My band is breaking up - complain with me!

[punkjazzben]

Hi guys,

I never thought I'd be posting a "Do I leave?" or "I just quit" or "My band just broke up" kind of post here, but I feel like letting some steam off.

I have been in this four-piece acoustic/rock band for about a year now. I was their third bass player, and they'd probably been together for two years before I came along. It was fun. We gigged nearly every weekend, mostly cover gigs at pubs, but also a decent number of original gigs at some pretty cool venues and with some great bands. We put out two EPs (I joined when they were recording the second). We travelled from Australia to LA and played at a few places (HoB in Hollywood plus a few places around Hermosa Beach) and generally had a good time. We have/had a really loyal local following and we always get a good crowd. But we weren't moving forward, and our personal lives (kids, work, marriages, money, etc.) were limiting our ability to throw everything into the band. We had a meeting the other night and made the decision mutually. So that's that.

But I still have some gripes that I've wanted to air here but have never thought it appropriate before.

- We never played with a set list. Well, we played with a setlist twice, and they were both important originals gigs at festivals where we couldn't afford to muck around between songs while our singer decided what to play. This is despite the three of us always asking him to put together a setlist. It was like the idea was offensive to him. All the same, we generally wouldn't know what we were playing until he announced it to the audience or starting strumming away.

- We rarely rehearsed. This isn't too bad; the proof is in the pudding. We were all good musicians and never sounded sloppy. But we could have been better. And when we did rehearse, it was for three-hours max (including half an hour each end while our gear was set up) and there were usually kids running around tugging at our guitarist and singer's arms for attention. We'd get through about two songs before the other three would want to go out for a cigarette for 20 minutes. So even though I wanted to rehearse more, the rehearsals were a bit of a waste of time usually.

- Our singer and frontman was a terrible communicator and organiser. He would book gigs months in advance and drop them on us a week or so beforehand. He double booked us numerous times, and refused gigs without asking us first. He'd book gigs without asking if we were available, then hassle us about it if we already had plans as though we were letting the band down. Most of the time you'd have to press him for more details - what time are we playing? how long for? are drinks and meals provided? what are we getting paid? is there a PA? Problem was, he had the contacts and anyone would give him a gig if he asked. He just didn't feel it necessary for his band to know about gigs. I found out about one once through our Facebook page two days before (!). Sometimes, when we had plans or weren't keen to play a venue or whatever, he'd lie to us individually and say the others were really keen to do it, or that we'd be getting paid more than we actually were, or that (if it was a door deal/cover charge sort of thing) the venue was regularly packed. He did the latter once and we walked out with $4 for the whole band, after dishing out for a four-hour car trip and a night's accommodation.

- Our frontman was also dodgy. He gambled compulsively so you couldn't ever trust him with money. You'd hear something like "Oh, the cheque from the organisers wasn't signed so I had to send it back. I'll give your gig money in a week," and think to yourself "Yeah, right... you spent it." We're fairly certain he collected a few hundred dollars in CD money from a store selling them for us and didn't pass it on to us - at least once. He'd do solo gigs, sell CDs, and not pass on our share. Once me and him were called up for a duo gig, but he told me it was cancelled, went to the gig and collected the full amount of pay for himself, and he still thinks he's got me fooled on all of this. This was in addition to regularly writing himself off the night before a gig so he'd a have a bad voice the next day, or getting high before playing (pot, speed, whatever he was given), and usually disappearing while the gear was set up and pulled down.

So, yeah. The band had great potential and did some big things, but internally was a mess. A lot of the time I felt more like a mistreated bassist-for-hire rather than an equal member of a band. I probably should have pulled up stumps a long time ago, especially with the money issues, but the pay I was getting every weekend was great and was going towards my upcoming wedding and honeymoon, so I couldn't really afford to pull the plug on that income. It also paid for a long-overdue upgrade to my bass gear. There's also very limited options for playing music around here - I don't think I'll be able to find another band for a very long time.

We have gigs booked for the next three weekends and then that's that. Then I start a new job, and I'm getting married a few weeks after. Fresh start.

[fenderbassman40]

Compulsive gambler lead singer. That's a new one for me. Never experienced that. And I thought I'd seen it all.

[ErebusBass]

Enjoy your marriage and your new job. Something better will come along when it comes along, and then you can rock out again.

[mjac28]

Three bassists in two years that would have been a red flag for me. I applaud your patience and congrats on your upcoming wedding.

[punkjazzben]

Originally Posted by mjac28

Three bassists in two years that would have been a red flag for me. I applaud your patience and congrats on your upcoming wedding.

The irony was that their previous bass player was given the boot because he was, they said, unorganised and got wasted at gigs.

[bluewine]

Originally Posted by punkjazzben

- Our frontman was also dodgy. He gambled compulsively so you couldn't ever trust him with money. You'd hear something like "Oh, the cheque from the organisers wasn't signed so I had to send it back. I'll give your gig money in a week," and think to yourself "Yeah, right... you spent it." .

I would never play with a theif.

Blue

[punkjazzben]

Originally Posted by bluewine

I would never play with a theif.

Blue

That's a very good point, and to be honest he's not the type of person I'd even associate with under normal circumstances. But I wouldn't accuse anyone of being a thief without hard evidence (which we don't have because of the storekeeper's fuzzy memory), and at the time I wouldn't have considered it prudent to jeopardise the income I was generating from the band or my friendship with the other guys.

[Depth_Charge]

I feel relieved you got out to be honest. What a mess! Good luck in the future, you're owed some

[bassbully]

I can understand the lack or focus and true commitment from band members with family and other issues.The Lack of practice my band also suffers that problem. As for the other band member issues those would have me running for the door. No one wants gigs dropped on them at the last second when they were planned out ahead, the theft issue also is a no brainier.

My originals band had a meeting before the gig last night and due to changes in some of the members lives (mine included) we are honoring our gigs booked for the rest of the year then taking time off. After 4 years we are not practicing at all or moving ahead so its time.

I think you are doing the right thing.

[punkjazzben]

Just an update:

Our last gig is tomorrow night. It'll be a fun night, although I'll be happy to wash my hands of it all. All of the above gripes remain; I wouldn't want to be in this band any longer. No chance of getting back together, either - our singer has left town and our guitarist has joined another established originals band.

A few guys have approached our drummer asking if he and I would be keen to join them in a covers-only, local-pubs only, weekend warrior band. They're older guys and have been doing the pub thing for yonks. I was iffy at first, but I need to remind myself that my last experience was not normal, and we lasted much longer than most bands would with that kind of group dynamic. This could be chance to simply enjoy playing music as a weekend hobby, which is what I really want at the moment.

[IPYF]

Man it was the cigarettes that used to get me. Especially the cigarette breaks. I guarantee you won't miss that aspect.

I used to go in to rehearse with bands and they'd book studios where they could smoke in the rooms and then I'd get smoked on. The alternative was that the b@stards would play one song and then take an hour smoko outside. Repeat 3 times and call it a night.

Man that pissed me off. I've deliberately avoided bands with smokers ever since, and don't get me started on the druggies. Just from your description of your act it's admirable that you put up with them at all. I would have been all fists flying well before you. Man the money thing would have burned me badly.

[totallyfrozen]

Before I read the OP or any of the posts...

The title of this thread is cracking me up!!

[ddnidd1]

You're upset about leaving that horror show behind????

You ought to be ecstatic.

[punkjazzben]

Originally Posted by ddnidd1

You're upset about leaving that horror show behind????

You ought to be ecstatic.

Oh, I am ecstatic!

[rtav]

Originally Posted by fenderbassman40

Compulsive gambler lead singer. That's a new one for me. Never experienced that. And I thought I'd seen it all.

+1.
W.T.EFF!

[ZachariahLee]

I'd be pretty upset if I were you. It has never happened to me personally, but I've witness a friend of mine being completely walked over by his band.

*No pay for gigs to save money for studio time, and when it was time for the recording they fired him. Bringing in this guy from craigslist ad.

*They asked him to purchase a PA, and they would pay it back. Now he is an inactive musician with a PA that gets no use other than the two shows he played with it. (Mains, monitors, and mixer). He'll never get back that money, only part if he resells.

I'm not being macho here, but there are times when an old fashioned @$$ whippin' are in order. What's more rock and roll than that?

Consider the other gig though. It might be a lot of fun, or even lead to something bigger.

[totallyfrozen]

Originally Posted by punkjazzben

...All the same, we generally wouldn't know what we were playing until he announced it to the audience or starting strumming away...

I played keyboards in a band like that once. Singer/guitarist would know the song and maybe even the bassist and drummer would know it from playing it in their old band (before I joined) but I would be on stage during the beginning of a song yelling (over the drums and guitar) "What song is this?" or "What key is this in?"

He never wanted to tell me (just smile an nod as he strummed away). He said he found it amusing to watch how quickly I could pick up a tune by ear (in front of a room full of people) if I was under the gun. I had to figure out each song by ear (sometimes even hearing it for the first time ON STAGE!) as fast as I possibly could just so I didn't look like a complete idiot in public. Set lists? Chord charts? Sure we had 'em. He just chose not to play them half the time. He'd pull some song out of his rear end at the last second. Of course, after the set, he'd promise never to do it again.

It totally sucked! I hated it!

The other problems you've had, I haven't experienced...but you have my sympathy.

Sounds like you guys could have been something if you'd have had a professional manager--and maybe a different singer.

[Nephilymbass]

The gambling and distrust with money is obviously a huge issue. One that I wouldn't deal with.

The set list thing is kinda surprising. We normally make our set list at the rehearsal prior to the show and run through it a couple times. Our singer even acts like he's talking to an audience and kinda scripts out where he's going to talk about; wether it be explaining a song, a funny story of how the song was written, or even plugging merch meanwhile we time the whole thing with a stop watch on a phone to make sure we don't run over whatever amount of time were going to get. Our lead guitarist refuses to play a show unrehearsed so worst case scenario we'll run through the set before loading up for the show. I feel timing your set is very important if you want the respect of national bands and want to open for them. We'll keep an eye on our time during the show and even cut a song if necessary or have a optional song ready if we are flying through it fast. Being professional and not running over your time goes a long way towards gaining the respect of the other bands. We have actually had national touring artists that weve opened for previously request that we open for them again because of stuff like that. In our hometown if we aren't opening for a national probably 19 out of 20 shows we play last so be we'd rather have bands opening for us that promote well and keep the show on schedule. Even if they are less talented than a band that sounds great but goes over their time or doesn't pull their load promoting.

[Hobobob]

Oh man, I would have been out of that band long before it broke up. That amount of thievery and general douchery would have sent me running after the first gig. I have to say, I admire your patience. Take the cover gig, find out what it's like to play with decent human beings.

[punkjazzben]

I think the reason it lasted so long is that, on the outside, we were a really good band. Crowds and venues liked us a lot. We gigged nearly every weekend (each of us would take home, on average, $200 for a gig, so the money was good) and most venues called us back for more gigs. The fans were really disappointed when we announced we were puling the pin. Essentially, no one would've possibly guessed we were so dysfunctional. With all the things I've talked about in the OP, you probably wouldn't believe that a band like this could do better than most of the other bands around town that actually had their s*** together.

However, as is pretty obvious, internally we were a mess. And that was mostly the singer's fault.

I think I'll take the next month to settle into the new job and get my wedding done, and then have a chat to these new guys about the cover gig. Classic rock, free beer, and cash in the wallet - sounds good to me.