Christian band drama

[Demon_Hunter]

Originally Posted by edpal

...I'm in this "Band of Christians" that was going along pretty good until our guitarist got married -none of us had met her before, in 7 months of playing together. As turns out, they were both adamant they were never going to the other's church, she hates his children and grandchildren and wants nothing to do with them(which breaks his heart), and now has started jamming him with a honey-do-list when he should be coming to practice. And he's retired, so she has him all day. Too say we all find her cold and bitchy would be an understatement....and he has no cajones to stand up to her at all.

Is it un-Christian to tell him that his life, personal and spiritual, has apparently got so seriously jammed up we feel we can't go on with him? I personally feel it is ok to drop him, as the "work" is too important for us to let one person's bad decision stop the good work of the remaining 4. If this was a secular band I'd have no issue with cutting the dude loose. THoughts.

Wow...there are so many things wrong with this that doesn't even concern your band. Seems more like a personal issue with him and his family and he needs to deal with that first.

I'd have a chat with him and tell him how you all feel in the band.

[SactoBass]

Originally Posted by Thor

I was going to say 'Good-Bye' and close this thread.

Then I was going to move it to Bass Humor. But then I figured ithat might be offensive to some people that only wanted to talk about bass per se, and didn't possess any sense of humor.

Sometimes we talk about bass, sometimes we talk about bassists, and sometime we discuss our concerns with other bassists. I have always thought that the BM forum was a place where we could have discussions with other bassists about band issues.

I also recognize that every band dynamic is unique, and the issues raised, which are often similar, are colored by the particular dynamics. In this case, a common purpose and belief, a mission, a controlling interfering spouse and a bassist who wants advice on how to address and hopefully resolve the band's common issues. Some posts I have seen here have been very helpful.

Some posting here I have found distasteful, and if you have nothing at all to add to the discussion but disparaging comments on the OP's situation, or feel the need to insult the TB membership, then don't post here.

That being said, I will leave it open as I would also like to know how the OP's situation resolves itself, and it's just not fair to close the OP's thread because someone is determined to take the opportunity to prove what we already suspect.

Where else can you have so much fun? P & W, 'w'itch second wife, geetard that shows for 25% of the rehearsals, a few Munjipunches, Matticus finds a new fridge box under a bridge on I-5, we rediscover Deluxe Red (that was a Top 10 TB HOF thread), and a poster determined to rage quit, but only after insulting as many as he can.

I swear, the entertainment value is enormous, which is why we kick in the 20 bones after all, not to just sell gear or get an avatar.

Ok, play on, but be nice.

Good-bye.

Hah, the A to Z face is perfect here. Lmao.

Edpal, hope it works out. Since I gave up being a Lutheran and reverted to the Paganism we Icelanders used to believe in, I no longer pray in these situations, I just run them through with my halberd. P/J setup, maple/sunburst, and ... oops, wrong forum.

That's one of the best posts I've seen on TB (especially the "where else can you have so much fun" part). Good job, Thor!

[Thor]

Originally Posted by xgator4u

Thor.
You Have a certain way with words...
Always concise, AND entertaining.

Thank you kindly sir. I am glad to know that my irreverent attempts to castigate our TB members is appreciated and taken in the spirit that it is given.

I'm not really a mod, I look at myself as an entertainer. A cheap one albeit, but certainly right in line with what I get paid. I think I just spent 20 bucks on a pay to play scam.

You, and your fellow compatriots, have provided me with an extraordinary experience in my 9 years here, and I LMAO a lot in some of these priceless threads. Keep up the good work.

I hope I also debunked the theory that sarcasm is somehow intended to be hurtful or evil. Let's just say I have a wry sense of humor, and a profound interest in seeing some humor in what can often be difficult and stressful situations. And, I am cheaper by far than your therapist.

I also give really bad legal, relationship (I always loved those OT Dear TB my g/f is making me miserable threads), marriage and spiritual advice. Just ask.

[slobake]

HEY ! We don't have to suck up to Thor just becasuse he is a mod. Or do we? Uh-oh.

[Thor]

Originally Posted by SactoBass

That's one of the best posts I've seen on TB (especially the "where else can you have so much fun" part). Good job, Thor!

You're welcome. I don't post as much as I used to, but I try to get it right. Now that I missed my big opportunity to be a replacement ref, this is all I got left.

[Thor]

Originally Posted by slobake

HEY ! We don't have to suck up to Thor just becasuse he is a mod. Or do we? Uh-oh.

That won't get you anywhere. OTOH, Chef and I want to gtg, and we are looking for someone to pick up the beer tab. I can be bought easily, and unlike people who ply a trade we don't discuss on TB, I usually stay bought as opposed to temporarily rented.

Thanks, and let's get back to the subject at hand. Edpal, I apologize for the self indulgent hijack.

[Stumbo]

Originally Posted by edpal

I forgot this is a fairly classy crowd.

We do our best to help out all our TB brothers and sisters!

How about adding another guitarist to take the stress off of your brother and let him know that he's always welcome to sit in when he can?

[slobake]

Originally Posted by Stumbo

We do our best to help out allour TB brothers and sisters!

How about adding another guitarist to take the stress off of your brother and let him know that he's always welcome to sit in when he can?

Great idea. If he accepts it leaves the doors open.

[Jhengsman]

In my corner of the Christian world we have a rule that people step down for a time from extras when things like marriages happen. The denomination even lost a mega church and one of its best known pastors when he married and refused to step down. Assuming this Christian band is not your man's career I would say a leave of absence might be called for. In the end his wife comes first

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by Thor

I also give really bad legal, relationship (I always loved those OT Dear TB my g/f is making me miserable threads), marriage and spiritual advice. Just ask.

Have you ventured over, lately? Theres some good stuff in there at the moment!

[kentiki]

Originally Posted by Jhengsman

In my corner of the Christian world we have a rule that people step down for a time from extras when things like marriages happen. The denomination even lost a mega church and one of its best known pastors when he married and refused to step down. Assuming this Christian band is not your man's career I would say a leave of absence might be called for. In the end his wife comes first

Assuming that he isn't gone all the time, I could not disagree more. He needs to negotiate some personal time for himself. His wife's attitude reeks of insecurity and "power trip". If your bandmate doesn't step up, his future will be smoldering anger and more than likely the inevitable divorce.

As a band, you should discuss with him a schedule that he can live up to. Give him a set time to make the necessary changes or move on.

[Thor]

Originally Posted by MatticusMania

Have you ventured over, lately? Theres some good stuff in there at the moment!

I'll go look. I been working on trying to avoid living in a box under I-5, like you are, if you catch my drift. Talked to Uncle Fish Wednesday. I hope you two remain friends, he's pretty good people. Life is short and it's good to know great people along the way. You are always in my thoughts and prayers bro.

[Thor]

Originally Posted by Stumbo

We do our best to help out all our TB brothers and sisters!

How about adding another guitarist to take the stress off of your brother and let him know that he's always welcome to sit in when he can?

That is a terrific idea.

After reading that, I said DOH! Why didn't I think of that. Stumbo, you always seem to be able to sort the wheat from the chaff and get a loaf baked after it's milled. I can't do that so often.

[edpal]

For those interested: I had to flush the toilet. Meaning, I ended up leaving the band as more drama entered the picture. I emptied my finished basement, spent more money on my PA gear, mics, stands, sound-dampeniing blankets(sound-proofing not needed, I'm in the "Sticks") and started looking for folks to form a new group. Gonna have a 4 piece here this weekend, hopefully this drummer is a winner and we are off and running again. Got an Ibby ATK805E to celebrate. Last I heard that guitarist isn't playing anywhere now and he and new wife ain't do any better. Glad my ol lady know better than to play that card. Thanks again for the support - as MAtticus stated it WAS a band management issue, just tempered with some possible religion concerns. High 5s all around.

[Downunderwonder]

Good outcome.

[Munjibunga]

Originally Posted by edpal

Nah, I wasn't offended at all - just calling it as I saw it. Mild sarcasm. I'm sarcastic myself, would really suck if I couldn't take some.

I have never had any problems with Munji and have actually enjoyed many of his response here and otherwise. And I love his avatar.

I know it's been months, but I said what I said in support of your views regarding excising certain lyrics. And good call on cleaning house. It's not pleasant, but now you can move on in a better direction.

[thewildest]

Originally Posted by edpal

......and he has no cajones to stand up to her at all.
.

Just passed by this thread, and wanted to post something that may be useful.... And really, when I saw the title (very funny) I thought that your drummer was accidentally circumcised (?) and you were thinking about how to deal with this... :^)

So herer it is, first of all, it is "cojones" ( cajones means boxes) and courageous women have "cojones" not men....

[edpal]

Originally Posted by thewildest

Just passed by this thread, and wanted to post something that may be useful.... And really, when I saw the title (very funny) I thought that your drummer was accidentally circumcised (?) and you were thinking about how to deal with this... :^)

So herer it is, first of all, it is "cojones" ( cajones means boxes) and courageous women have "cojones" not men....

Thanks for the lingo tip - I'm only a sliver Italian and don't speak Spanish. I got the lady with the courageous cajone too.

It was a good outcome - played my butt off last night! Bet I got that one right

[Munjibunga]

Originally Posted by thewildest

Just passed by this thread, and wanted to post something that may be useful.... And really, when I saw the title (very funny) I thought that your drummer was accidentally circumcised (?) and you were thinking about how to deal with this... :^)

So herer it is, first of all, it is "cojones" ( cajones means boxes) and courageous women have "cojones" not men....

Women have balls?

[edpal]

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

Women have balls?

You missed the linguistics lessons above - apparently, cojones is balls. Cajones is boxes. Confusing....it could cause I total "dude looked like a lady" situation.
But no - my wife has the box, I have the balls and we're both nuts. HAppy New Year!