How should i quit my band?

BrandonBass · #1 10-31-2006, 10:14 AM

here's the situation, i decided to jam with these guys through an ad on the net, they were looking for a bassist. that was like 4months ago

its made up of the (rhythm guitarist)founder, drummer co-founder, and me, and a lead and a singer who are the new guys

at first i told the rhythm guitarist(songwriter, founder) that lets jam but im nt sure if i wanna make it permanent thing. but he was happy with me in the band and we jammed several times and he assumed that im in it. maybe its my fault i didnt make it clear to him that this is not a permanent thing...

they are friendly people and its quite fun jamming with them on a musical level. but the problem is, while they are friendly and stuff im not with them at the 'homie' level yet...and theyre not that cool to hang out with in general, they dont party and do crazy stuff etc.

and also other factors are that we havent gigged once since i joined the band. i wan gigging oppurtunities but just last week the leader(rhythm guy) turned down a gig because he said our drumemr think 'we're not ready yet', man i was dissapointed because i think he lied to me. he told me that it was the drummer who declined the gig but when i talked to the drummer he said he agreed to play but the leader didnt want to.

and when we're jamming its only me and the lead whose 'rocking out' i would prefer a band with more stage presence etc. the lead guitars and drums are fine and i find it fun to jam with them. but the singer, while hes not a bad singer(not ace tho) he severely lacks stage presence and everytime he come to rehearsal he would hav these lyrics sheet because he didnt remember the lyrics. And also, the rhythm guitarist always has a bad tone cause he didnt have his own pedals and he would borrow it from others. And during certain songs where only 1 guitar is required he would go into heavy bassy distortion mode and bury and bass and make some ugly noise.... i remember once when it was just me and the lead guitarist jamming out it sounded much better...

as for the songs, the leader and drummer wanted to do old school rock, grunge type of songs...i was into those kinda songs when i first started out. but my influenced have changed greatly over these past months and now im into punk stuff like rancid, anti flag, pop punk and alternative stuff which they dont really have any interest in. I remember when i asked the leader if we can play some muse and he was like...

him: muse? theyre emo man
me: ermmm no? theyre not. which songs hav you listened to?
him: he proceeds to sing 'unintended'
me: ohh thats quite a sentimental song, hav u heard their heavier stuff like 'hysteria'?
him: nope, thats the only song ive heard

so anyways ive decide that our next jam will probably be our last, but i have no idea how to break it to them. anyways, its not easy cause while i think they arent the right band for me. i learned quite alot from them, i remember when i first started out and sucked pretty bad but we still jammed...so yea

should i just tell them on the spot? because the leader is like those people who would keep begging me to stay and keep asking me 'why man? why are you not happy in the band? we can solve things out?' and im afraid i will cave him to his persuasions and end up not happy, im not exactly the kind of people whos good at turning people down...

there was this occasion when the leader asked me to this 'party' in his house and i was really not keen on it. but he called me on the phone and kept begging me to go down cause he dont hav many friends going down....and i reluctantly went and i wasnt too happy....

other options include telling him over the internet? or go home and tell him on the phone? hope its not too long, thanks for reading and yea keep the suggestions coming

morf · #2 10-31-2006, 10:22 AM

Be an adult, make up your mind, act according to those decisions with no regrets. If you want out, politely tell them you're not happy with their levels and the fact that you're not gigging and thats why you're going to find a new band.

bassbully43 · #3 10-31-2006, 10:34 AM

Yep ..tell em like it is. You put yourself in this band and the way it has turned out has not been what you wanted...i know i just went thru the same thing but worse. I expressed my feelings to my old band but from what you said you did not...sorry but that is your fault. IMO it is better to be honest...if you dont like the music say so..if you dont like the playing or practices say so...if you dont like the band say so and leave. I would rather have someone leave then let things go on and then down the road say well...it was this or that for why i quit ..you should of told you a long time ago. My old band was warned of my problems with them so when i finally tired of it and found a new band i left...they couldnt be surprised and were not....upset yes but they knew why.

VanillaO · #4 10-31-2006, 10:40 AM

Jump off a car and drop kick him in the mouth, but on the bottom of your steel-enforced boot you have to write in white-out 'I QUIT THE BAND'.. and if that doesn't clear things up I suggest moping.

invader3k · #5 10-31-2006, 10:49 AM

You could be like almost every other musician who's quit our band...just stop coming to practice, and don't return any phone calls.

But seriously...if you don't want to burn any bridges or lose respect, be up front. Tell them "Hey, guys, sorry but I need to find a new band...this just isn't my thing." Chances are, they'll understand. If they don't, then they're not the kind of people you need to be playing with anyway.

#6 10-31-2006, 10:52 AM

In all cases such as this, I suggest googling "co-dependancy".

BrandonBass · #7 10-31-2006, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tired_Thumb

In all cases such as this, I suggest googling "co-dependancy".

just googled it man, but ermmm the symthons dont fit the description of me....

anyhows i guess ill just tell em on the spot

jonpeck · #8 10-31-2006, 11:29 AM

Thank god you told the drummer muse are not emo thankyou
oh but he did know unintended which is odd
As for hysteria its got great drums,guitar oh and bass

not much help for the situation but meh

badstonebass · #9 10-31-2006, 11:34 AM

Tell them you are quitting in 30 days. Even if you are not gigging, they cannot black ball you as "unreliable". My personal opinion is that I never leave anyone hanging or burn any bridges. By giving them notice the ball is in their court. They may say F-OFF! We don't need 30 days, however it is now THEM that take the burden of being without a bassist.

**john turner** · #10 10-31-2006, 11:49 AM

well, if you were a guitarist, you could piss and moan about conditions in the band that you didn't like secretly with the other guitarist in the band for a few years, without making any effort to make your complaints known or to do anything about improving them, until you have your new gig lined up. then you and the other guitarist could decide to quit on the same day, with no warning, steal property and intellectual property of the remaining band members, and then do the best you can to assasinate the character of the guys you screwed over to everyone who knew you both.

if you were a guitarist.

invader3k · #11 10-31-2006, 12:25 PM

Just sort of had that happen...our drummer decided to quit, and got the vocalist to come with him. Suddenly, they told our guitarist all these grievances that he and I never knew about. It's amazing how some people can't take the time to say "Hey, this is bothering me right now..." or "Can we try doing this differently?"

superjesus · #12 10-31-2006, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badstonebass

Tell them you are quitting in 30 days. Even if you are not gigging, they cannot black ball you as "unreliable". My personal opinion is that I never leave anyone hanging or burn any bridges. By giving them notice the ball is in their court. They may say F-OFF! We don't need 30 days, however it is now THEM that take the burden of being without a bassist.

+1