Band Issues

[tlwaps]

So a while back this band I was in started going through some problems. It all started when our drummer asked if it'd be ok that he fill in for a band on their recording and we all said as long as it doesn't interfere with what we're doing. Well it did. From December until March we didn't practice at all and played 3 shows. Well finally when he quit to go play with that band that he was "filling in" for, I told the guys in my band that I needed a break from all of this and that I did not know how long of a break I would need. Every single day from December until March all it was was a bunch of he said she said nonsense and I flat out told them that being with you guys has got to be worse than being married.

Anyway, the day after I told them I needed some time away from the band, not even 24 hours, they were calling me and asking me if I had enough time. That went on for a week, then finally my one guitarist calls me and says "Look we need a definate answer now," so I replied back with "Well if you need one now, and you're not willing to work with me, then the answer's no." So then he tries to persuade me by saying I already know the music and that he understands I have a lot going on in my life with school, the band, working and having a girlfriend. Then he tells me to leave my girlfriend because the band was there before her. What I don't understand about that is, yes the band was there before her, but she gives us professional quality pictures for free being as she's a freelance photographer.

Hope I made the right decision in telling them no but as I said they weren't willing to work with me. From what I hear they've found a new drummer and it's been about a month and he can only play 2 songs. What would you guys/gals have done?

[Depth_Charge]

You made the right decision.

Noone has any right to try to force decisions on you and it doesn't matter what the band gets from your girlfriend either. Your life is yours to live and it sounds more like they only want to keep you on because it's easier for them than replacing and re-training a bassist. If they cared about your situation they wouldn't push so hard.

When the drummer decided to start freelancing, the band as a whole could have started looking for a replacement/fill-in just in case, as the writing was on the wall. That would have helped avoid the drama's.

[gdthomas]

It has been said many times but, "life is too short for a bad band.".
Take some time, chill out and remember the reason that you play. The right group of people will come along at some point.

[jgroh]

Ive held on more times than I should have in situations that stunk. I almost recently did it again, almost joining a band where some of the members dont share some of my views/goals. I say, do whats best for you without burning bridges (if you can). If you arent into playing with them right now, then thats what you decided. And, they cant ask you to leave your girlfriend, c'mon!

[invader3k]

I laughed at your comment about them "being worse than being married." If that's how you felt, than it was really time to move on. I can't believe the one guy told you to break up with your girlfriend. What a joker.

[nubs]

Originally Posted by invader3k

I laughed at your comment about them "being worse than being married." If that's how you felt, than it was really time to move on. I can't believe the one guy told you to break up with your girlfriend. What a joker.

i had to laugh at that comment too, it really cracked me up.......cuz, nothing can be worse than being married!!!

[thombo]

i am not saying that you made a bad choice, i would be frustrated by this situation also: but, i can sympathize with the band.

you were frustrated with a drummer who wasn't committed so you tell them you need a break? that seems backwards. and space? kinda sounds like you were perpetuating the "marriage" aspects of the band dynamic.

if i were the band, and had committed time, effort, and money to the project (as everyone else had), i would have asked you and the drummer both had to agree to a legitimate commitment (one or two rehearsals a week w/ parts that had been practiced on your own time ) or i would find a more committed rhythm section. as mentioned in a previous reply, it seems that some of these problems could have been avoided had an earlier intervention with the drummer occurred.

i can't comment on the gf/band thing; i know it's hard. i would hope that it was due to feelings and not free pics.

all in all, it doesn't sound like it was meant to be... something else will come along for you.

[Geddyfleaharris]

Originally Posted by invader3k

I can't believe the one guy told you to break up with your girlfriend. What a joker.

When I read that line from the OP I had to go check his profile. I thought it was some teenyboppers having a spat. But by the looks of his gear the OP ain't a teen.

What kind of a guy tells you to break up with your GF?

[invader3k]

Originally Posted by thombo

you were frustrated with a drummer who wasn't committed so you tell them you need a break? that seems backwards. and space? kinda sounds like you were perpetuating the "marriage" aspects of the band dynamic.

I was kind of thinking that too. To be honest, it sounds like the OP had basically made up his mind to quit the band, but couldn't come out and tell his bandmates, or at least couldn't at that point. I don't think it was unfair for his bandmates to need answer...but to call every single day and bug him about it? That's kind of lame.

[steve66]

At your age (still in school), you should be jamming around with other bands. I can understand what your drummer has done. If your looking for commitment from the band members, then you need to have some band rules. I would have never let months pass waiting on a band member to start practicing or playing gigs again. 2 weeks tops and goodbye

[tlwaps]

Originally Posted by thombo

i am not saying that you made a bad choice, i would be frustrated by this situation also: but, i can sympathize with the band.

you were frustrated with a drummer who wasn't committed so you tell them you need a break? that seems backwards. and space? kinda sounds like you were perpetuating the "marriage" aspects of the band dynamic.

if i were the band, and had committed time, effort, and money to the project (as everyone else had), i would have asked you and the drummer both had to agree to a legitimate commitment (one or two rehearsals a week w/ parts that had been practiced on your own time ) or i would find a more committed rhythm section. as mentioned in a previous reply, it seems that some of these problems could have been avoided had an earlier intervention with the drummer occurred.

i can't comment on the gf/band thing; i know it's hard. i would hope that it was due to feelings and not free pics.

all in all, it doesn't sound like it was meant to be... something else will come along for you.

Here's the problem though, the singer and I were the most committed in the band. We were the one's setting up the shows, promoting, breaking ourselves buying cd's to burn and pass out along with fliers and getting shirts made, and we would buy tickets for these pay to play shows that they always wanted to play. We were the only ones, except for two other times that did anything to benefit the band. The last show I did with them that same guitarist that was telling me to leave my girl threw a huge fit about getting the $80 back he spent on recording his guitar tracks. Ok, that's fine if you get paid back. But what about all the money that i've thrown in? Not to mention when I told him that I wanted to be compensated for using my pa every other week to play a show at a hole in the wall local bar he through another fit about that. I don't have a huge pa (a mackie 16 channel 4 bus mixer, 2 qsc rmx 2450 power amps and 2 yamaha club series 2x15 with a horn) but it was enough to rock the place. I can't tell you how many times my singer and I went to shows to promote our up coming shows while the other guys didn't want to go. Hell I even drove up to dayton and columbus, ohio and to lexington, kentucky to promote us. I live in cincinnati, ohio. Columbus is 2 hours away from me and lexington is 2.5 hours away. Not to mention we only practiced twice a week. How much more committment should there be? And nobody understands why he's telling me to leave my girl cause of the band, from the looks of it nobody does.

[thombo]

Originally Posted by tlwaps

Here's the problem though, the singer and I were the most committed in the band. We were the one's setting up the shows, promoting, breaking ourselves buying cd's to burn and pass out along with fliers and getting shirts made, and we would buy tickets for these pay to play shows that they always wanted to play. We were the only ones, except for two other times that did anything to benefit the band. The last show I did with them that same guitarist that was telling me to leave my girl threw a huge fit about getting the $80 back he spent on recording his guitar tracks. Ok, that's fine if you get paid back. But what about all the money that i've thrown in? Not to mention when I told him that I wanted to be compensated for using my pa every other week to play a show at a hole in the wall local bar he through another fit about that. I don't have a huge pa (a mackie 16 channel 4 bus mixer, 2 qsc rmx 2450 power amps and 2 yamaha club series 2x15 with a horn) but it was enough to rock the place. I can't tell you how many times my singer and I went to shows to promote our up coming shows while the other guys didn't want to go. Hell I even drove up to dayton and columbus, ohio and to lexington, kentucky to promote us. I live in cincinnati, ohio. Columbus is 2 hours away from me and lexington is 2.5 hours away. Not to mention we only practiced twice a week. How much more committment should there be? And nobody understands why he's telling me to leave my girl cause of the band, from the looks of it nobody does.

there's no doubt the guitard is a tool. many of us can relate to being in bands where the efforts are not equal. i was not trying to put anyone down, just suggesting you take a quicker initiative next time to avoid drama.

a consideration for future projects... contracts stating responsibilities for financial compensation.