I hate my drummer

[bolophonic]

Originally Posted by Rickengeezer

The original drummer in my current band and I never meshed--he insisted that I never play any notes other than on 1 and 3 (this is in a 3-piece blues band), and if I threw in a simple passing note he'd tell me I should join a Rush tribute band. At one gig I did a small run coming out of a short drum break and he stopped playing and yelled "bass solo". He would also accuse both me and the BL guitar player of "rushing", although when we would record anything it was clear that he'd slow down steadily through any song. The last straw came when he accused the BL guitar player of singing in the wrong tempo, when it was an original song written by the guitarist. The guitarist ultimately broke up the band after a particularly dreadful gig, and then reformed it by cell phone on the drive home--without the drummer. We're still going strong 8 years later, apparently still rushing the tempo together.

"if I threw in a simple passing note he'd tell me I should join a Rush tribute band."

Dude.

Also: drummers who slow down. Our last drummer had to be replaced because of changing priorities and general lack of interest. By the end, he was turning every song into a half-speed, slow motion shuffle. The horn players would be groaning because every note they played had to be twice as long by the end of the song.

[Kmonk]

I left an original band last year that had 2 very talented guitarists and a great drummer. I never felt like the drummer and I clicked on a musical or personal level.

You should leave if you are not happy.

[ChrisB2]

Originally Posted by Pills Are Yummy

He is incredibly rude and insults me all the time, treating me as subordinate to him ... Suggestions?

That one line would be enough to cause me to leave immediately. No way would I put up that, or care about trying to reason with him.

I'm going to be a little blunt here; the best advice I can think of is to start respecting yourself more, and learn to recognize when it's time to stop taking crap from people.

This may be a good time in your life to say to yourself, "ya know, I shouldn't put up crap like this from anyone, and the best way to stand up for what's right is to reject it. From now on that's what I'm going to do, starting with my band situation."

Good luck!

[nortonrider]

The strong eat the weak.
Maybe he really does consider you a "subordinate", are you?

People only get treated the way that they allow others to treat them.

[bluewine]

Originally Posted by Pills Are Yummy

It's primarily musical differences. I incorporate all styles into my playing, but all he plays is that crap where the bassist only plays open notes (August burns red etc.)

If your not willing to play the way he wants you too, you should leave.

Blue

[Session1969]

"He is incredibly rude and insults me all the time, treating me as subordinate to him." That's called an abusive relationship if you want to get down to brass tacks and if you allow it to continue, you'll regret it even more later because of the time you're wasting.

What kind of success is that ? Are you making enough money to pay your bills, buy nice cars and homes ? If not , it wouldn't be worth it to me.

I'd put him on notice about how you feel and include your bandmates in the discussion so that it's no surprise if you end up telling them you need a break. Let them know that this isn't the situation you're looking for because bass and drums are supposed to have a strong connection. He needs to know that if he continues, you're going to find a new project. That way, it'll be his fault for not treating you/people with respect.

You'll play in many bands and with much better bandmates if you look for it. Btw, I live in the same area as you and I wouldn't restrict myself to playing in bands in Santa Rosa. I also would not think that there are no other bands in the area or that you're the only dedicated metal bassist in the area because you're very wrong about that. I'd look for something in Petaluma, Novato and San Rafael as well. I'd even cross the bridge into the city(sf) if it's a badass project. But that's me and I'm a little hardcore. Not in musical style but in attitude.

[abemo]

One of the first criteria for me to join/stay in a band is whether or not I can mesh with the drummer. Its just so essential. I'm not saying my current drummer (or any of them) is perfect, just that if you can't mesh with the drummer, at least a bit, its a dying project already.

[5StringFool]

Another +1 for leaving from me.

If there aren't any other metal bands around you could explore playing a different genre, you did say that you wanted to incorporate differing styles in your playing. You never know, you might find it very enjoyable... doesn't sound to me like it could be any worse.

[Session1969]

Originally Posted by abemo

One of the first criteria for me to join/stay in a band is whether or not I can mesh with the drummer. Its just so essential. I'm not saying my current drummer (or any of them) is perfect, just that if you can't mesh with the drummer, at least a bit, its a dying project already.

+1.

[kjpollo]

Originally Posted by ChrisB2

That one line would be enough to cause me to leave immediately. No way would I put up that, or care about trying to reason with him.

I'm going to be a little blunt here; the best advice I can think of is to start respecting yourself more, and learn to recognize when it's time to stop taking crap from people.

This may be a good time in your life to say to yourself, "ya know, I shouldn't put up crap like this from anyone, and the best way to stand up for what's right is to reject it. From now on that's what I'm going to do, starting with my band situation."

Good luck!

This is what did if for me in my prior band. Wasnt the drummer but in my case it was the LS. He had an utter meltdown on me because I couldnt make a rehearsal the week before Christmas (with absolutely ZERO gigs on tap for at least 3 months).

I'm not taking that kind of crap from anybody over a hobby band. The LS in my 1st band also had rehearsal anxiety issues to the extent that the rhythm player and I were nervous about showing up 5 minutes late. After that experience I swore to myself that I wasnt going to let somebody take the fun out of it on me.
I landed in a new band with a MUCH better group dynamic and I'm really happy about how things worked out.

Dont let yourself get beaten down by ANYBODY in a band situation.

[jmattbassplaya]

Originally Posted by bolophonic

Sorry, dude. Your lack of experience is showing here.

Excuse me, but who the heck do you think you are to say something like that about someone who you know nothing about? My experience says your idea would be futile (at best) to try when dealing with a guy like the OP's drummer. In fact, I'd dare call out your experience level for even suggesting something like that in regards to this particular situation, but I'm a bit classier than that; unlike you

[bluewine]

Originally Posted by kjpollo

This is what did if for me in my prior band. Wasnt the drummer but in my case it was the LS. He had an utter meltdown on me because I couldnt make a rehearsal the week before Christmas (with absolutely ZERO gigs on tap for at least 3 months).

I'm not taking that kind of crap from anybody over a hobby band. The LS in my 1st band also had rehearsal anxiety issues to the extent that the rhythm player and I were nervous about showing up 5 minutes late. After that experience I swore to myself that I wasnt going to let somebody take the fun out of it on me.
I landed in a new band with a MUCH better group dynamic and I'm really happy about how things worked out.

Dont let yourself get beaten down by ANYBODY in a band situation.

Number 1 criteria when making a decision on playing with a band.

Only play with "good people". After you've been around a while it's easy to spot these guys before you make a decision.

Good people are reasonable.

Blue

[BWileyTally]

Turn the table, stop playing once he plays something and start giving him all kinds of corny suggestions. When he says you don't have a f'n clue about drums politely point out the same about his bass critique. Then say "shut up and deal with it or I walk". If he shuts up and deals with it walk anyways....

Or you can throw soda at him.....

But I'm very mouthy back if someone is mouthy to me..... so take these suggestions lightly....

B

[mattbass6945]

@bolophonic:maybe jmatt isn't unexperienced, but just has different experiences than you. no need to get snarky, we're just giving the best advice we can based off of our own personal experiences.

[bolophonic]

Originally Posted by jmattbassplaya

Excuse me, but who the heck do you think you are to say something like that about someone who you know nothing about? My experience says your idea would be futile (at best) to try when dealing with a guy like the OP's drummer. In fact, I'd dare call out your experience level for even suggesting something like that in regards to this particular situation, but I'm a bit classier than that; unlike you

Dude, I'm not trying to turn this into a big thing. I think I gave the OP solid advice for the following reasons. This sounds like a relatively young band that is still developing its songwriting methodology. If the drummer is rejecting the OP's contributions out of hand, then he can either 1) give up and quit, 2) work one-on-one with the primary songwriters as a workaround for the drummer's attitude, or 3) step up and become a songwriter, himself. I think that the third option is probably the most important for the OP to consider because in all likelihood, the band will implode or he will eventually leave, anyway. If the man has music in his head that will not mesh with the current band, the songs will need to get written one way or another and he will already be a step ahead towards putting his next project together.

I have never once had a negative response from calling up the bandleader in any of my bands and saying, "hey, let's you and me sit down together and work out some of that new material." That includes rock, funk, blues, punk, and yes... metal.

Finally, this drummer is probably not the last jerk that Pills is going to have to deal with in his career, so that is another reason why I am encouraging him to meet the challenge head-on.

[Rageadon]

Originally Posted by Pills Are Yummy

Sounds like a good idea, there aren't any metal bassists where I live (I mean DEDICATED bassists, not just some guitard that thinks he can just play the root and get away with it)

I think the main problem is that they won't be able to tell between me and any other bassist, because they don't know what a good bassist sounds like/does

One thing you can do is to ask one of your friends or someone that got an idea of what a good bassist is, and when you apply for this new band you simply tell them to ask one of your friends about your skills, it might help alot ^^

[jmattbassplaya]

Originally Posted by bolophonic

Dude, I'm not trying to turn this into a big thing. I think I gave the OP solid advice for the following reasons. This sounds like a relatively young band that is still developing its songwriting methodology. If the drummer is rejecting the OP's contributions out of hand, then he can either 1) give up and quit, 2) work one-on-one with the primary songwriters as a workaround for the drummer's attitude, or 3) step up and become a songwriter, himself. I think that the third option is probably the most important for the OP to consider because in all likelihood, the band will implode or he will eventually leave, anyway. If the man has music in his head that will not mesh with the current band, the songs will need to get written one way or another and he will already be a step ahead towards putting his next project together.

I have never once had a negative response from calling up the bandleader in any of my bands and saying, "hey, let's you and me sit down together and work out some of that new material." That includes rock, funk, blues, punk, and yes... metal.

Finally, this drummer is probably not the last jerk that Pills is going to have to deal with in his career, so that is another reason why I am encouraging him to meet the challenge head-on.

So instead of saying that you decided to first go on the offensive and attack my level of experience as a means of somehow making your opinion on the matter more legitimate than my own? That's the definition of Ad Hominem. Had you originally posted this I actually would have been inclined to agree with a lot of what you're saying, but to attack my level of experience first was very tactless and rude.

[bolophonic]

Originally Posted by jmattbassplaya

So instead of saying that you decided to first go on the offensive and attack my level of experience as a means of somehow making your opinion on the matter more legitimate than my own? That's the definition of Ad Hominem. Had you originally posted this I actually would have been inclined to agree with a lot of what you're saying, but to attack my level of experience first was very tactless and rude.

I believe you cited your experience as the reason for dismissing all of my advice. I would never have brought it up otherwise.

[ibateur]

I'd just suck it up guys and focus on the OPs situation, and not on what the other guy said. You're both giving advice and I'm sure it is appreciated.

[mattbass6945]

+1......i think 3 pages in oughta do it. i think the only sensible thing to do now is wait for an update. *sits back, sips coffee*