most pathetic audition you've seen or heard of

[Evil Undead]

I'm thinking that if the cop left after very little effort to intervene, he probably wasn't a cop at all, and was just trying to scare.

[Evil Undead]

Originally Posted by s_mcsleazy

yup. they heard my work (wich was played with a squier) and said they loved my sound and style but when i showed up they said "listen. were trying to keep up a image here so if you run home and grab a fender"

"i dont have a fender. my squier does me fine"

"well im sorry you'll have to leave"

That's appalling. Just goes to show the narrow-mindedness of some folk.

I wouldn't wanna be in a band that wouldn't accept my squier!

[whocaresnotme]

Played in a Jazz-fusion quartet and we lost our drummer (excellent but had a really bad attitude bordering on violence). Went to the house of a prospective for an audition for him. Beautiful home, excellent kit , couldn't play a lick like he started playing last week. He introduces us to his son who is a drummer also ( he was coaching his dad during the audition).. The kid mounts the kit and does a really good job but he was only 12 years old. We moved on.

Advertised for a drummer for a funk band some years ago. A guy calls me and said he is a bada** and was the drummer I was looking for but his drums were in hock (could I get them out) and he has no car (can I pick him up) and he lives an hour away. I didn't go pick him up needless to say.

[JohnMCA72]

Originally Posted by powderfinger

True story alert-

(snip)

It would be years before I ever spoke to or saw the drummer again. We later started hanging out again, but NEVER mentioned this night.

I'm not sure you meant to use that exact language

[Savage_Dreams]

Originally Posted by remainthesame

nah man, he smelled the stuff. that gives him a right to proceed without a warrant

exactly. he was INVITED in, and then smelled it. sounds legit to me

[Savage_Dreams]

Originally Posted by groovaholic

I'll play "Devil's Advocate"...

1) I've intentionally botched auditions in cases where I knew early and clearly that I did NOT want to be in that band.

why would you do that? doesnt matter if they sucked or not. if they think you sucked and then spread the word around you could end up screwing yourself.

[LiquidMidnight]

Originally Posted by powderfinger

True story alert-

One of my old bands broke up in the late 90s when I was living near Charlotte NC. The singer and guitarist split beause they were so intolerable of one another, and to be honest, my drummer and I were tired of BOTH of them at this point. So we saw an ad for a singer/guitarist seeking a drummer/bassist at a local music store. I was like, "this is great...". They were into harder music than we played, but we just wanted to jam, as we were young and eager to get jammin' again. I called the singer, and he seemed very friendly, and invited us over to jam.

My drummer set up his drums in this cat's living room. I set up my bass rig next to his drums. We were ready to go. The singer was in another room on the phone, as we were waiting for the guitarist to come over.

The lead guitarist made it over late. This guy was about 4 foot 7.... leather jacket, army pants, and an early 90s James Hetfield Cowardly Lion style mane. He also had a horrible looking mustache... and he was drunk. But fortunately his playing wasn't too affected by his buzz. He was actually awesome.

So the guitardist sets up his amp and pedals. And we start jamming on some Alice in Chains. The singer finally comes in, and askes if we wanna do some Alice in Chains. We all agreed to jam on some AIC, since we all knew a few songs by them. The drummer, the elf on guitar, and me were tearing it up, however, I didn't HEAR any vocals. Apparently the singer did not own a mic or a PA. He was singing , but INAUDIBLE due to LACK OF AMPLIFICATION. He looked like a fool, because all you could see was this guy's mouth moving.... with no sound coming out of it. His face was blood red, and he was sweating profusely.

This is where the story goes weird. After that song, the singer's girlfriend and the guitarist's girlfriend start grinding on one another in the livingroom (they had turned on the strereo), while we all were sitting on the couch. They honestly got down to their under garments, and were lap dancing on their boyfriends. One of the girls started grinding on the drummer too. Next thing I know the elf guitarist has his pants down around his ankles and begins to... yeah... that. He was doing THAT. He then looked at me and smiled. The singer then pulled his pants down too. At that point, I got up, and started packing up my equipment. I looked back to tell my drummer "lets go", and HE had HIS pants down around his ankles to. 3 grown men sharing a wank together. No kidding. I told him he could get his own ride home, and left him right there at the singer's house.

It would be years before I ever spoke to or saw the drummer again. We later started hanging out again, but NEVER mentioned this night.

[/thread]

My stories can't top that at all.

I was once in a band auditioning guitarists. This one guy comes over with a Les Paul that looks like it was painted with a brush. He had this cheap delay pedal that he played on everything, and all of his leads were these twangy Duane Eddy wanks that didn't go anywhere.

A few years ago, my current band was auditioning drummers. Our drummer at the time was leaving amicably. He wanted to pursue something more oriented towards tour work. We continued to gig with him and another former drummer and friend of the band while we looked for a new permanent drummer.

We invited a few potential drummers out to a gig we were playing. One was a fellow who appeared experienced on paper. Our guitarist had been told by another bass player whom he's friends with that this guy was kind of PITA. Regardless, we decided to give him a shot. We asked him what he'd like to play. He said Talk Dirty by Poison and Jenny, Jenny by Tommy Tutone. Okay, cool. First, upon getting up on the drummer's kit, he takes the time to adjust every cymbal. Then, we play the most interesting version of Talk Dirty to Me ever played in the North Eastern United States. He played about three different beats throughout the whole tune, plus ran the song long. His take on Jenny, Jenny was passable but far from exceptional. The kicker was how out of breath he was by the end of the tunes. We also play a lot of more edgy modern rock, such as Disturbed and Pantera. If Poison and Tommy Tutone was leaving him out of breath, there was no way he was going to make it through a whole gig of our repertoire.

The funny part is that at the end of the gig, I went over to thank him for coming out. It turned out that he was one of those guys that keeps talking and talking and talking and talking, and it's impossible to get away from him. He said that he definitely wasn't the guy for the gig, especially considering the physically demanding material we played. He complimented us, but said that what we were doing wasn't going to last long because it wasn't marketable music. At that point, we had been together for about 5 or 6 years. This incident was about three years ago, and I'm looking at a pretty full July schedule now. But he kept talking. I remember looking up at the stage and seeing that my guitarist and drummer had broken down and loaded up and our sound and light techs were pretty much packed up. Still, my rig stood on stage, untouched! I finally got away from the dude.

Ironically, on the night we auditioned and decided on our current drummer, he emailed our singer saying that he was still available if we needed someone with that "professional fit."

[groovaholic]

@savageDreams: Denver is a small enough scene that I was less worried about negative word of mouth than about the ill will created by telling some of these bands exactly what I think of them...

[Rockmusician]

Originally Posted by VictorG

Oh come on! That first story, you made that up didn't you ?

True story, my best mate each time he would hear the Elton John song "Hold me closer Tiny Dancer" he would get flat out irate and spitting mad. His wife asked him "why do you get so upset when you hear that song ?" to which he replied " Why is he singing about Hold me closer Tony Danza????" true story

In all honesty, it is a true story. We couldn't believe the guy actually thought he was singing the right words.

By the way, the Elton John, Tiny Dancer/Tony Danza joke was actually used on a sitcom about 10 years ago.

[sound of bass]

Originally Posted by remainthesame

nah man, he smelled the stuff. that gives him a right to proceed without a warrant

There are many things that "smell" like it. Im in healthcare, a person with slurred speech, altered mental status, and smelling like alcohol, does not mean hes drunk...could be many other things. Need a warrant. But whatever...he should have done the cool thing and just left.

[Jeb]

These are some great stories, I've spent alot of time reading them and I can just imagine some of your experiences. This one (from page 1), I'll comment on:

Originally Posted by aztomr

A year or so ago, we auditioned a drummer( we go through drummers) who stated he had 30+ years experience. He played an electronic kit, I've played with a couple guys who played electronic and both had trouble keeping the beat....

While hes in the bathroom,the guitar player tells me he thinks the guy is watching me for the beat. Sure enough I can speed him up or slow him down and he never notices......

The bold/italic section of the quote? Wow, I'd love to have that power.

[djero44]

This thread is great. I've laughed aloud a couple of times and been shocked at others.

I've played with people that didn't work out, but nothing that can compare to any of this. That is probably a good thing!

[lordziros]

bloody hell after reading all these im happy i have a drummer but im scared as hell about finding a guitarist

[powderfinger]

Here's a another one. I was barely 21 years old and was putting together a country and rock cover band with 2 guys in my college class. We met this guy (Skip) who claimed to be a singer/songwriter. He claimed to have known all these big time stars like Garth Brooks and Alan Jackson. We were skeptical, but the guy let us "read" some songs out of his writers notebook, and they were actually ok. He also insisted he could sing rock. So we take him back to the jam room.

We told him to sing and play rythm guitar, and that we'd start on a few easy covers. We went into Fortunate Son by CCR. Skip said, "I don't know this one". We stopped. I said, "do you know any other CCR songs". Skip replied, "no, I meant... I dont know who CCR is". I said, "can you rock?". With almost arrogant, boastful pride, he rhetorically asks, "can I rock... " and snicked. He said, "I can rock your ass off"... he counts 1... 2... 3.. and hits an "F" chord twice... repeats... and counts again...

... he leans into the mic, off key and obscenely loud..."WARDEN THREW A PARTY IN THE COUNTY JAIL". Our drummer, literally fell over backward laughing at him. I was in shock, as was the guitarist, Pete (he was very shy and quiet). I was like, "dude, cmon... I meant like Led Zeppelin or maybe The Who". He said, "I can rock the f*** outta some Buddy Holly". The drummer then went from tickled to mad. He shouted, "WE ARENT A 50s BAND, DUDE". He then grinned, "maybe you just keep up with me".

At this point, the drummer, Pete, and I were confused as hell. The drummer then said, "We've been really patient and wanna give you a chance, but you havent shown us s****". He said, "can we play some Garth Brooks". The drummer, says, "NO". Skip then sat down and lit a smoke...

I asked Skip, what kind of music does he feel most comofrtable playing, and told him we would do some country covers later on, but now we wanted to rock. He asked if we knew "Earth Angel" by the Penguins. Pete's face turned red and he died laughing. I then said, "Skip... NO 50s music... NO DOO WOP".

Skip stood up and said, "im sorry... I dont have a rock n roll heart...". The drummer said, "Skip, lets do something from the 70s... do you know any 70s music". And I kid you not, Skip said, "hell yes, I do... do you guys knoiw YMCA by the Village People". The drummer threw a stick his direction, and screamed "GET THE F*** OUT OF THIS ROOM RIGHT NOW". Skip then told us he doesnt need a band anyhow and left....

[bass_lord_mutha]

Originally Posted by powderfinger

"I can rock the f*** outta some Buddy Holly".

That's going in my sig, man! That made me bust a gut laughing my ass off!

[bass_lord_mutha]

Ahh, audition hell, gotta love it till it happens to you.

[powderfinger]

Originally Posted by bass_lord_mutha

That's going in my sig, man! That made me bust a gut laughing my ass off!

Come to find out years later, Skip actually did a great (slighly off key) version of Peggy Sue.

[Session1969]

Originally Posted by ghiadub

One band I was in was auditioning keyboard players;
guy comes out to our practice spot where we have a PA set up and offer to let him use it; he says "no my keyboard has a built in amp" - huge red flag but I had an older casiotone that is pro level with an amp so I let it go

This is the topper, it was a jamband, so we figured lets jam and see how he does. We let him pick the jam key and he picks "c major" - second flag

I picked the key of the next jam, I went with F# and he was lost like nobody has ever been. We stop and ask him what s up and he says " I only play the white keys"

Wow, look at the time, practice is over.

(note to self; ask more questions on the phone)

Classic !

[lordziros]

Originally Posted by powderfinger

do you know any 70s music". And I kid you not, Skip said, "hell yes, I do... do you guys knoiw YMCA by the Village People". The drummer threw a stick his direction, and screamed "GET THE F*** OUT OF THIS ROOM RIGHT NOW". Skip then told us he doesnt need a band anyhow and left....

thats bloody great

[lordziros]

damn what happened we were getting so many posts then they just stopped?