Band and me gonna' fire member/friend

Qvist · #1 10-17-2010, 11:50 AM

Our drummer has been in the military the last couple of months, and now he's returning. Turns out we really hit it off with his replacement, he's a better player and fits the band image much better, and now we have decided to keep him - and that of course means our original drummer has to be let go off.

He was with us from the beginning, waaaay back, so it's gonna be really difficult. This isn't a "what to do" thread, we have decided and we're gonna do it, I just kinda wanted to share this with other bass players, seeing a lot of you must've had to go through the same at one point or another. Have you been able to remain friends? What's the best way of saying it? Directly or humbly? Seek him out or invite him to some place?

EDIT: Just wanna let you guys know we're only a bunch of 19-20 year olds, so we're not really talking court dates, unions and so forth. It's not on a very professional level, we get paid in beer man!

SITUATION RESOLVED! And I'll let you know here so you dont have to search the thread:

We told him yesterday, we were up front and asked him how he felt about it, like many of you suggested... and he took it surprisingly well!! He was bummed, but understanding, and we shared laughs and beers for hours (too bad the evening's gig kinda suffered from that

)

Thanks for all your advice, be it good or bad, on handling the situation - you TB guys are the best!

tmoney61092 · #2 10-17-2010, 11:56 AM

just say that you don't want him to have to worry about the band while he's away in the military so that he can focus on that, my drummer went to the military also but we couldn't find a replacement so it just fell apart

thrashcomics · #3 10-17-2010, 11:58 AM

Its actually against the law to fire someone due to them being deployed by the military. You may be going to court.

steveksux · #4 10-17-2010, 12:11 PM

Make sure you thank him for his service, for fighting for the freedoms you guys have and take for granted, for risking his life for you guys before you fire him.

Randy

gjbassist · #5 10-17-2010, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thrashcomics

Its actually against the law to fire someone due to them being deployed by the military. You may be going to court.

I don't know if that will apply in this situation since it is a band and not a business. However, I do think it is real crappy to let him go because he has been away serving his country! "Hey, thanks for your military service. By the way we replaced you while you were gone".

thrashcomics · #6 10-17-2010, 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steveksux

Make sure you thank him for his service, for fighting for the freedoms you guys have and take for granted, for risking his life for you guys before you fire him.

Randy

my first post was a joke but more seriously, i would not recommend this advice. coming from someone who was in the military most of the time statements like this come off as patronizing and cliche. just be honest with him. if he had been gone for ANY reason be it an injury or jail or long vacation the outcome would have been the same so treat it the same. just my 5 cents

M0ses · #7 10-17-2010, 12:21 PM

That's the music biz. If he holds a grudge, it wasn't you that ruined the friendship.

SMILEYSIXX · #8 10-17-2010, 12:22 PM

The way I see military service is this: Yes, it is an incredibly brave and honorable thing to do, but it's a job. How many cashiers at McDonald's do you thank for their service to the people by taking orders and providing them with food? Adding a "Thank you for what you did" just seems like it would be a repetitive cliche thing to do, and a huge kick in the manhood when the cherry on top is "but you're fired".

Be honest: The band needed to survive without you, we found a replacement, and he's better at what he does.

Sugarcoating things just adds to the already tough and complicated situation.

svenbass · #9 10-17-2010, 12:36 PM

Just be up front and honest ... go out for a couple of beers perhaps. How he reacts is his business, and of course it's understandable if he get's upset so be prepared for that, as it may manifest itself in any number of ways.

As far as friendship or his other career, well that's not your problem when you look at your band as a business and what is best for it. As harsh as it may sound, keeping a separate business mindset actually makes band management easier. Of course the level you take this depends on your demeanor and business goals.
I do this for a living and have been fired, quit, and have had to fire or had people quit... some situations were smooth others very awkward, but the ones that went best were where communication was straight up.... no text or email BS ... do this in person. Sure feelings will be hurt, but whaddaya gonna do?

Good luck, this stuff is never easy

Qvist · #10 10-17-2010, 12:38 PM

Well... We're 19-20 years old and it's just guard duty, 4 months... He can't even be sent to war, only constable's can in Denmark. So he's not exactly risking his life the same way as many Americans (although we also have some troops deployed around the world).

Up front honesty probably is the best yeah, there's no easy way out I guess :/

And thanks for all your help so far, keep the posts coming!

Rocks · #11 10-17-2010, 01:05 PM

I'll bring up the one question no one has asked. When he was leaving did you guys tell him his place in the band was secure and that you were looking forward to him coming back and playing? If you told him before he left that his position was secure and now changed your minds it would be a crappy thing to do to a friend.

Qvist · #12 10-17-2010, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rocks

I'll bring up the one question no one has asked. When he was leaving did you guys tell him his place in the band was secure and that you were looking forward to him coming back and playing? If you told him before he left that his position was secure and now changed your minds it would be a crappy thing to do to a friend.

It was the mutual feeling, yes, however we never spoke about it. We had no idea that this was how it turned out, it's just been a blast playing with the replacement, the vibe of the band has definately taken a step up!

So that's why we have to do it... He'll most likely be very upset, and yes, it might cost a friendship... We just agreed that the music comes first, always, and we have to do what works for the best for us as a group and what that sounds best.

LJ Michaaels · #13 10-17-2010, 01:28 PM

I feel it's just real ****** of you to do a low handed thing like that!! I know I wouldn't be to happy!!!
LJ Michaels
Rapid City SD

Qvist · #14 10-17-2010, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LJ Michaaels

I feel it's just real ****** of you to do a low handed thing like that!! I know I wouldn't be to happy!!!
LJ Michaels
Rapid City SD

It's the Danish military, he's been running around on fields shooting BB bullets for 4 months, it's not like he's a war hero and he would never enlist to be a professional soldier and go to war. I can see you Americans hold your military in very high regard, and I respect that wholeheartedly, I just don't want you all to think that he's out there risking his life and fighting for freedom, when he's running around on hills and doing pushups 5 kilometers from his parents house...

Rocks · #15 10-17-2010, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LJ Michaaels

I feel it's just real ****** of you to do a low handed thing like that!! I know I wouldn't be to happy!!!
LJ Michaels
Rapid City SD

+100000

He has been a long time friend and was fully expecting to be part of the band he helped develop for many years. I know I also would be very pissed off if someone I thought was a friend did this to me. Friendship over and severe resentment/hatred would begin.

MNAirHead · #16 10-17-2010, 01:45 PM

What was your agreement when he left -- why not honor your word?

Was he that sucky?

80'sRocker · #17 10-17-2010, 01:48 PM

start by not "FIRING" someone - are you U2 or Bon Jovi? No. How about "replacing" or "letting go". Can't be very close buds if you are using the f word (firing). Get over your selfs

Rocks · #18 10-17-2010, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MNAirHead

What was your agreement when he left -- why not honor your word?

Was he that sucky?

Your answer is in his first sentence in this post:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Qvist

It was the mutual feeling, yes, however we never spoke about it. We had no idea that this was how it turned out, it's just been a blast playing with the replacement, the vibe of the band has definately taken a step up!

So that's why we have to do it... He'll most likely be very upset, and yes, it might cost a friendship... We just agreed that the music comes first, always, and we have to do what works for the best for us as a group and what that sounds best.

Qvist · #19 10-17-2010, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 80'sRocker

start by not "FIRING" someone - are you U2 or Bon Jovi? No. How about "replacing" or "letting go". Can't be very close buds if you are using the f word (firing). Get over your selfs

You're right, gotten to used to the F word, it's not very nice and again, it's not like it's our jobs. It's our passion man!

steveksux · #20 10-17-2010, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thrashcomics

my first post was a joke but more seriously, i would not recommend this advice. coming from someone who was in the military most of the time statements like this come off as patronizing and cliche.

I was being sarcastic.

Just seems like a really crappy thing to do if they promised him the position when he got back.

Randy