Apparently I just got fired from a band I helped form! - Page 3

MarkMgibson · #41 12-20-2012, 07:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by two fingers

Awesome! My wife got a C section at 5:00am on a Monday. They cut a hole in her and pulled a person out. She WALKED out of the place Tuesday morning at 10:00am. I thought I was tough.

The baby's walking already - that's incredible!!

MarkMgibson · #42 12-20-2012, 07:37 AM

Seriously though, congratulations on the new family member.

kjpollo · #43 12-20-2012, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DieterVDW

Seems like there is a communication problem, and different expectations.
It sucks indeed to expect a rehearsal to happen, and hear, or worse find out at the last minute that it does not go through.

One word of criticism though. No one will argue work and family goes before band rehearsal, but this:
"Now today its a week before Christmas and my wife and I still have a bunch of shopping and other holiday prep to do so I let everybody know around noon that I was out for tonight."
That would piss me off too, honestly.

We are 7 people in a band scheduling rehearsals, and we all arrange our busy schedules to keep rehearsal dates free. If someone were to back out of a rehearsal on the day itself, that's 6 people who did considerable effort to combine their busy schedules with the rehearsal dates for nothing. And for that, the reason needs to be considerable ... If the date was set enough in advance, you should plan for it and make it happen, or have a damn good excuse.

Depends on what you expect from eachother and the band ofcourse, but I think in most bands the shopping excuse would not fly ..
If that's a valid excuse, you're never gonna get 4 or more people together for rehearsal and you might as well just stop the band...

Good luck with finding a new band though!

I'm more than willing to admit my fault here. I knew it was bad timing and I KNEW somebody would get PO'd about it. BUT, the response was completely out of bounds for what happened. This was a rehearsal for a band with NO gigs planned in the forseeable future.
I'd understand the depth of the anger if I disappeared an hour before a gig and didnt tell anybody- THEN you have the right to MF me to the heavens and fire me. But thats STILL no excuse to bitch about my wife. I made the decision of what to do with my time.
And the singer just happened to be the person who cost us our original drummer and keyboard player when he ditched a rehearsal about 3 months ago on a Saturday afternoon. I'm biased but I think his transgression was worse. I at least let people know by noon for a 7pm rehearsal. He bailed at about 12:30 for a 2 pm rehearsal. Nobody went ballistic on him (at least as far as I know) so all this garbage coming from HIM in particular was just another straw breaking the camel's back. We (myself included) gave him a free pass for that doozy and then he unloads everything in his arsenal on me & my wife? AND airs it out to people who are no longer a part of the band? UNacceptable.

To sum it up:
1- I acknowledge it was my fault in the first place
2- I am willing to accept a reasonable amount of anger from him or anyone else in the band
3- the extent of the anger was unreasonable given what was missed here AND given the fact that he directly caused us to lose 2 band members over his own actions.
4- he was WAY out of bounds for bringing my wife into the mix AT ALL
5- he was also comepletely out of bounds for airing it out to people no longer in the band

Raymeous · #44 12-20-2012, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SactoBass

Band drama.........gotta love it. Sometimes I think there is more drama in bands than in a marriage.

That's because in a band you become a polygamist, having several "wives" telling you what to do, how you're not doing it right, etc...

That being said, a band that actually works and plays well together is almost as much fun as a XXX orgy. Okay maybe not that fun, but it's at least a close second.

ksandvik · #45 12-20-2012, 01:23 PM

Reason no 3462 I never join cover bands.

Flashback Bass · #46 12-20-2012, 01:39 PM

Just for kicks and giggles, I'd try to get back together with everybody but the singer and then invite over the karaoke singer you were going to go with. What have you got to lose? Sounds to me like the singer was the root to everyone's problems.

kjpollo · #47 12-20-2012, 08:12 PM

Much as that sounds like it would be fun, the karaoke guy is surprisingly very self conscious and wont even try it.

Anyway, I have a lead on another band- different genre though. We'll see where that leads to.

SBassman · #48 12-20-2012, 08:16 PM

These are adults with kids?

kjpollo · #49 12-20-2012, 08:40 PM

Well now it gets even better.
After apologizing via email early this morning, the singer sent me another email full of all kind of insinuations about why people quit and why the band hasnt played out-essentially laying the blame for everything on me, even though the band was together for over 2 years before he came into the picture. Along with a claim that he's trying to light a fire under me.
So now he thinks he's Vince Lombardi??

I replied that I no longer like, trust or respect the guy and I wont be in a band with him again, ever. I cant make it any plainer than that.

MarkMgibson · #50 12-21-2012, 07:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kjpollo

Well now it gets even better.
After apologizing via email early this morning, the singer sent me another email full of all kind of insinuations about why people quit and why the band hasnt played out-essentially laying the blame for everything on me, even though the band was together for over 2 years before he came into the picture. Along with a claim that he's trying to light a fire under me.
So now he thinks he's Vince Lombardi??

I replied that I no longer like, trust or respect the guy and I wont be in a band with him again, ever. I cant make it any plainer than that.

You're better off finding a new band. If I carried on like that every time someone missed a rehearsal, my blood pressure would cause my head to explode. Missing a rehearsal is a misdemeanor, not a felony. Hopefully your next band will actually play some gigs.

AltGrendel · #51 12-21-2012, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kjpollo

Well now it gets even better.
After apologizing via email early this morning, the singer sent me another email full of all kind of insinuations about why people quit and why the band hasnt played out-essentially laying the blame for everything on me, even though the band was together for over 2 years before he came into the picture. Along with a claim that he's trying to light a fire under me.
So now he thinks he's Vince Lombardi??

I replied that I no longer like, trust or respect the guy and I wont be in a band with him again, ever. I cant make it any plainer than that.

Wow.

Just...

Wow.

kjpollo · #52 12-22-2012, 12:14 AM

And yet another email today. Now he's telling me I need to "prove him wrong about me" and that I need to get past this. He seems to think we're still 12 and on a schoolyard somewhere.
Its really not registering with him that I'm no longer in that band!

Funny thing is, I AM past it, I went right past it and I'm in a new band already. Modern country, and we're actually playing a short gig in 2 weeks!!! Since I'm new at this genre, I'm pretty much just following the chord charts- very rootsy playing until I get more comfortable with what I can and cannot do. I can see that its going to help me learn more theory and that will surely help down the road.
Its not our "official" debut and its not a paying gig but we're going to be playing out!

Only thing that sucks is that we arent going to publicize it much because the lead singer already booked our "true" debut at a bar where his previous band (classic rock covers) played a lot and usually to very good crowds. The bar owner likes him so much that he had to promise them the official 1st gig with the country band. That bar and another one 2 towns away have each committed to 4 gigs so this band already has 8 gigs lined up for next year starting in May. Pretty wild!

biggstile · #53 12-22-2012, 12:44 AM

I am a family man, too. I read your story, and althought the details are different, many similar things happened, and I know how it feels. I brought in a singer (one of about 50 I recruited to try out). I spent thousands of hours helping get the band running, and now she's in, and I'm out. It's a long story how I became out, but the Leader and I were like brothers. However, after about 2-3 years, I have seen him fall in love with other band mates, raving about them, then eventually, they get kicked out by him and the singer I brought in, along with his controlling millionaire manager. The thing that stings, also, is that I know in my heart and soul that the duo of the talented band leader/guitarist and I was the best/deepest level of music and vibe they've had, and that I've ever had. Now, my kids are growing fast, and they are my priority because the hours donated to that band could just as well be used for the family, and only musicians who love their family understand that how important that is. Life can be tough. Anyway, just saying I relate, and looking back, you really learn about people being hungry for success, and who they really can be(come).

soulman969 · #54 12-22-2012, 01:06 AM

Brother it happens. Some of the top bands in history have booted out original or key members who wrote and performed some of their biggest hits. Dickie Betts from the Allman Brothers, Don Felder from the Eagles, Randy Meisner from Poco and that just a few who came to mind off the top of my head.

If you can't patch it up just move on and enjoy your holidays with your family. Other bands will come along.

kjpollo · #55 12-22-2012, 04:55 PM

Well, the project I'm out of was only a classic rock cover band. its not like we were writing originals and looking for a recording deal.

But there's a funny parallel in this: one of the things the singer said in trying to browbeat me into coming back was that "bands go through this stuff all the time" Yeah, I agree- Aerosmith and Motley Crue immediately come to mind...but you know what the difference is between them and this band? About $100 million in lifetime earnings!!!
But a cover band thats supposed to be comprised of friends having a good time playing music once a week or so? Nope- not for me. I have enough angst in my regular work and home life. I dont need it in my main recreational activity.

And I do have a new project!! So that makes it even better!.

tycobb73 · #56 12-23-2012, 05:59 PM

Classic rock = new country

I was talking to a singer the other day, he said "I've done a lot of classic rock, but I like other genre's too. I've been getting into new country lately." I couldn't help but laugh.

1958Bassman · #57 12-23-2012, 06:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kjpollo

LOL- OK by non-gigging, I meant that we never got to play out anywhere due to all the lineup changes and stops and false starts we had.
We actually had a couple of gigs lined up last year but neither one came to fruition.

Who made the singer the leader?

Tell him to say all of that stuff to your face.

kjpollo · #58 12-23-2012, 06:15 PM

Yeah, that part was pretty damn funny. Really the lead guitarist was/is the leader.
The singer admitted that he was out of line with a LOT of the crap he was spewing. The scary thing is that it was seriously just blind, unthinking rage coming from him. Now that I know he has that side to him, I'm just not going to deal with it.

Bottom line- he really apologized today and I think all the BS is now over. They can keep going and I'm moving on.
I had mentioned something to the guitarist that he wasnt letting anything go. The guitarist spoke with him and told him to back down because my mind was made up and it seems like that did the trick.

If we were face-to-face on Wednesday when everything hit, that probably would've been my first fistfight since about 5th grade. After my answer to his 1st email, I was WAY calmed down because I knew I wasnt going back there. I was pretty ruthless in how I was communicating though. Not proud of it necessarily but it had to be handled that way.

kjpollo · #59 01-06-2013, 12:15 AM

Just a follow-up...had my first gig tonight with the new band and we kicked A$$!!!!
We only have 20 or so songs ready and we werent planning on playing out until springtime but our female singer got us a short gig at a local bar- crowd was GREAT and they bar committed to giving us REAL dates when we think we're ready.

Makes me even happier that things worked out the way they did with the old band.

"As one door closes, another one opens"- never more true!

JEDI BASS · #60 01-06-2013, 12:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by two fingers

Awesome! My wife got a C section at 5:00am on a Monday. They cut a hole in her and pulled a person out. She WALKED out of the place Tuesday morning at 10:00am. I thought I was tough.

Known fact that women have better pain tolerance. But men have testosterone fueled rage that can kick in (when needed) that numbs everything for a while. Not sure if that is more powerful than the "scorned woman" rage though.

Steer clear of enraged women at all costs!!!

All in all---- women are tougher than us, period.