How do you deal with the "difficult" band member?

[Mr. Kitty]

Yeah, how do you deal with the argumentive, close-minded, just overall difficult band mate. He's our singer/rythem guitarist so kicking him out would not probably be the best option.

He seems to have this idea in his head taht this is his band and he is the only songwriter and musician in the band. Anything not in his "vision" is not accepted. And he argues about like everything.

How do I deal with this guy? he's driving our band apart.

[not_jason]

Originally Posted by Mr. Kitty

Yeah, how do you deal with the argumentive, close-minded, just overall difficult band mate. He's our singer/rythem guitarist so kicking him out would not probably be the best option.

He seems to have this idea in his head taht this is his band and he is the only songwriter and musician in the band. Anything not in his "vision" is not accepted. And he argues about like everything.

How do I deal with this guy? he's driving our band apart.

quit

[nad]

Fire/kill him/yourself.

[professor_bills]

You could try talking to him and explaining your frustrations... and if that doesn't work piss on his amp

[BlackLake]

nickname him "Little Hitler"

[tool]

Play louder than him.

[BryanM]

Originally Posted by professor_bills

You could try talking to him and explaining your frustrations... and if that doesn't work piss on his amp

Be sure to unplug it first.

[bchamorro]

I don't deal with them. Consider looking for a new member.

[Croox]

thats my drummer, It doesn't affect me at all my guitard gets all pissy over it. then again they are married.....

[MysticMichael]

Originally Posted by Mr. Kitty

Yeah, how do you deal with the argumentive, close-minded, just overall difficult band mate. He's our singer/rythem guitarist so kicking him out would not probably be the best option.

He seems to have this idea in his head taht this is his band and he is the only songwriter and musician in the band. Anything not in his "vision" is not accepted. And he argues about like everything.

How do I deal with this guy? he's driving our band apart.

Every dispute has at least two sides. Sometimes more. Perhaps this one looks very different from his perspective...

I've been in bands that lacked focus and inspiration - bands in which nobody wanted to exercise any discipline toward realizing a cohesive, compelling musical vision. It was like herding cats. Yet some of those guys would likely have some of these same criticisms of me.

I'm just sayin'...

MM

[Slax]

Originally Posted by BlackLake

nickname him "Little Hitler"

OMG! We did that in one of my old bands b/c of how our lead singer was acting. (It stuck too for a year... )

[Depth_Charge]

Originally Posted by Mr. Kitty

Yeah, how do you deal with the argumentive, close-minded, just overall difficult band mate. He's our singer/rythem guitarist so kicking him out would not probably be the best option.

Every band member can be replaced, thats the nature of bands. If it's "his" band and you can't reach a compromise then other members still have the choice of "regrouping" without the problem personality.

Try not to argue back. Arguments are like fire. They need fuel to keep burning.

Originally Posted by Mr. Kitty

He seems to have this idea in his head taht this is his band and he is the only songwriter and musician in the band. Anything not in his "vision" is not accepted. And he argues about like everything.

Have a meeting to establish whose band it is and what the "vision" and goals of the band are. Maybe some members forgot? Try addressing what each member brings to the band musically, song writing wise and personality wise. Don't attack personalities as people will just get defensive...so rather than say "You always argue, force your ideas onto us and never listen", try "when you argue I feel like I am not being listening to and my ideas are not being respected". This forces people to address their behaviour without having to justify it.

If any band members' behaviour is contrary to these goals, try discussing it openly and respectfully, again avoiding putting people on the defensive.

Originally Posted by Mr. Kitty

How do I deal with this guy? he's driving our band apart.

Deal with him how you would like to be dealt with. Try to glean some insight into why he is behaving this way. If it really is just his personality and he can't or won't reach a compromise the band as a whole is happy with, consider moving on or moving him along.

[doktorfeelgood]

If you like everybody else in the band, and you all play well and get along without the guy who's the problem, fire him.
Otherwise if you feel it won't work either way, just quit.
Music is supposed to be fun, right? Life is too short to be in bands where you have to put up with too much crap. )-(

[OtterOnBass]

Be patient, don't take things personally. Realize what you want for the band, then have a meeting to discuss what the rest of the band wants. Follow the common vision and understand that you will have to shed the things that you wanted to enjoy the vision the band shares.

[RedGrange]

Read the book

Thick Face, Black Heart by Chin-Ning Chu

It is great advice for dealing with any sticky situations

[reverb508]

Originally Posted by Mr. Kitty

Yeah, how do you deal with the argumentive, close-minded, just overall difficult band mate. He's our singer/rythem guitarist so kicking him out would not probably be the best option.

He seems to have this idea in his head taht this is his band and he is the only songwriter and musician in the band. Anything not in his "vision" is not accepted. And he argues about like everything.

How do I deal with this guy? he's driving our band apart.

By any chance are you in my band? I'm working my way through that same situation.

My advice is to talk to the rest of the band members and set up an intervention. Sit him down and give him a grievance list. If he can't take the criticism and is unwilling to bend, then give him the boot.

Believe me, finding another singer is a lot less stressful than putting up with an controlling ego-maniac.

Hope everything turns out alright

[Questor]

Originally Posted by MysticMichael

I've been in bands that lacked focus and inspiration - bands in which nobody wanted to exercise any discipline toward realizing a cohesive, compelling musical vision. It was like herding cats. Yet some of those guys would likely have some of these same criticisms of me.

That's my current band. I left them some time ago and was asked to rejoin 3 months ago. I accepted because I enjoy them as people and missed playing in a band.

Yet they are exactly like you say: no one does their homework, and the bassist - who is the oldest - insists on picking the songs that are enjoyable to jam to instead of considering the bigger picture of choosing songs that people would listen to in a bar. (I'm the keyboardist in this particular band.)

I'm constantly being critical of both of these points, so I'm sure I'm the "Little Hitler" described. Yet I don't think my criticisms are unfounded. And quite often, my comments about song choices bear themselves out when we actually play them in a gig.

It's sad when the only crowd we can get to come watch us play is our significant others and friends that we email 2 weeks in advance. No one else in the band seems to think there's a problem, or isn't willing to do anything about it at least.

Argh!

[QORC]

Originally Posted by Mr. Kitty

Yeah, how do you deal with the argumentive, close-minded, just overall difficult band mate. He's our singer/rythem guitarist so kicking him out would not probably be the best option.

He seems to have this idea in his head taht this is his band and he is the only songwriter and musician in the band. Anything not in his "vision" is not accepted. And he argues about like everything.

How do I deal with this guy? he's driving our band apart.

@ss-hats never change. Either tolerate him, get him fired, or quit.

That's about it.

[guitfiddle0409]

Send him web links for the American Fascist Party and maybe a brief dissertation on narcissism. Then maybe he'll get the message.

[Jim Carr]

After conferring with the other band members, talk to him in private. Tell him what is wrong from the band's perspective and what you want. You may need to do this more than once. If becomes clear this is not working, give him a choice of changing his behavior or being fired.