Anyone ever had to leave a band because it was "what is best for the band"

Stingray89 · #1 08-29-2010, 07:20 PM

Just a little background on the situation I'm in. I just started going back to college this semester and am working two jobs so between school and work I barely have any time to do anything. I joined this band over the summer. We get along great and I love the music and am having a great time but I havn't been able to practice when they are free and when I'm free they can't practice. So I want to talk to them and tell them that if they want to get another bass player who was more available to practice then I wouldn't hold it against them at all. I don't want to burn bridges, but I personally feel it would be better for them if they had someone who didn't have such a hectic schedule. Anyone have any advice or been in a similar situation?

-Steve

thesilence · #2 08-29-2010, 07:32 PM

I personally haven't had to but a guitar player/lead singer in my band wasn't able to devote the time needed to keep our sound as a band at the level we all wanted. First she came and talked to me (I'm the leader of the band/band manager/bassist) and told me she didn't want to hold the band back and wouldn't hold it against me if I looked for her replacement. Then she told the whole band. We definately respected her and were very appreciative that she was mature enough to realize that her not being able to make it to practices wasn't good for the band. We were able to find a replacement and we're all good friends still. It was a definite plus not to have hard feelings built up from having to fire her or her just up and quitting. All that to say I think its a good idea to put the good of the band ahead of yourself even though it can be hard and who knows since you left on good terms when your schedule works out you might can get back on with them.

**nutdog** · #3 08-29-2010, 07:37 PM

Went through similar situation earlier this year. I was up front with them and told them I liked playing with them and hanging with them but couldn't fit it into the schedule. I told them I would stick it out to cover gigs until they found a new guy. They found one pretty quick. Guess I'm not as indispensable as I thought.

Tell them what you typed here. They may be thinking the same thing. If they're cool they'll get it. If not, then why do you want to play with uncool people?

erigod23 · #4 08-30-2010, 09:26 AM

I was in a band with 3 people that were high school friends. There was a couple and their best friend and me. The best friends behaviour was erratic and he seemed always down on himself. We tried several things to make him happy but it never worked. Eventually, we decided we didn't want to play music with him anymore. We (the 3 of us)were afraid he would become self-destructive if he were kicked out. I worked as a delivery driver with our female bandmate and driving around I figured out the best way to end it all amicably was for me to quit the band. I told her this and she said "that's for the best." We all parted ways and everyone was happy. Oddly enough, the couple who had been together 6-7 years broke up a month later. The band was keeping their relationship together also.

mikezimmerman · #5 08-30-2010, 09:39 AM

Since getting divorced a few years ago, I've had my school-age son with me every other weekend, and a couple nights a week. Obviously, that puts a limit on when I can practice and how often I can gig with a band.

More than once, in my current and previous bands, I've been at the point of saying to my bandmates "Look, I'm holding you back and keeping you from gigging as often as you want to, and I understand completely if you want to look for somebody who can play more often and be more flexible..." but so far they haven't taken me up on it!

Of course, it doesn't hurt that they have jobs and families, too, and my schedule gives them a natural way to preserve some family time when they might be tempted to over-commit to gigs otherwise. So, my advice would be to share your concerns with your bandmates, but let them be the judges of whether or not you're really holding the band back.

Mike

BassBus · #6 08-30-2010, 09:49 AM

As above, what you've said would sound fine to me if I heard it from someone who couldn't commit fully. Early 2008 I was in a similar situation. Returned to college as a mature (?) student and found I was getting too wound up commiting to the band and doing college work. The guys accepted the situation when I anounced I was leaving.

We all stayed in touch and earlier this year when I was clear of college and their bass guy started letting them down they asked me back in and it's great again.

TheVoiceless · #7 08-30-2010, 10:52 AM

well not yet, my situation is a little different. I joined an 80's cover band where the members are 10 or more years older then myself. We were searching for a male lead singer, and the few auditions we had did not work out. So I placed an add online. We found the perfect guy, but he sings and PLAYS BASS!! So I think I'm out, he is their age and he sings great AND PLAYS BASS. So one less guy too pay and I am already the odd man cause of my age.

I told the band leader that I would bow out if they wanted me too, hence for the better of the band. But she said since I always come prepared and since I have a great attitude and can draw at the club we are looking to play that he would just have to deal not playing bass and just singing, which he was apprehensive of.

So we audition him and it goes great. After this the band leader says she wants to add a second female lead to cover some songs and the harmonies, and guess what???? The male leads wife is a singer and a perfect fit.

So I am scared that they will move in and get rid of me since, A) he can play bass a sing great, B) his wife will join and they will have more influence, C) one less guy to pay d) I'm much younger.

electracoyote · #8 08-30-2010, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stingray89

So I want to talk to them and tell them that if they want to get another bass player who was more available to practice then I wouldn't hold it against them at all. I don't want to burn bridges, but I personally feel it would be better for them if they had someone who didn't have such a hectic schedule. Anyone have any advice or been in a similar situation?

-Steve

Yes, I have been in this situation and seen other musicians in this situation, and your unselfish approach is the right thing to do.

I'm playing in two bands at the moment. One band would like to gig more, and I feel I may be holding them back, so I used your exact words, letting them know if they found someone who could commit better and was more available, I would have no trouble stepping down.

Coop Soup · #9 08-30-2010, 11:14 AM

I've done it. We couldn't make practice work due to my very limited availability, so I resigned so the band could keep rolling smoothly. It was a real bummer, but it wasn't fair to the rest of the group.

father of fires · #10 08-30-2010, 11:27 AM

I did it when I had a kid. My band thought I was just making excuses so I could quit. I just wasn't as available as I used to be and I thought they should find someone else.

rappa29 · #11 08-30-2010, 11:35 AM

There's no shame in being honest with yourself and your band regarding commitment. Life happens. I'm sure all of us at one or several times in our musical lives, had to quit bands because of work, family, other bands, etc.

It happens. They'll respect your honesty and who knows, maybe things will work out later down the road.

Jefenator · #12 08-30-2010, 11:42 AM

I quit a band this spring because their need for rehearsal was royally screwing with my very scarce leisure time. They talked about trying to make concessions to keep me but my hunch was that would just become awkward & tense.

They were all bummed at first. But before very long, they hooked up another local dude who I would consider my peer for the genre. Now they're enjoying their weekly rehearsals and I'm enjoying the occasional bike ride - everybody's happy! The end...

invader3k · #13 08-30-2010, 02:13 PM

Availability can be a huge issue when it comes to a band situation. To be honest I've been in situations where people's schedules were just a total hassle. In retrospect, when I was helping to run a cover band, some of these people shouldn't have been let in to begin with. It's easy to think, "We'll figure something out," because you like them and need someone to fill a spot. The reality can be that some people's jobs and personal lives just do not jive with others.

Example: We had a drummer in our cover band who worked second shift at a job about an hour and a half from where the rest of us lived. Basically he was only available on Sundays, and that was it. Occasionally he'd have off on a Saturday, but only like once a month. Why did we let him into the band? I have no idea. He had me book a gig with a local bar owner he knew; and then when he realized he had to work that evening, he refused to ask for the day off (he needed the money). We just should not have been in the same band. He ended up quitting eventually because I think he realized it wasn't working out.