Does your girlfriend support your dreams?

[punkbassistfc]

Hey guys,

Just wondering if your girlfriend supports your dream or passion in music? Whether it be through moral, financial or just plain old emotional support. I just broke up with a girl because she could not stand being number 2 in my life(in her words). I loved this girl with all my heart, and we were together for almost 2 years, but she hated my band because it consumed a lot of my time and money. has anybody else had these kind of experiences?

Ps: Im in no way trying to vent or anything and im still friends with the girl, Just curious

[roonjuice]

i am blessed with a long suffering, supporting woman!!!
i count myself very lucky (so would you if u saw what i looked like lol)

[JKT]

Originally Posted by punkbassistfc

Hey guys,

Just wondering if your girlfriend supports your dream or passion in music? Whether it be through moral, financial or just plain old emotional support. I just broke up with a girl because she could not stand being number 2 in my life(in her words). I loved this girl with all my heart, and we were together for almost 2 years, but she hated my band because it consumed a lot of my time and money. has anybody else had these kind of experiences?

Ps: Im in no way trying to vent or anything and im still friends with the girl, Just curious

As a younger lad dating younger gals, yes this was a problem. Usually older women that are well adjusted are less of a problem. Particularly ones that have a passion or hobby of their own. If you hook up with a girl who needs you or the relationship to define who she is, it is often a ship to nowhere.
If they really dig a guy, then they really dig what he does too.

JKT

[need4mospd]

She supports my dreams of playing, not necessarily the dreams of buying thousands of dollars of equipment.

[topper]

My wife is incredibly supportive. I try to be reasonable as far as finances go and at least not loose money in my musical endeavors.

I have to say though, I'd put my wife and family ahead of my music any day of the week. She knows that and that probably has a lot to do with why she's so supportive.

[MichaelJessen]

Ouch, tough question.

My girlfriend loves me for what I am and what I represent, and because of that she also loves what I do, because it makes me happy. She is well aware that I really love her, and will sacrifice anything for her, perhaps even my music?!

[punkbassistfc]

I kind of realised that we were not going to get very far when she said that she depended on me to be happy etc. That to me was a sign of get the hell out of here. Although she was a great girl and i really loved her, I am only 22 and cannot commit to anything as serious as she wanted, which would have meant the end of playing with my mates and doing what i love doing. I was really really depressed about the whole thing at first, but then it just hit me, she was not the right girl, and thats that. Its really great to hear that there are woman that do support you.

[bluestarbass]

I find there is a fine line. People who have 40+ basses and complain becuase their signifcant other doesnt understand are fooling themselves. If you have so much disposable income that you can afford that fine, but most musicians dont. If your just gigging out and having fun then your significant other needs to understand that. My gf really could care less either way. If I didnt have rent money cuz I bought a new bass, or in my situation, new microphone, shed be mad. I always thought having a girlfriend who was real into music would be cool. I almost like it more that shes not really all that into it, keeping 2 things I love seperate.

[brianh]

"You need to decide between (a) going to grad school for another job and being with me, or (b) being a full-time professional musician".....is what I heard last night.

There was also no utterance of the dreaded "M word"...just casual talk about work

6+ gigs a week, a really good church gig, teaching lessons, owning a house, no debt, and some good investments at age 23......still equals "unstable musician"

[prattguy]

Originally Posted by punkbassistfc

I kind of realised that we were not going to get very far when she said that she depended on me to be happy etc. That to me was a sign of get the hell out of here. Although she was a great girl and i really loved her, I am only 22 and cannot commit to anything as serious as she wanted, which would have meant the end of playing with my mates and doing what i love doing. I was really really depressed about the whole thing at first, but then it just hit me, she was not the right girl, and thats that. Its really great to hear that there are woman that do support you.

+1 on that, Brother, i was in the same situation years ago, as my former wife considered music as a "HOBBY" and hoped that "FEVER" would go away like when you stop using a Playstation or something like that, and i was like "hey this is a way of life, this is ME".

Years passed and i bumped into some wonderful gal that sings "Get Back", "Lady Madonna" and things of the sort with me when we are in my car (i´snt that another Beatles song ) and in her words "would pay to see me play".

[skb5string]

Yes, The Girl I was dating before I met my wife broke it off with me for that reason too. She thought she was number 2, but I did what I could to try and show her she was number 1. I agree with the statement that maybe a more mature well adjusted woman (who I'm married to now ) would not see it that way. I will say, right before my wife and I go married I sold every peice of gear I had to pay off a debt. When she found out I did that she actually got mad at me, she said she would have never asked me to do that, but I did not want any debt starting our marrige, anyway she bought me a Fender Geddy Lee Jazz as my wedding present! Well, 10 years later I'm playing the best gear I have ever owned, 2 MTD 535's Bergantino, Ampeg, Carvin AC50F Fretless and nice home studio. My wife also sees the benefit from a financial aspect. Between all the gigs I've played we have been able to go to Florida 2 a year for 2 weeks at a time on cash alone from my side playing jobs. Show the ladies a benefit from "your passion" and they will be able to support you even more. Infact, one of my gigs I've been playing for 7 years running and have been wanting to quit to pursue another musical venture, my wife wants me to give it one more year to pay for yet another trip to Florida.

[JKT]

Originally Posted by skb5string

Yes, The Girl I was dating before I met my wife broke it off with me for that reason too. She thought she was number 2, but I did what I could to try and show her she was number 1. I agree with the statement that maybe a more mature well adjusted woman (who I'm married to now ) would not see it that way. I will say, right before my wife and I go married I sold every peice of gear I had to pay off a debt. When she found out I did that she actually got mad at me, she said she would have never asked me to do that, but I did not want any debt starting our marrige, anyway she bought me a Fender Geddy Lee Jazz as my wedding present! Well, 10 years later I'm playing the best gear I have ever owned, 2 MTD 535's Bergantino, Ampeg, Carvin AC50F Fretless and nice home studio. My wife also sees the benefit from a financial aspect. Between all the gigs I've played we have been able to go to Florida 2 a year for 2 weeks at a time on cash alone from my side playing jobs. Show the ladies a benefit from "your passion" and they will be able to support you even more. Infact, one of my gigs I've been playing for 7 years running and have been wanting to quit to pursue another musical venture, my wife wants me to give it one more year to pay for yet another trip to Florida.

Good advice here for the younger players. I have also been able to take my family on trips occassionally because of the extra income from music. My wife absolutely sees the advantages that come around periodically. But, as a singer and musician herself, she is a little biased!

JKT

[punkbassistfc]

Thanks heaps to everybody that has responded, you have all helped me believe my theory 100%. There is girls out there that support what you do because they want you to be happy. My ex would always put me down about everything i did and even told me that our new Ep is **** and that only 16 year old girls would like it. (which is who we are aiming for lol). In hindsight, this has to be one of the hardest decisions i have a ever had to make, but im glad i did not run away from it and faced it before things got to far and kids or something may have been involved.

[grovest]

Mature relationships do take time to nurture. It is a certainty that there are some musicians, bassists, and even TB members (hey, there are almost 80,000) that should trade a little time away from their practice, gigging, or TB-reading in favor of asking their mate about her day or life at the office- that is... assuming those bassists are actually interested in the woman and the relationship. Maybe the female in your situation sensed you "cannot commit to anything as serious as she wanted", and it wasn't really that she didn't support your music "100%." (post 7)

[gweimer]

I married my groupie. Over 20 years ago. She supports me, but is reluctant at times. And there are times when she has gotten tired of my playing. She has in the past gotten angry and demanded I sell off a bass or two to clrear up some bills, or take care of the kids. They're only things, so I've dumped a couple nice basses. I can always get another down the road, and I really don't NEED more than 1 or 2.

That said, she understands that playing is an integral part of who I am. It's something that completes me as a person. So there is the constant struggle between knowing it's somewhat of an addiction for me, and can also be a pain for her. We balance it out in the end.

[punkbassistfc]

Originally Posted by grovest

Mature relationships do take time to nurture. It is a certainty that there are some musicians, bassists, and even TB members (hey, there are almost 80,000) that should trade a little time away from their practice, gigging, or TB-reading in favor of asking their mate about her day or life at the office- that is... assuming those bassists are actually interested in the woman and the relationship. Maybe the female in your situation sensed you "cannot commit to anything as serious as she wanted", and it wasn't really that she didn't support your music "100%." (post 7)

S pent more time with this girl then i spent with my family. I spent alot of my money on her. At the end of the day, nobodies wins if one person in the relationship is unhappy.

[badstonebass]

My wife is the best. She supports me 110% in anything I do. She isn't a jealous idiot either. She isn't even a big music fan....especially rock, but she goes to 90% of my gigs as well just to have the little time we can get.

However we have been inseparable since high school so that may make a difference. 30 years together makes a different kind of bond.

[Silas Martinez]

Originally Posted by badstonebass

My wife is the best. She supports me 110% in anything I do. She isn't a jealous idiot either. She isn't even a big music fan....especially rock, but she goes to 90% of my gigs as well just to have the little time we can get.

However we have been inseparable since high school so that may make a difference. 30 years together makes a different kind of bond.

I'm in much the same situation, except we haven't been together since high school - we got married about 7 years ago. Having a spouse that is so supportive is indeed a great blessing.

[funkybassplayer]

my wife is just as big of a fan of music as i am. we enjoy the same types of music and are always finding new genres and artists. she love me playing cause she knows it is one of the few real releases that i have from the work week. she actually wants to learn bass (which in my mind means that i could buy a short scale without getting in too much trouble). i couldn't be happier with the girl i have but i do understand about your ex not really wanting to be "#2". i have started and ended many relationships because of playing in bands. it is a vicious give and take but once you find the right girl then you will be good as gold

[mjolnir]

My girlfriend jokes that I'm guilty of infidelity with my bass to be with her. She's a guitard, so she understands completely my passion for what I do, and supports me as much as I could ever want.

Another plus... The bigger my rig, the happier she is.