Band situation, advice, please?

[BananaSplit]

Hey, I've been browsing Talkbass for a while now, and just now made an account, because i'd like some opinions on a situation, and i'd really appreciate it if you could read it all, for full understanding, but i'll put a summarized version at the end, because it is lengthy

Ok, well, here's the situation

There's a 5 man band, Lead guitar, Rhythm,Bass, Drums, and to top it off, a singer




The thing is though, the lead's playing style is a bit on the soft side, where as, me, and another member would like them to be a bit more heavier, the other 2 say they really don't mind playing either the soft stuff, or the heavier stuff

When we tell the guitarist this though, that his riffs are on the soft side, he tells me to "Shut up" and to "Stop complaining because we don't know our full parts as yet". Ok....

So the other day there was a jam, the drummer throw out a beat, and I got in on it, as well as the rhythm guitarist, everyone liked it, EXCEPT the lead guitarist, he said it was "Too easy" and it was "****"" as well as "Beginners stuff". I haven't said anything bad about his riffs, all I said was that they were a little soft, and that it would be cool if it was more heavier, and when i do say that, he gets offended

Yet, when he says the riff that was produced in the jam is "Bad" and "Its %!#^!" and once again "Beginners stuff", its ok. Man, weird how that works right?

While its true that yea, the guitar parts were kind of easy, does music have to be hard in order to make it good? I mean, it could be the most technical riff in the world, but what's it going to matter if it doesn't sound good, and the audience doesn't groove to it, you know?

So the lead likes music thats more on the softer side, while myself and another member likes more heavier stuff, so what do i propose? I say we meet each other halfway, because I can understand that he doesnt like the heavier stuff, and i dont expect him to completely crossover from what hes used to playing to something he doesnt like at all.

But whenever I try to talk about meeting each other half way, he basically cuts me off, so I don't even have a chance to speak really, EVERY time i try to talk, he would cut me off, not even kidding. Its like talking to a 5 year old,

Me: "I think we should-"

Him: That music is %!#^!

Me: So like I was saying...we should meet each other halfway becau-

Him: %!#^!,%!#^!, %!#^!, %!#^!

At that point the drummer says "Let him talk, let him talk"

So i propose meeting each other halfway

So that didnt really work, so I ask all of the other band members, who's the problem? Is it me thats in the wrong? Or is it the lead guitarist?

I ask the vocalist, he says the Lead is the problem

I ask the rhythm guitarist, he says its the Lead as well

I ask the drummer, he doesn't want to say, because he's on the fence and doesn't want to take sides, i guess thats understandable, fair enough

So majority pretty much agree that its him,3/5 agree that its him

After that was said he goes on to say

"You know, its funny how you're in MY house eating MY food, without me, there would be NO band, who has the drums? I do! Who started this band? I DID! Who makes all the riffs? I DO!

Thats pretty much false because, its his mothers food(I thank her for cooking), he only makes the riffs because he wants to play what HE wants to play, and whenever we make a riff, he talks down talks it

So at that point, I see that this is going no where really, so what do I say?

"I quit. Tell your mom thanks (For the food) , you can look for another bassist"

So long story short,

Lead Guitarist likes more softer stuff, while me and another member like it a little bit more heavier. Lead Guitarist doesnt like it heavy, so I propose that we meet halfway, as in somewhere in between of what we both like. When I try to propose that, he cuts me off saying "That type of music is %!#^!", etc. I ask whos the problem, majority of the band says its him. When he sees that, he says that i'm in his house, eating his food (When his Mom prepared it) and that he started the band and that without him, there'd be no band. At that point, I just leave, tell him to tell his mom thanks for the food, and to look for another bassist

So all I want to know is, was I the one in the wrong? Did I overreact by leaving?

Please and thanks in advance, I appreciate it, alot

[EagleMoon]

What a jerk. You're better off away from someone like that. However I would get together with the other band members and talk about this guy. Figure what they feel about him and want to do. If they want to keep him, then find another band. If someone can't give and take advice or constructive criticism, then it's time to move on to be with some band members who can.

[gus1894]

Well, if you can talk to everyone but "Mr. My Mom is the Band Mom" and his typical response to a simple conversation about merely the possibility of some changes to make everyone in "his" band happy turns out to be expletives and denial and negativity, then I think you know he is welcome to find other band members. You shouldn't feel threatened, suppressed or unfulfilled by something you do for enjoyment. Remember, you are dedicating X amount of the time in your week to this band, it should meet your criteria for what you are looking for in a band.

I don't think you over-reacted by taking a walk. Sounds like you gave him enough opportunities to accommodate you, considering you are accommodating him. But like EagleMoon said above, I wouldn't loose the members of the band that were into what you wanted to do - if you like the other guys, then you have just as much of a right to play with them as he does. Make the offer, they might join you!

[Munjibunga]

Now, what was that again?

[walksupright]

It's unfortunate to have to deal with explosive personalities in any part of life, particularly when you're doing something that's supposed to be enjoyable.

Forgive me, but given the "Mom" referrence, it sounds like you guys are still fairly young, just starting out. I don't mean to offend - I just want to say that, if you are new to the whole band dynamic, it doesn't have to be this way. It certainly seems as if you have tried to be the peacemaker in the band, which, alas is often the role of the bassit.

Some players spend years honing their chops, upgrading their gear, doing what they think is right in following the muse, without realizing that playing music is largely a social activity. A great deal of decorum, patience, politeness, tact (in effect, strong social, communication and organizational skills) - is crucial. You seem to get this. Sadly, the only way to learn this for others is by experiece. Trust me, being decent and polite - in a word, professional - will help you get gigs and keep gigs, just as much as how good your chops and writing skills are.

Keep at it, and don't let this unfortunate event sideline you. Good luck!

[faulknersj]

Its important for people in a band to be on the same page musically. Diversity of musical style and influence can work together if the chemistry is right, and people are open to it, but in your case, I would recommend hooking up with guys that want to play heavy music. That guitar player sounds like a controlling arrogant prick. I would have done the same thing dude. Musical chemistry is a rare and powerful thing; you'll know it when you find it.

[Lemoore-on]

Originally Posted by faulknersj

Its important for people in a band to be on the same page musically. Diversity of musical style and influence can work together if the chemistry is right, and people are open to it, but in your case, I would recommend hooking up with guys that want to play heavy music. That guitar player sounds like a controlling arrogant prick. I would have done the same thing dude. Musical chemistry is a rare and powerful thing; you'll know it when you find it.

Words of wisdom

Move on, take the others with you if they will follow, but move on.

[dalkowski]

^^^ +1. There are plenty of other guitards in the swamp. You'll find a better fit sooner than you might think.

[SMILEYSIXX]

I was in a situation very similar. You are totally justified in leaving. You handled the situation a lot better than I did.

Talk to the other members. If they want to play with you, then you already have a big portion of a band and you'll need another lead and possibly drummer.

Cut your losses and start over. No sense in dealing with people like that if you don't have to. It's like sucking air through a cavity in your teeth. You keep putting yourself through BS when you don't have to.

[MNAirHead]

not worth it.. bands like this tread water - walk.

Tim

[dalconthenovice]

i actually had a very similar situation
i was in a band whose lead guitarist paid for the studio space offered all equipment etc etc but me, the drummer, and the keyboardist were constantly confused as to how she could possibly think her solos sounded anything remotely in key, in groove, or more importantly, even SOUND good
i eventually had to walk out too
now i'm in looks for another band AGAIN
its hard to find a band that has a professional attitude towards dealing with the business aspecct of making a band successful and a band that actually plays GOOD music

its always one or the other never both at the same time

[BananaSplit]

Thank you everyone for your replies, I really appreciate it alot!

@walksupright

Its alright, none taken, because we are, in fact, fairly young as you say, and kind of starting , so you're right, i'll do my best to keep at it, thanks!

@dalconthenovice

Ahh I see, well keep at it man, you'll find a band that'll suit your style! What happened to the drummer and keyboardist? Did they walk out as well or did they stay?

[jedgargroover]

If you're not having fun and enjoying the music then why are you there? The sooner you're away from that situation the sooner you'll be open to being in something new. When you don't get what you want you get experience. And, at the very least, even if you don't know exactly what you want you know exactly what you don't want. That's valuable.

[Plays_For_Dog]

....if the other members of the band (minus douche bag guitard) enjoy playing the same stuff, then form a band with them and not invite sir guitarded douche mouth. You don't need two guitars to be a band. Give the shadowed guitarist a chance to prove himself as the stage front 6 string. Go forth and rock....

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by dalconthenovice

its hard to find a band that has a professional attitude towards dealing with the business aspecct of making a band successful and a band that actually plays GOOD music

its always one or the other never both at the same time

I'd say you figure out how to handle that part, hook up with musicians that play well, and take the lead. Guide them with your business knowledge!

[butchblack]

Reading your original post there is a lot that can read between the lines. Where you're practicing at his mother's house and it sounds like it was his idea to form the band, he's acting, right or wrong, that it's his band. It also sounds like you guys are in HS or maybe early college. What is your band's "government"? Is it a democracy with everyone having equal input? A benevolent monarchy where every one can voice their opinion but the leader makes the final decision. Or is it a dictatorship where the leader makes all the decisions himself. Have you had a band meeting to discuss leadership? None of those band types are right or wrong and I have played in all three although the dictatorship I usually consider myself a hired gun, not a band member. I recently left a project that was fast becoming a situation similar to yours. The harmonica player was getting to the point of telling us what songs we could and couldn't play, wanted to count everything out himself but did not have a good sense of tempo, then complained when the song (as counted out) was too fast or too slow. The kicker came at a gig where I sing a song (Caledonia) that he also sings. He adds an ending verse where I sing it traditionally. At the gig I tried to end it , he kept it going until I sang his little end verse. There were other problems as well.

Bottom line. Unless you're a hired gun, find people who want to play music similar to what you want and play with them. I went about a year without a real project trying to find a good fit. I found it and am quite happy in it.

[BananaSplit]

@butchblack

While practice is held at his house, it wasn't his idea to form the band, it was originally mine. But I don't like to hold things like that over people, so I didn't bother throwing it out there

Practice is held at his house because the drum set is located there, and because the other guitarist lives rather close, so we thought, why not

When the band was formed, I had the idea that we would all put in equal input for decisions, but the lead guitarist just went off and started making decisions on his own with consulting any of us! An example being, we already had a Singer, but he went out and got us another one! And didn't till us until after the fact! When we asked why he did that, his response was : "Because I wanted another singer."

When we told him that it was not a one person band, but instead, a five person band, and that we should all have equal input on the decisions, he busts out with "Without me there would be no band, who makes all the riffs, etc,etc, etc"

So that was that, really

[Nickthebass]

@BananaSplit

You did totally the right thing. In an ideal world the rest of you would have turned around and fired him but what you did is a good alternative.

Don't sweat it, good bass players are hard to find but guitarists are ten-a-penny.

[invader3k]

Take the others guys from the band that you like and start a new group. You don't need this control freak momma's boy.

[arginator]

Originally Posted by Nickthebass

@BananaSplit

Don't sweat it, good bass players are hard to find but guitarists are ten-a-penny.

+1!

Been in a similar situation. If the guitarist had half a brain he would have realized this and met you half way. He'll probably have a hard time replacing you.