I am such a coward

great bleudini · #1 10-30-2012, 02:57 PM

I just sent the breakup e-mail announcing my departure from the band. We started in February and while things went well at first we have not been able to kick things up to the next level where we could be playing out. We had around ten songs that were nearly ready but I could not convince the BL to tighten them up. He is very "go with the flow" kind of attitude which works great sometimes and turns into a trainwreck a lot. The main question I asked myself is "would people pay to see this" and I think the answer is no. It worked nicely for some open mics but I just don't think it's good enough for gigging.

I feel bad because I announced my decision through e-mail just now. I should have arranged a face to face, but I was terrified of conflict. I am anxiously waiting for the reply or phone call.

waynobass · #2 10-30-2012, 03:00 PM

I did that too once, because I knew I would never see them again. Don't worry about it. At least you got while the gettin' was good.

**mjac28** · #3 10-30-2012, 03:02 PM

You did what you feel comfortable with as I get older I resist conflicts at all costs so you made a decision and good for you.

Biggbass · #4 10-30-2012, 03:02 PM

You could have done it with a text! Email is so passe.

williamk · #5 10-30-2012, 03:06 PM

as an excuse, you can say you used email because it's the only way to announce it to everybody at the same time, unlike on the phone!

mellowinman · #6 10-30-2012, 03:09 PM

At least you didn't use email to break up with a woman.

obimark · #7 10-30-2012, 03:16 PM

Makes sense to me, I broke up with my last band by email. Not scared of them one bit, but, why waste everyone's time driving out to the practice space, just to tell them I quit.

Maybe if they actually listened to more of my song suggestions, or the dozen times I told them I couldn't hear myself over the marshall half stack, it wouldn't have come to that...
Either way, what would have meeting with them face-to face accomplish? Nada. Its not like they are a girlfriend i had been _____ing. My email told them I am moving along, thanks for the experience. Done.

Most bands are destined for failure, just like business startups... (got my fingers crossed on current one...)

great bleudini · #8 10-30-2012, 03:25 PM

should I have said we can still be friends?

bassinplace · #9 10-30-2012, 03:27 PM

Nah. Done and done. On to the next.

Marial · #10 10-30-2012, 03:34 PM

I notified the last band I left in person, but I was one of two founding members left and we'd be going for seven years. In your case, email sounds perfectly appropriate.

StrangerDanger · #11 10-30-2012, 03:40 PM

8 months and only 10 songs? Yeah, time to quit. Good job.

bluewine · #12 10-30-2012, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marial

I notified the last band I left in person, but I was one of two founding members left and we'd be going for seven years. In your case, email sounds perfectly appropriate.

Martial,

Was this the band that had no gigs in 7 years?

I'm still curious, were gigs apart of the direction of the band or was it more towards recording?

Blue

Marial · #13 10-30-2012, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluewine

Martial,

Was this the band that had no gigs in 7 years?

I'm still curious, were gigs apart of the direction of the band or was it more towards recording?

Blue

I didn't say anything about no gigs in 7 seven years.

We played a ton of gigs and put out four records independently. I was just ready to let it go. I felt it wouldn't have been right to leave the band without discussing it in person with my bandmates, especially the cofounder, who continues to be a good friend of mine.

In the OP's case, there is no such history or ties, so email is perfect.

electracoyote · #14 10-30-2012, 03:57 PM

IMHO, nothing wrong with an e-mail notice. Otherwise you all sit there with dumb looks on your faces, saying dumb things. Very awkward. E-mail notice gives everyone a chance to catch their breath and collect their thoughts.

bluewine · #15 10-30-2012, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marial

I didn't say anything about no gigs in 7 seven years.

We played a ton of gigs and put out four records independently. I was just ready to let it go. I felt it wouldn't have been right to leave the band without discussing it in person with my bandmates, especially the cofounder, who continues to be a good friend of mine.

In the OP's case, there is no such history or ties, so email is perfect.

Cool,

Must have been a different TBer. I remember he said, quote;

"That's right, no gigs in 7 years"

Blue

Marial · #16 10-30-2012, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluewine

Cool,

Must have been a different TBer. I remember he said, quote;

"That's right, no gigs in 7 years"

Blue

That seems nuts to me... that's not a band, that's a social gathering.

great bleudini · #17 10-30-2012, 04:20 PM

Just heard back from the BL. No hard feelings. What a relief. I guess I was putting out vibes about leaving and he was picking up on it so he wasn't surprised. While I would have left anyway I'm glad that there is no bad energy involved.

Now I can look forward to rehearsal with my new project on Thursday. whew!

MysticMichael · #18 10-30-2012, 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by obimark

Makes sense to me, I broke up with my last band by email. Not scared of them one bit, but, why waste everyone's time driving out to the practice space, just to tell them I quit.

Quote:

Originally Posted by obimark

Either way, what would have meeting with them face-to face accomplish? Nada.

I'm pretty sure you wouldn't understand this, no matter how well I explain it. But have you ever heard the expression: "The medium is the message"?

The way one chooses to end a relationship says a lot about how much one valued that relationship, while it was still alive and ongoing. Although it doesn't require anything like a formal ritual in order to do it right, "breaking up" via a casual, cavalier medium - such as email - communicates a certain thoughtlessness that comes through loud and clear. Not quite as tasteless as delivering a marriage proposal via text message. But kind of leaning in that direction...

Maybe you felt that your now-former bandmates weren't worth the courtesy. Maybe there'll never even be any blowback. Who knows? But it does imply a certain "cheap & disposable" approach to the entire experience.

(If you happen to be of the under-30 crowd that does everything via email & text, then I already admit: I'm wasting my time trying to explain it to you...

)

MM

mboogiemanusa · #19 10-30-2012, 06:19 PM

I have found that its better not to burn any bridges. The local music scene is rather small and you will keep running into most of your ex-band mates for years to come. Some of them will even come check out your next project.

Gasman · #20 10-30-2012, 06:51 PM

I tend to agree with mysticmichael. I've never had someone quit or quit myself via the internets. Recently I quit my band (by which I mean, MY band- I was BL and wrote most of the songs) and did it in person at the beginning of what was supposed to be rehearsal. I was a bit nervous, but I knew I had to do it because it was time. I made a point of telling each person as they walked through the door, then we sat there and talked for about an hour. It was cathartic for everyone, and as a result we are all still friends- still talk and text on a regular basis, when we would otherwise have no reason to do so. I just wanted them to know that I still liked them and respected their worth, and that's something that's very difficult to do if you're not face to face. As MM said, the medium is the message, and it sounds like they knew the band wasn't a priority for you long before you made it official. Still, doing it in person just seems....nicer.