Another Band Drama/Do-We-Keep-Him-or-Not thread

Spraeg · #1 07-06-2010, 12:43 PM

So, here's the story... My all-original band (little to no chance of a quick replacement) lost our drummer in March after a major gig, with plans for gigs in the coming months. We managed to very quickly find a replacement who was motivated, dedicated, talented, willing to work, learned the songs quickly and well, was cool to hang out with, fit well musically, etc... Basically, the perfect replacement, we'll call him X. So this past Saturday, we had a gig out in the suburbs, closer to where X lives (the rest of us are in the city). Long story short, X was to meet us at the gig with his gear and never showed up. None of us were able to reach him by phone, email, text, facebook, etc... he was completely incommunicado from Friday night (when I spoke with him on the phone) until this morning (Tuesday) when the singer got a text from him saying "I was in the Hospital, I'll explain later, I have to get to work".

Now, don't get me wrong, If he had a serious medical issue, or something that was not in his control, I'm willing to give him a pass on bailing on the gig. I also have yet to hear his full side of the story. My problem is this- he bailed on a gig. Plain and simple, we are trying to be professional musicians, we all have the same goal of making a career out of this, and I have very little desire to play with anyone who is going to cut out and not even bother to call for the next three days. Like I said, I have yet to hear his side, he could have been unconcious, but I still have reservations about continuing on with him as a band member.

Anyone have any insight/advice/input on how one should approach the situation?

jefwho · #2 07-06-2010, 01:28 PM

Wait to get his side of the story.

jimc · #3 07-06-2010, 01:39 PM

I want to hear this story. He's fit enough to go to work but not able to contact you since Saturday with any explanation? This'd better be good.

electracoyote · #4 07-06-2010, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimc

I want to hear this story. He's fit enough to go to work but not able to contact you since Saturday with any explanation? This'd better be good.

+1

That being said, I hear these stories alot, from experienced national acts and up-and-comers alike.

It is very situational and depends on alot of factors. Long story short, it can happen to anyone once, and his calling wouldn't have saved the gig anyway.

Now if it happens again, for whatever reason, the guy becomes a liability in my book.

jnuts1 · #5 07-06-2010, 01:48 PM

the only way i could give him a pass is if he was quarantined or if he got hit in the head & didn't regain consciousness for a day or so.

other than that pick up the phone when you get a free second.

pnut166 · #6 07-06-2010, 01:52 PM

It`s his one "do-over". I work in a hospital, and certain patients are not allowed to use the phone for various reasons. And also he may not be comfortable telling you why he was in the hospital. Try to be a good friend first, before a bandmate and coworker, and it may go a long way toward preventing this from happening again. I would totally cut him some slack, and just let him know if he wants to talk about it he can or offer to help in any way if you can. But be clear about how much that kind of thing hurts the band, and how you guys can`t take those kinds of hits on your rep. Now, if it happens again (no call, no-show), then ...

jimc · #7 07-06-2010, 01:52 PM

Yeah I'm posting with some bias because I dealt with a similar situation. Our drummer would once in a while go on a complete weekend 'bender', couldn't contact or find him. Then he would reappear with a BS excuse that he overslept or something similar.

We let this happen 3 times before kicking him out (which was 2 too many).

I hope for the OP that this is not the case and a reasonable excuse is forthcoming, just raises some red flags for me.

MNAirHead · #8 07-06-2010, 01:52 PM

listen..

Only give it a total pass if he's a friend/family-less hermit.. If I were to be sick..someone would know to call.

Tim

joehaven · #9 07-06-2010, 02:02 PM

I'd hold your breath until you hear his side. I had a similar situation one time, only I was the one in the hospital. Didn't have my phone because, well, when you're in bad enough shape to be in the emergency room, you don't always remember to grab your cell phone on the way out the door (especially if you're being wheeled out). Long story short, a lot of smack was talked about me until people got word that I was in surgery during the gig. Now, I'm a very responsible guy. I show up early to gigs, rehearsal, always come prepared, but things can't get unsaid. Even though people eventually found out that it was completely out of my hands I feel like my reputation was still hurt, and wish that could have been avoided by people waiting until they know the whole story before they take action.

TroyK · #10 07-06-2010, 02:39 PM

I would be a healthy blend of open minded and skeptical. I've had a sudden hosptialization once and I went to the ER thinking I'd get checked out and sent home, they wanted to keep me overnight and I agreed thinking I'd be home in the morning and I was there 3 days. It's frightening, they give you drugs and knock you out and then surgeons come in and wake you up and ask about your symptoms. The next morning, you're trying to remember who you talked to and what you agreed to. It can throw you off. A good friend went to the hospital with what he thought was pnumonia once and received his initial diagnosis of adult onset diabetes, it took several days to stabilize him and he was freaked out. He didn't call, I paid his rent because there was an eviction notice on his door (we were good friends). Bottom line, was he didn't know what was happening, he thought he might die, he adjusted to the reality that he had a chronic illness and he forgot about the outside world for a few day.

Now, I know other people make stuff up to cover up the fact that they were baked and forgot or have a flimsy excuse that they don't want to share.

Which is your guy? Do your best to find out. If he has story, listen and then decide. If it's an undisclosed medical condition and wants to maintain his privacy, it will be harder for you to decide.

It's horrifying as pro musician to cancel or worse, just not show up for a gig. I get why you are worried about it. I wouldn't want it to happen twice.