LEAVING A BAND

ducatiman · #1 12-10-2007, 04:57 PM

been playing with some guys a bit over a year. gigging, working 3 piece. hard rock, very loud. the drummers driving the band to ever higher volumes, the marshall stack guy is more than happy to oblige by turning up. i'm now finding the volume-fest quite obnoxious and am also concerned with long term hearing loss and tinnitus. i've already begun playing with some other guys who play at reasonable volume, tasteful ,mature quality musicians. the new situation will no doubt end up as a gigging band.

my question....go out in a ball of flames and lay it on them with both barrels ...no holds barred OR be diplomatic and low-key as to my reasons for leaving.

which road would you take and why?

TIA, duc

98dvl · #2 12-10-2007, 05:02 PM

Never burn your bridges... Chances are you'll run into these guys again in some capacity down the line.

Is your only beef with this band the fact that they play loud?

Ask them to turn down... If they don't, get some earplugs at Guitar Center... Best $12 you'll ever spend (do this whether they turn down or not)

If you can't take it any more. Tell them why. Give them a chance first - let them know if it's still too loud, you're going to leave. If they can't turn it down, leave... It's that easy.

No reason to go "no holds barred" (whatever that really entails) for guys that just play loud.

Some guys (like myself)... would like a drummer that CAN and WILL hit the skins hard... Just keep that in mind as well.

phat daddy · #3 12-10-2007, 05:05 PM

Do both-- be diplomatic, but be honest. If you're not honest people are going to pick up on your reasoning, I know I have when people left my band and didn't want to tell me why. On the other hand, people who have had the balls to say their true feelings while maintaining a professional composure have always ultimately won my respect in the situation, thus leaving me with the feeling that I'd work with them again in the future. People love a straight-shooter, and don't like being put on as they feel they're being patronized at best, lied to at worst. When I work in somebody else's band and decide to leave, I calmly and unemotively give my honest reasons as to why. Who knows, they may respect me for it and they may even learn something.

ctufankjian · #4 12-10-2007, 05:08 PM

Man, I'm interested to see what kind of advise you get, as I'm in an identical situation right now.

agreatheight · #5 12-10-2007, 05:11 PM

You all ready know the answer to this question, don't you?

K2000 · #6 12-10-2007, 05:16 PM

Bow out gracefully, no need to explain anything in depth, except say that the other project is more interesting to you, you're into a different vibe and you don't have time to do both bands. IMO, if you start getting into your complaints, it might turn into "one last bitchfest". If you've already made up your mind, there's no point in rehashing everything. Be friendly, calm and maybe even apologetic, and stress that there's no hard feelings, you still like the guys and maybe you can do a few more rehearsals while they look for a replacement (if they want).

Earplugs do help a lot though (try Hearos).

winstonthecat · #7 12-10-2007, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ducatiman

been playing with some guys a bit over a year. gigging, working 3 piece. hard rock, very loud. the drummers driving the band to ever higher volumes, the marshall stack guy is more than happy to oblige by turning up. i'm now finding the volume-fest quite obnoxious and am also concerned with long term hearing loss and tinnitus. i've already begun playing with some other guys who play at reasonable volume, tasteful ,mature quality musicians. the new situation will no doubt end up as a gigging band.

my question....go out in a ball of flames and lay it on them with both barrels ...no holds barred OR be diplomatic and low-key as to my reasons for leaving.

which road would you take and why?

TIA, duc

I always opt for the diplomatic approach. You can still be very honest about why you're leaving, but you don't have to be insulting or derogatory about it. You have very valid reasons for leaving, just lay it all out in a professional manner.

Good luck!!

cutthroatmolloy · #8 12-10-2007, 08:46 PM

get earplugs.

i would tell them its getting too loud and ask them to turn it down, to me it seems like a silly thing to just leave a band over without at least saying something about first.

Gallant Reflex · #9 12-10-2007, 08:57 PM

I gotta see Scuurvy!!!

ducatiman · #10 12-10-2007, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cutthroatmolloy

get earplugs.

i would tell them its getting too loud and ask them to turn it down, to me it seems like a silly thing to just leave a band over without at least saying something about first.

i agree, i've been telling them for months, i've just never given them an ultimatum (turn down or i'm gone) AND i've been forced to use earplugs now as well (self-defense). unfortunately, i feel as though the people who come to see us SHOULDN"T be forced to wear earplugs, too. just_too_loud. period.

thanks for your opinions, guys. the diplomatic yet honest approach seems most reasonable.

----------------duc

Jared Lash · #11 12-10-2007, 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ducatiman

my question....go out in a ball of flames and lay it on them with both barrels ...no holds barred OR be diplomatic and low-key as to my reasons for leaving.

which road would you take and why?

I think the best way to go about it is to show up for the next practice and before setting up any of your gear, casually say the following:

"Hey, you know what band is looking for a new bass player?"

Then finish with, "YOU GUYS! Later losers" and walk out never to speak to them again.

Or, you could be honest and tell them that you have a project that interests you more. If you felt like it, you could even offer to gig with them for a bit while they looked for your replacement. That's what I'd do. But my first suggestion makes for a much better story.

Jeb · #12 12-10-2007, 11:15 PM

I'll comment on the OP and then go back and read the rest of the posts.

Low key, diplomatic approach. If you have to, thats the way. If I were you, I'd do both projects and try to work the volume issue on the first but if thats a lost cause then bough out gracefully and move on.

NEVER burn bridges, its not worth it. While I've never done it, I have seen the results. You'll regret it if you do it that way. 100%, you'll regret it if you seek that "satisfaction." Let it go and move on. You'll likely encounter someone familiar with the situation at some point. Maintain your reputation as best you can. Especially if you can play. Bass players reps are built on their ability to work with other players as much as their ability to play bass, IME.

edit, OK read the rest.

::::BASSIST:::: · #13 12-11-2007, 12:59 AM

This is my biggest complaint. Most rock bands play way too loud. If your audience has to plug their ears how can enjoy the music? Then there's the bartenders, servers etc who tell the manager of the crazy volume then the venue stops hiring bands... its a bad rap for all of us.

98dvl · #14 12-11-2007, 01:07 AM

There are a few clubs around here that make the bans turn down the music.

If the waitresses can't hear what the customers are ordering, it's pointless. If the customers can't hear each other talking, they'll go somewhere else.

Like it or not, most people don't go to check out cover bands at bars, they're mostly there for the drinks... the music is just an added bonus.

I prefer the places where the band isn't loud.

Once you get a really loud band into a small venue, it's never good as the sound usually just gets muddy anyway.

Max · #15 12-11-2007, 01:28 AM

Im reading this thread with interest because I am going through a similar thing. My band is turning into a benign dictatorship where for a while it seemed really equal in terms of contribution. I am mulling over leaving. Only thing is there probably isn't a better gig for me in terms of what I want to do, so I may be giving up the chance to play regularly and I know I will miss it. I also love my fellow bandmates, but I don't like being treated like a second class citzen.

I think it's important to not burn bridges because it's a small world in terms of gigging bands and you want to be professional. Never bad mouth your ex band mates.

I was interested in watching part of the Eagles segment on 60 Minutes where Don Henly conceded it was Glen Fry's band. He spoke of tensions that all bands have. That surprised me because Henly is so central to that band. But ultimately it's true. There's a center to a band where it's one or two at most and the rest of us are outsiders.

In any event, I think I will state my grievances in a non confrontational way with the expectation that it may cause irreconciliable differences. But to repeat, I won't burn bridges and I won't bad mouth.

Phalex · #16 12-11-2007, 07:41 AM

WWJD??

What would Jaco do if he were in the same situation??

51m0n · #17 12-11-2007, 09:31 AM

Over here in the UK most bars & pubs have SPL monitoring systems that will turn off the stage power if the band goes over the threshold! Everyone is rocking out one minute - the next ........

Makes the singer look particularly stupid though

In order to combat this most bands have at least a couple of really long power cables to run from behind the bar, since those sockets never get turned off!

In answer to the OP - get good plugs if you want to stay - tinnitus is no joke, I've seen it ruin some great musicians' lives.

Talk to them though, try a really really quiet rehearsal at least, they'll be surprised at how much easier it is to practice relatively quietly, and how much more you get done if people aren't being mashed by the volume.

If they aren't interested and they really are ruining your enjoyment explain that you are going to leave in a very professional way and then do it. That way you don't burn your bridges.

BigSwami · #18 12-11-2007, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phalex

WWJD??

What would Jaco do if he were in the same situation??

"**** you guys, I'm the greatest bass player in the world and I don't have to put up with your ****. Please deliver my last check to the basketball court and don't let Julio see you, that bastard spies on me for the CIA. Purple monkey dishwasher."

Rickett Customs · #19 12-11-2007, 11:36 AM

You can't go wrong being diplomatic and honest.
I have done so over the years and I have never had to feel like I was being dishonest to myself or other folks I have played with in the past. If loudness is the only problem, then say it and be done with it, if they choose not to listen, then obviously your ultimatum meant nothing in the first place and that is"time to go", talk there.
Sounds like a little bit more than just volume to me.

invader3k · #20 12-11-2007, 11:42 AM

Bow up gracefully. Don't get into all your reasons for leaving. Just say "Hey, playing with you guys has been cool, but there's another project that is more interesting to me musically. I wanted to let you guys know so you can work on finding a new bass player." Offer to fill in on any remaining gigs while they find someone else.

You never know...you might need to play with some of them again someday. No point in pissing everyone off.