Anybody had a bandmate lose it?

NickInMesa · #1 07-11-2010, 09:42 PM

The weirdest thing happened.

I had to leave a project I was the co-founder of.

First I thought it was power struggle, but now it's just plain weird.

The other guy is making things up, putting words in my mouth, pretending others heard me say them. For instance that I was not encouraging the singer (which was not true, I did push her a bit but encouraged her and told her to make the songs her own). That I said she was "a 4 on the talent scale" (never ever did I say that -I would say it about me, though).

He completely forgot that this project was me + him, that we had to make concessions if we wanted to make this happen (normal band politics).

Now it is HIS project. And that all I did was try to "hijack" it, that I was some sort of "terrorist". All sorts of terrible negative language.

I have the emails to prove what I say, at first I thought maybe I had the wrong impressions, it was his gig all along, but no, it is all there in my sent box and inbox.

I have tried to see if I could work it out with him and make him cool off, just be the guy I know and been dealing with for the last 6 months, but the more it goes, and the more outlandish it gets.

He is putting words in my mouth, fabricating statements I never made, some about my wife, while all I said was that I loved her and was not looking around, and was all.

It's becoming outlandish and weird. I worked for 6 months on this project with this guy and he never seemed to be loopy at all but the last few weeks. On top of the bizarre statements, he's been optimistic, then pessimistic and optimistic again, having to tell him to believe in this project.

I am not trying to defend myself, here, but I believe that he's lost it.

I even emailed him to seriously consider getting his head scanned, because this type of bizarre change of personality, delusion or persecussion and mythomaniac tendencies are often the sign of brain disease.

I mean I am truly worried.

Has anybody had a similar experience?

He does not do drugs that I know of.

I am only giving a short summary, here, he's been sending me multi-pages rants by email, it goes on and on, illusions of persecussions, etc...

bassbully · #2 07-11-2010, 09:48 PM

Sort of. I was in a decent coverband a few years ago. It was going ok and all of the sudden the guitarist starting flaking out. It started at gigs then practices and then thru emails and phone calls. He said things to band members i never said and i had enough and walked. Found out latter he had to go get help with addiction to pain pills he had been hiding from most of us.

The Mouse · #3 07-11-2010, 09:50 PM

Sounds like bi-polar disorder to me..

(No, I am not a doctor)

T'is worrying tho'..

Rockingbird · #4 07-11-2010, 09:54 PM

That tells me you need to have him ejected. He seems to be cracking under pressure, or just a dick, and if he can't keep it together, he's not worth the effort. Speak with the other members, post haste.

NickInMesa · #5 07-11-2010, 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockingbird

That tells me you need to have him ejected. He seems to be cracking under pressure, or just a dick, and if he can't keep it together, he's not worth the effort. Speak with the other members, post haste.

No the project is already over after he sent an email to the other band members. It was a bizarre rant and it freaked everybody out.

I have already found another band, it was really really fast, for once. Been given a list of songs, all very technical, I am going to practice for next week's practice and move on.

The other bandmates emailed me they are moving on too.

korybaugus · #6 07-11-2010, 10:04 PM

Maybe, it's a manipulation tactic or they could have a secret addiction to opiates or meth that is getting the best of them or they could genuinely be experiencing symptoms of a mental illness.

I used to be in a band with a guy that would, conveniently, become "mentally ill" to exert control over situations or excuse terrible behavior.

They could also just be an a-hole. Either way, you don't sound happy. Maybe, you should entertain some other options.

Muaguana · #7 07-11-2010, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Mouse

Sounds like bi-polar disorder to me..

(No, I am not a doctor)

T'is worrying tho'..

Actually, that's what I was thinking. Severe anger issues are also a big component of bipolar disorder in addition to the manic-depressive phases. I wouldn't try suggesting he get psychiatric treatment, because it's doubtful he'll listen to you and may just blow up in your face again, but he sounds like he's in desperate need of lithium carbonate.

Edit: Even if he is bipolar, it doesn't change the fact that he's a grade-A a**hole. Screw 'em.

Thundar · #8 07-11-2010, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bassbully

Sort of. I was in a decent coverband a few years ago. It was going ok and all of the sudden the guitarist starting flaking out. It started at gigs then practices and then thru emails and phone calls. He said things to band members i never said and i had enough and walked. Found out latter he had to go get help with addiction to pain pills he had been hiding from most of us.

this happens all too often

Lesfunk · #9 07-11-2010, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Mouse

Sounds like bi-polar disorder to me..

(No, I am not a doctor)

T'is worrying tho'..

Exactly! I worked with a guitar player who pretty much behaved the same way and it turned out he was Bi Polar. He's been medicated for years now and although I haven't worked with him since, I assume he's not a crazy prick anymore.

gkbass13 · #10 07-11-2010, 11:02 PM

In a band I used to be in, we auditioned lead guitar players and finally settle don this one guy. He was nasty good.

Came time for our first night of gigs with him(double booked) and he called early in the day and flaked out, saying he was so anxious and couldn't go on stage. This was after about a month and a half of weekly practicing and preparing.
We still played and had another guitar player join us for the night, just shouting out changes for him(had a decent ear and it was kind of jammy type Rusted Rootish music)...oh well.

NickInMesa · #11 07-11-2010, 11:13 PM

So yeah I emailed him that I thought he should seek medical help and that I am not angry at him now that I think he has a condition.

Now I realize it could also pass as a supreme insult if he does not believe I mean it (I actually do, he's a good guy, but gee what the eff?!?)

willgroove2 · #12 07-11-2010, 11:24 PM

I literally found out some bizarre fact's about my ouster from a band 6 yrs ago a month or so ago

I had worked with this band for 4 years touring around the midwest,we went through a few different band members because the leader was hard to deal with but I thought I was on the gig as long as I wanted to be.So i end up getting fired Via e-mail that was filled with the strangest accusations that I had never heard one hint of face to face.Reading the email I almost felt that he was talking about a different person.

So earlier this year I was hanging out at a club and the sax player for that band (who also isn't with them anymore) came in. We have kept in touch on facebook Ect but i hadn't seen him since the last night I performed with them. So we get to talking and he starts to tell me what really lead to my firing which was the lead singer didn't feel I thought he was talented enough to be in the band,I never said ANYTHING to the guy like that and encouraged him when he did well. Well at some point the band leader desided to get ride of me and basically started tell the guys in the band blatant lies about things i said,The sax player said on more than one occasion the question of why nobody else ever heard me say these things came up and the leader swore I was calling him up saying things(Never happened).

What is scary to me is you can work with people for years and they believe crazy stuff about you with no evidence or even bother to ask you about it

redefine dave · #13 07-11-2010, 11:25 PM

I had a band that was getting some interest from a pretty big indie label, at about the same time the vocalist was found by me prior to our set out back with some meth. We tried to work through it with him, then at a show a few weeks later in between songs he came up to me and told me that he was was freaking out and he thought he had gotten some bad dope. All hell breaks loose later that night, band dissolves and no one speaks to anyone for a few years. About four months ago we got back together, without the addict vocalist.
The guy was trying to pit myself and the other "main" guy against each other. It worked and for 3+ years it killed one of the best friendships I've ever had. Luckily we got past that and got rid of the trash.

MNAirHead · #14 07-12-2010, 02:17 AM

Nick..

He may just want you out for some reason.

Dumb question....

Did you guys have a written plan when you started?

Tim

MNAirHead · #15 07-12-2010, 02:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NickInMesa

So yeah I emailed him that I thought he should seek medical help and that I am not angry at him now that I think he has a condition.

Now I realize it could also pass as a supreme insult if he does not believe I mean it (I actually do, he's a good guy, but gee what the eff?!?)

Suggesting help via email will not be successful... he'd probably take it as agression.

champbassist · #16 07-12-2010, 02:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NickInMesa

He is putting words in my mouth, fabricating statements I never made, some about my wife, while all I said was that I loved her and was not looking around, and was all.

Now this was going from the band to the family. You should be glad it ended. Band life should never affect family life.

I seriously think it could be a medical condition but I think saying it to him in a manner more direct than e-mail would've been better, IMHO.

That said, if he does have a condition, maybe it wouldn't be a great idea to see him anytime soon. You never know what an unstable person may end up doing.

Lackey · #17 07-12-2010, 02:39 AM

As many others have said - sounds nearly identical to a situation with my bi-polar friend a year or so ago.

Don't take it personal. Dude has some major issues I should think.

rodl2005 · #18 07-12-2010, 03:07 AM

TRy 'n keep this short....

Guitard (!!!) in our rock band- had a good life. Loving lovely wife & 2 great kids, had moved here to this town from Sydney for a seachange a few yrs ago... Basically a few months ago he decided to go to UK to see his fave band KISS in concert!! Oh - KAY!! AUS to UK.....cLong WAY for a concert or two...but if he could afford it & was a dream- good oh!!! I jokingly said 'yr nuts' meaning in a good way!! HE got UPSET!!!

ANYWAY upon his return we fnd out from his wife-who DIDN'T go on Kiss trip- that they're behind in mortgage etc........
NOW He's gone to Sydney ,left his kids, wife, - all with NO $$$$ & a mortgage. left his job(AFAIK) & is STILL doing cruddy things like claiming tax for his kids when he aint even looking after 'em?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!
Needless to say the bands is....................... KAPUT!!!!!!!!!!!! More to come!

Munjibunga · #19 07-12-2010, 03:21 AM

... deja vu all over again ...

Muaguana · #20 07-12-2010, 03:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NickInMesa

So yeah I emailed him that I thought he should seek medical help and that I am not angry at him now that I think he has a condition.

Now I realize it could also pass as a supreme insult if he does not believe I mean it (I actually do, he's a good guy, but gee what the eff?!?)

If this guy actually has a psychological disorder (which nobody here can say for sure; we can only speculate with a large margin of error) then there are certain aspects to his thinking that someone with a chemically-balanced brain, like yourself, won't understand. That's the nature of disorders: altered brain chemistry changes the "rules" of logic and reason for a person, and people with different "rules" can't see the rationale behind some of their decisions. And if his condition is harming your friendship - and it sure as hell sounds like it - then the only thing you can do is wish him well and cut your ties. Maybe he'll seek help, maybe he'll fire off a half dozen emails to the band members ranting about how you're trying to incarcerate him. Either way, it's his problem, not yours.