Asking our drummer to step out.

mrkreuzschlitz · #1 10-06-2008, 03:12 PM

About a month ago, my old band split up due to musical differences, and about half of the members started a new band with some other people. Well we asked our then drummer to join with us, and he accepted. I have a friend who heard that I was starting up a new band and he asked if I minded if he played drums for us. Personally, I like drummer B (my friend that asked) musically a thousand times better, and he's just as nice, if not nicer, of a person than drummer A. Well drummer A has been really wrapped up in family and school things, which is totally understandable, but we're wanting to get a little serious with shows and whatnot. He hasn't been able to attend the majority of the practices we've told him about, and isn't creative musically either. He also hesitates while drumming every now and then, thus getting off beat and it sounds terrible until he catches back on beat. So I asked the band if we could give drummer B a shot. Well he came to a practice, hadn't heard any of the songs before, and absolutely blew everyone's minds. I mean he blew my mind too, very talented drummer. He's very responsible (he broke one ply of the lead guitarists snare head and immediately offered to pay for a new one) and a really cool guy, so after he left we discussed our options and unanimously decided that we're gonna ask drummer A to step down.

Here's our problem: drummer A is our good friend, and its gonna be hard to ask him to step out. How's the best way, in your opinion, to word it to say that we love him, but we don't think that he'll fit in with us. If you guys have a general script of what we could say so we can develop what we're gonna say to drummer A, please let me know.

Thanks in advance guys.

fenderhutz · #2 10-06-2008, 03:16 PM

Do it face to face. Not by phone or email.

There is no easy way to do it. If he is a "true" friend he will understand your desire to pursue this and be more serious about the band.

He may tick him off, but it goes with the territory.

tZer · #3 10-06-2008, 03:21 PM

Be honest and accept the fact that it's probably going to suck, personally.

No pretense. If that's the decision you and your band have come to, then you have to "man up" and deliver the news with the respect you'd expect if you were in his boots.

Good luck. I know this is not easy.

paganjack · #4 10-06-2008, 03:26 PM

i would make sure that your new drummer is interested in playing with you guys first...

as for giving the other guy the [gentle] boot, that is tricky. be respectful- you know how it is.

maybe he could sub once in a while for you guys? if he has been really busy, well, he might not be able to commit full time, but you might want to leave that door ajar so to speak.

**bassman314** · #5 10-06-2008, 03:26 PM

+1 to that that has been said.

Think of this like any other decision regarding either a job or a relationship.

Be professional, honest and forthright with what is happening. Do it in person. Let him know it's "not personal" in the sense that you don't see him as a friend, but rather that he's not fitting in with where the vision for the band is going.

Expect that he will be hurt.

Also, remember this: "The ass you kick today may be attached to the boots you lick tomorrow" Don't burn any bridges!

ryco · #6 10-06-2008, 03:32 PM

All above board with everyone there. Treat him as you would want to be treated if it was you.

Sometimes it works better than you expect - maybe he's been wanting to quit, but didn't want to let you guys down.

One of the harsher aspects of being in a band.

Smallmouth_Bass · #7 10-06-2008, 03:39 PM

I agree; be straight up and respectful. There is no easy way to do it, however if he has not been able to make at least half of the rehearsals, it probably should come as no surprise (assuming that's a long term habit).

Stumbo · #8 10-06-2008, 03:49 PM

Check out these threads on this topic.

How to fire someone from a band
Firing a Bandmember
Firing A Band Member
Getting rid of bad vocalist
How many members have you fired?!

Call a band meeting and have "the band" deliver the news.

mrkreuzschlitz · #9 10-06-2008, 06:20 PM

Well everytime we call him, his phone goes straight to voicemail.

So annoying.

Anyways, we talked about it and three of us are gonna go talk to him at school tomorrow and let him know whats going on. The kinda intimidating thing is I run cross country with him and we're gonna have to tell him before hand.

Eh, I hate this, but its gotta be done.

fenderhutz · #10 10-06-2008, 06:24 PM

This is a HIGH SCHOOL band?

When you said wrapped up in family I though you meant his OWN (kids, wife, etc). The way you described the band is like you are doing a ton of paying gigs and looking to tour.

Just fire the dude, he will get over it.

No offense intended.

hesham8 · #11 10-06-2008, 08:39 PM

Reminds me of my band back in the day.
We were playing with a good friend of our guitarist's, and he was great, but he was involved in the following:

*Gangs
*Drugs

This meant bad news, and honestly, I didn't want to deal with that ****.

We just told him straight up and respectful.

Chazinroch · #12 10-06-2008, 08:50 PM

One day I had to tell my best friend (a singer) that he was no longer in the band. We were in high school at the time. He got pissed and angry. That was 38 years ago. He's still my best friend today. Drummer "A" will get over it.

MakiSupaStar · #13 10-07-2008, 10:31 AM

Be straight up honest with the guy. Just tell him that you like playing with drummer B better, it's nothing personal just music. If he's a friend, he'll understand. He might be distant for a little while. I've fired many friends and we're still buddies to this day. Face to face, don't avoid the situation or flake out by not calling him until he gets the point. That kind of passive aggressive crap is just lame on many levels. Confront the situation head on and give him the straight up honest truth. He'd appreciate it. That's what you'd want right?

JmJ · #14 10-07-2008, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

Be straight up honest with the guy. Just tell him that you like playing with drummer B better, it's nothing personal just music. If he's a friend, he'll understand. He might be distant for a little while. I've fired many friends and we're still buddies to this day. Face to face, don't avoid the situation or flake out by not calling him until he gets the point. That kind of passive aggressive crap is just lame on many levels. Confront the situation head on and give him the straight up honest truth. He'd appreciate it. That's what you'd want right?

+1
He needs to hear it to light a fire under his ass & make him practice!

mrkreuzschlitz · #15 10-07-2008, 05:02 PM

Well there's some other stuff I'm not sure I said. Drummer A never practices his stuff on his own unless he doesn't know it. I honestly think I'm the only person in the band that can get away with that (I don't mean that in a conceited way, I just know my parts) and the drummer simply HAS to practice.

Anyways, the rhythm guitarist, our vocalist and I approached him after school today and told him. Apparently he already found out (one of my friends didn't hold her tongue around this kid that's drummer a's best friend) and wasn't nearly as upset as I thought he'd be. He was a little crushed though, but I know he'll come back around. After we finished talking about it, he commented about all the money he'd spent on drums that he just can't really use right now so I tried to set him up with one of my good friends that's a really fast shredder and he kinda liked the idea. He's a nice guy, its just Drummer B is a better fit all around. We are going into Cordova Studios this winter, and Drummer B already said that he'd front the down payment so the rest of us can save up to pay it all off. Needless to say, he's pretty dedicated. He's also home schooled so tour and whatnot will never be an issue with him, and we're gonna try to go on one this summer.

Anyways, thank you guys all so much for your advice, I read it all to my band and we all agreed on what you guys said.

http://www.myspace.com/larosadriveband
The recordings aren't amazing, especially with the clean vocals (hah, that was drummer a) but they give you an idea and we were a band for all of a week before we recorded those. Feel more than free to come to a show sometime, it'd mean a lot to me!

Thanks again guys.

**bassman314** · #16 10-07-2008, 05:34 PM

Thanks for the update!

I'm glad things went well with the "deed".