Cheating on bands

[jaebee]

Hey. I have been in a band that I more or less formed for a month or so now. We are all good except the rhythm guitar, but he sings and plays well enough. We practice maybe once a week at best, and in general things have been moving kind of slow, we know some songs but cant get through a set.

our band has been learning some rock covers, and we have a few orig. in the works, but nothing concrete yet, not even a name or mic.

I realize that bands take time, but I am impatient, and have recently been invited into a jazz band with keys sax and drums. Obviously the bands will be competing for time, but if the jazz thing looks like its going to be successful (playing out, this is a hobby of mine and I want to play out, not woodshed for months at rehearsal) I will probably prioritize it

Am I a dick? I do not have any plans nor intentions of leaving the orginials band, but it looks like the jazz thing will be more sucessful, and have more gigs sooner.

should I tell them about eachother or keep it quiet? how do you handle this type of situation (other than being in just one band)

thanks!

[rakirksey]

I am doing just that. I'm looking around for other projects to get a little busier as well as try to open up and play different things.

I'll say this ... Cheating on bands is like cheating on women. There are certain things in a relationship that should be left unsaid. If the band would mind you playing with another band, then I wouldn't mention it ... but also make sure you keep your committments to both bands. I would however say that for the new band that you're joining, that you make clear that you are still interested in the other band if you don't plan on jumping ship right away. That way you can manage expectations on time committments.

[need4mospd]

Original band, "I am unhappy with the progress we've made as a band and am considering joining another band so I can play out."
Jazz band, "I am currently in an original band that isn't going anywhere."

[Passinwind]

Originally Posted by jaebee

should I tell them about each other or keep it quiet? how do you handle this type of situation (other than being in just one band)

Tell them both now, but prioritize and make it clear who the top priority is gonna be. For most of us that'd be the working band, I think. This is nothing like cheating at all unless you make it so. Jazz bands are typically very much used to everyone having side projects in any case.

[skidrawk]

Honesty is the best policy. Even if you are doing this as a hobby, its best to treat it as professional as possible. This will only help you later when you have to cross these bridges again in the future. You just never know.

Edit: On another note, I choose not to work with backstabbers, liars, and cheats and I've seen too many.

[bassmodder]

I'm in the same boat now... But no drummer with us yet. I seem to be the only one who practices at times OTHER than at practice.

My main "band" is at church on Sundays. I have yet to see anyone as committed to music as they (we) are. I'm still looking for a talented band that needs a talented bassist to play rock covers with. Oh- I live in Wyoming so....heheheh.

[rakirksey]

As a clarification about the cheating on bands is like cheating on women thing ... I haven't actually found a new gig yet, so I figure while I'm in the searching process there is no need to inform the current band. If I do find something, then I'll let them know.

It definitely is a better policy to avoid burning as few bridges as possible ... Karma is a Beotch.

[Bhuti]

It depends on YOUR career goals and what theirs is. I currently play in 5 groups. By others standards, i'm a horrible person. By my definition i am multitasking. I'm hired to gig with these groups and i do just that. They all know that i play in other groups of ranging genres, and i give them notice if i sign up with another.

I believe it's all in your intent and how you handle the situation. I'm not sure about your intent toward a band, excuse me if i skimmed by such a detail in the thread, but your intent directly correlates to your "guilt status" toward cheating on a band.

[lhoward]

Honesty is the BEST policy, without question. How you set up your relationship with the primary group you work with can help avoid delicate situations.

The primary group I work with (about 70% of my gigs), we all, including the leader, go by the premise that 'whoever calls first gets me'. If you're in a group with really tight arrangements and don't have anyone who can step in and sub, then that will definitely cause you to be limited in what you can do with other groups. In this group, we all have subs we can call if one of us is already booked with another group and the primary group gets a call for that date/time.

I do give the leader first choice in the sense that if I get a call for a gig, I'll check with the leader to see if he's got something pending for that date/time. And if so, then he gets me since he already had a gig in the planning stage before I got the call. Then I call back and give regrets to the person who called me. That MO has worked well for the whole group over the years we've worked together. I work with a few other groups, but turning down gigs with other groups doesn't happen too often.

So no cheating involved and every group I've worked with thinks its an equitable method of doing business.

[derrico1]

It's a cultural thing. My experience is that young originals bands expect to be yer One True Love, whether they're gigging frequently or not -- seemingly on the theory that they will surely have a major tour any day now, so everybody needs to be packed, ready, and fully committed. The irony is that those bands are the least likely to have paying gigs.

Covers and jazz bands, not so much.

Around here, guys who play a lot often gig in 2-5 different groups (which often sport mix-n-match rosters).

IME, that's been the rule rather than the exception in other scenes: pros and active semi-pros often play in multiple combos.

The keys are to develop a solid pool of subs, to operate on the principle that first-booked-gets dibs, and (ideally) to reduce confusion by having booking handled by only one person per band.

[Bass Mule]

This is not a big problem at all. All you need to do is tell both bands that you are playing with other bands, but have no intention of quitting. Seriously, most musicians, especially jazzmen, have multiple projects going on all the time. I know a drummer (jobber) who plays with no less than 4 actively gigging bands at any given time. Sometimes he'd play a Friday night show with us, opening slot, then go across town for a headline spot with a different band (Friday is a good paying night after all.)
Remember these two rules and you'll be fine:
1. Don't sweat the small stuff.
2. It's all small stuff.

[punkbassistfc]

there is no such thing as cheating.........if it's in another postcode

[geddymyung]

I'm in the same situation, but they've known about each other all along. I'm now in a cover band playing out almost every weekend and getting paid while the other band (a progressive/power metal band that is more my passion) is struggling to keep a full lineup and build the songs up to the level good enough to display live. I've been playing in the original band for over 3 years...the cover band less than one year, but I can tell you my priority right now is the one that is paying.
Now, when the cover band begins to work on originals (which we've talked about), I can't say what may happen to the other band. I know I'm kind of a sellout for following the money, but I'm still having fun!

[OtterOnBass]

+1 for integrity

Cheating means that you've agreed to be exclusive and aren't doing what you said. No, you're not cheating, but you may be misleading your friends and ruining your reputation. "Cheating on bands is like cheating on women" - good for a lot of pain and regret.

Make your decision: Why are you in each band? If a conflict, such as scheduling, comes up, how will you decide?

Tell your bands your decision: They'll know what to expect and plan around your participation. Making them guess if you'll be available will lead to less shows.

[jonly]

playing with any band is going to make you a better musician, and benifits every band that you are in. I haven't had a problem with band mates doing this, or me doing it myself for a long time now. As long as you do let them know that whoever books first gets your time you should be ok.

[TheBass]

Playing in two or more bands doesn't seem cheating someone to me, as long as you tell anybody. Of course it's your duty to solve all resulting time conflicts. I play in 3 bands and didn't had any major time conflicts ... so far.

[JKT]

Another opportunity for me to suggest the web-based calendar that my band has been using for several years now.

If anybody needs time off from that project and can't gig on a particular night, (like for instance you're working with another band) you simply block it out on the web calendar.

Vacation, family commitments etc should all go on there too.

The real beauty is that the one or more people booking a particular band just have to go to the web page rather than make a dozen phone calls. Less people, ticked off, more gigs booked.

JKT

[Baird6869]

I am in 2 bands and althought they bands both know that I am playing with other guys, I don't rub in the fact that I am gigging with both. I would never lie, I just don't say "hey guys, come see my other band play tonight!"

[mjolnir]

I've just recently been put into that situation. They fight over my time sometimes, but beyond that each one is mutually exclusive and one almost never brings the other up.

Basically +1 to honesty, but no need to rub it in.

[McHack]

Another +1 for the honesty bit here...

It's been my experience, that even if your band THINKS your looking around... they take it badly, & it affects that project.

Besides, if you air your concerns, maybe everyone will choose to agree w/ you & overcome those obstactles.