cool because it is so terrible that no-one in their right mind would use it, so if you do use it for the great lofi sounds it can make, you're cool."

I'd say: If it works well and it isn't claiming to be the best thing that ever happened to your sound than thats cool. If it is not regularly available, it works well and it's not overhyped for no reason at all it's cool. If it's really bad and noone is using it than that can be cool too. If it's mainstream and it's bad than thats just way uncool. If it's bad and really commercial than it's seriously uncool. IMHO

[ga_edwards]

I like the idea being a Top Gear fan, but I can see pretty much where it's going and can make an informed judgement going by your rulings.

Mass produced - uncool
Boutique - cool

That just about covers it. It's also makes me uncool.

PS, If you're going to use a guitarist as a yard stick, can it be one we've heard of?

[gm jack]

Originally Posted by ga_edwards

I like the idea being a Top Gear fan, but I can see pretty much where it's going and can make an informed judgement going by your rulings.

Mass produced - uncool
Boutique - cool

That just about covers it. It's also makes me uncool.

PS, If you're going to use a guitarist as a yard stick, can it be one we've heard of?

He plays for Primus. In the bass world, that's pretty cool.

As for the pedals, I think everything whichis functional over funny noise making, like signal blenders and hum removers need to be uncool. Very useful to have, but just not cool. I suppose a like of compressors will fall under this (sorry Bongo). You can't really sound cool talking about the smooth compression and lack of artefacts from a compressor, except in very rare circumstances.

[wdinc01]

Originally Posted by Smurf-o-Deth

Any dirt pedal whose manufacturer puts up demos played through an all-tube head, all the while professing its "tube-like sound," is seriously uncool.

I'm going to extend this and say any pedal that professes a "tube-like sound", regardless of what its played through, is uncool. Its honestly a marketing tool.

Exceptions: any dirt pedal that literally has a tube in it, which is cool, and the Digitech Bad Monkey, which sounds awesome and is quite cheap.