Leaving before it starts

Mr L · #1 02-24-2013, 01:20 PM

I'm currently in a band with 2 friends that happen to be brothers. They are fantastic musicians but being that the guitarist has mild autism which causes him to still live a home, his mom likes to manage the band. This didn't look like it would be an issue as she has worked for a record label and I thought she would know her stuff.

Fast forward 3 months: she makes decisions without consulting us (example would be she got a female lead singer without even asking our opinion, which is the last straw for me), makes embarrassingly long and unneeded posts on our bands FB (example would be she posted a super long thing a well as a video of the guitarist playing a song he submitted to a contest 3 years prior). The guitarist and drummer just go with it and say "oh she's just trying to help us, she knows what's best."

She blocked me from the fb page because I kept deleting the insane posts she would make. Said I am hurting the band (even though I'm the one who went out and got a friend who's a graphic designer to make us a logo, she also got mad about that)

She apparently got pissed at me that I setup an Instagram, twitter, soundcloud, and band camp page for our band without asking her if I could. Of course she wouldn't talk to me about it and every time I try to confront her about something she runs away or ignores everything I say.

I'm starting to realize this is a lost cause and have been searching for a new band for the past little bit and I've since been invited to join a band that is 100% my style and in the process of being signed and recording an EP.

My worry is that my current band members are very emotional and I really don't want to burn any bridges or give them any reason to hate me, or come after me.

I really enjoy playing with them and the music we make is awesome.

I just can't handle the lack of communication, lack of professionalism, and overall the lack of respect my opinion seems to have.

We haven't really done anything along the lines of recording or shows. If this is a sign of things to come then I think things will only get worse.

Just looking for other people's opinions.

JimmyM · #2 02-24-2013, 01:21 PM

Say goodbye and hello. No-brainer.

tmw · #3 02-24-2013, 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JimmyM

Say goodbye and hello. No-brainer.

+1

dalkowski · #4 02-24-2013, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tmw

+1

+1.

fenderbassman40 · #5 02-24-2013, 01:44 PM

Brothers, mother, autism, female lead singer, still lives at home= RUN LIKE HELLLLL!!!!! Seriously, lace up your running shoes and start sprinting. Do not look back. Just keep going. Get out! Leave while you still have some sanity and self-esteem left. They will start effing with your mind so hard. No matter how good you sound with them leave. Again, if I did not make my point clear, write an email them that says "I quit" And then block all further correspondence from them.

mellowinman · #6 02-24-2013, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fenderbassman40

Brothers, mother, autism, female lead singer, still lives at home= RUN LIKE HELLLLL!!!!! Seriously, lace up your running shoes and start sprinting. Do not look back. Just keep going. Get out! Leave while you still have some sanity and self-esteem left. They will start effing with your mind so hard. No matter how good you sound with them leave. Again, if I did not make my point clear, write an email them that says "I quit" And then block all further correspondence from them.

I like this post.

**smperry** · #7 02-24-2013, 02:04 PM

I was about to ask how old you are, but it really doesn't matter. Get out of there now.

kellyrojo · #8 02-24-2013, 02:07 PM

Groove Doctor · #9 02-24-2013, 02:16 PM

She's a control freak - RUN !!!

After a few months away from them you'll realise how messed up it was and wonder why you stayed so long.

Axtman · #10 02-24-2013, 02:56 PM

It's not your band.....it's HER band!!!

So unless you are satisfied with being a hired gun without any say in decisions.....leave.

Life is just too short to deal with difficult band situations.

Also don't spend your life worrying what other people think or may or may not do.

mellowinman · #11 02-24-2013, 03:07 PM

The killer is in the house. GET OUT OF THERE NOW!!!

Depth_Charge · #12 02-24-2013, 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr L

I'm starting to realize this is a lost cause and have been searching for a new band for the past little bit and I've since been invited to join a band that is 100% my style and in the process of being signed and recording an EP.

If someone else told you this, what advice would you give them? I bet it would be the same advice people are giving you now. Quit the lost cause on as good terms as you can, and join the better prospect.
Good luck.

**mjac28** · #13 02-24-2013, 09:44 PM

Come after you? is the band connected?

Bassbubble11 · #14 02-24-2013, 09:45 PM

What do you mean "come after you"?

creis2 · #15 02-24-2013, 09:46 PM

According to your profile, you give in Vancouver, BC. You should have many musicians who would value you.

Let this one go, you're better than that.

Spaceman Ian · #16 02-24-2013, 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Depth_Charge

If someone else told you this, what advice would you give them? I bet it would be the same advice people are giving you now. Quit the lost cause on as good terms as you can, and join the better prospect.
Good luck.

+1

two fingers · #17 02-24-2013, 09:51 PM

Yep. A control freak mom, a girl, and two mamma's boys with issues. There ain't enough chili powder in the world to save that recipe.

Munjibunga · #18 02-24-2013, 10:14 PM

I'd say get out pronto, regardless of what these other guys say.

pushbuttonfour · #19 02-24-2013, 10:55 PM

stay man you can work it out!!!!!!!!

MysticMichael · #20 02-24-2013, 11:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr L

My worry is that my current band members are very emotional and I really don't want to burn any bridges or give them any reason to hate me, or come after me.

That's it? You're just worried about their reaction to your decision? That's all that this is really about?

Honestly, what exactly is it that you're asking here? How to continue to take responsibility for other people's feelings, for other people's choices, and for additional things that you haven't caused, and that you can't control?

On a related note, if this so-called "band" has never played a gig, has never done a recording project, has never actually gotten out of the garage or the basement, and has an overbearing mother who calls all the shots...and a pair of boys who are still tied to her apron strings, in what realistic sense can you seriously even refer to this as a "band"?

MM