Just venting (quit band...again)

double_stop2584 · #1 06-09-2009, 09:53 PM

Hey guys,
I'm just venting a little...I know I made the right decision, but it's always a tough one.

So I quit a band, as of June 1st, and just started with a different band. After two gigs with the new band, I know it's not the right band for me. I was supposed to have band practice tonight, and I was gonna tell the band leader how I felt...but I'd been in a deep funk for the last two days, coming to this decision, that I emailed him and told him the truth.

He called me this afternoon, and while he was disappointed, he understood that I had to do what was best for me. I wanted to tell him before he started putting a plan in motion that would involve personalized business cards for each member, planned trips out of town for long weekends - things that he'd spend money on, that would be wasted if I left. And I also wanted to let him know my intentions, instead of continuing to look for gigs and then surprise them by quitting after I found something. I'm still going to be their bass player until they find a new guy.

There were a few reasons why I wanted to quit - having to drive about 50 minutes to practice, having to drive anywhere from 50 to 90 minutes to gigs (where the pay is based on the crowd, and not always guaranteed to be great)...but ultimately, the real reason was simply that I know it's not the band I want to be in...if it was, I wouldn't be looking for new work after only two gigs.

Anyway, he cancelled practice, even though I said I would continue to practice and gig until they found a replacement. I feel bad about it...but I feel relieved because I told the truth.

Now, I just hope the rest of the band is as understanding. I know I'm now simply the bass player who's there until they find somebody - but they were really excited to have me, and I just don't want to make enemies after such a short time.

Anyway, I just wanted to vent a little...I know it's the right decision...and although I wanted to wait and talk to him in person, I couldn't hold in my feelings and wait until practice...I just wish he hadn't cancelled it. And I hope the gigs aren't awkward for the next few weeks.

**Stumbo** · #2 06-10-2009, 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by double_stop2584

Hey guys,
There were a few reasons why I wanted to quit:
1) having to drive about 50 minutes to practice
2) having to drive anywhere from 50 to 90 minutes to gigs (where the pay is based on the crowd, and not always guaranteed to be great)
3) ...but ultimately, the real reason was simply that I know it's not the band I want to be in...if it was, I wouldn't be looking for new work after only two gigs.

Didn't you know this stuff before you started with the new band? What's the "real reason" it's not the band for you?

Curious to know why you quit the old band?

So what do you want to do?

Have you ever been in a band that you really wanted to be in?

What would that band be?

tycobb73 · #3 06-10-2009, 09:23 AM

You know we just went through a similar situation with a guitarist. He had a realization after 1 practice. To tell you the truth we were pissed, not that he had this realization but that he didn't have it before he said yes to joining the band.

MatticusMania · #4 06-10-2009, 11:14 AM

I think sometimes it takes a few weeks before you realize "y'know, this really isn't what I want to be doing" Better to be a few weeks than a few months, or a few years.

jgroh · #5 06-10-2009, 11:21 AM

It can be alot like a first date...you might hit it off on the first date because you are both "on", and that can change on subsequent dates when you let that facade down.

double_stop2584 · #6 06-10-2009, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stumbo

Didn't you know this stuff before you started with the new band? What's the "real reason" it's not the band for you?

Curious to know why you quit the old band?

So what do you want to do?

Have you ever been in a band that you really wanted to be in?

What would that band be?

There were a few reasons I quit the first band - the main reason being that I was tired of being on the road, and it was a nationally touring band, backing an independent artist. And the stress of dealing with the tour manager/drummer/artist's husband (all the same person) was too much, and I wanted out. I loved being in that band for the first year and a half.

As to the things I already knew...I did not already know the practices/gigs would be 50 minutes away. I should've gotten all that info before I agreed to join, and that's my fault. Also, the band leader said it's a paying gig and that he "tries to get at least $100 for each member at a gig." I wasn't told until after I got paid a small amount that all the club gigs are a cut of the door, and I wish I'd known that before, because it's hard to guarantee a crowd size.

I'm not going to argue that it's a ****** move, and I apologized profusely, and have stated I'll be available until they find a new guy...but I know that I don't want to be in this band long-term.

What do I want to do? That's the real question...and I'm looking to chalk this up to a learning experience, and not rush into the next gig, and take the time to make my decision and get all the info I need to do it.

bassbully · #7 06-10-2009, 11:44 AM

Don't feel too bad it took me a year and a half to do the same thing. I was i country band that unlike you i did enjoy for the most part music wise. But after a year the 1 weeknight practice afterwork which was a one hour one way trip each way wore me out to the point i cant wait till the last one is over....and its tonight!

The manager for the bandleader is a jerk and got to me over time and i lost interest in the music. We also started losing money at gigs due to less places to play and getting lower paying gigs to survive. All of the gigs were 45 Min-1 hour or more away form my home at privite clubs were family and friends had to be members to see me play.

If you dont love the music or the scene or at least like it move on. life is too short to play bad music and not enjoy it.

Renaissance · #8 06-10-2009, 11:45 AM

Things don't always work out - and it isn't always apparent immediately. You could have been a little more informed going in but if we were all perfect car insurance would be cheaper! Sounds like you were willing to go above and beyond to help even though you're leaving. Don't beat yourself up.

**bass4worship** · #9 06-10-2009, 07:47 PM

I glad to see you leaving on good term with the band, this will help if you want to get back in or may be call again if they need you. In my band we know how hard it is to get good musicains and we try to be very nice to a musicain that want to leave this way if we need him most of the time he'll gig with us again. Hope you fine another band that you'll enjoy.

double_stop2584 · #10 06-11-2009, 10:40 AM

Just an update...at last night's gig, everybody was really professional. They all said what everybody's said..."if you know what you need to do, then you know." They were really appreciative that I was up front about it, and they were appreciative that I wasn't just bailing and leaving them in a tough spot without a bass player.

So thanks for letting me vent, TB!

fretlessguy · #11 06-15-2009, 02:28 PM

I hope things work out for you and you find a group that will be a good fit. It may even be a group that actually doesn't play a style you are accustomed to. In the meantime, practice your skills, perhaps learn to play a new instrument, get involved in home recording, take bass lessons, write some songs, or perhaps pick up a fretless and learn to play it hopefully better than I. Anyway, view it as a time to expand on your musical horizons.

FG