Band Lasting?

[CerealKiller]

I've been rehearsing with a band for the first time and we are near close to playing out. I'm really psyched about this.

The singer and the guitarist are a married couple and very talented musically. We just got news last rehearsal that she is pregnant. I came home and told my fiancee that I predict the band to be over in 7-8 months.

We are middle-aged worker bees with the usual responsibilities. They also take night classes (I do too). I just don't see them being able to juggle everything here. I'm enjoying the experience, but would really hate to spend my time on something that may never go anywhere.

Any similar stories out there?

[slap-a-da-bass]

You bet.

I just spent the last 4 months with a new band, we've had two gigs the last two weekends in April. We're having a meeting tonight to discuss our future and how the gig's went, but from the emails shooting around, I think it's pretty much done.

What really sucks for me is I've been a guitar player for years, laid out $1500 on gear for my bass & rig, and I quit another gig'n band.

[MatticusMania]

To the both of you, I hope your situation does not discourage you. I know putting in 4 months only to break up can be frustrating, but take it as a learning experience. Take note of what led to this desicion and see what you all as a band could have done differently to stay together. Use this knowledge going into your next band.

CerealKiller, maybe you'd want to enter a project that doesnt involve a couple, this way if there is a need for someone to quit you won'y lose your singer & guitarist at the same time. One person is easier to replace than two, and won't necessarily leave you with only that option.

[Phalex]

My band is going on 8 years with minimal personnel changes. You just have to find people that are looking to get married (to a band).

[bluewine]

Finding the right band seems to be a big topic here and for good reason.

There are so many variables you have to weigh out that will determine how much and what kind of investment you put into a band.

I am not a big fan of couples in bands, I am not saying it can't work, however i bet a few of you have stories on how it can be a "pain".

I guess it depends on what you want. I decided just to stay with my band. I don't have the connections to hook up with a band doing 3-4 1500.00 shows a month. Those opportunities are not advertised.

blue

[jive1]

Life happens. Unfortunately because of that, bands are usually the easier thing to quit compared to jobs and parenthood.

[Chuck King]

A couple years ago, the drummer in a band I play in got pregnant. She swore that (she and her husband had talked about this) that this kid was NOT going to take over their entire existence; that they were determined to continue to have their own lives, etc. We told her, that's great, but essentially, don't write checks you can't cash. No, she was going to keep going with music, etc.

However, since none of her doctors would tell her for certain that loud music during pregnancy wouldn't have any effect on the baby, she took a hiatus from the band pretty soon after she got pregnant. We had a hand percussion player who could lay down a basic beat on a kit, so we soldiered on. The original drummer actually went into labor, it was later calculated, at one of our shows, which she attended as a spectator.

After the baby was born...I have seen plenty of kid-obsessed parents, but few that hold a candle to our former drummer in that regard. Although she came back very briefly, it was glaringly obvious that her heart wasn't in it, and anyway she'd lost her chops not playing for seven months and she couldn't really practice with a newborn in the house. When we offered to bring in a temp for a while, she gratefully quit the band, and within a few weeks had sold or given away her drum gear.

The moral to the story is: kids change things, and don't let anybody (especially soon-to-be parents) tell you otherwise.

[spywebco]

Imagine being in a husband (lead guitard) and wife (lead singer) deal. Both with issues and having to break up a knock down drag out throwing stuff adventure on stage during a gig! Been there, done that, have the shots and the t-shirt to prove it.

Conversely there is a well known and respected lead singer in the area that I saw sing for the first time 8 or 9 years ago when pregnant with her first, she's had 2 more and other than a brief r&r after the births, she's not stopped singing. Good and dedicated, and she has a good following.

If you want to play (or sing or play drums) bad enough, nothing will keep you from it. Personnel is always an issue I have dealt with over the last 30+ years. The best band I was with (from high school days) is still mostly together. A few changes over the years, but same rhythm & guitars...28 years and still working. After 8 years here, I have been with good folks that all get along & are mature working band mates. I am really happy with it. But like anything else in life that's worthwhile, you've gotta pay your dues IMHO.

[FunkMetalBass]

http://myspace.com/cyclesofsurrealism

My recently-ex-band had a lot of momentum built up, but our guitarist had a kid and it changed him. On top of that, the other guitarist and I are both full-time students and it was just getting to be too hard for us to hold full time jobs, girlfriends, full time school, and a full time band gigging 4-5 times a month.

We called it quits. Damn shame too - they were fun to play with.

[Matt Dean]

Originally Posted by Chuck King

The moral to the story is: kids change things, and don't let anybody (especially soon-to-be parents) tell you otherwise.

Very true... when I had kids, I didn't play for 15 years; just worked my tail off to keep the family ship afloat.

Now my kids are grown and I'm in two gigging bands and sub for three more.

[Matt Dean]

Originally Posted by Chuck King

However, since none of her doctors would tell her for certain that loud music during pregnancy wouldn't have any effect on the baby,

I remember seeing Exene Cervenka singing with X when she was like 8 month pregnant. I bet her baby had some tinnitus...

[hrodbert696]

Yep, when you're a parent the kids take priority. It can be harder to find practice time (not to mention the volume issue, especially for drummers and singers who can't just put headphones on), paying for babysitting while at band practices or gigs, and if you built your performance persona on some badass schtick, that can be hard to keep up when you're missing your cutesie pie at home. And, frankly, that's as it should be.

The good news is that kids do grow and become more independent and after a while parents start being more free to get back to the stuff they did before kids. You're probably right to expect a hiatus from the mom or both of the couple for some years, but don't burn bridges with them. She/they may come roaring back a little later and the parenting experience may give them a whole new depth, you never know. Or not.

[tycobb73]

I started playing again about the time my son was born. My wife was not too enthused at first but I needed some time away from my children.

[EddiePlaysBass]

Our lead guitarist became a father about a month ago, and we took a while off for him to get the whole dad-thing down a bit. He requested we rehearse every two weeks instead of weekly from now on, which might actually benefit the band - drummer suggested "we" learn the songs at home from now on Interestingly, our singer is also soon to become a dad, so I wonder what effect that'll have on the band.

[One Bad Monkey]

I just joined a band that has been around for over ten years. The guitarist and singer are a married couple that has a 6 year old son. While they have had to prioritize more with the child in mind (especially in regard to gigs), the band hasn't slowed down that much. We usually practice after the child is put to bed at night (we're not that loud anyway, but the basement seems to hold sound well), and they make sure that he gets as many musical outlets as possible.

[nsmar4211]

How on earth would loud music hurt a baby any more than it'd hurt the mom? The baby is in wayyy too many layers for it to hurt his/her ears-remember it's floating in water, and physically no ones ever shown music to hurt a body. Besides, if mom is behind the drumset, she's not in front of the PA and the loudness level is wayyyyy lower. Sheesh, you'd think a doctor would have the balls to say that. Mom just didn't want to play after she got too big, can't blame her there.

Am curious how the fan base accepts a pregnant lead singer? Turn off since part of the female lead singer appeal (and lets be blunt) is the errrrr animal aspect? (can we say Sxx on here?) Or does no one care? hrmmmmm would be interesting poll......

[Chuck King]

I am highly confident that music, even drums (at a reasonable volume), isn't going to do any harm to a baby in utero; however, everybody knowing that and getting a doctor to say so in a you're-on-the-hook-for-malpractice-if-anything-happens scenario are two different things.

[brucebass300]

To the OP: it sounds inevitable that your current band will be out of action for a good long while once they have their baby ... especially since both parents are in the band and you can't really work without both of them. If everyone is amenable, try to hook up a gig or 2 in the next few months so you all have something to remember (and perhaps to lure the new parents back once they are ready).

Don't worry about the time and effort you have put in - it is never a waste (unless it was a dreadful band that did not challenge you at all musically).

For those that are new to playing in bands - one of the good things about being a bassist is that if you are even half decent, there will ALWAYS be more bands looking for you, and opportunities for you to make music. My biggest problem has been that as i get older i'm getting too choosy about the bands that i'm willing to be a part of.

[Crazyeelboy]

OP - don't just assume that this is the end of the band. Talk it through with the whole band and see what everyone wants.