My bandmates what to play a show without me? - Page 2

lowfreq33 · #21 12-16-2012, 08:55 PM

The right thing for your bandmates to do would be reschedule the show after the holidays. The right thing for you to do is give them your blessing to play with a sub.

Or you could both be selfish and end up fighting about it.

aprod · #22 12-16-2012, 09:05 PM

You should not be offended since you are the one who has to leave. Think positive, although you are an important member of the band let the show go on and hope it leads to more gigs you can make.

Kenzy · #23 12-16-2012, 10:04 PM

How important is this show? And I mean really. You said the headlining band plays the venue every month. How big of a draw can you really get if you play the same venue once every month? If you can just do it next month, you might as well, right? That's assuming it's not a HUGE deal though...

Frankewhite · #24 12-16-2012, 10:17 PM

Let them play with the sub. You said yourself that the sub is in the band that plays there once a month, I doubt that he will try and snake your mates. And if he does... you shouldn't be playing with assholes like that anyway.

Downunderwonder · #25 12-16-2012, 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BawanaRik

You are the one making the choice. Leave them to enjoy the biggest show of their careers up until this point. Maybe the biggest show of their lives. You chose to go on vacation.

It had better be Paris. Or Amsterdam.

Careers aren't on the line. It's probably some shady pay to play arrangement.

hrodbert696 · #26 12-17-2012, 04:12 AM

Personally, I think you're making too big a deal of it. You are not, in all likelihood, going to play in this one band exclusively for your entire life. The guys you play with aren't either. Bands come and go. It's better to think of it all as a world of musicians, who get together in different combinations to make music. Don't envy other musicians their chance to play. Be glad for them that they're getting the experience.

Think of it this way; if you're the guy who's jealous and stops the band from getting a sub and playing a good gig, then you're potentially going to be seen as the jerk. That's going to mean fewer people wanting to play with you in the future. If you're the cool guy, meet up with the sub bassist to get him up to speed on your lines, then that can only be good for your reputation. Maybe when the sub's band has a gig and HE's going on vacation, he calls YOU up to sub, right?

If this is really all about anxiety that the sub might be better than you and your band is going to replace you, guess what - that would happen sooner or later anyway. The only thing you can do about lack of ability is improve, you can't hide it.

ChrisB2 · #27 12-17-2012, 05:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phuffu

Am I just being selfish and greedy, or do I actually have a valid point? Also what should I say to my bandmates to let them agree with me?

You asked, so I'll answer: you have somewhat of a valid point, but you're being selfish. Let your band play the gig. There is no good reason for them to not play it. You don't want them to so you're rationalizing to yourself and us all the reasons they shouldn't, but none of the reasoning really proves they shouldn't do it. I understand you feel hurt, I would too. But it's time to put on your big boy panties and do the right thing even though it hurts.

What should you say to your bandmates? "ROCK OUT AND KILL IT BOYS!!! I'll be rooting for you!!"

chief108 · #28 12-17-2012, 05:19 AM

I saw Jeff Berlin learning all songs of a Yes show in LA once
he did it in one day
nailed it
perfectly
but still wasn't Chris Squire

hgiles · #29 12-17-2012, 05:20 AM

Be available or be prepared to get sub'd. Two guys shouldnt NOT play because ONE cant play.

lowfreq33 · #30 12-17-2012, 05:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BawanaRik

You are the one making the choice. Leave them to enjoy the biggest show of their careers up until this point. Maybe the biggest show of their lives. You chose to go on vacation.

It had better be Paris. Or Amsterdam.

He's a high school student, I don't think he has any choice in the matter.

Fliptrique · #31 12-17-2012, 05:51 AM

It will take you about an hour to record your bass parts on a laptop (it`s REALLY easy nowdays) and send them to the guy for reference, and additional 5 minutes to write the basic chord changes down.

I would find a adequate replacement and help him in any way I could - teach him the parts, offer my gear/backline for the gig - if necessary.

If the rest of the band wants to play just do everything you can to help them out. EGOs are the biggest problem in most of band situations. Just help your bandmates - It`s that simple.

Noah Nicoll · #32 12-17-2012, 06:01 AM

'Am I just being selfish and greedy, or do I actually have a valid point?' Yes you're being selfish and greedy and no, you do not have a valid point.

Nev375 · #33 12-17-2012, 06:04 AM

"The show must go on" Remember those words if you want to be a pro.

I dunno if the gig is worth it, but your band seems to think so, so you need to support the decision whether you like it or not. It's called "Disagree and commit"

Its not your fault that you are going on vacation so your band would only hold this against you if they were jerks. If your band are jerks, you should want out anyway, so think of this as a test for them. If they go through with this and replace you with the new guy. Good for you, bad for him.

By all means offer to help out teaching the originals. Not only is it the best thing you can do to help, but it will be a learning experience for you as well. You will also set an example that you are a team player.

Bands come and go, It's your reputation you are stuck with for life. Priorities first.

packhowitzer · #34 12-17-2012, 06:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by two fingers

OK, I get that this is not your favorite thing. But relax. The TRUTH of the matter is that most people won't remember who the bass player was by the next morning. The next time you guys play, NOBODY will be in the audience going "Where's the OTHER guy that played bass last time?" You net to get comfortable enough with yourself to admit that. If your band has a chance to put itself on the map while you aren't there, just let them. YOU will get all the benefits of it when you return. Your friends are really excited about playing. Let them have this.

I do fill-in stuff all the time. I bet I played 30 fill-in gigs this year alone. And you know what? Not ONCE did anyone come up and ask me what happened to the other bass player. Not ONCE. They don't know and they don't care. They just want to enjoy the music. So, when you get back, it will be just as though you were never gone.

When you get older, you will let stuff like this slide more easily. For now, just enjoy your vacation. In this economy, there are a lot of people who would give anything to be going on a trip over the holidays. Keep it in perspective and enjoy your trip.

Two Fingers said EXACTLY what i would have said. Listen to him. This is 100% true.

Cracker · #35 12-17-2012, 06:07 AM

There is some good insight in many of the previous posts, however the nuts and bolts of situations like this from my view point is:

Get a sub to play your parts. You are leaving your band for a vacation. Deal with and adapt to what comes from it. That should be the end of the story.

Hobobob · #36 12-17-2012, 06:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nev375

"The show must go on" Remember those words if you want to be a pro.

I dunno if the gig is worth it, but your band seems to think so, so you need to support the decision whether you like it or not. It's called "Disagree and commit"

Its not your fault that you are going on vacation so your band would only hold this against you if they were jerks. If your band are jerks, you should want out anyway, so think of this as a test for them. If they go through with this and replace you with the new guy. Good for you, bad for him.

By all means offer to help out teaching the originals. Not only is it the best thing you can do to help, but it will be a learning experience for you as well. You will also set an example that you are a team player.

Bands come and go, It's your reputation you are stuck with for life. Priorities first.

This. As long as the sub learns the songs, my doubts would be assuaged. Do what you can to help, set your ego aside, and start gaining a reputation.

Factor88 · #37 12-17-2012, 06:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phuffu

Also we are just opening for a band and I am thinking that if we can play the same exact show next month, then why not just do it then and not now.

Except next month won't be "the exact same show". Crhistmas break time in bars/clubs usually has a whole different vibe. There a holiday spirit, old friends back in town, etc. etc.

father of fires · #38 12-17-2012, 06:42 AM

I can see both sides. I know you or your band won't believe me but this won't be the biggest show of your career. You’ll recover whether you skip it or get a fill in.

Your parts may be unique to you but if they don’t make or break the song then no one will notice.

If any of the songs will be neutered without you parts, then the band shouldn’t play them.

Phalex · #39 12-17-2012, 07:06 AM

I've done some fill in stuff, and the bass player was uncomfortable. I loved having a fill in guy that could step in and take over. It's the sound of freedom!

Are you worried about them replacing you? If so, get over it. You can chew on that little nugget your whole life and never be able to swallow it. Just lighten up Francis.

Are you worried that the stand in guy will stink up your band and do damage to the image? That's a valid point, but if they are bound and determined, it's not like you're going to be around to do anything about it.

Go on vacation, have fun, and figure out what happens next when you get back. (I think it's going to be pretty much the same as before you left.)

RustyAxe · #40 12-17-2012, 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phuffu

Am I just being selfish and greedy, or do I actually have a valid point?

Not at all, really, it's understandable. But sometimes that's how things are and as the poker player says "you just play the cards you're dealt".

Quote:

Also what should I say to my bandmates to let them agree with me? (btw my drummer is 50/50 on the matter.

Nothing. Let them know you're disappointed that you can't do the show, wish them well, and tell them you'll be looking forward to hearing all about it when you get home from vacation, and that you can't wait to get working on stuff for the next big show.

I can almost guarantee you that the show is NOT the big breakthrough gig you imagine it to be. And your bandmates might even learn a lesson ... how important YOU are to their sound. It'll all be fine come January, trust me.