The Drama!

**Josh Ryan** · #1 09-18-2003, 10:29 PM

Well, after years of beating a dead horse, my band has called it quits. I had threatened to quit, quit and been brought back in, kept the drumer from quitting, blah blah. The final straw was the process of trying to get a great vocalist, it caused us to pull the plug. The reasons are irksome to me, but not really the point of my post. The problem is, the band mess has really driven a wedge between myself and a guy who, at one time anyway, I considered a very close friend. Anybody else been here? What happened? Any advice? We are not screaming at each other or anything like extreme like that, but I have serious doubts as to wether we could repair the friendship at this point. It's an odd situation.

edit: I'm not usually bothered by this type of thing.

**Thor** · #2 09-18-2003, 10:33 PM

A little time apart sometimes adds personal growth, and perspective.

Take the time to develop new playing situations,
that will give you a quantum growth leap.

If your friend is a true friend, a musical rift
will fade in time. If not, well, he's not ...
and you will have crossed that boundary and moved on.

Thor

**Josh Ryan** · #3 09-18-2003, 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Thor
A little time apart sometimes adds personal growth, and perspective.

Take the time to develop new playing situations,
that will give you a quantum growth leap.

If your friend is a true friend, a musical rift
will fade in time. If not, well, he's not ...
and you will have crossed that boundary and moved on.

Thor

Your right of course. It just boogles the mind how things have gotten so bad over something we both have now given up.

**Thor** · #4 09-19-2003, 09:21 AM

Try saying the same thing to your friend.

A come-to-jesus discussion will either resolve
it, or dissolve it. You gain nothing from
waiting to have this discussion.

Just call the guy up and get it off your chest.

**Josh Ryan** · #5 09-19-2003, 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Thor
Try saying the same thing to your friend.

A come-to-jesus discussion will either resolve
it, or dissolve it. You gain nothing from
waiting to have this discussion.

Just call the guy up and get it off your chest.

True, but I think I'll let us both cool off a bit. I also know that he has a lady friend from across the country visiting right now, so I might wait until she leaves. I don't want to stress him out while she's here.

secretdonkey · #6 09-19-2003, 10:14 AM

The percussionist for the little classic rock cover band I play with quit the band this week. He had played as a unit with the drummer and lead guitarist for the past 8 years. In various conversations, I voiced the opinion that this split was inevitable and the best thing for the time being. The three just weren't on the same "magic wavelength" that had cemented them together years ago, and their relationship had become downright dysfunctional. I honestly feel that this was the best thing that could happen to each as friends and as musicians. Walking away from the logjam of ideas and expectations that had them trapped seems the only way they might have an opportunity to get past the B.S. and back to the friendship and positive creative collaboration they once shared.

I don't know if this story brings any meaning to your situation Bliss, but I hope it does... good luck moving forward...

**john turner** · #7 09-19-2003, 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Blisshead
Well, after years of beating a dead horse, my band has called it quits. I had threatened to quit, quit and been brought back in, kept the drumer from quitting, blah blah. The final straw was the process of trying to get a great vocalist, it caused us to pull the plug. The reasons are irksome to me, but not really the point of my post. The problem is, the band mess has really driven a wedge between myself and a guy who, at one time anyway, I considered a very close friend. Anybody else been here? What happened? Any advice? We are not screaming at each other or anything like extreme like that, but I have serious doubts as to wether we could repair the friendship at this point. It's an odd situation.

talk about it. fight about it if you have to, but at least keep talking. do things that you enjoy together, talk about things that don't involve the band, but just keep talking.

James Hart · #8 09-19-2003, 10:46 AM

It made me sell everything in 1995 and has turned me sour again now.

The past is past and I'll keep it dead, but here in the last year for me...

Sept 2002, my broke leg healed enough so I hooked up with a local singer/guitarist and his drummer. We write tunes... things are great. Come Nov, the guitarist goes to court for a DUI, the band stops rehearsing and the drummer reconverts his band room into a garage for his new Harley. The whole time the drummer is placing ads at the same Forum I meet them through looking for other musicians.

I move on (emailing monthly asking ***?).

I hook up with another Guitarist w/ drummer and though they are not as 'seasoned' as myself, I click on a personal level and run with it. They are digging my stuff, etc etc etc. The Guitarist finds a chick singer, she keeps showing upon "non band" nights to write lyrics and I keep asking the guitarist to record her as a month has passed without me hearing her.

Well, imagine a out of time, chipmunk on helium singing the guitar line

I tell the guitarist, "Sorry, Her or Me" He say's "Me" but to give him a week to ditch her... Well, that week his Mom died and as of mid August (last jam was April) He "Can't bare to play music".

The week after the "Her or Me" I contact a working "Pro" Country band in need of a bassist. I learn close to 50 tunes and am ready for my July 4th debut @ a $190 per man gig

The Guitarist and Singer come to blows and they disband!

So, the other week I find a Chick fronted band with gigs looking for bass. Learn some No Doubt, Blonde, Go Go's, KC & Sunshine, etc etc etc. I get an email about 2 hours before my audition from the guitarist saying the other guitarist is working late and we'll rescedule... then NO WORD! I email my typical "***?" and he replies, "Sorry, the drummer changed direction so He quit... but Hey, he digs my stuff on my site and wonders if'n I wanna jam"

Did I ever Mention I Hate Musicians?

**Josh Ryan** · #9 09-19-2003, 11:47 AM

John, Secretdonkey, thanks you guys are on the money.

Speddling! You have not had a good time of it! Your story puts things in perspective.

**Josh Ryan** · #10 09-19-2003, 10:36 PM

So, we actualy both decided to put it behind us, do other band projects etc. It seems ie things have returned from the brink and should be OK.

jimbob · #11 09-20-2003, 01:06 AM

Call your friend and see if he wants to go fishing/girl chasing/eat a sandwich/grab a drink/go to a show.

If you were his friend, keep him in your life.

Balancing the left and Right side of your brain is tough in music but drop the left side and do what makes sense...or not...