that awkward moment when - Page 2

Rokoko · #21 02-20-2013, 02:55 PM

type of communication probably depends on your type of band and how close you get. If i remember correct Blixa Bargeld dropped out of The Bad Seeds by dropping them a short email, after playing with them some 20 years... as they explaing no bad blood, but the just play together and are not very social... anyways i would suggest face to face. But I have in the past "successfully" dropped out of bands via email, and been rehired couple of years later with no hard feelings. I guess it depends.

mellowinman · #22 02-20-2013, 03:54 PM

I had, "I'm going with this power trio," and in that power trio was a guitar player who had been trashing us up and down the circuit. That power trio was AWFUL, and it was weird that this drummer chose them over us, but, hey; they probably let him sing a LOT more than we would have.

Itzayana · #23 02-20-2013, 04:03 PM

There is an old saying... "Unless you want everyone to know, don't tell anyone."

hernameisrio · #24 02-20-2013, 04:22 PM

Eh. Like I said, I made my decision. If the drummer talked to the rest of the band, it's no skin off my back.

Bert Slide · #25 02-20-2013, 04:27 PM

Hey OP did you ever get an amp? I was following that drama for several pages in another thread but I never caught the end of it and the suspense is killing me!

cjp3044 · #26 02-20-2013, 04:36 PM

You did fine by sending the email. Getting everyone together would have been a hassle outside of a practice situation, and going to a practice only to say you are quitting would truly be bad form. Face to face would always be the preferred method, but the email was a better decision in this instance. Would have been different if it was an already established band that you had been in for quite a while. Also not convinced the drummer said anything to anyone, she might have, or the ad for a new bass player may have been put up simply because they (or someone in the band) felt the same way. Your email was polite and you didn't burn any bridges. I don't see a downside to the email in this case at all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hernameisrio

Eh. Like I said, I made my decision. If the drummer talked to the rest of the band, it's no skin off my back.

ChrisB2 · #27 02-20-2013, 04:48 PM

I don't get all the criticism. OP, after your explanation of all the details, the entire scene makes perfect sense. Everything about it was fine. So, you admitted your need to move on to a "friend" who immediately went to find your replacement. This is wrong how???

And emailing them is fine too. Heck, I'm OLDER than old and I just don't buy the "face-to-face always" deal. Sure, if it works out and is appropriate, do face to face if that's what you want. But IMO there are few times where it's absolutely required.

And the email was excellently constructed. Man, I was impressed after that other email about the gear debacle, but now I'm wondering if you ever considered starting a business writing emails for people...

Mattosaur · #28 02-20-2013, 05:37 PM

I think location makes a big difference here. It's one thing to be able to drive across town and meet for a drink, but in NYC you've got commutes to consider, and getting together for 5 minutes of in-face break-up isn't worth it to anyone involved.

hernameisrio · #29 02-20-2013, 06:19 PM

This. My Metrocard literally got worn out last week!

Thanks Chris, I've been writing since I was a kid and I constantly hear that I should be a writer. I mean, I AM one, but apparently it impresses people?! Glad to help.

As for the amp. No, I'm actually still looking because I've narrowed it down to either the MarkBass 121P CMD something...uh...you know, the 1x12 super-portable combo that costs $900 on Musician's Friend? I forget the exact model....either that one, or one of the little MarkBass portable heads with the 1x12 MarkBass cabinet.

It pretty much racks up to the same price, although it's easier for me financially to buy each piece separately, which is why I'm leaning towards the head + cab. Also, it's the lightest thing I can come up with that Guitar Center sells. I'm buying from them because I'm gonna flip my Peavey head AND my G-K Backline 110 and THEN use the $100 gift card my parents got me for my birthday, which should save me at least $300.

JoeWPgh · #30 02-20-2013, 06:31 PM

No big deal. Most people have 'tells'. Chances are good they had already picked up on where you were. They also could have approached you with, "We heard..." For me, that they didn't is a sign they knew where you were.

joel3000 · #31 02-20-2013, 06:45 PM

Sounds like you sent it already, but I'll just add my .02.

I would go shorter. The only thing worse than a sensitive email is a long one. You don't need to justify your life to them.

I'd try to keep it to more like:

Hey Guys/Gals,

I've been thinking it over for the last few days and have decided that this band isn't going to work for me right now. It's been nice meeting you all and I'm sure you'll find someone good for the slot.

Best,
Me

Maybe another sentence or two, but the best you can do there is get in and get out without them trashing you behind your back. So show them a little respect so they don't feel like you're dissing them as players, but don't over-explain your rationale. I might offer to cover any gigs they need for a while, if it's not to onerous.

Hope that's useful.