Band TENSION

[landry.bass]

The last few months, my band has been on the verge of falling apart, but I think I'm the only one who really realizes it. For several reasons, this has me very worried.

First of all, I don't want this band to dissolve because I love the music, and I feel thrilled to be alive every time we play. I get the most incredible rush when we're all locked in and going. Nothing beats it.

As well, playing in this band has made me a much better musician and bass player alike. Every time we write a new song, I'm presented with new challenges to overcome because all of the guys in my band are leagues ahead of me. But don't get me wrong. I love that about it. I see every challenge as opportunity, and I don't know if there are other bands around my area that would try to rise to the level of technicality and intensity that we do. And really, I don't want to think about other bands anyways.

The problem is that one guy (the drummer) clashes with all the others, and many jams turn into tense confrontations about anything from one person's playing to someone being late, or someone's attitude. Now, there can be so much tension that it's like everyone is looking for some reason to start a fight.

This also sucks for me because I really like our drummer. He is very solid and comes up with great stuff. As well, unlike in any of my previous bands, he spends time working stuff out with me one on one to really tighten up the rythm. Like I said before, this band has helped my playing incredibly, and alot of it is due to time spent with my drummer.

So anyways. I know this doesn't really fall under the band management and performance category per se, but I know there are alot of experienced players out there who have probably had to deal with this kind of thing before, and I would really like some advice. I've tried diffusing many volatile situations, and I've tried to voice support or disdain for both sides of arguments (gently of course) to show that I respect everyone's opinions, or simply that I think they're being childish alot of the time.

Anyways, I know I sort of ranted, but I'm sure you guys understand what I'm getting at. Any advice is appreciated.

[Lazylion]

Originally Posted by landry.bass

The problem is that one guy (the drummer) clashes with all the others....

I am shocked, SHOCKED, to hear that the drummer is being difficult! Shocked I tell ya!

Originally Posted by landry.bass

I've tried diffusing many volatile situations, and I've tried to voice support or disdain for both sides of arguments (gently of course) to show that I respect everyone's opinions, or simply that I think they're being childish alot of the time.

As bass players, this is our lot in life. Get used to it. In fact, get good at it. It won't be the last time you are the referee!

And welcome to TalkBass! It's a great place to vent, and you'll get plenty of good advice. And your fair share of BS!

[Thunderfly]

I've been in that situation many a time mate. It's odd that the bass-man is always the middle-man in the rows too, plus you are always seen as being on the drummer's 'side' as technically you both make the rhythm section.

This sounds stupid, but if tension rises, do something daft, I dunno tell a shite joke, pull a face, fall over. Play some riff that is a bit goofy on your bass that'll make them stop (a favourite of mine is the Simpsons theme tune). Break the tension somehow then in a jokey fashion remind them why they're there. Not only to become better musicians and take the band forward, but to HAVE FUN. Make sure you do listen to everyone's side and put everything to a vote between all of you (is it a 4-piece?)

How do you all know each other? Were you mates before or did you all meet up through forums/calssifieds etc?

[bradjonesbass]

A drummer being difficult??? Say it ain't so. Better get used to it. Next band it might be the lead guitarist (Ed???), then the one after that it might be the lead singer. It usually won't be the keyboardist or the bass player causing problems. Why is that????

Try musician jokes. You know; "What do you call a guy who hangs around musicians all the time? Drummer!" Pick on the guy who's being a jerk at the time. "How do you get a guitar player to turn down? Give him a piece of sheet music." That sort of thing.

[txbasschik]

Originally Posted by Thunderfly

I've been in that situation many a time mate. It's odd that the bass-man is always the middle-man in the rows too, plus you are always seen as being on the drummer's 'side' as technically you both make the rhythm section.

This sounds stupid, but if tension rises, do something daft, I dunno tell a shite joke, pull a face, fall over. Play some riff that is a bit goofy on your bass that'll make them stop (a favourite of mine is the Simpsons theme tune). Break the tension somehow then in a jokey fashion remind them why they're there. Not only to become better musicians and take the band forward, but to HAVE FUN. Make sure you do listen to everyone's side and put everything to a vote between all of you (is it a 4-piece?)

How do you all know each other? Were you mates before or did you all meet up through forums/calssifieds etc?

I do the "act daft" thing to break up tension, too. The "couple" in our 3-piece, being a couple, tend to bicker, and it gets out of hand. I make jokes..."Mommy, Daddy, quit fighting, you're scaring me!" Or play a silly tv-theme bass line, or sing a humorous, applicable lyric. Anything to get them to stop bickering!

Bassist = The Musician's Comedian

Cherie

[bradjonesbass]

I played w/ a female singer/songwriter whose older brother was her drummer. That got ridiculous at times.

[Depth_Charge]

After video recording the last rehearsal, the band owner in my band made the critical mistake of complimenting me thusly:

"Mate I watched that video, and in 11 years of playing I've never seen a bassist play the bass like you. Your moving, grooving and you play the **** out of that bass mate. I told Paul that **** can ****** play a mean bass we have to keep him" etc etc.

So now when stuff gets out of hand it's usually me telling people whats what.

Never give a bassist in a small town a swelled head.

Naah, not really. I have amped up my "diplomacy" a little more since the compliment secured my spot, but yeah I feel like the conduit for good vibes between people in the band - I'm always jokey, messing about and if they argue I'll noodle with the drummer or chat to the owners wife if she is there or the singer and usually just ignore it as long as they aren't arguing with me it's all good.

[txbasschik]

Originally Posted by bradjonesbass

I played w/ a female singer/songwriter whose older brother was her drummer. That got ridiculous at times.

I'll bet! Brother/sister, or married couple...bickering *will* occur.

Cherie

[Lazylion]

Originally Posted by txbasschik

I'll bet! Brother/sister, or married couple...bickering *will* occur.

I knew a drummer in L.A. who went out on tour with a family band. Four brothers, and him, the only non-family member. Always wondered what it was like on that bus...


I picture him cowering on his bunk in the fetal position, with curtain drawn, muttering over and over "I want more money, I want more money..."

[landry.bass]

Originally Posted by Thunderfly

Break the tension somehow then in a jokey fashion remind them why they're there. Not only to become better musicians and take the band forward, but to HAVE FUN. Make sure you do listen to everyone's side and put everything to a vote between all of you (is it a 4-piece?)

How do you all know each other? Were you mates before or did you all meet up through forums/calssifieds etc?

I've never really tried to break the tension in a humourous way, so I'll give it a try for sure, but I'm still worried. Breaking the tension in one argument won't make all the difference. The vocalist/rythm guitar player is seriously ALWAYS mad at our drummer now. He doesn't need provocation anymore. He just walks in angry at the drummer, just waiting for some sort of stupid antic. His attitude coming in doesn't help matters. The only thing keeping the band together I think is that we all have alot of fun when playing shows, we all love the music, and we all realize we've got something alot of local bands don't (sorry if that sounds really pompous, but I thought the same thing about these guys before I joined them).

And yes, it is a four piece, so votes can get sticky. And as far as how we all know each other, well, the two guitar players have been best friends for a long time, and have really influenced each others playing and musical tastes. They've known the drummer since high school (and they've only been out of high school for about a year to two years). I've known the vocalist for about five years, and the lead guitar player had been an acquaintance of mine for about a year before I joined the band about a year ago. I met the drummer when I joined, but we've become really good friends. It kind of presents a problem having the two guitar players being best friends like that. They pretty much instantly take each other's side (sometimes they'll take my side in a debate simply because I thnk I'm seen sort of as the voice of reason).

And thanks for the advice so far guys. I'll definately check back for more. Maybe I can get throught this after all.

[jive1]

Originally Posted by Lazylion

As bass players, this is our lot in life. Get used to it. In fact, get good at it. It won't be the last time you are the referee!

Ain't that the truth!

Not only are you the link between the percussive instruments and the chordal and melody instruments, but many times the referee. Why? Bass is a supportive instrument, played by supportive people. Mediation is one of the ways we provide support.

One band I left, told my wife that they missed having me around and that I was "irreplaceable". Not necessarily for my bass playing, but because I helped everyone else get along. Of course they don't tell me that, because they think my head is swelled enough as is.

In some ways, it seems like the tension is working for your band. If you're a cover band, it's a different story. But as an original band, your creativity is your bread and butter that makes you stand out. I find that my most musically creative moments aren't when everything is hunky-dory and running on autopilot. Instead, they seem to come out in tumultuous times of my life.

Stress is good, distress is bad. Use the tension in your band toward it's creativity, but don't let it get in the way of you being a band. It'a hard tightrope to walk, but if the music that you produce is worth it, you'll walk it.

A certain degree of professionalism is required. Which is to say, that you can detatch from it and approach it like a job where do don't necessarily love everyone you work with, but enjoy the fruits of your labor. Just make sure you guys are at least working toward the same goal, and then the tensions will work for you. A band that disagrees can still be very successful.

[landry.bass]

I guess if we were to approach our band more like a job, that could solve some problems, but considereing that we all share alot of the same friends, and are involved in many of the same social circles, that becomes difficult. But then again, if we simply treated every practice like a job, that might make things easier when we're jamming. Thanks, I'm going to apply this asap.

[movinngruvin]

Originally Posted by landry.bass

The vocalist/rythm guitar player is seriously ALWAYS mad at our drummer now. He doesn't need provocation anymore. He just walks in angry at the drummer, just waiting for some sort of stupid antic. His attitude coming in doesn't help matters.

I wonder if this is the same two people that I used to play with. In all seriousness, an eerily similar situation occured with our old singer that escalated into him yelling at our drummer and throwing his acoustic guitar on the floor and breaking his input jact. Too bad... The band broke up and now four out of the five (singer not included) now play together in a generally amicable group. That may or may not be an option.

One quick question: Does the singer do drugs? That could easily explain the attitude thing a bit more. Otherwise it's just lead singer syndrome. If you don't have to spend a million hours practicing your material, try playing with some other people around town and just see what the atmosphere is like when you play with them. You may want to let your other band mates know that you have a "friend" that you're going to play some tunes with, or a different genre that you're interested in just for fun. Or you can just do it and if they find out say that the way things are going with the band you want to ensure that you keep playing just in case the band breaks up. That might wake them up.

Another word of advice, if you're worried that they're better than you and may find a better bassist, find other ways to make yourself important to the band. That might mean buying equipment for the band to use (yours to keep of course), booking gigs, organizing songs, buying soft drinks, snacks, etc. For example, I was in another band that had an okay singer/guitarist (and by okay I'm being nice) but he did almost all of the legwork booking gigs and whatnot, so we sacrificed the music somewhat. Meanwhile I was learning how he booked gigs quickly and "ran the show". HE did some real stupid stuff though and finally quit so I've spent the last couple weeks pulling together an alternate band for a 2 nighter coming up. Those other things that I mention helped ensure that I didn't have to cancel the paid gigs and will be as important to know as the music if you ever start up your own band. Good luck!

[landry.bass]

Actually, when I said they were leagues ahead of me, I didn't mean it in a bad way. And I'm not worried about myself getting booted. They spent two years without a bassist, and as soon as I joined, they were VERY happy. They all love what I do on bass, and I'm probably the most accepted member of the band by all, so I'm not worried about me. And as far as the drugs thing goes, well, the vocalist loves booze, but its not really a big problem. The two guitar players get mad at the drummer for getting high alot (grass only), but really it is kind of hippocritical of them (like I said, they like booze).

[sully]

Maybe do something goofy and symbolic to explain how you are feeling.

example 1 - bring some boxing gloves into your next get together. Put one pair by the drumkit and another where the guitarist usually plays. When things get out of hand, tell them to "get it on".

example 2 - bring in friend dressed up in a lab coat with a clipboard as your "neighbourly band therapist".

Try to make everyone laugh at themselves while also getting your point across that you are sick and tried of the bickering.

[jellymax]

don't become the band mediator, or court jester for that
matter.
do play your absolute best at all times & do what is needed
to improve each week/month.
do tell them what you think. be confident that opinion
matters. don't whine, be matter of fact about it.
do keep your eyes open for other opportunities for
yourself & or your drum/bass team.

just my $.02