Am I a terrible person for this?

Evil Undead · #1 08-08-2010, 02:52 PM

I've been jamming with a bunch of four guys for about 8 months now, just doing covers. No gigs or anything like that, just wanting to improve and find my feet a bit more with bass. And I love it. I look forward to it every week.

But... they've now started bring their kids to practice every week. The two older ones I don't mind so much (early teens) as they sit down and just listen and are calm and all that. But there are two younger ones as well, around 6 and 8, who don't stop running around, screaming, jumping about.... it gets worse... grabbing the spare mics and screaming into them, running up to the drum kit and hitting the cymbals and banging on the piano (this is all while we're halfway through trying to play songs!) and the worst thing is... no matter where I sit or stand, they bump into my back, bodge my arms, smack my headstock... it's impossible to play or concentrate.

My dilemma is... I don't want to stop playing with these guys as they're great blokes and I enjoy it so much, but since they started bringing the kids I can't cope with it! Do I tell them how I feel and risk making myself very unpopular, or just shut up and get on with it, or just find myself another band?
Other bands are extremely difficult to find around here, which could be a big issue.

Opinions would be appreciated - what would you do?

Big chicken · #2 08-08-2010, 02:57 PM

your there to practice not babysit

**Staccato** · #3 08-08-2010, 02:57 PM

Have an honest conversation with the group about it. Is it possible to meet w/ the members-without the kids present to discuss your present dilemna? And, let them know that your enjoyment is adversely affected by kids that can't sit still for most of the practice. Ask them if there's a way to schedule time without the children present, or find a replacement for you?

Righteous Thunderer · #4 08-08-2010, 02:57 PM

No risk no reward.

Kipaste · #5 08-08-2010, 03:01 PM

Just ask them politely if there is something that could be done to improve the situation. You said that they're great blokes, so they'll understand if you ask politely. Don't tell them not to bring the kids, just ask if something could be worked out to make it easier for you as you're having hard time concentrating.

Or say nothing and just bring a couple pairs of handcuffs. Or A truckload of ritalin.

Deathblade Eric · #6 08-08-2010, 03:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Evil Undead

My dilemma is... I don't want to stop playing with these guys as they're great blokes and I enjoy it so much, but since they started bringing the kids I can't cope with it! Do I tell them how I feel and risk making myself very unpopular, or just shut up and get on with it, or just find myself another band?
Other bands are extremely difficult to find around here, which could be a big issue.

Opinions would be appreciated - what would you do?

Is this tied into the School Holidays or is it a permanent fixture?

If it's just the hols, drop out for a bit or I suspect that sooner or later your patience will snap & you'll say - or worse, do - something in the heat of the moment. At that point your unpopularity will go off the scale.

If it's not holiday-dependent, I'm afraid you've either got to lump it & hope for the best, or man up and tell the guys upfront that this is an issue for you.

Sadly, either way it's a band-killer, so if this is the case I'd start looking around.

Pete.

Evil Undead · #7 08-08-2010, 03:20 PM

You're all right, of course. Man, this is such a rubbish situation to be in. I don't wanna leave the band, but it's just unbearable to try and concentrate when I'm being run in to every 5 seconds

TC2112 · #8 08-08-2010, 03:23 PM

As a pretty strict parent myself - I have no problem disciplining other people's kids if the parents choose to show that they will not accept that responsibility. There is a time to run and play and be a kid, but around expensive equipment is not one of them. I would simply voice your concerns and your reasons why. To the parents first and then if they don't listen, voice it directly to the kids. They usually will listen to authority, even if they don't get it at home.

Evil Undead · #9 08-08-2010, 03:36 PM

I don't know if I could discipline them myself. I don't have kids and wouldn't know how to.
I guess it also doesn't help that I'm mildly autistic.

Apart from being afraid to put my bass down in case it gets knocked over, and not being able to concentrate, I also don't want to injure any of the kids by accidentally knocking them with my bass, or them tripping over my cables etc.

steveksux · #10 08-08-2010, 03:37 PM

They should teach their kids to behave, that's the bottom line. The world and everything in it is not a toy placed there for their amusement. Bring it up earlier rather than later. The sooner you tell them, the less irritated you'll be, and the nicer you'll sound.

Just say "I noticed we seem to get a lot more accomplished wthout the distractions of the kids being around, and seems like the kids are bored, running around, knocking into things, doesn't seem like they really want to be here."

If the answer is they can't be left home alone, and don't have/want to leave them with a babysitter, they're going to be coming. At that point maybe suggest you're afraid they're going to trip over cords, fall and hurt themselves or damage something. Can they give them gameboys or keep them away from the equipmnet? Its a reasonable request. But people now are afraid to discipline their kids for fear of stunting their ego or fear of teaching them how to act responsibly in public, or something like that. So they may take offense, but sounds like it's their turn to be offended anyway from the sound of things.

Definitely don't just find another band without bringing it up, they may be ok with it and just didn't know it bothered you. People with kids are used to a level of chaos that people without kids are not used to.
Randy

jazzblade · #11 08-08-2010, 03:42 PM

I might put it a different way to soften it up a bit like,

"Hey your older kids are great, they show lots of respect for us trying to practice, but its a little hard to concentrate with the little ones here."(hint hint)

Beginner Bass · #12 08-08-2010, 03:45 PM

Ask if there is a better solution. Use "We", not "You." Say that you could probably do better if the atmosphere was more calm. Don't start saying "You guys need to stop bringing your your kids or I'll plunge my bass's headstock through their skulls!"

glamrockin · #13 08-08-2010, 03:46 PM

I would buy a bass that has sharp edges on all sides.

probasser · #14 08-08-2010, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glamrockin

I would buy a bass that has sharp edges on all sides.

with a username like "glamrockin" im surprised you dont already have one

LiquidMidnight · #15 08-08-2010, 04:14 PM

I would have been gone a long time ago due to the rehearsing for eight months with no gigs situation. But that's just me. I went with my father to a few rehearsals before, but I went because I was interested in music and was starting to play. Personally, I can't stand being around bratty kids. Nothing ruins a meal in a restaurant quicker for me than some kid screaming his or her head off. I couldn't handle little bratty kids running around during a rehearsal.

timbledum · #16 08-08-2010, 04:15 PM

Warning, advice from people with absolutely no emotional investment and no actual action needed will never be on the side of caution.

Ric5 · #17 08-08-2010, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Evil Undead

I've been jamming with a bunch of four guys for about 8 months now, just doing covers. No gigs or anything like that, just wanting to improve and find my feet a bit more with bass. And I love it. I look forward to it every week.

But... they've now started bring their kids to practice every week. The two older ones I don't mind so much (early teens) as they sit down and just listen and are calm and all that. But there are two younger ones as well, around 6 and 8, who don't stop running around, screaming, jumping about.... it gets worse... grabbing the spare mics and screaming into them, running up to the drum kit and hitting the cymbals and banging on the piano (this is all while we're halfway through trying to play songs!) and the worst thing is... no matter where I sit or stand, they bump into my back, bodge my arms, smack my headstock... it's impossible to play or concentrate.

My dilemma is... I don't want to stop playing with these guys as they're great blokes and I enjoy it so much, but since they started bringing the kids I can't cope with it! Do I tell them how I feel and risk making myself very unpopular, or just shut up and get on with it, or just find myself another band?
Other bands are extremely difficult to find around here, which could be a big issue.

Opinions would be appreciated - what would you do?

Hmmm ... it sounds like good training for playing in a bar band and all of the loony drunks that come to see bands.

Evil Undead · #18 08-08-2010, 04:17 PM

I realise this

Just wanted to get some advice on how to save my band and my sanity!

phillipkregg · #19 08-08-2010, 04:19 PM

Tell them that you can't find a dog-sitter so you'll need to start bringing your pet Rottweiler.

You won't see any kids at the next rehearsal.

Evil Undead · #20 08-08-2010, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ric5

Hmmm ... it sounds like good training for playing in a bar band and all of the loony drunks that come to see bands.

Lol, yep it does sound like a bar! But I'm nowhere near ready for gigs yet, and kinda feel like I'm already playing one every week, but for faster, smaller, and higher pitched people!