Heckling the Hecklers

DaftCat · #1 08-24-2006, 09:49 AM

Hey,

Why not start a thread about how to deal with hecklers? I was going to post this in the humor section but it is part of band management and performance. Please post things you say and ways you deal with hecklers.

For example:

Someone in the crowd is being a a$$hat.

Guitar player: "Hey Daft do you have a camera?"
"Not on me, why?"
"We have a talking a$$hole in the audience, I gotta get me a picture of that."

You get the idea... let them roll!

DC

TreeChild · #2 08-24-2006, 09:53 AM

at a gig in dallas once there was some drunk screaming really loundly after every one of our songs. sometimes he actually just screamed words but it was mostly just noises. so i just screamed back at him really loud. that shut him up.

Stingrayz · #3 08-24-2006, 09:55 AM

Meh im too good to get heckled :P

fr0me0 · #4 08-24-2006, 10:36 AM

I've never had to use it and I didn't come up with it but the best one has to be

"I don't go down to your job and tell you how to make fries do I?

coop · #5 08-24-2006, 10:38 AM

hmmm.... last time we had a thread like this it got deleted.

But here a couple of standards: "Hey I don't come and shake the (Slurpee machine/Brass pole/fry machine/ etc...) while you're working" or " If I wanted to hear from an A**hole, I would have farted"

listen to some comedian's routines there a bunch of 'em out there.

bassicinstinct · #6 08-24-2006, 10:44 AM

1. Yeah, I remember when I had my first beer too.
2. If everything you had was as big as your mouth, you wouldn't have to flip burgers for a living.
3. Did you miss your last medication?

Etc etc.

BassChuck · #7 08-24-2006, 10:59 AM

You know.... electroshock treatment only sounds scary.

Salicete · #8 08-24-2006, 11:02 AM

It's an old one, but one of my favorites-

In response to a drunk, a kid, in fact any audience member being a jerk.

"Ya, I remember my first beer too."

bassicinstinct · #9 08-24-2006, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Salicete

It's an old one, but one of my favorites-

In response to a drunk, a kid, in fact any audience member being a jerk.

"Ya, I remember my first beer too."

See Post #6.

Wil Davis · #10 08-24-2006, 02:16 PM

By answering them, you will be bringing yourself down to their level, but by ignoring them, you will not only piss them off royally, but you will maintain the higher ground; difficult to do but very effective; people (especially children) hate to be ignored…

Doctor: "Well, Mr. Smith, what seems to be the problem?"
Mr. Smith: "Doctor, Doctor why is everyone ignoring me?"
Doctor: "Next…"

- Wil

steve21 · #11 08-25-2006, 01:36 AM

Mine isn't SFTB.

SmittyG · #12 08-26-2006, 05:09 AM

About my second or third gig, this one guy in the audience just was being a royal pain and, just after a few songs, enough was enough. Our guitarist stopped everything and said into the mic, "Folks we have a little situation here. We have a gentleman in dire need of being the center of attention. I am not one to leave someone suffering so I want everybody to join me in paying attention to this guy. Please, put your drinks down, turn away from your dates and buddies, let's all do nothing but pay attention to this guy so that he can get through this crisis." It went on like this for about two minutes and the guy just turned and walked out of the place--at which point we got our first standing ovation ever.

Edwcdc · #13 08-26-2006, 07:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SmittyG

About my second or third gig, this one guy in the audience just was being a royal pain and, just after a few songs, enough was enough. Our guitarist stopped everything and said into the mic, "Folks we have a little situation here. We have a gentleman in dire need of being the center of attention. I am not one to leave someone suffering so I want everybody to join me in paying attention to this guy. Please, put your drinks down, turn away from your dates and buddies, let's all do nothing but pay attention to this guy so that he can get through this crisis." It went on like this for about two minutes and the guy just turned and walked out of the place--at which point we got our first standing ovation ever.

That's cool! I might have to use that sometime.

I mostly just say STFU to anyone being an A-Hat. I'm pretty straight forward when it comes to these things.

DaftCat · #14 08-26-2006, 12:45 PM

SmittyG,

Thanks!

Salicete · #15 08-26-2006, 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bassicinstinct

See Post #6.

Oops, missed that one, well, at least we agree.

Fuzzbass · #16 08-26-2006, 02:37 PM

Caveat re-heckler.

I once heckled a heckler. Unfortunately it was in a biker-ish bar and the biker-ish heckler came up and threw his drink in my face. The bum was immediately rushed out, but getting Jack'n'Coke in the eyes wasn't worth it.

So, that was one of my first gigs, and I'd know better now. Still: be careful out there.

Ok, on with the funny retorts!

**cheezewiz** · #17 08-26-2006, 02:44 PM

"Dammit, I told your mom this morning not to let you out of the house tonight"

Tim Cole · #18 08-26-2006, 03:05 PM

Well, there was a certain time my less than smooth singer replied to one with...."What's that? Hey I ****** your mom last night. Yeah, come on up....I'll kick ya in the nuts"

Of course, with a packed house. Everyone lauged....but him.

He left.

bassicinstinct · #19 08-27-2006, 04:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Salicete

Oops, missed that one, well, at least we agree.

Indeed.

interp · #20 08-27-2006, 04:32 AM

The best example of "heckling the heckler" in my experience was one night when we were playing a packed club where a heckler had been hassling our female singer all evening. Finally, she got tired of it, drew everyone's attention to the guy, and said (I quote):
"Hey buddy, why don't you just let me do my job here? I don't come down to the docks when you're workin' and knock the sailors' d**ks out of your mouth, do I?"

The room erupted. I've never seen a person turn redder faster or disappear more quickly.