Drummer just quit.

Matthew Bryson · #1 07-23-2007, 05:28 PM

This was the first "good" band I've ever been in so this is the first time I've gone through this...

I'm still in shock. I'm almost kind of numb. I'm not ready for this band to be done, and I'm not wanting to rehearse without a drummer. I'm not really too excited to audition new drummers. This just sucks.

We were really having fun... not bad for a bunch of old part time duffers. We had 30 songs that were good. A few more on the back burner. We were about ready to start playing out.

(edit - tmi)

Jim Powers · #2 07-23-2007, 05:31 PM

Take advantage of the opportunity; call your friend.

theshadow2001 · #3 07-23-2007, 05:45 PM

I don't know I was in a band with friends, good friends. Which can be great but there was one of which that I didn't like his playing, lack of rhythm, tardiness and a few other things that bugged me (unfounded lack of modesty for one).

The guy is a good friend and always will be. I might of painted him to be an A hole but he's a good guy. However I know if I were to continue in a band with him it would eventually form a rift in our friendship.

I would of considered him a good player when we started but all these issues creeped in to the situation and became more apparent.

What I'm saying is if this guy is your good friend be very sure you want to play with him in band. It can be good but it can cause a lot of trouble if someone wants to fire someone. Or other issues arise in the band. When bands come to an end you might loose more than a few gigs.

Edit: Just look at that, only a few threads down and I found someone experiencing just one of many problems with friends in bands. I know not quite the same as starting out with a friend but end result is the same.

Start auditioning people. Just grin and bare it.

mark roberts · #4 07-23-2007, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matthew Bryson

This was the first "good" band I've ever been in so this is the first time I've gone through this...

I'm still in shock. I'm almost kind of numb. I'm not ready for this band to be done, and I'm not wanting to rehearse without a drummer. I'm not really too excited to audition new drummers. This just sucks.

We were really having fun... not bad for a bunch of old part time duffers. We had 30 songs that were good. A few more on the back burner. We were about ready to start playing out.

We have had some issues with the drummer lately. He's been too busy with a new home purchase and some other junk, and he hasn't practiced at home since he moved, about 100 days ago, he only plays at rehearsal with us (and he canceled a lot) We'd be gigging now if not for him. BUT, at our last jam we talked - I thought it went well. He said he still wanted to be in the band and was willing to put in the work. He was going to set up his drums at home and start putting in the work like he used to. I thought we talked, got it all out on the table, and we were going to see change. This is not the change I expected.

I KNOW that in a way, we got lucky - because our drummer was clearly getting worse and worse every week. It was painful to watch and at times even more painful to try to play with, but at least we had a drummer...

I've got one friend that's a good drummer and good friend, but he probably lives a bit to far away... I think I'll go call him right now.

Yes, you should call him. Maybe meet with him somewhere neutral and not band related. Perhaps he will share his real reasons.

However, being an "old duffer" myself, I'm aware of other influences:
1) Is your friend married? If so, does his wife REALLY TRULY support his "hobby"? Not her "public face"....her REAL feelings. From my experience, it's a very rare mate that can give that much, ever.
2) Buying a home is a stressful ordeal and these days can be a real commitment...it's a true ball and chain to some people....you are in deep. And if it's married and new house...whew!
3) The day job. As an old duffer...these days, you gotta watch your back. There seems to be a whole lot less true respect going on in the workplace. Sometimes, you can't help but feel like you are surrounded by dishonesty...because it seems that everything and everybody is stretched to the breaking point. Remember, it is "capitalism" and the spot-on definition of same doesn't paint the best picture for relationships...private or public. A shame. BTW, this isn't limited to the job....this same pressure can and is exerted by wives on their husbands, too.

Perhaps all these things combined have created a situation where the drummer had to make a choice where to reduce the pressure...

Totally different from the drummer who decides the drumming grass is greener with another group (that happens ALL of the time after you play out and the drummer happens to be really good).

Best of luck to you.

fendsboy417 · #5 07-23-2007, 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jim Powers

Take advantage of the opportunity; call your friend.

Definetly, if you know someone who, as you said, is a good drummer, you should act on reaching him ASAP. Being that he's your friend will be an advantage but also a disadvantage, especially if he has his own family and seperate life.

Good Luck!

ibnzneksrul · #6 07-23-2007, 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jim Powers

Take advantage of the opportunity; call your friend.

Yes. So your previous drummer couldn't handle the obligations of family/home and a band. **** happens. Perhaps your friend can breathe new life into the band. Certainly can't hurt to ask.

mrokern · #7 07-24-2007, 12:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theshadow2001

What I'm saying is if this guy is your good friend be very sure you want to play with him in band. It can be good but it can cause a lot of trouble if someone wants to fire someone. Or other issues arise in the band. When bands come to an end you might loose more than a few gigs.

AMEN!

I'm in the midst of this with one of my two bands at the moment. I feel like crap because I'm the one who brought the drummer into the group, but his chops are only about 25% of what he thinks they are (and had led everyone around him to believe). Still, he's my friend, so I hate to be blunt, but I'm getting sick of having to drag him back on tempo.

-Mark

MysticMichael · #8 07-24-2007, 12:27 AM

Happens all the time. I'm to the point where, soon as I start seeing symptoms of a commitment problem such as you described, i.e. chronic lack of preparation, ceasing regular practice, etc., it almost doesn't matter to me what his reasons may be. I assume he's probably on his way out - regardless of any promises he may make...

Cynical? Perhaps. But I've seen this kind of thing so often. In this case, actions really do speak louder than words...

MM

MoD_Scotty · #9 07-24-2007, 12:34 AM

It really sounds to me that he didn't WANT to put in the effort. I'm not trying to make a character judgement or anything, I'm just saying that from your description, it sounds like his heart just wasn't in it anymore. I've worked with guys that have had a BILLION things going on in their life, but they still found time to work on the band. I'm the same way. When I was in the military, working night shifts, doing PT, going to all kinds of stupid military obligations, I still found time to balance my wife, my house, my cars (I'm always working on them), and the band.

It sucks that you are in the stage now where you feel like you're starting over from scratch....but I bet that friend of yours (or someone else) will be able to pick up the reigns in no time.

Matthew Bryson · #10 07-24-2007, 11:33 AM

Thanks for all of the comments - it really helps. I was pretty shocked and didn't really know what to think...

You guys made some good points - like this one here:

Quote:

Originally Posted by mark roberts

Totally different from the drummer who decides the drumming grass is greener with another group (that happens ALL of the time after you play out and the drummer happens to be really good).

This guy was just too busy and I feel bad for him that he feels he has to make this choice.

We'll find another drummer - we already have a very promising audition lined up.

lildrgn · #11 07-24-2007, 06:38 PM

to the OP.

Believe it or not, I know your drummer, having worked with him for several years. In actuality, I didn't know he played drums. How I made the connection was that I like to click the profile of local bassists and follow the band links. When I saw your link and saw your drummer, Greg, well, connection made.

Anyway, I can't believe there'd be anything sinister or underhanded about why he had to leave. All quirkiness aside, from what I remember, Greg was a very nice dude.

Anyway, good luck on your search. There are tons of drummers in Seattle. Hope you can find a good one.

Matthew Bryson · #12 07-25-2007, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lildrgn

to the OP.

Believe it or not, I know your drummer, having worked with him for several years...

lildrgn - Wow, small world. You are right, there is nothing the least bit sinister or underhanded about him leaving right now. He is the nicest dude in the world - amazingly nice. He just simply doesn't have time to do the band thing right now.

I hope I didn't give the impression that I was upset with him or disappointed in him personally - I'm not. The only "issue" we ever had was that he seemed like maybe he's been losing interest lately... and now we found out that is in fact the case, and that is OKAY.

I was just posting about the shock of the band losing a good drummer unexpectedly. NO I'll will toward the drummer, he's a very good friend to all of the band members, we'll miss seeing him every week. We'll have a farewell jam with him on Friday and we're looking forward to it.

By the way - Greg does play drums, I guess he's played since he was in high school, and on and off since. I know he's played regular for the last 3 or 4 years. When he gets in his groove he can be a monster player! We will miss him.