Irrational Request?

[FreeSpirit]

Here is what happened with my band, I am curious to know if you think I am being irrational....sorry about the lengthy story.

I joined a cover band about a month ago. It wasn't really a band per say, just a guitarist who wanted to start a cover band of a certain band. So after about two-three weeks we start to find drummers. After about 2 drummers we settle on this girl.

So we start to practise some tunes. I am given no selection in these tunes, and am told the night before the practise the tunes. I am given the reasoning of " Well Kyle, you learn tunes quic so I didn't think you would mind." Now, as much as I am able to learn tunes fairly fast, it is not soemthing I enjoy to do. I do live a life besides playing bass (I know how weird.) So when i as about getting my choice in tunes from this band, I am told "This is my band, so I choose the tunes." To this I responded, "Well then, my fee is $15/hr for rehersales." After this, he starts to ask me which tunes I would want to do.

Next couple of jams, I always got a "I am not able to sing in this key, so we can't do it." "Well then what key can you sing in, and we can change the tune to this key." No response is what I get. I started to get fed up with this.

Apart from this, the kid is not able to rember song lyrics. Before every song he has to look at the lyric sheet to rember the song, and does not rember the lyrics mid song, so doubles up on lines. I say, Okay, thinking it will start to stay in his memory, but I am wrong. So I suggest he uses a music stand that is already there, and use the lyrics for rehersal, and then he wont forget lyrics. But he says "no no no, I don't need them, blah blah blah..."


So fast forawrd a week. We book a jam space at a place that is $20/hr in downtown Toronto. I show up around 10 min early, and there is no sight of them. I get the room, set up and just start to play some licks, and practise some Jaco licks and such. I call them 20 min after we were scheduled to start and am told "we are around the corner." Okay, so they will be here soon, wrong. They show up 45 min late, and blame traffic. I am sorry, but I live farther away then them, and I am pretty sure they know what rush hour traffic is like in Toronto, and should of been there on time. SO there goes $20 down the drain. afterwards I have a word with the drumemr saying, "I am not putting up with this anymore. I have had enough of forgeting the lyrics, being late and his potty mouth. If it does not get better at the next practise I am out." She agrees with em and understands.

Next night, we get together. They are on time, it starts out good, but then turns to normal. Forgetting lyrics, and then him going into Hendrix and Satriani licks, where i sit down and then say " Hey I didn't pay to play this."

So the next day i talk to him and tel him my reasoning for leaving. Which were as follows:

1- Him always forgetting lyrics and refusing to use sheets during practise.
2-I can not afford $20 twice a wee for practise spaces, sorry, but I am 19 years old, I pay rent, insurance, gas and food, and don't get many hours at work.
3-That I have decided that I don't want to play too much rock music anymore. It has started to annoy me, and want soemthing I enjoy more....ska...reggae..jazz..funk..etc.

Right after I say these, I get big F*** off, and your such a.....and you need to learn respect. He gets his mother to call me and give me heck about it. He starts to make fun of my musical taste, and bands I enjoy, because they are not punk rock bands (Ben Harper, Toots and The Maytals....) Then, what gets me even more mad is that he starts to disrespect me the most and tae shots at my vegan lifestyle. "I am sorry, i told him, but what does my life style have to dow ith this?" He starst with racial slurs about Pakistani people and me, and Chinese people and such.

I reply with a sorry, but if you continue acting immature, I am not going to tal to you anymore. I had some bassists ready for them to audition, but after what I heard from this guy about me, I did not give him their names/e-mails.

Sp this was all about a week ago, and I visited the site las tnight to realise my picture, name and such is still on the site. I ask for them to be removed since it has to do with me, and I am no longer affiliated with the band so I an not needed to be up there anymore. I get response "sorry, all that info is my property now, and I want it up there so the band looks complete."

I tell him look, I dont care about the recordings, just take the videos off, my photograph and information, and continue to use the audio but give me credit for playing bass on it, and I am fine, they paid for the recording aswell. But am confronted by the same answer as it is all my property and no I want it up there.



So here is my question. Am I being irrational about asking to have my name, photograph(video) and contact info taken off of the site?

P.S. I am not posting what band it was a cover band of, or the website, but here is a hint, there is an ongoing post about if they are punk or not. PM me and I can give you the site.

[FriscoBassAce]

That's a bummer. You made the right choice leaving the band. I'm no lawyer, so I won't attempt to give you any legal advice. I do know from practical experience, that your picture will go away once they find a new bassist. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't worry about it too much. It was something you were a part of, and you can never change that. Think about all those guys who got kicked out of bands but still had their picture on the cover of the CD!

In my experience of dealing with jackasses like this guy, the more you ask him to do what's right, the more he'll refuse and go against you, just out of spite.

Go out and find a new band and forget about that turd!!

[FreeSpirit]

Originally Posted by FriscoBassAce

Go out and find a new band and forget about that turd!!

I am not looking for a new band. I am going to school in september so I am just working as much as I can, and I have some guys who also are busy like I am so we just jam out or ska/reggae whenever we can.

Thanks for the fast response.

[barebones]

Well, I don't know if your request is reasonable or not, but my knee-jerk reaction to your whole miserable experience and the twerp who caused it is that it is absolutely not, I repeat, not punk rock for the guy to have his mommy call you and yell at you.

Matt

[Crazyeelboy]

Living well is the best revenge. Just put this loser behind you and go on with your life.

[Keeaumoku]

Originally Posted by FreeSpirit

...He gets his mother to call me and give me heck about it...

He really did that???

That's too funny...

Hey, seriously though... the second he started dissin' your ethnicity... well, I probably would've shoved his little gee'tar in his ear! Now as far as eating nothing but grass and leaves... I'd probably razz you about that... ...but in a joking kind of way...

Bottom line from me: I don't think you've been irrational at all. If anything, I think you shoulda punched the jerk out, but that's because I have very little tolerance for racist asswipes...

[addylewis]

Just forget about it. The fact he needs his mum to fight his battles for him...how old is this guy?

If you're still good with the drummer meet up with her and have a jam or something...you may well find yourself a drummer for your next project (whatever and whenever that may be). That'll annoy the guy...he'll probably ring up saying "Why are you still playing with MY drummer?" or something, in which case you can just say "YOUR drummer? Look, we're on the same wavelength - you're lucky shes still hanging in there" then see what happens (It'd be a fun argument if you ask me...they always are if you KNOW you're right and the other guy's just being an arse)

EDIT: You did the right thing!

[Bluesdog]

Maybe I have a strange personality , but in a case like that ( and it's happened to me a few times ) you just walk and don't look back. Don't even waste your time bickering with this bloke, hell , I've left bands and not even told them , thats how bad they pissed me off, the phone call you get after you've missed a couple of rehersals or one of them finds you jamming with someone else, just priceless.

[Flatbass]

Leave a message on their guestbook, and don't waste anymore time on this band.


I also had mums and dads calling about the band. They're usually reasonable people to talk too, but they're not in the band and shouldn't have any influence if their son/daughter is over 18 years old.

[jwl]

Originally Posted by Flatbass

Leave a message on their guestbook, and don't waste anymore time on this band.


I also had mums and dads calling about the band. They're usually reasonable people to talk too, but they're not in the band and shouldn't have any influence if their son/daughter is over 18 years old.

the kid, i repeat "kid" should not have had his parent call in this instance, but get real. to think that a parent should not have any influence over their child because he/she is over 18 is simply not living in the real world. cut out your post, tack it on the fridge and referr back to it when your own kid is over 18. then welcome yourself back to reality. lmao. jeff

[Flatbass]

I was wrong the way I said that... maybe it should have said it differently...

Parents should have influence on their children, but not directly influence the band.

In my case, I had a dad on the phone saying that his son was not going to play a gig that night, because he wanted a free ticket, but the organisation would not give him one. He would bring his son to the gig, btw.
Now I had to talk to the dad, trying to get his son to the gig.

I really hated this. The son is in the band and I'm dealing with him. If he has problems making it to the gig, whatever the reason may be, he has to solve it. He has to talk to his dad.

Another case... the dad of the singer called our guitarist, saying that we had to cancel a gig next week. This was a big gig. He was concerned that we were doing too many gigs and the singer had a lot of stress. He wasn't trying to be mean, he just wanted to protect het daughter.
Still... The daughter is in the band. If she can't do a gig, for whatever reason, she should say so. If her parents have a problem with her doing some gig, then that's part of her situation. She should talk to her parents before accepting the gig...

All I wanted to say... If a parents restricts a bandmember from doing something/not doing something, that's fine. But every bandmember is responsible for his own situation... I'm should not have to talk to girlfriends/parents/pets/friends/employers because a bandmember isn't well organised.


I think we actually agree, but I couldn't make myself clear in the first message. Let me know what you think about this.

[MysticMichael]

Unbelievable to me that you hung in there and continued to patiently put up with this kid as long as you did - despite the numerous red flags he was waving. Personally, I would have walked away as early as, "This is my band, so I choose the tunes."

I really think you should consider this a lesson in life - and in dealing with unreasonable people in general: When the relationship starts off this bad already, it almost never gets better. Quite the contrary.

No, you're not being irrational by asking your material to be removed from his website. But that's hardly the issue anymore - he's already established himself as an unreasonable, self-centered, childish person. It's his site and he has control over its content. There are probably some things you could do to harrass him into complying with your wishes. But do you really want to continue to be involved with him in any way?

If it's important enough to you to continue the fight, then fight on. You may yet prevail. Just don't allow this dope to get under your skin any more than he already has...

MM

[fr0me0]

Originally Posted by Flatbass

I was wrong the way I said that... maybe it should have said it differently...

Parents should have influence on their children, but not directly influence the band.

In my case, I had a dad on the phone saying that his son was not going to play a gig that night, because he wanted a free ticket, but the organisation would not give him one. He would bring his son to the gig, btw.
Now I had to talk to the dad, trying to get his son to the gig.

I really hated this. The son is in the band and I'm dealing with him. If he has problems making it to the gig, whatever the reason may be, he has to solve it. He has to talk to his dad.

Another case... the dad of the singer called our guitarist, saying that we had to cancel a gig next week. This was a big gig. He was concerned that we were doing too many gigs and the singer had a lot of stress. He wasn't trying to be mean, he just wanted to protect het daughter.
Still... The daughter is in the band. If she can't do a gig, for whatever reason, she should say so. If her parents have a problem with her doing some gig, then that's part of her situation. She should talk to her parents before accepting the gig...

All I wanted to say... If a parents restricts a bandmember from doing something/not doing something, that's fine. But every bandmember is responsible for his own situation... I'm should not have to talk to girlfriends/parents/pets/friends/employers because a bandmember isn't well organised.


I think we actually agree, but I couldn't make myself clear in the first message. Let me know what you think about this.

I totally hear what you mean man.

[jwl]

Originally Posted by Flatbass

I was wrong the way I said that... maybe it should have said it differently...

Parents should have influence on their children, but not directly influence the band.

In my case, I had a dad on the phone saying that his son was not going to play a gig that night, because he wanted a free ticket, but the organisation would not give him one. He would bring his son to the gig, btw.
Now I had to talk to the dad, trying to get his son to the gig.

I really hated this. The son is in the band and I'm dealing with him. If he has problems making it to the gig, whatever the reason may be, he has to solve it. He has to talk to his dad.

Another case... the dad of the singer called our guitarist, saying that we had to cancel a gig next week. This was a big gig. He was concerned that we were doing too many gigs and the singer had a lot of stress. He wasn't trying to be mean, he just wanted to protect het daughter.
Still... The daughter is in the band. If she can't do a gig, for whatever reason, she should say so. If her parents have a problem with her doing some gig, then that's part of her situation. She should talk to her parents before accepting the gig...

All I wanted to say... If a parents restricts a bandmember from doing something/not doing something, that's fine. But every bandmember is responsible for his own situation... I'm should not have to talk to girlfriends/parents/pets/friends/employers because a bandmember isn't well organised.


I think we actually agree, but I couldn't make myself clear in the first message. Let me know what you think about this.

any leader needs to be flexable. (i.e) i may not deal with the parents of a 32 year old. however, if i found a 19 year old female guitarist that had the right attitude, musical maturity, ability, stage presence, could sing and had chops for days, wanted to work with me, and also had parents that were wary of letting their "baby" play out with a much older man, i would deal with it. because i would be the same way. i would have no problem meeting her parents, inviting them to my home to meet my wife and son, letting them meet other band members ect. i would have no problem watching over her at gigs or letting her parents attend gigs or practice. this is an extreme example of flexability. some people choose not to deal with things like this, but i'm a leader. i learned to be a leader by being a follower. i learned to fight the battles i knew i could win, and accept or walk away from the ones i could not win. i concern myself with what i have control over and just let the rest happen and deal with it later. if you want to work with someone who is a quality individual, sometimes part of their situation becomes your situation. it's usually worth it in the end. when you're on stage, and your female singer with the crazy situation is singing your words to your song and you see people in the audience singing with her, and she looks like a goddess, and your band sounds awesome, and your bass tone just kills, and you have a sound man that got it right for once, it's worth it. then the next day you have whole new set of issues to deal with. but thats what leaders do. peace, jeff

[FreeSpirit]

I have stopped talking to this kid, and such, it is behind me.

Originally Posted by Keeaumoku

He really did that???

That's too funny...

Now as far as eating nothing but grass and leaves... I'd probably razz you about that... ...but in a joking kind of way...

If anything, I think you shoulda punched the jerk out, but that's because I have very little tolerance for racist asswipes...

See vegan jokes are cool with me, key word JOKES. I make jokes when I am out with friends and we can't find soemwhere to eat my first response is "Damn vegans just can't anywhere." But when it gets to " F*** off, go eat a tofu dog and die from lack of protien." it gets too much.The rascism just pushed me over the edge, and I am not tolerable of it at all.


By the way, I also eat peanuts...

[toad]

The racist stuff deserves at least a few broken teeth.

[invader3k]

It all boils down to having self-respect, and not allowing yourself to get dragged down by people who are unprofessional or don't have their lives together. Life is too short to waste time with people who can't commit to a project you're involved in. If at the beginning of a project or meeting, they clearly aren't focused on the project, it's time to cut your losses and move on before things can get further out of hand. I could understand if you lived in the middle of nowhere and you didn't want to risk being without a band, but since you live near a large city, you shouldn't have problems finding another band or project.

And yes, having his mom call you was extremely lame. I would have simply said "Ma'am, I understand you want what's best for your son, but if he has a problem he can talk to me directly since he's the one in the band," and left it at that.

[toad]

That's all fine and good, but once someone talks about being Pakistani or Chinese a good punch through the head is the only remedy. Sadly, that's really the only thing people understand.

[Nooco]

They have no rights to keep your name as "band member" if you have left the band.... I think ....

[Joe P]

Originally Posted by FreeSpirit

...vegan jokes are cool with me, key word JOKES. I make jokes when I am out with friends...

Oh? Well I heard a good-one lately:

"I'm not vegan because I love animals; it's 'caus I HATE VEGTABLES!"

...Don't know why - I've been snickering every time I think of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey - that guy's a dink. I hope his drummer took a cue from your experience; He'll probably turn on HER next.

Joe