Do casual friends and bands mix?

[mrpackerguy]

There's these two couples that bowl in the same league we do. They are lots of fun and we've gotten to know them casually. One of the guys has a band so we go out to hear them. They play some covers, some original. Pretty loud and my friend was frustrated because of the other musicians dragging him down and one of them is a druggie. It was apparent.

So he leaves that group and approaches me about jamming with them with the idea of playing out. My main group is only playing once a month these days so I thought it sounded fun. My friend is pretty much strictly rhythm.

So I meet the lead player and the drummer and my friend last week and we talk first to see that we can all tolerate each other. So far so good. So we have this "practice" jam on Saturday and I'm telling you. I can't do it. I just can't do it. I can't get into their originals which are kind of driving rock, blusey, lots of distortion. They indulge me and let me do a couple of my covers. But I'm just not feeling it and I feel bad about it. The bowling friend is nice enough. Not to sound concieted or anything, but it's so many notches below what I'm playing now with my regular band in terms of guys knowing the right chords, having strong musicianship and just the loudness if nothing else. Not to mention I'm the only non-smoker and I hate coming out of there smelling like a chimney.

I really didn't know what I was agreeing to and now I have to break it to them I'm not interested anymore.

So I'm thinking the casual friend-bandmate thing is not a good idea.

[baba]

Originally Posted by mrpackerguy

So I'm thinking the casual friend-bandmate thing is not a good idea.

I wouldn't say that. I'd say playing covers you don't enjoy with guys below your level isn't a good idea. You outlined what you didn't like - it is what it is.

[paganjack]

it sounds like it's just not a good fit. i feel that casual friends can make good bandmates, but it can be frustrating when there is a big difference in skill levels in the band, especially if their material doesn't inspire you. One or two practices is not a huge commitment. I would bail before it really is too late.

[stflbn]

Just tell him it's not your style and you're not in a 'place' right now where you're looking to do covers.

Shouldn't effect a friendship. Easy to handle it without saying 'dude... you and your tunes suuuuHuuuuuuck!!!!"



I just came out of a cover-band scenario a few months ago. After years of not playing and gigging I first jumped into an acoustic 80's covers thing which got old quick, then a month or so later I jumped into a bare bones cover band (bar band) under the thinking that I wanted some basic brainless gigging and what I remembered to be 'fun'. I also 'settled' musically with one or more members in the band. The band leader was a very basic guitar player to put it kindly with no flair or 'style' musically. It quickly turned out to be no 'fun' and all 'grind'. Playing wasn't enjoyable for me with them.

Now a few months later and I'm in a new original project that's turning out the be perfect for me. Great guys. Great musicianship. Great comraderie. Great Fun.


Trust what you know you'll like.

[scottbass]

+1 to all the advice so far. The sooner you let them know you're not interested in continuing the better. The only reason you need to give is that you prefer different musical styles. If your friend offers to change styles to whatever you want, tell him it wouldn't be fair to the lead player. It is, after all, the lead and the vocals that define a band's style. Or so you can tell your friend, anyway...

[mikezimmerman]

Better come out with it sooner than later! The quicker you tell your friend--before this "jamming with the band" turns into a commitment that you'd be breaking--the more likely you are to be able to preserve the friendship. Just be polite but honest. Tell him you appreciated the opportunity to meet everyone and enjoyed jamming, but after trying it you realize it's just not really a good fit, and they're not really playing the kind of stuff you want to be playing on a regular basis right now.

Mike

[MatticusMania]

Sure, its great being able to work with casual friends, it circumvents the whole getting to know you stage of working with unknown musicians. So long as you are around a similar level of skill of course. All of the best bands Ive been in have involved casual friends.