Alright, I'm just mad now

[guy n. cognito]

I'm going to vent here. Bear with me.....

A little backstory- back in December, our drummer of 4 years quit due to family issues. As the newest member of the band, I volunteered to find a new drummer. After weeks of searching and about 36 responses, I found us a drummer. When he bailed after two practices, I found another. When the band decided to add a female singer, I handled that as well. In order to get the new guitarist and singer up to speed, we have been practicing every week and the new members have been putting in alot of work. Everyone has been putting in alot of effort for our first gig as a new band, which was supposed to be tomorrow.

Today, at about 2:00, I get a call from our lead guitarist. He tells me that the bar where we were playing tomorrow has called our singer and cancelled our gig because they want to show the Stanley Cup games instead. He claims that they called our male singer with the news. Needless to say I was a bit pissed, plus I had to find time in my packed day to a)call the new singer and drummer and b)notify about 150 people that the gig was cancelled. While I was doing this, I starting thinking. The bar owner doesn't know our singer, so why did she call him?

About 8:00 this evening, the guitarist called again. It turns out that the story he told be before wasn't the truth. Turns out that he received a call from our male singer today, who stated that he couldn't make the gig, wouldn't explain why, and didn't want to tell the rest of the band that he was the cause of the cancellation. Instead, he asked the guitarist to call the club, cancel the show, then call the rest of the band and make up the lie. While the guitarist refused to call the bar, he did call me and tell me the lie. In addition, he asked me to call the new drummer and singer because (as he admitted) he didn't want to lie to them too. The guitarist was feeling guilty, which is why he called me and told me the truth.

I'm so mad I can't see straight. It's bad enough that the singer had to cancel the gig, but he didn't even have the nads to tell us the truth. Even worse, he didn't have the nerve to lie to us himself, and asked the guitarist to do it for him. Not only have I put in alot of effort over the last few months, but the new drummer and singer have busted their butts to get up to speed for this gig.

I need to calm down, but right now I want to quit or kick the singer out. I need to talk to him, but I'll wait until I can have a reasonable conversation. At least, he owes all of us a huge apology.

[nubs]

that's insane...i would think yes you need to have a talk with your singer...then i would put him double top secret probation! tell him hes lucky you don't fire his a$$.

[IanStephenson]

Fire the male singer - you've already got a spare who knows the set. If he had a good reason not to do the gig, the he could have just told you. You could then have made a good decision how to handle it - as is he obviously doesn't have a good excuse to bail, and has screwed you over by not being honest. At best your band now has a really bad rep for cancelling a show at the last minute.

Get the guitarist to phone the bar back, and grovel to get your gig back, and do it with the female singer. Make the guitarist phone round and tell everyone it's back on. If he doesn't like it, then he can leave too - he was complicit in the debarcle, and needs to do some penance, but at least he came clean.

But is sounds like the singer didn't just let you down, he screwed you over - by all means get mad.

Ian

[invader3k]

You don't have time for games. Fire this guy and find someone reliable.

[Luke73]

Kick the bum out of the band.

That sort of rubbish is not acceptable - anywhere.

Don't even think about it.

If he couldn't make the gig - that's one thing, but to make another person lie for him to get out of it is ridiculous! It's bad enough he made up a lie - he didn't even have the guts to tell it himself.

[Freddels]

Not only did he cost you that gig, he also left you looking bad in the eyes of the club.

[JHL]

If it'd been me I would've kicked him out of the band as soon as I found out the truth.... however...

If it had been me I would've called the bar personally and tried to compromise with the owner so that we would be able to play anyway, then I would've found out the truth, kicked the singer and rocked that gig like nobodys business without him :]

[mark roberts]

Originally Posted by guy n. cognito

I'm going to vent here. Bear with me.....

A little backstory- back in December, our drummer of 4 years quit due to family issues. As the newest member of the band, I volunteered to find a new drummer. After weeks of searching and about 36 responses, I found us a drummer. When he bailed after two practices, I found another. When the band decided to add a female singer, I handled that as well. In order to get the new guitarist and singer up to speed, we have been practicing every week and the new members have been putting in alot of work. Everyone has been putting in alot of effort for our first gig as a new band, which was supposed to be tomorrow.

Today, at about 2:00, I get a call from our lead guitarist. He tells me that the bar where we were playing tomorrow has called our singer and cancelled our gig because they want to show the Stanley Cup games instead. He claims that they called our male singer with the news. Needless to say I was a bit pissed, plus I had to find time in my packed day to a)call the new singer and drummer and b)notify about 150 people that the gig was cancelled. While I was doing this, I starting thinking. The bar owner doesn't know our singer, so why did she call him?

About 8:00 this evening, the guitarist called again. It turns out that the story he told be before wasn't the truth. Turns out that he received a call from our male singer today, who stated that he couldn't make the gig, wouldn't explain why, and didn't want to tell the rest of the band that he was the cause of the cancellation. Instead, he asked the guitarist to call the club, cancel the show, then call the rest of the band and make up the lie. While the guitarist refused to call the bar, he did call me and tell me the lie. In addition, he asked me to call the new drummer and singer because (as he admitted) he didn't want to lie to them too. The guitarist was feeling guilty, which is why he called me and told me the truth.

I'm so mad I can't see straight. It's bad enough that the singer had to cancel the gig, but he didn't even have the nads to tell us the truth. Even worse, he didn't have the nerve to lie to us himself, and asked the guitarist to do it for him. Not only have I put in alot of effort over the last few months, but the new drummer and singer have busted their butts to get up to speed for this gig.

I need to calm down, but right now I want to quit or kick the singer out. I need to talk to him, but I'll wait until I can have a reasonable conversation. At least, he owes all of us a huge apology.

A lot of questions come to mind regarding what you want to do:
1. Will the rest of the group actively support you in getting rid of the deceptive singer? ...if not, get out of there and find some band mates with honesty and integrity.
2. Does the singer own any critical equipment...like the P.A., lights? If not, get rid of him. He obviously doesn't care about any one else in the band. If he does own the P.A., etc (and especially if the rest of the members won't back you for #1 above), get out of there and take your skills to another band.
3. How will this affect those people in the band that fall into the "friend" category? Will the needed break-up cause other problems?
4. Consider that if you do jettison the singer, he may well bad-mouth you and others that support you to all who will listen. He may well not understand that he will be digging his grave even deeper in the local music community....soon the only people who will perform with him will be people like him.
5. On the other hand, if the guy ordinarily is a stand-up friend and this thing "came-out-of-the-blue" and all the other band members are perplexed, too....then, it might be a good time to sit down and get this all out in the open. This could be very complex...as there may be hard feelings all-around and some personality's may have a hard time being constructive in a time of confrontation. In this case the "cancer" has already started and it may be a very good time to start a new band or find one to join for yourself.

My 5 cents. The best of luck to you.

[JeffTheBig]

Originally Posted by invader3k

You don't have time for games. Fire this guy and find someone reliable.

agreed.

[yamaha]

Get rid of him.

I am in a band now. We gigged a little in september thru december. January was to be a crazy buzy month, folowed by the rest of the club scene season. We should have done 3-4 shows a month. We show up for rehearsal during the x-mas break, to find that without a word, our signer emptied all his stuff from the jam room and left. We started auditions right away, trying to salvage our gigs. No such luck, it took us 3 months to find a decent signer. All (or almost all) our gigs were cancelled.

End of march, our old signer calls me. I was still upset at the way he left, and mostly about all the cancelled gigs caused by his sudden departure. He actually asked me if I wanted to audition for his new band.

NO

[guy n. cognito]

Thanks for the replies. As much as I would like to get rid of him right now, I don't think it will be that simple. He is one of the founding members of the band, and I've only been here a year. We're all "friends," although none of us hang out on the weekends or anything (we're all over 30 with professional jobs and wives.) He doesn't own any gear.

Even after sleeping on it, I'm still furious about this. Here's what I think happened: he's been traveling alot for work, and we've been practicing alot because of our new members. We already knew his wife wasn't happy, but he said that he had dealt with it and that he had explained to her that this was all temporary. He said she was ok with it, but my guess is that she isn't. My guess is that she threw a fit and he decided to screw us rather than make things bad at home. Again, I'm just guessing. I'm not happy about cancelling the gig, but I'm furious about the lying and the childish way this was handled. Even my high school bands were more professional than this.

I'm giving him until Sunday to call me. I'm not going to put any effort into his apology. If he doesn't call me by Sunday, then I will e-mail the other members with the true story (only the guitarist and I know right now. ) I won't continue to be a part of this lie. At that point, it will be "he goes or I go."

[Smallmouth_Bass]

Yeah, I mean what kind of excuse is that? Showing Stanley Cup games instead of a band? If you were in Canada, that would be a given, but Tennessee? No way!

[Smallmouth_Bass]

He should have been up front about canceling and truthful about why. The fact that he dragged someone else in to it (and they went along!) only makes it worse.

[Juniorkimbrough]

Originally Posted by guy n. cognito

"he goes or I go."

+1

[Dr Funk]

[txbasschik]

Originally Posted by IanStephenson

Fire the male singer - you've already got a spare who knows the set. If he had a good reason not to do the gig, the he could have just told you. You could then have made a good decision how to handle it - as is he obviously doesn't have a good excuse to bail, and has screwed you over by not being honest. At best your band now has a really bad rep for cancelling a show at the last minute.

Get the guitarist to phone the bar back, and grovel to get your gig back, and do it with the female singer. Make the guitarist phone round and tell everyone it's back on. If he doesn't like it, then he can leave too - he was complicit in the debarcle, and needs to do some penance, but at least he came clean.

But is sounds like the singer didn't just let you down, he screwed you over - by all means get mad.

Ian

+1,000,000!!!

The male singer is a complete and utter tool. Fire him.

Cherie

[mark roberts]

Originally Posted by guy n. cognito

Thanks for the replies. As much as I would like to get rid of him right now, I don't think it will be that simple. He is one of the founding members of the band, and I've only been here a year. We're all "friends," although none of us hang out on the weekends or anything (we're all over 30 with professional jobs and wives.) He doesn't own any gear.

Even after sleeping on it, I'm still furious about this. Here's what I think happened: he's been traveling alot for work, and we've been practicing alot because of our new members. We already knew his wife wasn't happy, but he said that he had dealt with it and that he had explained to her that this was all temporary. He said she was ok with it, but my guess is that she isn't. My guess is that she threw a fit and he decided to screw us rather than make things bad at home. Again, I'm just guessing. I'm not happy about cancelling the gig, but I'm furious about the lying and the childish way this was handled. Even my high school bands were more professional than this.

I'm giving him until Sunday to call me. I'm not going to put any effort into his apology. If he doesn't call me by Sunday, then I will e-mail the other members with the true story (only the guitarist and I know right now. ) I won't continue to be a part of this lie. At that point, it will be "he goes or I go."

Great clarity in your reply to the many posts. I understand the "over 30" & "jobs and wives" thing to the max. He may well be a founding member, but that is no excuse for disrespecting all the others...especially the guitarist who got dragged into the lie and then went along with it (though guilt won out on that one..a good sign). The singer earned himself a capitalist assessment, then. If he doesn't have a financial investment in the band..then, I agree with your final sentence. Yeah, it's "cold", but it's a better shake than the guy gave everyone else in the band.

Assess your options. Replacing a band member is tough. The band I'm in is auditioning lead singers because our lead singer is (and was when she agreed to do our gig) in another group and prefers the music and related networking that goes with that group. She was straight-up honest. Yeah, it's a pain to audition for new blood, but it goes with the territory. I'm waiting for the day when a lead vocalist arrives that has a similar financial investment as other players. Take a look at your list of goodies, some bucks there.

I wish you success...I admire your scruples...please don't compromise them.

[Vandelay]

I can understand needing to miss an occasional rehearsal because of family needs, but jeez, don't back out of a gig just because of an angry wife. Totally unprofessional. You have to wonder if crap like that is going to be an ongoing problem. If his home situation is that touchy, he probably has no business being in a band at all.

[RWP]

I think this singer has shown his colors and I would never be able to trust him again. Not sure about the guitarist either. At least the guitarist came clean 6 hours later. Sorry man, keeping a band together is almost never easy.

[Lazylion]

You've been Yoko'd! Ouch. My condolences.

By the way, did anyone ever call the club to tell them you weren't coming?