Has this happened to you?

bevel19 · #1 08-28-2006, 06:45 AM

Last Friday night at my regular gig, the band had set up and decided to have a game of pool before the night's work began.I was asked by a drinker whether we would let him sing later on. I gave him the standard answer that we didn't let people sing because as soon as one has a go, EVERYONE wants a turn.I also pointed out that mics are full of spit and we dont like sharing it!He took it well and left me alone.

Ten minutes later a HUGE!!!! Maori asked me the same thing.I gave him the same answer,with the same degree of politeness but he didnt take it as a no.He kept asking and eventually started to threaten me with physical harm if he didn't get to sing for his 50th birthday.He called me every expletive known to man and continued to stare me out for about 15 minutes.

"You're lucky you're still able to stand" was one of his favourites****ing @#!t was the other one.Whilst I can handle myself ok, I wasn't prepared to take on a giant who wouldn't have felt a mack truck hit him.(Besides,I had a gig to play.)I waited until he lost interest in killing me and I had a quiet word in the bouncers ear .All credit to them for keeping an eye on him for about half an hour and then quietly removing him without any fuss.He didnt have any idea that I'd instigated it, as we were playing at the time.

Has anyone else put up with this crap too?
I played it calm and polite and got away with it.As my drummer said later "jees I won my last fight by 50 meters, you must have ice cubes for balls"

I'd be interested in other escape plans to try if it ever happens again.It's the first time in 25 years playing!

bevel19 · #2 08-28-2006, 06:53 AM

I realise that this isnt exactly a band management post but I did MANAGE to not get any of us harmed.Most of the gig stories posts are humourous and I didn't think it fitted in.

chaosMK · #3 08-28-2006, 12:34 PM

It's all in how you tell it.

buzzbass · #4 08-28-2006, 02:58 PM

I had that happen once too. 6-3 260+, your basic sasquatch. This went on through the entire 1st set. At the beginning of the 2nd set, I launched into the beginning of Sweet Emotion. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a huge basball mitt(his hand) grab my bass neck over the front stage railing. At the same time he's yelling, "I told you you I'm going to sing mother effer !!!!" I pulled my bas neck back and he lunged, yelling f*ck you !. I side stepped slightly and did my best David Beckham, beautiful side volley to the junk. The stage was the perfect height. I then stepped up to the mic and said, "No, F*ck You. Then I started the riff again while everyone cheered. Evidently I wasn't the only person he a screwing with that night. My drinks are still free to this day at that club.

vindy500 · #5 08-28-2006, 03:02 PM

maoris sing good, you would of been sweet

Jazzman23 · #6 08-28-2006, 04:37 PM

kicked him in the balls? kinda harsh - why not a kick to the face or neck?

Poop-Loops · #7 08-28-2006, 05:06 PM

Because at 6'3" I'd imagine it's a hard stretch, and not guaranteed to deck him, anyway.

steveksux · #8 08-28-2006, 07:00 PM

This is not exactly the same, but sort of related, an idiot heckling us over song selection, not to sing with the band. We were a top 40 band, and this guy wanted "rock and roll". He heckled us all night.

We were from out of town, playing in Quincy, Ill, playing in a bar, put up in a hotel over a strip bar down the street. Turns out the strip bar was actually she-males, strippers that look like women, even topless, with airbags and all, but still had the stick shift installed. If you get my drift.

We figured this out the first night we had a beer in the strip club after setting up the equipment at the bar. Found out they have a circuit they do, up through Chicago. So we were friendly. When we had a slow night and quit early, we'd stop in and have fun wondering if the guys slipping dollar bills into those G strings knew what was up. If they had a slow night and quit early, they'd come down to our bar and hear us play.

As luck would have it, the heckler was there on our last night. It was also a slow night at the strip bar. After 2-3 sets of yelling "Y'all don't know what rock and roll is" and "FREEEEEBIRD", I saw one of the strippers come in. Shiny sequinned low cut gown and everything.

Hmmmmmm......

So last break I went up to the heckler, apologized for not knowing any of the songs he wanted, bought him a beer and said, hey, that's just not our style. We could wing something, but could come out crappy, didn't want to risk pulling something out of a hat without practicing it. during the conversation, I pointed out the stunning blonde that had come in a minute ago. Stacked, great legs... suddenly... I said "HEY! I recognize HER!! She dances at the strip club down the street!!! Told the guy, I've seen her in here before... if you buy her a few drinks, she's yours for the night. If you don't hit that, I will.... Ooops... breaks over, gotta go back on stage....

As the guy bought her a few drinks, started necking in the back of the bar, nobody in the band could figure out why I was trying so hard not to laugh tears were flowing down my cheeks. Finally I lost it when I saw them leave the bar together.

So always remember:
Never get mad. Always get even.

There is no worse date disaster than when it turns out the girl you picked up in the bar has a bigger johnson than you do.

Randy

Poop-Loops · #9 08-28-2006, 08:18 PM

Even though that story is funny as hell, that is still dangerous. Transsexuals have been killed when the guy found out she was a he. It's an ultimate blow to a white trash man's manhood and he's likely to do stupid stuff.

Or maybe he made a new friend, I don't know.

steveksux · #10 08-28-2006, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Poop-Loops

Even though that story is funny as hell, that is still dangerous. Transsexuals have been killed when the guy found out she was a he. It's an ultimate blow to a white trash man's manhood and he's likely to do stupid stuff.

Or maybe he made a new friend, I don't know.

You are correct, actually... This was in my younger days, back when I had a little man inside me that made me do bad things.

Randy

brothertupelo · #11 08-29-2006, 03:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Poop-Loops

Even though that story is funny as hell, that is still dangerous. Transsexuals have been killed when the guy found out she was a he. It's an ultimate blow to a white trash man's manhood and he's likely to do stupid stuff.

Or maybe he made a new friend, I don't know.

i don't think there are a lot of people who would label me as white trash, but i'm pretty sure that would freak me out more than a little bit.

Tom Smith · #12 08-29-2006, 03:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Poop-Loops

Even though that story is funny as hell, that is still dangerous. Transsexuals have been killed when the guy found out she was a he. It's an ultimate blow to a white trash man's manhood and he's likely to do stupid stuff.

Or maybe he made a new friend, I don't know.

The only person I would want to kill, is the bass player in that damn band!

JimmyM · #13 08-29-2006, 06:59 AM

Boy, you guys are all uptight! Let the guy come up and sing a song. Who cares? It's not like you're onstage at MSG.

bevel19 · #14 08-30-2006, 04:26 AM

Nope! Not uptight just considerate of the other punters in the pub. How many of us have heard "singers" who cant "sing".Once some of these people get their chance it's a major effort to remove them from the mic.Try pulling a tree trunk out buy hand......this is what I was thinking about when I was asked by him to "sing".If he was a good singer I'll never know and considering his demeanour I'll never care!Let him go to the effort of rehearsing his own band and he can go for it.

Stanley Design · #15 08-30-2006, 05:11 AM

You could always have a "dummy" mic set up that's not actually plugged into the mixer, then just let the idiot sing his heart out unamplified to an audience.

matrok · #16 08-30-2006, 05:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JimmyM

Boy, you guys are all uptight! Let the guy come up and sing a song. Who cares? It's not like you're onstage at MSG.

I'll admit it, I have a reall obsession about this I DO NOT want anyone other than the band(or known professionals) on the stage. I was in a band where the singer liked to invite people up to dance on stage. After having my basses bumped, pedals stepped on, and people asking me if we play "anything good", I got some police crime scene tape and ran it from my mic stand to the drum kit.

As bevel19 said, it's also hard to remove "singers" from the stage and you set yourself up for EVERYONE to want their turn.

I recently turned down auditioning for a band when the singer told me he likes to invite people up on stage. I may be a jerk, but I won't play in that situation.

Diggler · #17 08-30-2006, 06:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JimmyM

Boy, you guys are all uptight! Let the guy come up and sing a song. Who cares? It's not like you're onstage at MSG.

Do you play bars regularly? I can't imagine anyone who does thinking that this is a good policy.

Once you start, how do you say no from then on? Then when you get the reputation of "that band that will let you sing..." and it ends up like karaoke night every night you play.

No thanks.

On top of that, we have a lot of expensive instruments and processors laying around on stage, don't need having drunks up there. Someone steps on the 1/4" phono coming out of the pedal, sound stops.

You're getting paid to play... not them. The only time that we allow anyone else's voices to go through the PA is if our keyboard player takes his wireless mic out and maintains IMMEDIATE control of it... i.e. he always holds it... while allowing a few good looking chickysnacks to sing along with us during a well-known chorus, and even that is rare.

matrok · #18 08-30-2006, 06:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diggler

Once you start, how do you say no from then on? Then when you get the reputation of "that band that will let you sing..." and it ends up like karaoke night every night you play.

No thanks.

There was a bar here in the Detroit area that was having "Karaoke with a live band". Not sure if that's still going on. We were asked about doing it, but thankfully our singer declined.

buzzbass · #19 08-30-2006, 06:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jazzman23

kicked him in the balls? kinda harsh - why not a kick to the face or neck?

I was going for the chest, but his height combined with the height of the stage made for a slight mis-calculation.

**cheezewiz** · #20 08-30-2006, 08:07 AM

We have a long standing rule. NO ONE sits in, unless they are a good friend we are already familiar with, and WE invite them.
It makes things easy when people ask..."Sorry, I'm sure you're a great player, but we have a no sit in rule." I've also talked to plenty of bar owners/managers that have a problem with sit ins. They hired the band because they and the audience like the band. They did not pay to see an open kareoke contest.