I hate my drummer

Pills Are Yummy · #1 12-31-2012, 06:33 PM

I know I. Supposed to be locked in with him at all times, but I simply can't stand the guy. We do not mix on any level, and he's not going anywhere because A:he's a founding member and B:everyone else in the band loves him and his playing. He is incredibly rude and insults me all the time, treating me as subordinate to him. I try and be nice, and we end up being friends for 10 seconds before we go back to hating each other again. Every time I try and jam with him on one of his drum beats, he stops playing the second I join in. Suggestions?

armywalaby · #2 12-31-2012, 06:34 PM

not enough information to make a judgement.

Pills Are Yummy · #3 12-31-2012, 06:36 PM

Edited

gidbass · #4 12-31-2012, 06:37 PM

take him aside and ask him why he stops...

If it doesn't click, it doesn't and you should move on. You do no one any favors by bottling it up and sticking it out.

Good luck and happy new year!

SactoBass · #5 12-31-2012, 06:46 PM

Pills:

That drummer represents dead weight for you. If the rest of the bandmembers are in love with his wonderfulness, then cut strings completely and free yourself of that downer situation and move on to greener pastures.

If I were in your shoes, I would give them the David Spade "buh-bye" from Total B**stard Airlines.

Pills Are Yummy · #6 12-31-2012, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gidbass

take him aside and ask him why he stops...

If it doesn't click, it doesn't and you should move on. You do no one any favors by bottling it up and sticking it out.

Good luck and happy new year!

It's primarily musical differences. I incorporate all styles into my playing, but all he plays is that crap where the bassist only plays open notes (August burns red etc.)

mattbass6945 · #7 12-31-2012, 06:50 PM

what's the point of playing if you don't enjoy yourself? i say confront him nicely, then if it can't be resolved, move on.

Red_Merkin · #8 12-31-2012, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pills Are Yummy

Suggestions?

Leave.

Pills Are Yummy · #9 12-31-2012, 06:52 PM

It's really the only metal band in the area, I haven't had any luck recruiting new band mates. I get along with everyone else fine, and we enjoy a very successful band.ill try and pull him aside.

wabbit · #10 12-31-2012, 06:56 PM

Quick karate chop to the throat should fix all your problems.

You can thank me later.

jmattbassplaya · #11 12-31-2012, 06:57 PM

The only metal band in California, you say

JK, but seriously, move on. There are definitely other groups out there that you'll be a better match in.

armywalaby · #12 12-31-2012, 06:58 PM

if someone doesn't respect you, they never will. if pulling him aside doesn't work, I'd bring it up to the whole band that you're getting tired of the BS and you're ready to walk if things don't change. the fact that the other guys watch it happen and say nothing also speaks to their level of respect for you, IMHO. but, I'm told I'm pretty critical of these things.

JamesGoodall · #13 12-31-2012, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pills Are Yummy

It's primarily musical differences. I incorporate all styles into my playing, but all he plays is that crap where the bassist only plays open notes (August burns red etc.)

Sounds like my first band. Except my issue was the lead guitarist. He was the spotlight, and the fact that I was playing parts that outshone his "lead" skills was not good.

I was let go on the basis that I was not a good "hardcore" bassist (which means play only open, first, and the root during the melodic parts), even though I have had multiple touring bands come compliment me after gigs with later bands.

Moral: Leave before you get dropped and the butthurts ensue. He won't change, and bassists never change, nor are we ever wrong. You'll only keep butting heads.

scottfeldstein · #14 12-31-2012, 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Red_Merkin

Leave.

Yes. Promptly, politely and with finality. If anyone asks why, tell them you find the drummer too difficult to work with. Do not argue about whose fault it is. If anyone tries to convince you to stay, to work something out, politely refuse. If you find the guy that difficult to work with interpersonally and musically, it's not worth it. Get out.

Pills Are Yummy · #15 12-31-2012, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wabbit

Quick karate chop to the throat should fix all your problems.

You can thank me later.

I think all I have to do is intimidate him. It's worked in the past in other situations

armywalaby · #16 12-31-2012, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pills Are Yummy

I think all I have to do is intimidate him. It's worked in the past in other situations

I don't think it would work for you here. people who put themselves above others will respond to intimidation in a couple of different ways, neither are positive or promote growth.

scottfeldstein · #17 12-31-2012, 07:04 PM

The guy obviously has personality issues. Intimidate him or not, you're giving up the opportunity to work with really good drummers who can help you grow as a musician. People who you can be real friends with. You may cow him into submission for a while, but even if you do will it be worth giving up those other opportunities?

gidbass · #18 12-31-2012, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottfeldstein

Yes. Promptly, politely and with finality. If anyone asks why, tell them you find the drummer too difficult to work with. Do not argue about whose fault it is. If anyone tries to convince you to stay, to work something out, politely refuse. If you find the guy that difficult to work with interpersonally and musically, it's not worth it. Get out.

Great advice!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pills Are Yummy

I think all I have to do is intimidate him. It's worked in the past in other situations

That isn't a long term solution, IMHO....

Good Luck either way!

Pills Are Yummy · #19 12-31-2012, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by armywalaby

if someone doesn't respect you, they never will. if pulling him aside doesn't work, I'd bring it up to the whole band that you're getting tired of the BS and you're ready to walk if things don't change. the fact that the other guys watch it happen and say nothing also speaks to their level of respect for you, IMHO. but, I'm told I'm pretty critical of these things.

Sounds like a good idea, there aren't any metal bassists where I live (I mean DEDICATED bassists, not just some guitard that thinks he can just play the root and get away with it)

I think the main problem is that they won't be able to tell between me and any other bassist, because they don't know what a good bassist sounds like/does

Ewo · #20 12-31-2012, 07:08 PM

Doesn't sound like a gig I'd want to stay with. It's your call, of course.

IME, if there's not some minimal working relationship to start with, it's difficult to work out conflicts. And that working relationship is necessarily founded in mutual professional respect.