The title might sound like an oxymoron but hear me out.
I am in a band with 2 good friends who happen to be brothers. The guitar player has sever Aspergers, because of that he still lives at home.
They are both excellent musicians and I'd dare to say they are well above their age in skill.
The problem comes with their mom. She has always managed their bands, gotten gigs and such as she works in marketing so she knows people.
They just recently broke up with their cover band and things were said and people were hurt. She basically used our new bands fb page to vent and write a novel about how we are going to be "better" and free musically. responding to fans comments on how were writing music just for them and if they don't like it we can change, which is BS. deleted the posts as soon as I saw them.
Another problem that has arose is she is pushing us to get a "lead singer" at the moment me and the guitar player share lead with me taking 60% and him 40%. She wants us to get a lead singer and is pushing him hard at us.
I seem to be the only one voicing my opinion, the other 2 just seem to roll over and play dead with the whole "my mom never leads us wrong" or "she knows what's best" it's just extremely frustrating.
Now one more problem. (Nothing to do with the mom) the guitar player being a little on the autistic side, absolutely hates change. I have some professional recording equipment and I know how to use it but he just won't accept that we could use it, he wants to record with some crappy audio interface that records to an SD card and ugh. Took me 3 hours to convince him to just try it out.
I really love playing with these guys and we make some awesome music but we've only been together for 3 months and I'm already being irritated by things.
Just needed to vent, really don't know what else to do.
I have a daughter on the autism spectrum. You are literally pushing crap up hill trying to change either the son or the mother. The mother will continue to meddle while she manages, and that's probably not a dynamic you will ever have any control over while the kids believe mum knows best and don't reset that boundary.
As for the resistance to change all you can do it ease him into it and try to change it bit by bit and work within his comfort zones best you can. It's extra effort for sure, but since there is a condition contributing to the resistance it's not like he is just being stubborn, and in the long run he will benefit from someone's patience.
Perhaps you could recruit the mother to help champion change to technical stuff. It is just gear, after all. You're not asking him to change how he plays, what he plays etc, and asking the mum for help changing this might open up the opportunity to communicate better on the management issues you're having around her ;)
Good luck :)
My son lives with Asperger's Syndrome. He is considered "moderate" in comparison to his peers.
Change is very difficult and fixation on certain things is the norm. Like your guitarist, my son is also a fairly accomplished guitarist given his age (11) and has some amazing skills.
Knowing this is your situation, I have to give a +1 to Depth Charge's statement.
When you are a parent of an autistic child you become accustomed to structuring most everything they do when they are young and often times that stays that way for a long time. Talking about the dynamics of the parent/child relationship when you are in this position could go on forever.
People who don't live with/parent an autistic person have a hard time comprehending the nuances and the dynamics of the relationship.
" Mom, thanks for the help, but as of now, we will no longer need your help. You are no longer our Manger"
Thank you everyone for your suggestions.
Having band practice tomorrow so ill make sure to bring it up, see if we can come to a compromise.
After the talk at band practice we have moved past most of the issues. She agreed that she had been very upset because of their old bands harsh breakup and said she would try to stay off the fb page.
I was able to show her all my gear and mixing ability. She agreed that the recording and mixing should be done by me.
The problem with the other lead singer has seemed to disappear as she actually sat through our rehearsal and heard me and the guitar players singing and seemed to like it.
I have her full control of booking and such but we established that the band aspect should be left to the band to manage.
Also another interesting thing, the guitar player actually backed up everything I said which was a first.
All in all seems like the problems worked themselves out!
I love a happy ending.
Let me see manager for a cover band, knowing from experience most cover bands aren't going to go very far (but I still love playing in mine), Really doesn't matter. IF MOM can book you good paying gigs, she is a keeper, if not dump her.
That is all that really matters for a "cover band" "manager. "
Glad to hear things worked out. Sometimes a face to face meeting with everyone involved can do wonders. Now it's just a matter of getting everyone to hold to what they agreed to that can be a bit tougher.
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