Band frustration

klejst · #1 09-22-2011, 10:09 PM

(((I was not sure if I should start this thread here or under "Miscellaneous," so if it is in the wrong place feel free to move it admins.)))

Now to the thread. I have been in my current band for almost two years. I was asked to join it when I quit my last band and was a bassist for hire when my current guitarist contacted me to join my current band because they recently lost their bassist and drummer to college and/or other things in life. So I joined and we found another drummer and we were a four piece again. We all knew each other from either being in previous bands together or being in other bands who would play shows with other bands we were in. Like I said been going at it for almost two years...but jump forward to now and as I take a look at the big picture and the past two years I really start to question a future in this band. Now outside of the band I love these three guys to death and they are some of my best friends. However inside the band there are some "red flags" I have seen. It took us literally about a whole year to write and record a three...yes that is THREE song EP which we still have not released to our Facebook or MySpace, etc pages. The band has no merch right now and no real PR. One of the members really worries too much about "the right image" and what people think of us so he never wants to play shows unless it is with some national or global big name which it is hard enough to book local shows with local guys where I live, our music scene around here is kinda sucky to be honest. Third is only two of us really ever have money, the other two either do not ever have any or spend it foolishly...so honestly I can never see us going on tour or getting far outside our hometown anytime soon...or buying new merch for that matter. Myself and one other member make decent money, however cannot afford to front the other two all the time. And four and probably the most important is our work ethic just plain sucks! For example we are scheduled to practice on Saturdays around 2ish...been that way for years. I show up on time, the other guys kinda come when they please. I get some work, however it could be 5-6 'o clock before we start practicing and that is before all their smoke breaks and other stuff. Then we play for about 30-1 hour and then call it good. We never seem to really put heart and soul 110% to it. It kind of pisses me off because I am in my mid-late 20's and not getting any younger and I love music with a passion and it is a big part of my life, but sucks because I feel like I am on a sinking ship and could be missing out on other opportunities or a opportunity right now with this band if the other guys could just figure it all out. Basically I want to make and play great music and tour as much as I possibly can with a band who shares the same passion. Sorry for the book of a post/rant, however I figured I would turn to my faithful TB community and ask what do you think?

PatQ · #2 09-22-2011, 10:25 PM

If you enjoy playing with them or simply spending time with them, stay. I was in the same situation about 10 years ago, left the band an still regret it.

But you could talk to your buddies and ask if they have any problems with you joining another band, just as a side project and for the fun of it, of course ;-) So you could get out of your routine and learn something new, make something different. You'll feel better when you play some gigs with another band and get something going, but still spend time with your friends.

Waffles and Scotch · #3 09-23-2011, 07:25 AM

Sit 'em down and discuss this. Seriously. You don't have to be a d***, but when the conversation sidetracks, a simple "I'm serious guys - I'm not joking around here" and a stern look can go a long way. Sometimes people don't take situations like that seriously until someone forces their hand. The guy that doesn't want to play out? That's a problem. I would give him the "are you in or out" speech. Image means nothing if you can't get established, and without getting established you likely aren't going to be playing any shows with any nationally touring bands. Just my $.02.

klejst · #4 09-23-2011, 08:09 AM

Thanks for the responses guys, I really want to stay with this band because we really have a lot into it to just throw it away. But stuff happens. Plus like I said they are some of my best friends, but as a band we just seem to be in this rut. I'm thinking on Saturday I will talk to the guys and just try to get a feel of exactly how they feel and let them know how I feel about everything. We have a lot of great ideas and potential, however lack the drive to act on them as well as the funds. Don't hate me, but I thought about going back and playing my electric guitar again as a side hobby that can keep my interest in music strong and then like you said play bass in the band when we do our thing.

Drop-the-One · #5 09-23-2011, 09:52 AM

same situation as my last band... except the singer left, and I'm playing casually with these guys now...

... really, if it takes you that long to put an EP together, it's not worth it to stay with these guys on a serious note. Casual fun jamming only.

Kawai-chang · #6 09-23-2011, 09:54 AM

I'd send your original post in e-mail form to your bandmates. You can clean it up a little, but to me, it reads just like it should. Append something like "Let's talk about this at practice" to it and go.

You sound reasonable and get to the nut of the issues without attacking anyone.

singlemalt · #7 09-23-2011, 10:43 AM

Start looking for a new gig. Don't sign on with another basement band, only look at bands with gigs and direction.

These guys aren't filling up your days anyway.

I find that once I start making a list of things that need to change, it's just time for a change. You don't have to quit, or be the whip, just start looking and see what pops up. Changing what you are doing works better than trying to herd cats.

Marko5657 · #8 09-23-2011, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by klejst

(((I was not sure if I should start this thread here or under "Miscellaneous," so if it is in the wrong place feel free to move it admins.)))

Now to the thread.

I have been in my current band for almost two years. I was asked to join it when I quit my last band and was a bassist for hire when my current guitarist contacted me to join my current band because they recently lost their bassist and drummer to college and/or other things in life. So I joined and we found another drummer and we were a four piece again.

We all knew each other from either being in previous bands together or being in other bands who would play shows with other bands we were in. Like I said been going at it for almost two years... but jump forward to now and as I take a look at the big picture and the past two years I really start to question a future in this band.

Now outside of the band I love these three guys to death and they are some of my best friends. However inside the band there are some "red flags" I have seen.

It took us literally about a whole year to write and record a three...yes that is THREE song EP which we still have not released to our Facebook or MySpace, etc pages. The band has no merch right now and no real PR. One of the members really worries too much about "the right image" and what people think of us so he never wants to play shows unless it is with some national or global big name which it is hard enough to book local shows with local guys where I live, our music scene around here is kinda sucky to be honest.

Third is only two of us really ever have money, the other two either do not ever have any or spend it foolishly...so honestly I can never see us going on tour or getting far outside our hometown anytime soon...or buying new merch for that matter. Myself and one other member make decent money, however cannot afford to front the other two all the time.

And four and probably the most important is our work ethic just plain sucks! For example we are scheduled to practice on Saturdays around 2ish...been that way for years. I show up on time, the other guys kinda come when they please. I get some work, however it could be 5-6 'o clock before we start practicing and that is before all their smoke breaks and other stuff. Then we play for about 30-1 hour and then call it good. We never seem to really put heart and soul 110% to it.

It kind of pisses me off because I am in my mid-late 20's and not getting any younger and I love music with a passion and it is a big part of my life, but sucks because I feel like I am on a sinking ship and could be missing out on other opportunities or a opportunity right now with this band if the other guys could just figure it all out. Basically I want to make and play great music and tour as much as I possibly can with a band who shares the same passion. Sorry for the book of a post/rant, however I figured I would turn to my faithful TB community and ask what do you think?

^^ See how much nicer that is with paragraphs?

Lack of drive, funds… songwriting skills…

Define “potential” however you like, I don’t think you guys have what it takes to get where you’re trying to go.

I’d say get more realistic, maybe try the covers scene (with them or as a separate project) so you can get out there, and do the originals thing as able.

It would probably help a lot towards your ability to write, as well.

Jmo…

mambo4 · #9 09-23-2011, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by singlemalt

Start looking for a new gig. Don't sign on with another basement band, only look at bands with gigs and direction.

agreed.

the best way to avoid being stuck in a band with a poor work ethic is to not join one. Look for a band that is already approaching things the way you think is best. It's a safer bet than trying to change other people's personal approach.

Stumbo · #10 09-23-2011, 06:57 PM

What you have are a a few guys who like to socialize together and take a break from their day-to-day lives with rock and roll dreams and band fantasies. If they really tried to "make" it and didn't, they wouldn't have anything to dream about or to socialize over. So they don't.

Time to move on.

I suggest you start learning some guitar/keyboards, your own vocals and start writing/recording your own tunes. Be your own source of music. When you find others who are self-motivated to do the same, then maybe there is a chance that a band may work out. Even if you find just a guitar player to write and do home studio recordings, at least you'll have the core material to start a band or hire subs to play your music.

Good luck.

klejst · #11 09-24-2011, 09:27 AM

Again thanks guys for the advice, it is not easy. But we have practice today and I will be bringing all this up. Also thanks Marko for editing my post...however not all your paragraphs are five sentences.

Yeah, I started out on eletric guitar back in like 1997 and then picked up back a couple years later. I sold my guitar amps, but kept my guitar (a "my first guitar" keepsake type of thing). So I have my guitar but no amps, so I looked online and found a very cheap used Crate guitar head and Marshall 4x12 cab so I think I may buy that just to keep my musicial mind at bay strumming on the ole' guitar again and also playing bass as well...and also in the band too perhaps if things start to turn around or keep going for that matter.

oniman7 · #12 09-24-2011, 03:41 PM

I think everybody needs to be on the same level. There's nothing wrong with what they're doing -- as long as everybody's happy with their level of success, they've done it. You need to decide if you're working towards the same goal as them. If not, you can bring it up and hope they'll work towards your goal (not likely to happen), lower your expectations to jamming and socializing, or tell them you're looking for a more serious project and part ways.

If you only practice one day a week for only a real hour or so, you could even join a more serious band while you jam with these guys.

Icey101 · #13 09-24-2011, 10:42 PM

i'm in the same situation, but i am keeping an eye on vacant bass positions and talking to other muso's, you will know when you get the right offer to move on

bolophonic · #14 09-24-2011, 10:48 PM

I wouldn't quit the band right away, but I would start looking for another outlet for my creative side if I were in that situation. If you start playing with dudes who are as serious as you want to be, you will feel much different about this whole situation.

lokikallas · #15 09-24-2011, 10:53 PM

Be a whore like me, I'm in 4 different bands!

Etchbass · #16 09-25-2011, 02:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PatQ

If you enjoy playing with them or simply spending time with them, stay. I was in the same situation about 10 years ago, left the band an still regret it.

But you could talk to your buddies and ask if they have any problems with you joining another band, just as a side project and for the fun of it, of course ;-) So you could get out of your routine and learn something new, make something different. You'll feel better when you play some gigs with another band and get something going, but still spend time with your friends.

+1

Also, maybe there is a way to bring some of these issues to light with them in a lighthearted manner.

Maybe something like---

"Hey guys, how would you feel about setting aside some money, maybe like 10 dollars a week, for a small tour in the future?"

"Guys. I think were a great band, and it would be awesome to set up our own show in the area maybe once a month to keep momentum going with our fans--- I know it wouldn't be with national acts, but if we set up a show at our favorite venue as the headlining act, pick two opening acts, and promote the hell out of it a couple of weeks in advance, I think we could tear the place up with a PACKED house, gain a lot of attention, and bring in a nice amount of cash to either split or put in a tour fund... what do you guys think? Plus, once we gain some recognition, and show people how awesome we are, we'll be able to have some clout to get on the bill much easier at bigger shows"

"Guys, I really love playing you, same time next week?! I can't wait, you all are the best! Keep up the good work!"

"Hey guys, people NEED to hear how good we are- Can I get a copy of our demo up online?"

Best of luck!!!

P.S. You have the best avatar ever.

tZer · #17 09-26-2011, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kawai-chang

I'd send your original post in e-mail form to your bandmates. You can clean it up a little, but to me, it reads just like it should. Append something like "Let's talk about this at practice" to it and go.

You sound reasonable and get to the nut of the issues without attacking anyone.

Respectfully, I must disagree with this suggestion.

You should get your thoughts together - even make notes. Try to refine your thoughts into concise, clear statements. If you have questions you want answered, make them simple, clear and to the point. But ask and discuss these things in person.

You can use email to ask the band to meet and talk - but do the actual talking in person. Email (and forums) have a nasty way of creating unnecessary subtext, confusion with regard to intent or intensity and other 'open to interpretation' things that are much better handled either on the phone or in person.

Munjibunga · #18 09-26-2011, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by klejst

... I feel like I am on a sinking ship ...

So are you going to go down with it?

Stumbo · #19 09-26-2011, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

So are you going to go down with it?

hernameisrio · #20 09-27-2011, 10:29 AM

I wasted two years of my life playing keyboards in a band that the lead singer claimed had "connections" and guess what, it fell apart and we went nowhere. He did the same thing where he would basically "hide" our songs on the website and never wanted to play anything for anybody our promote the band at all...he seemed to think that we would just magically be discovered. I finally walked away from it this past spring and even now, I still get really angry when I think of how he strung us along.

I realize this is not the same as your situation, but seriously, if you have any major differences or misgivings when it comes to your aspirations as a musician, I think it's time to either cut back on the amount of time you give to this band, or walk away entirely. I'm about your age, I'm 29, and I too feel that I'm in that critical stage where if I don't take this seriously enough, it will never happen. The red flag for me was when you mentioned the songs not being released and the band members worrying about their "image." It's obviously good to care about one's image, but at a certain point you have to sh*t or get off the pot, and if this band doesn't drop a big old deuce any time soon, it honestly sounds to me like you're wasting your time.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I've bounced around in so many go-nowhere bands and I also work at a studio and have seen sessions go to hell fast because the band members aren't getting along. Having good chemistry among all the band members is absolutely critical...I don't think people really appreciate this until it actually happens, but when it does, you'll realize what makes the band "right" for you.