I might have to leave this band already...

Mr 600 · #1 08-21-2009, 11:44 AM

I answered an ad a few months ago for a punk rock bass player. The band is mostly originals, with a few covers thrown in for fun. I went out and jammed with them, and everything seemed pretty cool. It's a thirty mile drive each way, but I thought, hey, if the music is good, (it is) I'll go for it.

The "audition" went well, partly because of the several people who called, I'm the only one who showed up. My playing level and experience is about on par with the rest of the band, though the bandleader does have a tendency to talk a little more technical than I'm used to, but maybe I'll learn some things. I kind of blew off what I saw as maybe a little too much anal-retentiveness regarding many aspects of the music.

Since then, I've played with them three more times, and I have done well learning their songs on my own time to a CD that unfortunately is in the wrong tuning and tempos. The songs are rocking, all is well.

I had to reschedule practicing once, and the guitar players came to my house on another day to help me learn the songs even better. This was certainly great help, and a good time was had.

Last week, there was talk about maybe practicing on Saturday night, depending on everyone elses' work schedules. I said maybe, but on Thursday, I decided that I could not practice due to other things coming up that I had to take care of. I suggested we have a weeknight practice at a studio closer to where I live, which the bandleader agreed to look into. This was something that we had discussed right from the start (his idea, not mine) in order to not make me have to be the one who always has to make the drive.

His response to me upon wanting to reschedule was that perhaps I don't have the dedication to be in the band, and how would I feel about commuting a year from now. He then said "I'm not going to promise you that we won't look for a different bass player." Great. So now he's hanging that over me. He said he would call me about playing during the week and also this weekend, but no calls. I'm thinking I might just have to go get my gear and chalk it up as experience. The whole situation is just bumming me out. I don't think our mutual expectations of each other are in sync. Sorry for the long post, I just needed to get it off my chest.

I don't think anyone involved is going to see themselves in the wrong here, and I hope this doesn't do anything to damage my reputation. I'm worried that I may end up being involved in a situation that I will regret not leaving before wasting my time.

Any thoughts/similar experiences?

Sidenote: I don't know how many bass players they have had, but it appears they have had several.

pierreganseman · #2 08-21-2009, 11:49 AM

Leave them!

sevenyearsdown · #3 08-21-2009, 11:52 AM

Sometimes two people just aren't right to work within a band together.

bobknowsbass · #4 08-21-2009, 11:55 AM

You're in Tampa, dude. There's a better, closer band somewhere in need of a bass player, you just have to find them. Most bassist I know have been in at least a dozen bands before they found the one for them. Don't fret, the good gigs find their way to the good players.

standupright · #5 08-21-2009, 11:57 AM

Quote:

"I'm not going to promise you that we won't look for a different bass player."

to hell with them. if he is pulling that sh** right out of the gate, then make him look for another bass player while you go find another group more respectful to devote your time to. but leave nicely.

bggeezer · #6 08-21-2009, 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr 600

His response to me upon wanting to reschedule was that perhaps I don't have the dedication to be in the band, and how would I feel about commuting a year from now. He then said "I'm not going to promise you that we won't look for a different bass player." Great. So now he's hanging that over me. He said he would call me about playing during the week and also this weekend, but no calls. I'm thinking I might just have to go get my gear and chalk it up as experience.

I think that says it all. you've behaved perfectly reasonably, learnt the tunes, shown up etc. Midweek practices are better in my experience (you don't get so much grief from your other half). His attitude sucks, and I'm not surprised he's had a few bassists. Yes, dump like a week old fish. You're the man... you're a bass player. The world is your oyster.

Vakmere · #7 08-21-2009, 01:53 PM

passive/aggressive???

Mr 600 · #8 08-21-2009, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vakmere

passive/aggressive???

Funny, my wife is a therapist, and she said the same thing.

Zooberwerx · #9 08-21-2009, 02:04 PM

Don't waste your time. I'm positive other opportunities will arise. BTW, I think I saw a CL listing for a goth barbarian metal reggae band in the vicinity.

Riis

rappa29 · #10 08-21-2009, 02:08 PM

Dude, don't sweat it and look for another gig. I live in the Tampa Bay area too and have seen MANY ads on CL for bass players. Granted they're all over the map regarding genre, startups\working, covers\originals...but they're out there.

I replied to about 5 ads over the past 3 weeks. Declined 3, accepted 1 and didn't hear back from the other 1.

meta · #11 08-21-2009, 02:09 PM

sounds like a bummer. a few things though that are unclear, and I'll play the devils advocate a bit:

* did you cancel on thursday for the sat rehearsal? that is a little short notice, it isn't clear if you had all agreed on it already or not... maybe the band leader is thinking about the short notice for the cancellation, what if it was a gig, etc. And if you were waiting until thursday to confirm a saturday rehearsal that seems like too short a time.
* if you indicated thursday that a weeknight might be better, you probably meant the next week, unless you were trying to get a rehearsal for that night. seems like you might be wanting to cancel.
* if you don't tell the full reason for your unavailability, people's fears often come into play. ie. they may like you but if you are cancelling maybe it is because you don't really want to play with them, etc etc. if you have a good reason then just tell them (you didn't tell us in your post, so I assume you didn't tell them), and if you don't want to tell them, then make them feel important by lying to them instead, at least then they won't make decisions based on incomplete information or based on their own suppositions - at least a white lie can accomplishes the same thing. ie. come clean, maybe it is just a case of some bad communication
* maybe the band doesn't want to commute to where you are. maybe the band doesn't. most people are talking about themselves and their own feelings when talking about stuff (projecting what they would think if they were you into the situation, as that is all anyone care realistically do.. simple psychology)

anyways, maybe that is over-analyzing things, but probably not. don't forget that people are prone to snap decisions based on incomplete information, and that everyone is always susceptible to this by our very nature... and as your post is vague on some points (like why you had to cancel) I would say that perhaps it is just a communication issue.

but if they are being unreasonable, then ditch them, go and get your stuff. the question is, are they being unreasonable based on the info they have been given and the timing of the information? And if you have been giving them this info then perhaps you want to quit anyways?

**Staccato** · #12 08-21-2009, 02:24 PM

Interesting that you and the guitar player(s) seem to get along, and then there's the bandleader. Just had a funny thought, ha, what if you and the guitar players formed a band without the bandleader. Not a suggestion, just thinking out loud. Agree with the other post about bowing out nicely...

Vanceman · #13 08-21-2009, 04:00 PM

Yeah, this is probably not the right situation for you.

Tell them to bug off, or take the high road, and tell them "You're right, my occasional family obligations might overshadow my commitment to the band, so it's best if we part ways. Hopefully I'll see you playing out in the near future. Good Luck."

Or you can keep playing with them, gaining experience, knowing your time with them is limited. Once you become a valued member, they will cut you more slack.

hbarcat · #14 08-21-2009, 04:21 PM

Whenever I try out for a new band or I audition a new member to my existing band it's with the caveat that the first month is probational for both parties. I've found it beneficial to make this a policy as it allows those who may not feel comfortable with the new band or band member after a few rehearsals or shows to end the relationship gracefully with no hurt feelings.

If you know ahead of time that you can say, "Sorry, but this isn't exactly what I/we had in mind and it isn't working out. Thanks for your time and good luck", then it takes a lot of potential drama out of the situation. It minimizes the occurrence of having bad feelings develop after the first few weeks and then linger on for months and months in an uncomfortable situation that no one wants to terminate for fear of looking like the bad guy.

Fratone · #15 08-21-2009, 04:31 PM

Those guys took a long hiatus (yes, I am familiar with the band you're in) back in the late 90's because of similar stuff. You should probably just cut your losses.

El Beardo · #16 08-21-2009, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobknowsbass

You're in Tampa, dude. There's a better, closer band somewhere in need of a bass player.

I have to agree with this statement. I live near Tampa and people are always, always looking for bass players. Besides that, the "I'm not going to say we won't keep looking for bass players" comment would've been more than enough to get me packed up and out of there fast. My advice is laugh it off and move on.

MNAirHead · #17 08-21-2009, 04:53 PM

look.. in FL you have some good opportunities.

jellymax · #18 08-21-2009, 04:57 PM

do they have any gigs on the calendar? if no, then i would bail.
if they have gigs, stick it out. how many other good bass players
would wanna practice on saturday night? ignore the guy, he would
say the same thing to the next bass player. meanwhile, you are sounding
stronger on the tunes each week.

thump_dumpster · #19 08-21-2009, 05:30 PM

i have always hated the idea of a "band leader" and refuse to play with a group as such. i mean if the band i'm suddenly dubbed our singer the leader i would pack my **** and go. they can find their bottom end elsewhere. and where i live there are few that play on a more than mediocre level (in comparrison, almost every musician here is country or a 17 year old fella whi just has a bass to impres girls, i dont think that highly of myself as a bass player but i think i'm better at it than most folks here)

and another factor is that i am an up front *******. so if i were in your shoes i'd invaribly tell the "leader" he can lead his ass to hell. gas is frickin expensive and 60 miles a week or so adds up.

but yeah. if they're gonna pull that ****, cut your line and tie on a new lure; you've snagged a log.

xgator4u · #20 08-21-2009, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr 600

I kind of blew off what I saw as maybe a little too much anal-retentiveness regarding many aspects of the music.

learning their songs on my own time to a CD that unfortunately is in the wrong tuning and tempos.

His response to me upon wanting to reschedule was that perhaps I don't have the dedication to be in the band, and how

I don't think anyone involved is going to see themselves in the wrong here

Sidenote: I don't know how many bass players they have had, but it appears they have had several.

HMM, Anal retentive PUNK ROCK band leader you say ??? Go figure.