How to get someone more motivated about being in your band?

pushbuttonfour · #1 12-20-2012, 11:13 PM

Hi, I'm new here... anyway, I have been trying to start a band for 3 years, but we can't find a stupid drummer. We finally got someone good, but he seems a little apathetic, making excuses as to why he can't come to practices, etc. How can I help get him pumped about being in a band? Btw we are Juniors in HS and the drummer has never been in a band before.

oniman7 · #2 12-20-2012, 11:22 PM

I'm going to go out on a limb and say you can't. People either want to do or they don't.

Kenzy · #3 12-20-2012, 11:24 PM

My band's singer is like that, but probably worse. He's a great singer but he always seems to "forget" practice and just happens to miss our calls. But no one wants to fire him for it. I guess it's because he is such a good vocalist. To be fair, he became a bit more reliable since we started getting bigger locally, and I think he may now be taking it more seriously.

Perhaps that's the issue? Once the stone gets rolling, maybe he'll become more enthusiastic about it all.

DiabolusInMusic · #4 12-20-2012, 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oniman7

I'm going to go out on a limb and say you can't. People either want to do or they don't.

+1.

You are only going to get frustrated and ruin whatever kind of relationship you might have by pushing your agenda on the guy.

pushbuttonfour · #5 12-20-2012, 11:35 PM

THanks for the help, and I was afraid they'd be unable to be convinced. I think he might just have a lotta **** going on, with his divorced parents and brothers doing drugs. I'd hate to lose him tho, cuz we need a good drummer like him and we relate in a lotta ways (he's marginally friends with all of us, he likes drawing like I do, etc).

I've been thinking of giving him a tak, saying "if u wanna be in the band, then be enthusiastic and serious, but no one is forcing you. So if you don't like this, then u can quit." or something to that effect. Just to make sure we're on the same page. Seem like a good idea?

Kenzy · #6 12-20-2012, 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pushbuttonfour

THanks for the help, and I was afraid they'd be unable to be convinced. I think he might just have a lotta **** going on, with his divorced parents and brothers doing drugs. I'd hate to lose him tho, cuz we need a good drummer like him and we relate in a lotta ways (he's marginally friends with all of us, he likes drawing like I do, etc).

I've been thinking of giving him a tak, saying "if u wanna be in the band, then be enthusiastic and serious, but no one is forcing you. So if you don't like this, then u can quit." or something to that effect. Just to make sure we're on the same page. Seem like a good idea?

"So if you don't like this, then you can quit."

Nope. Bad idea. Not good at all. I've found that ultimatums just don't work. I don't think you should tell him to be enthusiastic about the band. He should do that on his own. Do you guys not practice at his place?

MrChrizmo · #7 12-20-2012, 11:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oniman7

I'm going to go out on a limb and say you can't. People either want to do or they don't.

I have to +1 this too.

The best thing, in my opinion, is to discuss this right now, before everyone gets fed up and negative emotions destroy the possibility of a neutral-objective discussion.

Simply put, if you want something else out of this band than he does, it can't work.

Regards,
Chris

pushbuttonfour · #8 12-20-2012, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kenzy

"So if you don't like this, then you can quit."

Nope. Bad idea. Not good at all. I've found that ultimatums just don't work. I don't think you should tell him to be enthusiastic about the band. He should do that on his own. Do you guys not practice at his place?

No, cuz he lives in two different houses so it's kinda hard. We practice at my place.

Kenzy · #9 12-20-2012, 11:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pushbuttonfour

No, cuz he lives in two different houses so it's kinda hard. We practice at my place.

Well, I'd hate to haul drums every time I wanted to practice with my band...

Oh, and if it wasn't clear, I agree that you can't change him. I just also suggested that he may become more enthusiastic as the band grows.

MrChrizmo · #10 12-20-2012, 11:51 PM

I second the Ultimatum being a bad idea, I bet the guy has stress enough as it is and now his sparetime-activitiy, his band is giving him an ultimatum, he'll quit for sure I think (hell, I would quit in such a situation)

What we did with our last guitarist, who sadly was very good and a good fit to our band, but just didn't have enough time for a band, was telling him our position, what we want out of the band, and then asking him if he sees it the same way,

telling him what we want to do, where we want the band to go, how much time we want to put into it etc. - he then said himself he really wants to but can't because he just doesn't have the time

so we all said, man this sucks but can't be helped and we split with no bad feelings at all, he still comes around for a jam here and then

Regards,
Chris

pushbuttonfour · #11 12-20-2012, 11:52 PM

seems likely. And we usually have our 2nd guitarist drive his drums over, and it only takes about 8 min for setup. But I agree, we should see if we can practice at his house.

Kenzy · #12 12-20-2012, 11:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrChrizmo

I second the Ultimatum being a bad idea, I bet the guy has stress enough as it is and now his sparetime-activitiy, his band is giving him an ultimatum, he'll quit for sure I think (hell, I would quit in such a situation)

What we did with our last guitarist, who sadly was very good and a good fit to our band, but just didn't have enough time for a band, was telling him our position, what we want out of the band, and then asking him if he sees it the same way,

I'm conflicted about even telling him your position... I mean, it sounds like a good idea, but it also opens a great opportunity for him to quit because he doesn't feel like he belongs, or something to that extent. So I don't know...

Quote:

Originally Posted by pushbuttonfour

But I agree, we should see if we can practice at his house.

That would definitely make it easier on him, which might help him be a bit more excited to jam with you guys.

MrChrizmo · #13 12-21-2012, 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kenzy

I'm conflicted about even telling him your position... I mean, it sounds like a good idea, but it also opens a great opportunity for him to quit because he doesn't feel like belongs, or something to that extent. So I don't know...

that's true, but it's the best we or I could manage in a touchy situation like this
you have to talk about it in my opinion, otherwise it just boils up and explodes over time

pushbuttonfour · #14 12-21-2012, 12:40 AM

I think we'll just casually ask him if he's committed, but not say "get in or get out." After all, he does seem like he still cares at least somewhat.

Kenzy · #15 12-21-2012, 12:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pushbuttonfour

I think we'll just casually ask him if he's committed, but not say "get in or get out." After all, he does seem like he still cares at least somewhat.

That's probably the best course of action. Good luck with it, mate. Tell us how it all turns out.

pushbuttonfour · #16 12-21-2012, 12:44 AM

Thanks! I'm hoping to record our first few tracks this weekend, so we'll see how it goes.

Kenzy · #17 12-21-2012, 12:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pushbuttonfour

Thanks! I'm hoping to record our first few tracks this weekend, so we'll see how it goes.

Sounds good, man. At someone's home-studio, I assume?

pushbuttonfour · #18 12-21-2012, 12:50 AM

actuall

pushbuttonfour · #19 12-21-2012, 12:51 AM

yeah, we are just using my Shure sm57 and Blue Yeti to record all the instruments and vocals. We are most comparable to a mix between blink-182 and fall out boy, btw

Kenzy · #20 12-21-2012, 12:54 AM

Alright, sweet. I wouldn't mind hearin the recordings once they're done. And where are you guys situated?