Band manager might be trying to get rid of me

[nataku]

I recently joined a band fronted by a talented young singer/songwriter chick, and her mom is involved as a "manager". We've played one show and have been rehearsing for others, and I thought everything was going well. We all get along, we're making progress, and it feels great.

Yesterday, I saw an ad posted on craigslist that my band is looking for a bass player for gigs and recording. The ad is signed by the manager/mom, and it says they will be having auditions next week. She is out of town at the moment, but I immediately emailed her with a link to the ad asking what was up and why she would do that without talking to me. She responded that they were just looking for a backup bassist for extended out of town gigs that she thought I wouldn't be able to make because of school.

This doesn't make sense because we've never talked about doing anything besides local gigs, and we've just barely started playing out. It is also troubling because she never bothered to ask me if long distance gigs would be okay, and she just posted the ad behind my back based on her assumptions.

I called the other band members today before practice and none of them had heard anything about this or knew what was going on. We eventually got a hold of the mom again, and learned that she had planned to post ads looking for a "backup" guitarist and drummer as well, but hadn't gotten to it yet. We are all kinda uneasy now, but we don't want to bail right before our show next week. It seems like the singer is just as confused as the rest of us are and we don't want to leave her hanging.

It all seems super sketchy and I'm not sure what to do. The mom's excuse for posting the ad makes absolutely zero sense to me, and it feels like she is just covering for trying to go behind our backs with replacing me, and maybe the other band members eventually as well. Should I have just told her off, not gone to practice today, and left the band members hanging? Should I make it through the next gig and just see what happens? I really like the music and the band and I don't wanna give it up for nothing, but I also don't want to be naive and put in a bunch of effort just to get screwed in a few weeks.

[standupright]

sounds like someone's mom needs to find another hobby.

[elavate7]

stick with it!!!! theres no need to bail as of yet. now when you come in to rehersal and see a new bassist geared up, then we have a problem!

[Jim Campbell]

Originally Posted by nataku

I recently joined a band fronted by a talented young singer/songwriter chick, and her mom is involved as a "manager". We've played one show and have been rehearsing for others, and I thought everything was going well. We all get along, we're making progress, and it feels great.

Yesterday, I saw an ad posted on craigslist that my band is looking for a bass player for gigs and recording. The ad is signed by the manager/mom, and it says they will be having auditions next week. She is out of town at the moment, but I immediately emailed her with a link to the ad asking what was up and why she would do that without talking to me. She responded that they were just looking for a backup bassist for extended out of town gigs that she thought I wouldn't be able to make because of school.

This doesn't make sense because we've never talked about doing anything besides local gigs, and we've just barely started playing out. It is also troubling because she never bothered to ask me if long distance gigs would be okay, and she just posted the ad behind my back based on her assumptions.

I called the other band members today before practice and none of them had heard anything about this or knew what was going on. We eventually got a hold of the mom again, and learned that she had planned to post ads looking for a "backup" guitarist and drummer as well, but hadn't gotten to it yet. We are all kinda uneasy now, but we don't want to bail right before our show next week. It seems like the singer is just as confused as the rest of us are and we don't want to leave her hanging.

It all seems super sketchy and I'm not sure what to do. The mom's excuse for posting the ad makes absolutely zero sense to me, and it feels like she is just covering for trying to go behind our backs with replacing me, and maybe the other band members eventually as well. Should I have just told her off, not gone to practice today, and left the band members hanging? Should I make it through the next gig and just see what happens? I really like the music and the band and I don't wanna give it up for nothing, but I also don't want to be naive and put in a bunch of effort just to get screwed in a few weeks.

are you able to travel.....if not she could be assuming you cannot based on that conversation about local gigs.....if the singer is an up and comer travel is gonna be on the agenda....i wouldn't get too bent up over it just yet...wait til you know for sure which way the wind's blowin'.....a big to do now would ensure that the back up guy will be the local guy too

[megadoc]

oh boy - her mom being the "manager" is the kiss of death - just what the band doesn't need, a wanna be control freak - well I would be concerned although she shot herself in the foot - so maybe it's a blessing in disguise because now no one is going to trust her and if "they" (she) do sack you - then that speaks volumes to the other band members - word travels fast...best of luck to you...

[detracti]

So, its a family business eh? IMO, you'll never win against mother and daughter, as long as they're in it together, and want each other there. Could be facing a road of grief and angst.

Maybe you could find a talented female singer/songwriter who is her own strong and independent person, and not sheltered under mommy's wing?

[elavate7]

Originally Posted by megadoc

oh boy - her mom being the "manager" is the kiss of death - just what the band doesn't need, a wanna be control freak - well I would be concerned although she shot herself in the foot - so maybe it's a blessing in disguise because now no one is going to trust her and if "they" (she) do sack you - then that speaks volumes to the other band members - word travels fast...best of luck to you...

a band members relative as a manager is a problem in most cases.

[Jim Campbell]

Originally Posted by detracti

So, its a family business eh? IMO, you'll never win against mother and daughter, as long as they're in it together, and want each other there. Could be facing a road of grief and angst.

Maybe you could find a talented female singer/songwriter who is her own strong and independent person, and not sheltered under mommy's wing?

often it's the same deal.....talented fronts are able to move around easily and often view their band as hirelings.....too early to tell yet......better to wait and see

[stylonpilson]

Originally Posted by nataku

I recently joined a band fronted by a talented young singer/songwriter chick, and her mom is involved as a "manager".

Uh-oh.

You should ask the "manager" to reword the advert so that it makes it clear that she's just looking for a backup player. Tell her that from the point of view of someone who would be reading and responding to these adverts, it would be bad form to not disclose this information from the outset.

If her intentions are as honest as she says they are, then she should have no objection to this.

S.P.

[Chupacabra]

Create your own craigslist ad - band looking for manager - then email your handy work to the rest of the band & accidentally include "mom" as a recipient.

[busmandan]

Originally Posted by elavate7

a band members relative as a manager is a problem in most cases.

Yep. Ask Billy Joel.

-- Dan --

[tdub0199]

My 2 cents: The band will never work w/ her mom being the manager... sounds like she is trying to live through her daughter and control everything.... this will never work my friend....

[DaveDeVille]

Originally Posted by tdub0199

My 2 cents: The band will never work w/ her mom being the manager...
sounds like she is trying to live through her daughter and control everything....
this will never work my friend....

... this .

[Jonyak]

Originally Posted by tdub0199

My 2 cents: The band will never work w/ her mom being the manager... sounds like she is trying to live through her daughter and control everything.... this will never work my friend....

This.

I have had some experience with something very similar, only it was her dad that was the manager. he was also a "musician" and felt it was his place to write all of our line (poorly) and dictate how they were to be played (poorly).

I got out really quickly. they never ended up doing anything.

[chokeslam512]

Sounds like you guys need a backup manager.

[stflbn]

It's not a band... you're a hired gun. Take it while you can get it if you like it, but don't count on it as lasting.

Anything that's not deemed 'right' will be the bands fault and not the managers (mom) or daughters.

[Ric5]

Originally Posted by megadoc

oh boy - her mom being the "manager" is the kiss of death - just what the band doesn't need, a wanna be control freak

+1

[azureblue]

and go have a business meeting with Mom. Keep it strictly business, do not let her, and do not yourself, get personal. Be straight out- the goal is to get her to state her position to the band. At no time should you or anyone on the band state yours, until asked, then you should delay until the meeting is over, even if she says something really dumb or objectionable. Ask her about the posters, and why. Ask her about each members position, are they considered to be "permanent" members of the band. For all you know, she may just be looking for back ups, but this has to be laid out on the table. Get her to define her role to the band, and her degree of authority, and over what aspect. Lay down the rules and limits clearly. If she hedges the question, or her responses make you think she is considering replacing the band, or she sounds like she doesn't know what she is doing, then you need to go all business on her- insist on an employment contract, a contract that secures your employment and spells out the conditions of employment and notice of termination. You can put in how and how much you get paid, too, like percentage of the gigs, or whatever. Then everybody will have something firm to make a decision on. If she balks at a contract, then don't say anything to her, but take time later to decide if you still want to be in the band. Remember, at all times, be professional- this is your business, and treat it the same way as if your were contracting for employment with a bank.

Right now, she did a bad thing by messing with the band as a functioning unit, and this must be cleared up, if the band is to work smoothly together. Fix it.

[Datsgor]

Take it for what it is. Nothing....yet. So, don't trip on things that are yet to be. Enjoy the band and ride. Start looking at other projects too. If the "Mother" is going to fire you, there is not much you can do. Deal with that when and if it happens.

[bassman_al]

There are plenty of "talented singer songwriter chicks" out there. Go find one whose mom lives in Siberia. This girl and her mom have "bad news" written all over them.