Bizznitches is crazy -- what to do?

[Sub300Hertz]

Originally Posted by oniman7

He claims to be our age (17)

Well...I'd say that explains a lot.
Don't take me wrong but aren't you being a bit naive? If what you wrote is true than it's plain to see she's a perfect mythomaniac... run to hills!

[ibateur]

Jeez, he's 17 and she's having his baby?

How old is she?

[oniman7]

17.

The drummer posted something on our Private Facebook Group earlier saying he was leaving the band because of his future obligations. But it was typed in a voice totally not his and it basically told us not to ask him anything because it was straightforward.

So I called BS on it. I can't keep him from leaving, but I can find out why he's lying to us and what's going on

[ibateur]

On the professional side, your band is now drummer-less. It is time to start looking for a new one.

On the personal side, your friend is wrapped up in his own stuff at the moment. Its clear he isn't listening to you guys. Let him be but be there when he needs you. I think based on what you've said, he knows your feelings/concern. Leave it there and let him come to you when needed You've done enough.

[oniman7]

We have talked to his mom hoping we can pull him out of this.

We are meeting today to discuss our plan

[UncleFluffy]

good luck!

[ibateur]

Originally Posted by oniman7

We have talked to his mom hoping we can pull him out of this.

We are meeting today to discuss our plan

So his mom knows she's possibly going to be a grandmother soon, also your suspicions about his GF maybe not being honest about him being the dad? Don't know how that will turn out, but as mentioned, Good Luck!

[Bert Slide]

Make sure he doesn't just take her word for it that she's pregnant. Having dated a few psycho drama queens in my younger days I can tell you that the fake pregnancy scare is a pretty common modus operandi.

[UncleFluffy]

Originally Posted by Bert Slide

Having dated a few psycho drama queens in my younger days I can tell you that the fake pregnancy scare is a pretty common modus operandi.

+1 in my experience also

[rocmonster]

Originally Posted by oniman7

17.

The drummer posted something on our Private Facebook Group earlier saying he was leaving the band because of his future obligations. But it was typed in a voice totally not his and it basically told us not to ask him anything because it was straightforward.

So I called BS on it. I can't keep him from leaving, but I can find out why he's lying to us and what's going on

It's over, he chose to quit. Be thankful he made the choice before you had to for him.

The behavior of the girlfriend you describe sounds like she's endured physical (possibly sexual) abuse early in life and an extremely disfunctionate home situation. People who grow up with these challenges exhibit the same qualities (constant lying and manipulation using personality/body for personal gain or to stop the feelings of worthlessness). The stories and manipulation are so grand because she needs to drown out all of the pain she feels. It appears her behavior is the result of deep trust/abandonment/sexual/drug/psychological issues. She sounds like a nuclear trainwreck on eleven. And your friend deep down inside knows you are right, but feels compelled to try and 'save' her.

As posted earlier in this thread, you just have to be there when he's done with this situation (if he survives).

Good luck and hope you find an awsome drummer.

[Munjibunga]

Originally Posted by ibateur

Jeez, he's 17 and she's having his baby?

How old is she?

11.

[Stumbo]

He's on drugs and needs rehab.

Good luck with that.

[zkmobass]

Don't fire the drummer - fire him out of a cannon (with his girlfriend).

[mbeall]

http://wadechi.swalrus.org/?p=1214

[mikegug]

Originally Posted by CraigTB

I definitely do not think it's right to lock your child up in a birdcage outside in a storm.

And where was the bird?

Just kidding. But for reals: she has likley been abused or is mentally unstable, at best. Good luck dealing with that. I'd have a heart-to-heart with drummer/lover boy and have him take control in SOME way.

[DiabolusInMusic]

Stop now, this thread needs to stay dead.

[placedesjardins]

Originally Posted by oniman7

...Anyways, to cut right to the heart of the problem, my drummer has a girlfriend who I frankly feel is literally a psychopathic liar and is very good at manipulating him...

He's changed lately....

I'll try to wrap this up with as little crazy as possible...

Long story short, he's changed...

Me and my guitarist took a long golf cart ride with him...

...I mean, how do you tell a close friend that you think there's a chance his girlfriend is carrying someone else's baby?

...I just want my band back ...

...How far would you go? What's it worth?

...The guitarist/lead singer is with me...

... he's not just stupid.

First off, you have no idea how to use the phrase, "long story short" because nothing was short.

I had to cut out all the garbage and read between the lines.

I'm going to break it down into specific steps for you. You need to nip this in the bud as soon as possible.

1. Post on talkbass.com... world-authority on band relationships (Check! You've already completed step 1 without even knowing it! You are a winner, my friend.)

2. Confront the girlfriend directly with the guitarist. Leave the drummer out of this meeting. Tell her you're going on the Maury show to get a paternity test so she better bring the real boyfriend.

3. Chill out. Post on craigslist for a new drummer.

[oniman7]

Band is long over and I am a free man... done is done. Didn't expect this thread to come back.

[placedesjardins]

Originally Posted by oniman7

Band is long over and I am a free man... done is done. Didn't expect this thread to come back.

Good for you.
There's a thread out there about a male bassist contemplating a romantic relationship with another female band member. There were people posting and giving advice two years after the fact. Over two years later.

[turbo chicken]

dangit i didn't read the whole thread... nevermind