Audition

Krause · #1 09-10-2009, 09:33 AM

Hey guys,

I recently had an opportunity to audition for one of my favorite bands that are also friends of mine, tour allot and are on a major label. I turned it down (I know dumb) because my wife and I had just purchased a house and playing for this band meant moving to Montreal. Here is why I turned it down, and a very important question at the end. Please read all of it as I could really use your guy's help and advise.

A month latter we move in to our first house everything is great. Get all settled in. I feel for the first time in my life I am an adult. 33 years old good job, beautiful wife, a dog, a house, and ready to start a family.

3 weeks in to living in our new house my wife goes out with her girlfriends, and doesn't come home, first time she has done this in 6 1/2 years of us being together. So I'm freaked out. Call her a few times with out getting an answer. She finally calls me back and starts yelling at me telling me I have no right asking where she is and what she did the night before, since I go out and jam with friends twice a week and play gigs once in awhile, and leave her at home (even though she is always welcome to come to the gigs but always decides to stay home). So I come home from work and she is going on and on about how sorry she is that she never called and that she was up all night talking to a girlfriend of hers. Everything’s cool right.

Skip to next day.

Come home from work and my wife starts right when I walk in the door that she is not happy and we need some time apart. So I pack a bag grab my basses and leave. A week goes by she won't talk to me; I have no idea what is going on. Last night she calls and tells me it's over, I'm holding her back from her dreams and she needs to be by herself for awhile.

Done, over, bye bye talk to you latter, have a good life.

Now I'm thinking, I'm going to Montreal. I turned down an opportunity of a life time, for a life with my wife and she took it all away from me.

Now is it even possible to get a audition with these guys, or has that ship sailed, and how do you guys think I should go about in getting an audition even though I turned down the first one? As far as I know they have not chosen a new bassist yet.

Please any advice would really help me at this point in my life.

And no, she has told me that she is not seeing someone else.But who knows.

Michael Henson · #2 09-10-2009, 09:38 AM

Just get in contact with whoever offered you the audition in the first place and ask for another...If you want something bad enough you have to be willing to fight for it regardless of how the situation looks. Fight for it and don't take now for an answer. I wouldn't move on until they heard me play and either didn't like me or found someone else that could do a better job/be a better fit, etc.

EddiePlaysBass · #3 09-10-2009, 09:41 AM

Don't ask us, ask that band.

Sorry to hear how it worked out with your girlfriend, by the way.

cassanova · #4 09-10-2009, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krause

Now I'm thinking, I'm going to Montreal. I turned down an opportunity of a life time, for a life with my wife and she took it all away from me.

I could be misunderstanding this part. If you're talking about your wife taking your opportunity of a life time with that band away from you that is actually your fault and you did that yourself not the wife.

Quote:

Now is it even possible to get a audition with these guys, or has that ship sailed, and how do you guys think I should go about in getting an audition even though I turned down the first one? As far as I know they have not chosen a new bassist yet.

You'd have to call them and ask them. We can't answer that question. If they haven't found someone yet then maybe you can get the audition. If they found someone then yup you're S.O.L.

electracoyote · #5 09-10-2009, 09:47 AM

I think the wife is starting to lose it. When a spouse reaches that point, you really can't depend on them or predict their actions. If you love her and want it to work, you can try counseling, but if her mind is already set to wander and tend to her needs (not the needs of the marriage), counseling will only delay the inevitable. You're lucky, no kids involved. If you and her go your seperate ways it's just a matter of dividing the property. Women today know this is an option, and once they are unhappy, sometimes there's nothing you can do.

As for the audition, I once got an audition after the band had already decided to hire another bassist. After my audition, they had to call the other guy and apologize, and they hired me instead. One of the best bands I've ever been in. It's never too late, if they like you best, they will do what's best for the band and work you in.

agreatheight · #6 09-10-2009, 09:50 AM

Call them ASAP. Simply tell them that your situation has changed and you are ready for the opportunity to audition, if a position is still available.

carl h. · #7 09-10-2009, 09:56 AM

Which is worth fighting for, the marriage or a gig? (Remember those vows?)

electracoyote · #8 09-10-2009, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carl h.

Which is worth fighting for, the marriage or a gig? (Remember those vows?)

It takes two people to fight that fight. Does she remember those vows?

Krause · #9 09-10-2009, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cassanova

I could be misunderstanding this part. If you're talking about your wife taking your opportunity of a life time with that band away from you that is actually your fault and you did that yourself not the wife.

What I meant by that was that she took the house and all of the belongings that we had in the house away from me. The opportunity with the band is all on me, and I am not blaming her for it. But I did not want to leave a huge part of my life behind.

Skunk11 · #10 09-10-2009, 10:01 AM

Krause,

Man, that's a tough situation. Sorry to hear about the problems with your wife.

Sounds like you need to decide how important it is to you to save your marriage. I would think about that first and then decide what to do about the band.

I once passed on an opportunity because I didn't want to leave my girlfriend. Now, many years later, the gf is long gone and I kick myself for not taking the band gig.

If you decide to give up on the marriage then I agree with Michael Henson above when he says try to get an audition with the band to see if that will work out and go from there.

Best of luck to you. Let us know how it all works out.

Krause · #11 09-10-2009, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carl h.

Which is worth fighting for, the marriage or a gig? (Remember those vows?)

I remember my vows. That is why I did not leave her for the gig in the first place, and I have asked about going to counseling and she says it would be a waste of time.

electracoyote · #12 09-10-2009, 10:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krause

What I meant by that was that she took the house and all of the belongings that we had in the house away from me. The opportunity with the band is all on me, and I am not blaming her for it. But I did not want to leave a huge part of my life behind.

You'll have to eleborate on that. If you bought the house after you were married, it's not her house, it is considered joint property. Same with anything purchased after you were married, including your gear. She can't take anything until a court of law weighs in on it. And even then, it comes down to an amicable division of value. She wouldn't get your gear, but you would have to use it's value to calculate your joint worth. Same with the house, if she "keeps it," you still get half of it's value.

Krause · #13 09-10-2009, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by electracoyote

You'll have to eleborate on that. If you bought the house after you were married, it's not her house, it is considered joint property. Same with anything purchased after you were married, including your gear. She can't take anything until a court of law weighs in on it. And even then, it comes down to an amicable division of value. She wouldn't get your gear, but you would have to use it's value to calculate your joint worth. Same with the house, if she "keeps it," you still get half of it's value.

You are correct and we are going to split everyting up this weekend. As far as the house goes she can have it and buy me out and take my name off of it, she has already agreed to this. As I can not afford it on my own and she can (she make allot more than I do).

Jonyak · #14 09-10-2009, 10:14 AM

I dunno why you left her in the house.

the minute she came home and said she needed time apart I would have politely shown her the door.

electracoyote · #15 09-10-2009, 10:34 AM

My advice is, anything that is rightfully and logically yours, even if purchased after you were married, get it out of that house a.s.a.p. I mean anything that is important and specific to you, clothes, gear, CDs, DVDs, electronic stuff, sentimental stuff, etc. You will still be required to account for it when you inventory your joint worth. But if you leave it there, she can deny it ever existed, and you may never see it again. You would be wise to take inventory of anything purchased by either of you after you were married so you can be sure it all gets accounted for when it's time to divide its value. That includes large items like furniture.

bassbully · #16 09-10-2009, 11:02 AM

Sorry to hear about such an ugly mess. I would first say go after her and see if there is anything left..at all. I hate to say it buy it appears she has another interest

What dreams did you take her away from? Women!!!!!

There are legal ties to the property and all bills,loans,car's, belongings etc you had since you were married. Its not a simple walk away. I would chase that band thou. If you land it touring and rockin out will releave allot of stress and anger.

Phil Smith · #17 09-10-2009, 11:22 AM

I think your wife has another man or woman. The warning signs were probably there but you didn't pick them up. Love and marraige tends to be an important thing to women and the only thing that would make them leave a marraige is if they're in love with someone other than who they are married to.

electracoyote · #18 09-10-2009, 11:25 AM

Okay, we don't know why she wants to walk, and speculating is kinda like salt in the wound. No sense adding to OP's problem.

If I were OP, I wouldn't give it a thought or waste a second dwelling on her reasoning. She has made her move, and that's all that matters.

Phil Smith · #19 09-10-2009, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by electracoyote

Okay, we don't know why she wants to walk, and speculating is kinda like salt in the wound. No sense adding to OP's problem.

If I were OP, I wouldn't give it a thought or waste a second dwelling on her reasoning. She has made her move, and that's all that matters.

It's best to think realistically and really there is no other plausible explanation. The wife hangs out all night supposedly hanging out with the girlfriends, absolute nonsense, she was with some other guy.

Now, granted we don't know what time he called the wife or what the status is of their relationship i.e. he could be a jealous fool, the house and kids could be all his dream and not hers.

I still say she's hooked up with someone else.

60bass · #20 09-10-2009, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by agreatheight

Call them ASAP. Simply tell them that your situation has changed and you are ready for the opportunity to audition, if a position is still available.

+1 I like this answer.

My tip would be make sure you want to leave the wife first, and if you do don't ever look back. Get out quick and move on. I would also want to make sure the band wasn't just calling me because I was the first guy "available" and they were in a jam. I'd want to know they called me because as a group they felt my style would add to the band as a whole.

If it were me and I'd made my decision to split from the wife and go with the band, and I KNEW FOR SURE that my mind was made up, then I personally would NOT tell them the reason why my situation had changed. I'd tell them that I'd thought it over, liked the band, tunes, and I felt it was a great opportunity for me, and leave it at that.

If the band members are friends, that might not be an option though.

Good Luck