micro managing the kid's band...

[winstonthecat]

As others have said, you should really back down. Support his desire (or not) to be in a band, but don't get into managing the band, picking songs, etc.

You can talk to him about what he wants to achieve, and give some advice on how to achieve it, but that's about it. If you control it, it won't be fun for him anymore.

[Wagz]

Next time you have some spare time, watch a couple movies on music for inspiration and perspective. Managing the dynamics inside a band is hard enough so you want to be supportive without being overbearing.

Some recommendations:
Talihina Sky - The Kings of Leon are all related, and not all well-adjusted, but their family does a great job of being supportive without being overbearing.
We Jam Econo - Another documentary, this time on Mike Watt's Minutemen. They started in high school.
Everyday Sunshine - Another documentary, on Fishbone. Again, you can see the role family played and how the band couldn't manage everyone's personalities (in the band, much less everyone else).
The Story of Anvil - You don't want your kids looking at you like the front man for Anvil ten years from now!

[Flyingfrets]

I have my band, my son has his. If we jam, it's not with the other one's band, it's just "Pops" & his kid having some fun.

I've never given any "management" direction unless asked, and at that, only enough to let him make his own decision on how to proceed.

For the love of God, step off dude. The whole "living vicariously through my kid" thing is more than a little creepy...especially to another parent who's child may be involved.

[fdeck]

I started playing music at age 5 or 6, so of course my parents were involved with lessons, instruments, transportation, etc. But they let me be on my own when playing in ensembles, which included school bands, some paid gigs, and a community orchestra. I'm not a rock star today, but I still enjoy playing, and I'm delighted that both of my kids are now involved in music, on their way towards surpassing me.

[tmdazed]

my kid is in a band too , only time i try to help out is when he asks me to , If I have an answer I will give it . But my kid knows i have played in a lot of groups over the years and he just comes to me with upstart questions that are easy to answer. I do like it when he sits in with my primary project tho , love playing with my kid doing leads

[thatbasskid597]

I can bring in a kid's perspective to this discussion. I am a senior in high school, and when I was a freshman, a few friends and I formed a band. It was just like your typical kid garage band at first, playing classic rock stuff, but eventually we were gigging clubs weekly for about a six-month period of time. We were as driven as (I think) a kid band possibly could be, practicing three days per week, basically eating, breathing, and sleeping the band. The thing is, one of the guitarist's fathers was exactly like the OP, totally trying to control the show. He played in bands in the past, so he thought he was a rock expert or something. Eventually, the drummer, second guitarist, and myself had had enough and told him we were done. After a long period of drama, and basically all the families of us kids not being friends anymore, I would strongly suggest that you provide your son with the information and tools to be successful, but let him figure things out on his own and learn from his(their) mistakes. Based on my experience, trying to control the show will only end badly. Overall, it was a HUGE learning experience for me, and I wouldn't say I regret it a bit. Just be careful. IMO

[Kmonk]

Leave the kids alone and let them have fun. They will figure it out on their own. If you continue to stay involved they will eventually resent you. If you want to be involved in a band, learn to play and find people your own age.

[fdeck]

Luckily, when I was a kid, nobody's parents had ever played in rock bands.

[tmdazed]

Originally Posted by fdeck

Luckily, when I was a kid, nobody's parents had ever played in rock bands.

This is what I loved my parents for, neither EVER played in a band , offered no advice, hell rarely came to see us play, but all the fumbling around we did taught me a LOT and lead to some really fun and great projects, your kid will never get the Independence he needs later on with all of you trying to molly coddle and helicopter them, that includes you OP support , but hang back until asked something, answer if you truly know the answer, otherwise say you don't know , no shame in that

[theretheyare]

I used to teach bandclass for a number of years, and worked with this band starting out as 10-year olds that was really going for it, centered around a very driven and talented kid named Jasper. He started writing songs, record them, and really develop a vision.

Initially they got a lot of media attention, tv stuff etc, because of their age and precociousness, but as they got older the "so cute" factor disappeared, and they found themselves suddenly judged by the normal, harsher, 'adult' standards which they weren't used to, and that was tough (too tough) for them.

For a long term career prospect, in my opinion to start that young in public can have drawbacks, and the kids are better off if parents keep themselves in the background, so the kids can keep it real for themselves.

[jonas_24112]

Aaah the days of hanging crash cymbals from the barn rafters on a rope cause we didn't have cymbal stands! Glad my parents stayed out of it. Course now that I'm 37, they still tell me I shouldn't be spending my time playing music in bars

[heb9_28]

I'd like to hear back from the OP.

[Bass Viking]

"Let your children play"

- Jim Morrison

[4dog]

Start your own band,, teenagers dont want some old fogie pushing em around telling to play mott the fricken hoople,, i mean no offense,, but cmon,, why do you parents wanna micro manage anyway ,, yall are sucking all the fun out of the rock and roll experience. Make sure they aint smokin dope first and all you parents start yer own band,, and dont be smokin dope either.

[DwaynieAD]

Originally Posted by Bass Viking

"Let your children play"

- Jim Morrison

also killed himself via drug overdose, so probably not the best person to take lessons from. unless you're suicidal.

[fdeck]

One thing I would do, as a parent, is insist on earplugs.

[new2bassguitar]

Originally Posted by heb9_28

I'd like to hear back from the OP.

Hives.

[pgolliher]

Originally Posted by Kmonk

Leave the kids alone and let them have fun. They will figure it out on their own. If you continue to stay involved they will eventually resent you. If you want to be involved in a band, learn to play and find people your own age.

Agreed- and once they resent you, your kid is going to have a tough time finding peers that want to play with him. Support you kid's dream- don't try to live your dream through him.

[fjadams]

Well, it won't be long before you're the not so proud father of an ex amateur musician.

My boy too was in bands and playing publicly by the time he was 8 and until he retired from the business at 25. Played in popular/good bands, made a few records, got ripped off by promoters and agents, played high profile gigs, the whole thing that every successful musician does. Not once did I ever tell him how, where, what, etc to play. Didn't push him into it, just gave him the support he asked for or needed. Drove him where he needed to go, helped with equipment acquisition, whatever he wanted.
When he was too young to be in bars except as a performer sat at the "musicians table", where there was no beer allowed, no people not related to the band, some places no smoking at table, and band had to sit there and no where else when not playing.

Remember, if a child is not having FUN, no matter the initial interest, whether it be music, sports, collecting, whatever, they will not be doing it long.

[winstonthecat]

Originally Posted by new2bassguitar

Hives.

Really?? That is all you have to say after the feedback your fellow TBers provided? You seem a little fixated on the Hives. Pushing your musical tastes on your kid's band is a no-win situation.

Let us know how this works out for you.