How you know when its the wrong band for you.

[62Start]

OK - here's a start... What's your turn offs?

1. The first question is - Do you have a Van, SUV, pickup or SUV to haul gear?

2. Do you have extra equipment for other band members?

3. Do you have a place for the band to practice?

4. Do you have a PA system?

5. Do you know a (insert one or more - drummer, keyboard player, lead, girl singer, etc.)?

6. "Carl" is my brother, he can't play anything and can't sing, but he can keep a beat with some simple percussion things like the tamborine; he gets a full share - is that OK by you?

7. "Bozo" "Bimbo" and "Bluto" are kind of our "mascots", they don't play or sing, they just like to hang with us and party. they're cool - OK?

8. We like need some stuff, can you put any money in up front to help?

9. Right now we don't have any prospects for any gigs, but that's OK as we don't have enough songs yet either. We figure that if we practice 3 times a week we can be ready in a few months. OK?

10. To be honest, while we try to practice a couple of times a week, but most weeks someone can't make it so nothing happens. OK?

11. M-F we play two fifty minute sets for the afternoon "tea" dance at 2:00 PM and then then five 50 minute sets starting at 8:00 PM. Saturdays we usually have another club date with 6 sets starting at 7:00 PM. We usually make $200 each for the week. OK?

12. Susan, my wife, is our manager. She usually keeps the books and the booking calendar and gets a full share. She has to bring the kids with her. OK?

13. Joe, our keyboard player, (pick one - isn't 18, hates cigarette smoke, belongs to such-and such church, mother won't let him, etc.) and so we don't play clubs where there is liquor or smoking allowed. OK?

14. We all play pink and green Guild instrments and usually wear Nazi SS uniforms - OK?

15. Mod edit:That doesn't fly here.

[Dave Muscato]

I'd take out #15 before a mod sees that...

Otherwise, funny list!

[bazzanderson]

Originally Posted by 62Start

OK - here's a start... What's your turn offs?

1. The first question is - Do you have a Van, SUV, pickup or SUV to haul gear?

2. Do you have extra equipment for other band members?

3. Do you have a place for the band to practice?

4. Do you have a PA system?

5. Do you know a (insert one or more - drummer, keyboard player, lead, girl singer, etc.)?

6. "Carl" is my brother, he can't play anything and can't sing, but he can keep a beat with some simple percussion things like the tamborine; he gets a full share - is that OK by you?

7. "Bozo" "Bimbo" and "Bluto" are kind of our "mascots", they don't play or sing, they just like to hang with us and party. they're cool - OK?

8. We like need some stuff, can you put any money in up front to help?

9. Right now we don't have any prospects for any gigs, but that's OK as we don't have enough songs yet either. We figure that if we practice 3 times a week we can be ready in a few months. OK?

10. To be honest, while we try to practice a couple of times a week, but most weeks someone can't make it so nothing happens. OK?

11. M-F we play two fifty minute sets for the afternoon "tea" dance at 2:00 PM and then then five 50 minute sets starting at 8:00 PM. Saturdays we usually have another club date with 6 sets starting at 7:00 PM. We usually make $200 each for the week. OK?

12. Susan, my wife, is our manager. She usually keeps the books and the booking calendar and gets a full share. She has to bring the kids with her. OK?

13. Joe, our keyboard player, (pick one - isn't 18, hates cigarette smoke, belongs to such-and such church, mother won't let him, etc.) and so we don't play clubs where there is liquor or smoking allowed. OK?

14. We all play pink and green Guild instrments and usually wear Nazi SS uniforms - OK?

15 ...<Mod edit:That doesn't fly here.>

I'm so laughing from number 15!

[Mo'Phat]

I've got to know what #15 was.

[SpamBot]

Can I have a hint as to #15's subject matter?

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by SpamBot

Can I have a hint as to #15's subject matter?

R. Kelly

[chaosMK]

When you are the guy in the red shirt:

[bazzanderson]

Originally Posted by chaosMK

When you are the guy in the red shirt:

awesome!

[Stumbo]

^^I guess red's not their color?

[Rattman]

Excellent take on a band DISASTER in the making... If I were to hear any of the above '15' I'd probably start looking for nearest exit to the room, or if on the phone the first excuse to hang up!!

[DesertCreature]

On the flip side -

I was getting used to my new bass, so first time with it at rehearsal, I asked if the bass was too loud. The band leader said "The bass can never be too loud."

I knew I was in the right band!

[JimmyM]

16. Unpaid rehearsals for 4 months before you play a gig.

[PBass101]

Originally Posted by JimmyM

16. Unpaid rehearsals for 4 months before you play a gig.

But the bandleader said he wanted to make sure everything was just right before we hit the stage!

[JimmyM]

Originally Posted by PBass101

But the bandleader said he wanted to make sure everything was just right before we hit the stage!

LOL! You need to tell him about the Inverse Rehearsal Rule:

A band's amount of gigs is inversely proportional to how much it rehearses.

Then you need to run far far away, lest you get sucked up into the Rehearsals Forver vortex!!!

[DanGouge]

My turn-off, ill-defined musical goals. I mean when someone says that their band will be a mix of emo/hip-hop/grindcore/house/folk/latin you know that they will come up with a heap of mush. I mean I like a wide variety of musical genres but I'd be reticent about throwing them all into one band.

[JimmyM]

Originally Posted by DanGouge

My turn-off, ill-defined musical goals. I mean when someone says that their band will be a mix of emo/hip-hop/grindcore/house/folk/latin you know that they will come up with a heap of mush. I mean I like a wide variety of musical genres but I'd be reticent about throwing them all into one band.

I wouldn't. That's how new forms of music are made.

[steveksux]

Originally Posted by JimmyM

LOL! You need to tell him about the Inverse Rehearsal Rule:

A band's amount of gigs is inversely proportional to how much it rehearses.

Then you need to run far far away, lest you get sucked up into the Rehearsals Forver vortex!!!

+1000

My rule of thumb is if you think you need more than 4-6 weeks to work up enough songs to gig with, you'll never get out of the basement. And that's assuming you have NO songs in common that everyone already knows, starting completely from scratch.

Come to think of it, that's the other warning sign of a band that'll never gig.... You get a bunch of guys together that have played out before, there's going to be more than a few songs everyone's already played before.

Randy

[JimmyM]

4-6 weeks is also out of the question for me. I'd rather not rehearse at all. Maybe I'll go to one rehearsal for free, but after that, forget it. I've done gigs with bands where maybe two people in the band know each other and the rest just met, and always have been able to put together a night's worth of tunes in whatever genres we're booked to play.

But I do understand that if you're doing originals or you don't know many songs, your need for rehearsal is greater. I'm not against them, but there's a "Come on, let's get on with it point" where it just gets ridiculous.

[steveksux]

Originally Posted by JimmyM

4-6 weeks is also out of the question for me. I'd rather not rehearse at all. Maybe I'll go to one rehearsal for free, but after that, forget it. I've done gigs with bands where maybe two people in the band know each other and the rest just met, and always have been able to put together a night's worth of tunes in whatever genres we're booked to play.

But I do understand that if you're doing originals or you don't know many songs, your need for rehearsal is greater. I'm not against them, but there's a "Come on, let's get on with it point" where it just gets ridiculous.

I agree with that 100%, that was meant as a worst case, when the guys have to learn all the material from scratch.

If you're dealing with pros, and cover tunes and pop music, everyone already either knows or can fake their way through a night. I think half the time the rehearsal is just an excuse to hear you play to see if you can hack the gig... Usually you know one guy that recommended you, and getting together once puts everyone else's mind at ease.

Passing around mp3s of any tunes you don't know to work on by yourselves is all you should need.

Randy

[jdieh1]

Originally Posted by steveksux

I agree with that 100%, that was meant as a worst case, when the guys have to learn all the material from scratch.

If you're dealing with pros, and cover tunes and pop music, everyone already either knows or can fake their way through a night. I think half the time the rehearsal is just an excuse to hear you play to see if you can hack the gig... Usually you know one guy that recommended you, and getting together once puts everyone else's mind at ease.

Passing around mp3s of any tunes you don't know to work on by yourselves is all you should need.

Randy

What about writing time for songs if you are an originals band?