Has anyone here been faced with having to kick out a good friend from a band?

skaliwag66 · #1 10-03-2007, 05:03 AM

Title says it all. Please share.

Dave Muscato · #2 10-03-2007, 05:26 AM

Yes. A band is a business. That doesn't mean you can't still be friends. If your band's goals are different from your friend's goals, you should both be happy to be parting ways, in theory.

Why are you kicking out someone? That reason, alone, should be enough. I wouldn't worry too much about the friend part of it. Like I said, it doesn't mean you can't still be friends.

skaliwag66 · #3 10-03-2007, 05:54 AM

Just different and incompatible style of playing. To be honest he was a latecomer. Still feel horrible though.

GM60466 · #4 10-03-2007, 06:39 AM

More than once and it is never easy. You always think that you are parting as friends, but there is always a little bitterness left over.
g

QORC · #5 10-03-2007, 06:40 AM

1. is the reason legitimate? Or is it kind of weak?

2. Have you discussed whatever the issue is with him already? Given him a chance to respond or to change?

3. How are you "kicking him out"? Most band situations where I've seen it happen (or it happened to me), were done in cowardly ways. If you do it like an adult (eg, whole band together, not by phone, not by email), you have a chance of maintaining the friendship.

If you want to remain friends, you'll consider the above.

QORC · #6 10-03-2007, 06:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GM60466

More than once and it is never easy. You always think that you are parting as friends, but there is always a little bitterness left over.
g

if there is bitterness left over it's probably because the person didn't AGREE with your reasons for kicking him out.

Or see my message above - either he wasn't provided an opportunity to address the issues, or the way it was done left a bad taste in his mouth.

All legitimate. Friends are only "Friends" based on how they are treated. Fact of life.

Is a band a business? If you are in it full-time or trying to "make it big", yes. If it's a part-time, hobby situation, then it's less a business and yeah, you gotta give more consideration to your friends. Kicking people out is not nice. It feels like a betrayal, no matter how nicely you think you did it.

skaliwag66 · #7 10-03-2007, 06:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QORC

1. is the reason legitimate? Or is it kind of weak?

2. Have you discussed whatever the issue is with him already? Given him a chance to respond or to change?

3. How are you "kicking him out"? Most band situations where I've seen it happen (or it happened to me), were done in cowardly ways. If you do it like an adult (eg, whole band together, not by phone, not by email), you have a chance of maintaining the friendship.

If you want to remain friends, you'll consider the above.

\

I don't think we have any serious intent to make it or stuff like that. It's all about the music. We'd like to put out a record but mainly just amongst ourselves.

I feel the reasons are legit and everyone in the 'main group' agrees although we never talk to him about it.

Most likely we'll explain it to him diplomatically, I just don't wanna be the one doing the talking. It's not like we won't work with him on a few things or jam once in a while.

Thanks for the advice, I'll explain this to the rest of the band.

Dave Muscato · #8 10-03-2007, 07:22 AM

The way I see it, a band is a band, and a friendship/relationship etc are different. It's great when you can have a personal and a business relationship at the same time, but in many cases, that's not the best way to do it. Just tell him no hard feelings, I like being your friend, but we don't make music together very well. Succeeding as a musician is hard enough without having someone in your band who doesn't play well with you, musically. One of *the best* things my band did was change from a 6-piece to a 3-piece... stated another way, we kicked out the people who sucked. We are a lot tighter now and we sound a lot better. That was 4 years ago and we're still going strong

Good luck!

Edit: Hey, my 1000th post on Talkbass! I need to go practice

skaliwag66 · #9 10-03-2007, 07:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dave Muscato

The way I see it, a band is a band, and a friendship/relationship etc are different. It's great when you can have a personal and a business relationship at the same time, but in many cases, that's not the best way to do it. Just tell him no hard feelings, I like being your friend, but we don't make music together very well. Succeeding as a musician is hard enough without having someone in your band who doesn't play well with you, musically. One of *the best* things my band did was change from a 6-piece to a 3-piece... stated another way, we kicked out the people who sucked. We are a lot tighter now and we sound a lot better. That was 4 years ago and we're still going strong

Good luck!

He's a great musician, just the styles don't click.

Good advice, thanks.

p.s. 6 piece to 3 piece? What kind of music did you play?

Dave Muscato · #10 10-03-2007, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skaliwag66

He's a great musician, just the styles don't click.

Good advice, thanks.

p.s. 6 piece to 3 piece? What kind of music did you play?

Strangely enough, when we were a 6-piece we played alt-rock... now we are shifting more and more towards funk/heavy jam-rock... lol

Backwards, huh?

skaliwag66 · #11 10-03-2007, 08:08 AM

Yeah it must be heavy if it's a 3 piece.

infect · #12 10-03-2007, 08:16 AM

I had a to kick a friend out of my band. It sucked, but he was moving to DC (the band's based in Richmond, VA), and he wouldn't bow out. He was convinced he'd drive 2 hours each way for practice twice a week and 'might' be able to make it down for the occasional show. My ambitions are greater than that, so I had to give em the whole "lets be realistic" speech. It sucked, but we're still friends and I was careful not to burn any bridges. Band politics suck

skaliwag66 · #13 10-03-2007, 08:18 AM

That's good to hear you're still friends.

invader3k · #14 10-03-2007, 08:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by infect

I had a to kick a friend out of my band. It sucked, but he was moving to DC (the band's based in Richmond, VA), and he wouldn't bow out. He was convinced he'd drive 2 hours each way for practice twice a week and 'might' be able to make it down for the occasional show. My ambitions are greater than that, so I had to give em the whole "lets be realistic" speech. It sucked, but we're still friends and I was careful not to burn any bridges. Band politics suck

Slightly off the topic, but I'm always amused by people who think such long drives are no big deal when it comes to a band. I know better...but we've gotten responses from people three hours away, when we've been looking for a new drummer or whatever for our little cover band. I'd rather not waste their time, or mine, as it's hard enough getting people to practice consistently when they live more than 10 minutes away.

infect · #15 10-03-2007, 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by invader3k

I'd rather not waste their time, or mine, as it's hard enough getting people to practice consistently when they live more than 10 minutes away.

Yeah, my drummer lives a half hour away and it's hard enough on him doing practice twice a week

Dave Muscato · #16 10-03-2007, 08:54 AM

That's exactly what prompted the decision for the band to move in together. Now, we practice 5x/week

shannons · #17 10-03-2007, 09:01 AM

Yep, I've had to do this a couple of times now.

The first guy was given multiple chances to sober himself up. Finally, his drinking had gotten so out of control that it effected the band heavily in terms of performance and professionally. We still remained close friends & we stood by him during his struggle with alcohol, but we just couldn't continue on as bandmates.

The other guy clearly wasn't into what we were doing anymore. He just was staying in the band until something else came along. Making a long story short, he began putting ZERO effort into the band. When he's actually show up for rehearsal, he'd half-ass the entire session or wait for me to write his drum parts for him. Most of the time he spent arguing with his girlfriends (yes, plural) or talking on his cell phone. Let's not forget his incessant Vodka binging too. Finally, we replaced him & of course, we're the a**holes now....not him. This guy has a history of never taking any responsibilities for his actions and so of course, we're the bad guys. Whatever. Life has been very drama free since we parted ways.

A band is a business. It's important to make that distinction. I'm still close with over 90% of my former bandmates, but there will always be a few bad eggs. It's kind of like dating. You have to weed through some bad folks before you get to the good ones.

infect · #18 10-03-2007, 09:08 AM

Get this.. In two years or so, I've weeded through about 19 guitards

It's nice being the band leader though.. hehe..

Fenderjazz6823 · #19 10-03-2007, 09:21 AM

Try having it be your brother in law and he thinks he's awsome and should be in the band till the end when he dosent pratice does not set up gig''s shows up late for pratice and when there is a gig is a deer in the headlights
when the gig's are done he takes credit and says well were gonna do theses song's becouse my friends like them they dont know the songs you want to play aso were NOT gonna do them he's there just to say jhe is in a band
with his statement of I'm here in the band till it's done well it's done and were all looking for new bands to play with

band is a buissness

Gearhead17 · #20 10-03-2007, 09:53 AM

We had a member who did not practice songs, did not like many of the songs we picked and had no clue of how to set his $3,000 amp to do clean tones. We were playing Santeria by Sublime and he would have a Metallica type tone through most of the song. He would feedback constantly with his rig and even during quiet parts of our songs - he would drown out the singer. I HAD to mute his fretboard by putting my hand on it just to keep him quiet. Fortunately, he was a good guy and treated us all with respect. It took us a while as band to let him know we someone new, we had too much respect for him. We all met him one day at a restaurant and let him know how we felt. The funniest part was, he already guessed we were planning this. He took the situation better than we did. Last we talked to him, he was trying out for a metal band. He was not a good fit for our band, but at least there are no bad feelings between all of us. He even wants to see us perform!