I feel I need to leave my band. HELP?

[WashburnBasser]

Ok, here's the story. I'm 15 years old. I've been in a band with these 3 other guys for about 2 1/2 years or so. 1 drummer, 1 guitarist, and 1 rhythm guitar/singer. We are a hard rock/metal band. These guys are all my friends outside of the band.

I've had tough moments getting along with them sometimes, but I've managed to just hold my tongue and go with the flow. Last year everyone but me decided we should record. I decided against it because I would rather just get better and play music, and I knew the recording thing was going to get way out of hand. Well we're are recording right now with a laptop and a usb interface, and we have probably wasted 20 hours trying to record stuff. We have 1 song recorded that everyone is satisfied with. 1 song. We have another song mostly recorded, except everyone wanted me to redo the bass part, even though I thought the whole thing sucked. Basically, it's like they just want to record stuff for the sake of recording, even if it sucks. Now, onto another problem I have...

The drummer. He is terrible. Granted, he has greatly improved with practice, but he sucks. This wouldn't be all that bad, and wouldn't be pissing me off except for recently. He doesn't play drums at all outside band practice, which is once a week. He admits it, and admits he'd rather go play "cybernations" on the computer. He also seems to care more about making us look good rather than the music. He complained about recording a second (GASP OMG playing a song 2 times is to much!) take on one of our songs. When I asked him if he cared if we sounded awful, he just gave me the middle finger.

Everyone in the band but me seems to have a very low standard for out recording. I think if were putting all this time into it we want it to sound good. It doesn't sound good when the guitars are too loud, the bass is all over the place (because I can't lock with the drummer!) and the drum takes 1 million fills to many. Fills that suck. And worse during the recording, if I have a problem with how I played something, and I want to redo it, they'll say, "Sounds fine to me", and ignore me. IT DOES NOT SOUND FINE TO ME!!!!!

I'm not a great bassist, but I aspire to become better. By biggest problem is dealing with fret clack, and uneven fingerstyle volume as of late (due to trying to play with a softer touch to avoid clack). I can lock in with say a metronome or a drum machine, but not this drummer. I want to get better and become a great bassist someday, but, it isn't happening with this group. The only reason I haven't quit yet is because these guys are all my friends, and would never let me hear the end of it. I have problems with other members in the band too, but the drummer is the worst. Advice Please?

Oh and when I suggested, we take a regular practice once in a while say after every 2 times we record, it was shot down immediately.
I just realized how much I just vented. Thanks.

[locolobo85]

Stick it out. They're your friends regardless of what's going down in the music room. You're young and time will make you better. Make sure you guys find a nice balance between spending time recording and still just practicing and playing.

Recording is a artform all by itself. The learning curve is not that much different from learning to play an instrument. The key is to figure out a way to record your sessions without the recording process being the focal point.

[YCBass]

I can definitely understand your position, been there done that. And I appreciate how you seem to be aware of the overall picture and not just venting for the heck of it.

The best advise I can think of is first for you to decide if this band is worth the effort to try and talk to them and fix the situation and if not then you know the answer.

If the band is worth it to you then talk to them and tell them your concerns, but be a little more general with your complaints so it doesn't come off like you're knit-picking.

And about this drummer, if you can lock with a metronome or a drum machine it sounds like you're doing your job... I would ask the other members how they feel about him. My last band also had to replace our drummer (him and I founded the band) because he hasn't been playing as long as the rest of us and it was evident, the deal breaker was that he didn't show any desire to get better - he also didn't play outside of rehearsals which was also once a week on average - making excuses like, "drums are too loud for my house", etc. At the end of the day, every member is responsible for getting better for the good of all.

At the end of the day, don't be afraid to do what you gotta do... find another band if necessary. I personally try to play with people who are better than I am so it forces me to step up my game - I love feeling intimidated by other players. You're 15, there will be lots of bands that come and go in your path on the low end road.

Good luck!

[WashburnBasser]

Ya, it would be hard for me to find another band, but not hard for me to jam with people. There seems to be a shortage of drummers around here. There are other things I'm pissed out about them too. I'm probably going to not say anything seriously for a week, but suggest we take a practice to work on our playing, instead of doing lackluster recordings that no one cares if they sound ok but me. I mean, these are pretty dismal recordings.

[Manndreas]

The worst thing that can happen is that you keep on playing with the band without resolving the issues. That can build up to a giant fallout resulting in you leaving/getting thrown out and seriously damaging the friendship or even loosing your friends. Seen it happen, and it ain't pretty.
If this seems like a possible scenario then you should consider leaving to save the friendship.

If not, then try reasoning with them. Recording songs is very good practice and experience as well. (The trick is just to not forget to practice as a band either ) As the "studio" environment is very different from ordinary rehearsal. You might learn/notice things about you, your playing and the band that you wouldn't during normal rehearsal. And getting experience with basic home studio equipment early is smart because when you have a GREAT song you wanna record for a demo, you already know how to produce a good result. Keep in mind that you'll probably produce 10 crappy demos before you produce a great one. So might as well get the experience and the crap out of the way early.

[meev992]

For starters, there's no justification for middle-fingering, and any other disrespectful gestures...that's an insult to you, and shows their poor attitude.

I just left my band, for plenty of different reasons, but I saw it as a positive thing: More time for school, more energy, and an opportunity to have time to myself, and push myself, as a bass player.

I think, the fact that they are your good pals, complicates things. My previous band, we did not grow up together, and knew each other briefly. We became close, but beyond that, we don't talk to much anymore.

I voted "to-quit", in the polls, but I think in your circumstance, it might be best to stick it out, because they are your good pals.

let us know how it turns out, and thanks for posting, as it provides an opportunity to reflect on my own circumstances.

[WashburnBasser]

The middle finger thing isn't all bad to me, and even if I did quit, I would remain friends with them. I'm definitely sticking it out for a bit though.

[ClassicRock55]

Eh man, stick it out and use the oppurtunity as an experience. Someone earlier said recording is an artform with a learning curve not unlike an instrument. I occasionally record with my guitarist and it used to be plug and play, get it done fast as possible. We listened to the recordings and they sounded awful. He figured out how to produce, and within a one year period he can record stuff sounding much better. Recording is not a good time for dicking around. Try at least again to make that clear to the rest of the band. They will eventually figure out that the recordings are unsatisfactory s**t. Stick around and gain some experience out of their shortcomings but look for better oppurtunities.

[inasilentway]

This is your first lesson in the classic band/relationship dilemna. If you have talked to them over and over again about things that are important to you and they completely ignore these discussions and show no desire to change, you need to DTMFAs, as Dan Savage would say if this were a bad girlfriend.

THERE ARE ALWAYS OTHER MUSICIANS TO PLAY WITH. I know you have a lot invested in these guys but they obviously do not share your goals and a split is inevitable, and the longer you delay it the harder it will be. It is one of those things you just have to do sometimes.

[Munjibunga]

Bands like Steely Dan, some of the finest musicians in the world, can take months to record one song ... years for an album.

[QORC]

you're young and there will be a lot of groups in front of you yet.

that being said. I'm an older musician and I have experience.

1. Few bands really "make it". Almost none. Don't plan your band alliances or your life around this fantasy.

2. Being in a band that "sounds great" is not enough in itself. I played in a great band a while back and had to leave because the lead singer was such a complete moron. For me, having fun is the number one priority (i'm not in it for the money), and part of "having fun" -- a HUGE part of it -- is enjoying the people I'm in the band with. That means I have to personally like them, respect them and I have to be treated as a full member and respectfully. I tried and have failed playing in good bands with people I didn't like or treated me improperly. I had zero fun, no matter how good the sound was.

3. That being said, life is too short to play in a crummy band either.

4. Solution: Find a group of musicians you respect and like, and a group that is fun for you. Don't stick with people just because you think the music is good. ultimately, you will be dissatisfied.

[TheWalrus]

If you really don't want to leave the band, I'd suggest finding an impartial ear to "produce" your recordings. A producer is a perfect arbitrator... their goal is the best sounding recording. You don't necessarily need a real music producer... a friend from outside the band would work. "I think the drums on the chorus need tweaking" etc. Just a suggestion.

[CallieBum73]

When I was 15 I would of killed to of been able to record..I remember using a tape deck..haa haaaa. A good ideal is to record your practice......the cd dont lie. If noone else has the desire and commitment that you do..I would seriously find someone else to play with. Its only going to get worse( the frustration) and friendships will be lost.

[prattguy]

If the drummer sucks, and more importantly he does´t care about it, LEAVE the FRIGGIN´BAND....look for the best drummer you can play with. The bass player and the drummer should be like brothers, so they can lock into some killer grooves or at least build a solid rythm section.

[synaesthesia]

Put an ad out and audition another player, find someone you think will fit and feed him/her to your band and say hey I need to move on but here's someone who will fit in.

[uprightben]

Why not find a way to quit the band and preserve the friendships? I find that relationships with bandmates are difficult enough without a pre-existing friendship to worry about. If your goal is to become a "great bassist" then I think playing with as many different people as possible, in as many styles as possible, is one of the most important things you can do to achieve that goal. Bands very rarely "make it" and the ones that do have to invest so heavily in promotion, agents and management that when their moment in the sun is over they have little to show for their efforts. A great bassist who is versatile can have a very rewarding career as a freelancer.

In short, these guys and the whole band alliance thing are holding you back. Practice, jam and gig, then practice some more. Avoid commitments with musicians, especially drummers, that suck. Anyway, thats what I wish I had done when I was fifteen, maybe now I would be a first call bassist like Christian McBride and my ears wouldn't ring so much.

[perogato02]

Don't get too annoyed by DIY-recordings ... they are just part of teh big test of the band-brotherhood (or something like that).

[HEIST]

Many older people feel you should stick it out simply because you're young and you have time and future opportunities (of course), but for you, this issue resides in the now and present. I vote for leaving the band, but as you said they are your friends even outside of the band who doesn't sound like they will take you leaving maturely. You know them best, so if you do decide to leave the band just think of the best way to do it without conflict. Other than that, I wish you the best of luck

[air_leech]

from what you wrote I understand that playing in the first band isn't taking a lot of your free time since you only play once a week and dont reharsh.
therfore I'd join another band to fill up my spare time if I were you.
find a band of people as devoted to music as you and play with them too. even join a cover band or prefereblly a band which doesnt play the style of music you are used to play in order to challenge yourself and expand the styles you can hold a groove in.

the new band will push you forward and satisfy your musical needs while the original band will fill the "buddies get together" niche'.

be sure to invite your friends from the mediocre band to gigs you are throwing with the serious band but dont brag about what you are doing no matter how excited you are about it, you only want them to see what becomes of a band that works seriously and that you know your stuff and you're a valuable asset to their band.
nothing gets someone going as some good competition thrown at them.

[WashburnBasser]

I'd like to join another band, but there aren't any other really committed kids in my area. Right now my plan is to stick it out for a bit, but if it gets much worse, I'm just going to tell the guys why I'm leaving. I don't think any of them will be stop being my friends outside the band, so it ok. I'm going to convince the guitard to help me convince the drummer to practice, as the guitarist in my band is the only other one who cares somewhat. He just has to have it pointed out, but he is a guitard, so i give him slack. Thanks for the help everyone!

Originally Posted by QORC

you're young and there will be a lot of groups in front of you yet.

that being said. I'm an older musician and I have experience.

1. Few bands really "make it". Almost none. Don't plan your band alliances or your life around this fantasy.

2. Being in a band that "sounds great" is not enough in itself. I played in a great band a while back and had to leave because the lead singer was such a complete moron. For me, having fun is the number one priority (i'm not in it for the money), and part of "having fun" -- a HUGE part of it -- is enjoying the people I'm in the band with. That means I have to personally like them, respect them and I have to be treated as a full member and respectfully. I tried and have failed playing in good bands with people I didn't like or treated me improperly. I had zero fun, no matter how good the sound was.

3. That being said, life is too short to play in a crummy band either.

4. Solution: Find a group of musicians you respect and like, and a group that is fun for you. Don't stick with people just because you think the music is good. ultimately, you will be dissatisfied.

Response to the above. I don't expect any band I'm in to "make it". Having fun IS my top priortiy, but it gets frusturating when everyone else in the band expects to "make it". The thing that bugs me, is that we sound decent not amazing, but no one else in the band but me strives to get the band better. The attitude seems to be we're the best we can be, let's record stuff and sell cd's and get famous. No one in the band has even played their instrument for more that 3 or 4 years. This is what bugs me the most. That they think we can't get any better.