Band members who take it "too seriously"

[bluestarbass]

Does anyone have this problem? Basically heres my story.

Im playing guitar in a new band. Weve been playing for about 8 monthes and things are starting to pick up. The problem is our drummer is a nazi about practicing. I realize we need to practice but things come up and he doesnt seem to understand this. Im not trying to NOT make a living doing this but im also realistic. I majored in recording industry studies in college, and while this doesnt make me an expert, I understand the business better than the average bear. The drummer and singer are both in their mid to late 20s and work at a pizza place and a grocery store. That isnt a real job. A real job means you have to show up when your not scheduled, work weekends sometimes, stuff comes up and you have to handle it. Me and the bass player have real jobs and real prorities.

Does this mean I shouldnt be playing in a band anymore? Maybe it does. Last week our drummer had this stern talk with us about how we had a big show in 2 weeks and we could not miss a practice between now and then, fine i said. Well our bassist calls me today to tell me his grandma took a spill, and hes the only one in town that could go over and help her out. I know our drummers gonna fly off the handle about this, but this is life, stuff comes up.

I hate to sound like a prima donna, but if I were being paid id show up no problem. When the band gets in the way of my job though, the job wins. Is this unrealistic?

[Chasarms]

Originally Posted by bluestarbass

Does anyone have this problem? Basically heres my story.

Im playing guitar in a new band. Weve been playing for about 8 monthes and things are starting to pick up. The problem is our drummer is a nazi about practicing. I realize we need to practice but things come up and he doesnt seem to understand this. Im not trying to NOT make a living doing this but im also realistic. I majored in recording industry studies in college, and while this doesnt make me an expert, I understand the business better than the average bear. The drummer and singer are both in their mid to late 20s and work at a pizza place and a grocery store. That isnt a real job. A real job means you have to show up when your not scheduled, work weekends sometimes, stuff comes up and you have to handle it. Me and the bass player have real jobs and real prorities.

Does this mean I shouldnt be playing in a band anymore? Maybe it does. Last week our drummer had this stern talk with us about how we had a big show in 2 weeks and we could not miss a practice between now and then, fine i said. Well our bassist calls me today to tell me his grandma took a spill, and hes the only one in town that could go over and help her out. I know our drummers gonna fly off the handle about this, but this is life, stuff comes up.

I hate to sound like a prima donna, but if I were being paid id show up no problem. When the band gets in the way of my job though, the job wins. Is this unrealistic?

There is a place for the drummers attitude as well as a place for your perspective. The trick to real harmony and enjoying the group you're playing with is to get into a band where everyone is on the same page and willing to commit at the same level.

There's no reason to not be playing in a band. Maybe just not that band.

[rakirksey]

No this isn't unrealistic at all. When you're playing *for the music* and life just gets in the way, then the music is going to have to take 2nd place.

It may seem that you and the bass player may have a different vision than the drummer and the guitard. It may be unreconcileable, but you should try to communicate with them to get an idea of what their goals, vision, etc. are with the band. If their plan is to get signed etc., then you may need to move on to a group that's less serious.

btw, Did you happen to meet these guys on a Craigslist ad that said that they wanted to "make it".

[casualmadness]

Originally Posted by bluestarbass

Does anyone have this problem? Basically heres my story.

Im playing guitar in a new band. Weve been playing for about 8 monthes and things are starting to pick up. The problem is our drummer is a nazi about practicing. I realize we need to practice but things come up and he doesnt seem to understand this. Im not trying to NOT make a living doing this but im also realistic. I majored in recording industry studies in college, and while this doesnt make me an expert, I understand the business better than the average bear. The drummer and singer are both in their mid to late 20s and work at a pizza place and a grocery store. That isnt a real job. A real job means you have to show up when your not scheduled, work weekends sometimes, stuff comes up and you have to handle it. Me and the bass player have real jobs and real prorities.

Does this mean I shouldnt be playing in a band anymore? Maybe it does. Last week our drummer had this stern talk with us about how we had a big show in 2 weeks and we could not miss a practice between now and then, fine i said. Well our bassist calls me today to tell me his grandma took a spill, and hes the only one in town that could go over and help her out. I know our drummers gonna fly off the handle about this, but this is life, stuff comes up.

I hate to sound like a prima donna, but if I were being paid id show up no problem. When the band gets in the way of my job though, the job wins. Is this unrealistic?

I had this same issue once with a band. I was in a band where one of the other members was kept by his parents. He didn't work, nor pay bills of his own or anything. I worked full time and attended college full time. He sat on his ass all day playing his guitar and writing songs. The drummer and singer were roomates and both were in college with part time "joe" jobs and money coming from parents. They were able to call out of work for $10 gigs because they had parents picking up the slack. The guitar player would try to schedule shows on weeknights, thre states away when I had exams the following day. I constantly got the speech about how I needed to be more serious about the band and I was never going to "make it" if I didn't get my priorities straight. Needless to say, I eventually told them all to _ _ _ _ off. The way I see it, do what you love and give all of your spare time to it as liong as you love it. But real life is real life. And most of us don't have parents paying the bills so we can run around town playing rock star.
I can't stand those people!

[CallieBum73]

Wish I had that problem...mine is the opposite.......40 minutes smoking and drinking, 3 minutes inside playing one song.....another 40 minutes smokin and drinking.....again....3 minutes on another song....pain in the azz to feel like you've wasted 6 hours sitting in a garage to play about 6 songs....ughhhhhhhhh

[john turner]

looks like it's not as big a priority for you as it is for the drummer.

what you're talking about as not being a "real job" seems more like it's not being "a career". a career job might require all kinds of hours, but a job is "real" if you get paid to do it.

looks to me like your career job is more of a priority to you, at least as measured against the drummer's committment to the band project. that's cool, but don't fault the guy because he knows what he wants. there's no such thing as "too serious" if you're talking about making a career as a professional musician - it's like trying to be an entrepeneur - it's impossible to work "too hard" to start your own business, imo.

[txbasschik]

How often do y'all practice? If it is only once or twice a week, it is not unreasonable for your bandmates to expect regular attendance. Particularly if its only once a week.

That being said, if it really is only once or twice a week, the bandleader could have rescheduled the practice to accommodate your bassist's granny. Family first.

Or does he mean that you don't practice enough at home?

If he's calling practices more than twice a week, I would find that to be unreasonable. If everyone practices at home as they should, then once/twice-weekly band practices are enough.

There is one thing that bothers me...your attitude towards their jobs. Working in a grocery store or a pizza place is a real job. They might not be real high-powered, but they are real jobs.

I work in a lower-income, fewer-hours job *because* I want to play. My problem is that my lead singer/guitarist has a pretty high-powered Exec. Asst. job, and is going back to school to get something even more high-powered. For me, that would be a living he11. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, and its just a good thing I don't do that anymore, because it would make me just twist right off and be violent.

But its what she wants.

We were making good money taking two or three gigs a week, and I could work 20-30 hours, no weekends, and get along fine. Now that she's decided her career is more important than the music, we don't take gigs every week anymore, and it is hurting me *bad*. I make half my money from music, and that is gone now.

All jobs are "real" jobs.

Cherie

[casualmadness]

Originally Posted by CallieBum73

Wish I had that problem...mine is the opposite.......40 minutes smoking and drinking, 3 minutes inside playing one song.....another 40 minutes smokin and drinking.....again....3 minutes on another song....pain in the azz to feel like you've wasted 6 hours sitting in a garage to play about 6 songs....ughhhhhhhhh

I've been in those bands too...those really suck.

[seansbrew]

I don't think your being unrealistic. You are taking care of things that are very important.

I recently joined a band. I made absolutely sure that everyone understood the level of commitment I was able to extend. I also made it clear that my family matters came first and that from time to time it may be necessary for me to cancel a practice.

I would say that if this continues to be a problem your only alternative may be to find people that are in the same boat as you are.

[CallieBum73]

yeah...then when its 6 hours to play 6 songs, and you dont even like the six songs.....even worse!!!

[txbasschik]

Originally Posted by seansbrew

I don't think your being unrealistic. You are taking care of things that are very important.

I recently joined a band. I made absolutely sure that everyone understood the level of commitment I was able to extend. I also made it clear that my family matters came first and that from time to time it may be necessary for me to cancel a practice.

I would say that if this continues to be a problem your only alternative may be to find people that are in the same boat as you are.

I agree, in that one must find a band where everyone's goals are pretty much the same. It is very difficult for career folks to be committed enough for a band to be successful, because careers tend to be demanding. Hobby bands are better for a person with a demanding career. That way, the commitment level doesn't have to be as high, because they're not going to play out much.

A couple of my friends would like to get back playing with bands again. But they only want to gig once a month, because their careers are too demanding. And even then, they can't really commit to gigs, because their jobs may call them in to work.

They asked me to be their bassist, but I told them I need a bare minimum of three gigs a month. They can't do that. Heck, my current band can't even do that any more. So...I declined. I'm already having to think of looking for a 2nd band so I can make enough money. I'm not going to take on a 2nd band that isn't going to play out.

Otherwise, I'll have to go get a full-time office job, and I will utterly *hate* that. I've only had one office job I liked...ever. In 30 years. Basically, everything else I can do for money (that's legal) is not music, so I hate it.

Cherie

[iriegnome]

Sometimes, a good way to make things even is to cancel practice tonight, but reschedule it for tomorrow. Or if you know next week Tuesday is bad, set up a make up practice for another night and keep the other nights you practice as normal. I would agree that the drummer needs to lighten up, but you also should take them a little more seriously as well. Millions of people make a good living at a pizza place. Just because it is not a 9 to 5, does not mean it is not a "Real" job.

[chaosMK]

My guitarist always has a constipated expression these days.

I mean we all take our rehearsal and performance seriously and try to be professional about it. However, this guy gets seriously wound up about it sometimes and stresses me (and everyone else) out.

[g4string]

Originally Posted by CallieBum73

Wish I had that problem...mine is the opposite.......40 minutes smoking and drinking, 3 minutes inside playing one song.....another 40 minutes smokin and drinking.....again....3 minutes on another song....pain in the azz to feel like you've wasted 6 hours sitting in a garage to play about 6 songs....ughhhhhhhhh

I am in a band like this now.........however, it isn't that bad. Band night for us is a chance to rehearse our music as well as a chance to get out of the house, away from the significant others, and have a night to ourselves. It is a delicate mix.

I dont think it would be as unproductive as it is now if we didn't put a pool table, dart board, and play station in our band room.

[Dave Muscato]

Originally Posted by bluestarbass

Does anyone have this problem? Basically heres my story.

Im playing guitar in a new band. Weve been playing for about 8 monthes and things are starting to pick up. The problem is our drummer is a nazi about practicing. I realize we need to practice but things come up and he doesnt seem to understand this. Im not trying to NOT make a living doing this but im also realistic. I majored in recording industry studies in college, and while this doesnt make me an expert, I understand the business better than the average bear. The drummer and singer are both in their mid to late 20s and work at a pizza place and a grocery store. That isnt a real job. A real job means you have to show up when your not scheduled, work weekends sometimes, stuff comes up and you have to handle it. Me and the bass player have real jobs and real prorities.

Does this mean I shouldnt be playing in a band anymore? Maybe it does. Last week our drummer had this stern talk with us about how we had a big show in 2 weeks and we could not miss a practice between now and then, fine i said. Well our bassist calls me today to tell me his grandma took a spill, and hes the only one in town that could go over and help her out. I know our drummers gonna fly off the handle about this, but this is life, stuff comes up.

I hate to sound like a prima donna, but if I were being paid id show up no problem. When the band gets in the way of my job though, the job wins. Is this unrealistic?

Are you talking about practicing (technique, reading, theory, transcription), or rehearsal (band getting together to go over songs to prepare for gigs & recording sessions and/or write new material)?

[bluestarbass]

Ok your right, that was harsh, working at a pizza place or a grocery store are real jobs. Making $7.50 an hour is not why I went to college though, and my job is pretty much 24/7. Someone could call me in the middle of the night and Id have to work, thats how it is.

We practice twice a week and having been playing at least one show a week, sometimes 2 a week.

To clarify further, Im a decent musician. I studied bass as my primary in school. Not to be mean but if i were really trying to "make it" then I wouldnt be playing with this drummer, speeds up slows down, ive played with much better.

These are friends though and I enjoy the time we spend together. Originally they came to me and asked me if i wanted to play. It wasnt "to make it". They said we wanna have fun, gain some local noteriety and drink beer. That is not the mantra of a band who wants to get signed to a major label. I guess I'm upset cuz thats what I signed on for, and now its being treated as, were the next big thing.

Ive played in a few touring bands and signed bands. I understand how hard it is to actually make it, even amazing bands get shelfed by the label and never turn out anything. I guess im jaded and never wanted to play in a band with the sole intention of being famous. If it happens cool. Im not expecting it or shooting for it.

[bluestarbass]

Oh and its practice with a band, rehersal I guess. I practice probably 10x more than anyone else in the band. The drummer doesnt have another drum set so I know he doesnt touch it between rehersals. I used to religiously practice 6 hours a day in college. Its more down to 2 hours a day now.

[txbasschik]

Originally Posted by bluestarbass

Ok your right, that was harsh, working at a pizza place or a grocery store are real jobs. Making $7.50 an hour is not why I went to college though, and my job is pretty much 24/7. Someone could call me in the middle of the night and Id have to work, thats how it is.

We practice twice a week and having been playing at least one show a week, sometimes 2 a week.

To clarify further, Im a decent musician. I studied bass as my primary in school. Not to be mean but if i were really trying to "make it" then I wouldnt be playing with this drummer, speeds up slows down, ive played with much better.

These are friends though and I enjoy the time we spend together. Originally they came to me and asked me if i wanted to play. It wasnt "to make it". They said we wanna have fun, gain some local noteriety and drink beer. That is not the mantra of a band who wants to get signed to a major label. I guess I'm upset cuz thats what I signed on for, and now its being treated as, were the next big thing.

Ive played in a few touring bands and signed bands. I understand how hard it is to actually make it, even amazing bands get shelfed by the label and never turn out anything. I guess im jaded and never wanted to play in a band with the sole intention of being famous. If it happens cool. Im not expecting it or shooting for it.

Well, you know...there's a whoooooole lotta gray area between "hobby band" and "making it". Myself, I'm in it so I can play, and make a little money and not have to have a career, since I hate my career so much I could almost die of it.

Sounds to me like they're on that middle ground.

If drummer's upset because y'all don't rehearse enough, well, he needs to buy a used kit and keep it at home or something. Twice a week rehearsal is about all *I* can handle, and I don't have as demanding a job as you. (My kids are a demanding career though...LOL!) I can see there's no way you could do more than that, nor should you have to. If they did individual practice, they wouldn't need so many rehearsals.

One of my friends has a job like yours. He's a master plumber, and is the supervisor for his division of a very-huge plumbing company. If one of his guys needs help, or if no one else is available, he has to go into the field. There have been times where he had a gig scheduled, and then got a call to go to an emergency job for a major company on the same night.

Which is why he can't play gigs. He's a very good lead guitarist, but he's got three daughters and a wife who has health problem that keep her from working. They have a large, very nice home, in a pretty expensive community, and can't get it sold because the housing market is so bad. (For Sale signs all over the neighborhood for two years now.) So...he's got obligations he can't get out of, so he can't scale back on his job.

He's turned to building custom guitars, rather than playing in bands. He goes to a Wednesday night house jam with other musicians in similar situations. He misses playing out, but...he just can't, period.

Talk to your band, tell them what the deal is. Tell them that one or two practices a week should be enough, and that they really can't expect more from you and your bassist when this band was never meant to "make it", anyway. If they're really your friends, they'll understand. Or at least be able to talk about it in a mature way.

Cherie

[professor_bills]

I agree with the everyone in the same boat philosophy. As for your job...having to run out in the middle of the night at the drop of a hat....I couldn't deal with that. I quit being a service manager at a boat dealership because I was getting calls Saturday afternoon asking where a switch on the boat was installed. But to each their own.

[bluestarbass]

I appreciate the helpful responses. It is an issue of everyone being on the same page. Im in finance and my job is commission based, so everytime I work im basically making money, you dont turn that down.

Cherie - visa versa, I dont think I could ever be a parent. Having a job, playing in a band, and having a family is about the hardest, most important thing I can think of.

My other thing with this band going in was i dont need to make income from this band, but I'm also not putting any of my own money in. This means I have to make something at gigs, which we arent, and have no plan of doing. Basically If I could get my gas covered id be happy, but I'm not even comming close to that.