My bandmates what to play a show without me?

[Raymeous]

Here's my "dos centavos": Let them play the gig.

It sounds like you guys are a bit younger than this other band, and hopefully the sub will have some gigging words of wisdom for your buddies. This means your band will be better in the long run.

Remember also that your local music scene is all about networking. Just because the other band has a monthly gig at this club does not mean that they haven't played other places or don't know other bands. That can be invaluable. I think most of the folks here can agree that a good band to band rep can land you a few gigs along the way.

For example, in my early 20's the guitarist from one of the bands we played with broke a string and I told him to use my guitar to finish the song (I was standing next to the stage so I pointed to mine). He managed to finish that song and they played the following with my guitar. While they played that second song I restrung his guitar and they finished their set. I didn't think anything about it until about a month later when guitar guy got a hold of me through the club owner, and they had recommended us at another venue where we walked away with around $100 a piece. So that's networking paying off.

Also keep in mind if you develop a good relationship with this other bass player you may one day get the call to be HIS sub later on. Not a bad deal. Having a sub is kinda scary because it feels like you're easy to be replaced, but it also means that you have the option of taking a break if you're feeling sick or burnt out and just need a week off, etc...

Let them do the show and enjoy your vacation.

[father of fires]

I think it'll work out for you but we played a show once without our singer and he never got over it.

My high school band jammed with another bassist once and they wrote a fun song that I loved to play

It really just depends if your ego can handle it. If I couldn't make a gig that was too important to miss, I'd find a fill in myself. If my band decided to replace me then I would know these aren't people I'd want to play with.

[Muttleybass]

If you make a big deal about it, they'll begrudge you and it will cost you your band. If it bothers you too much, you will hate them and it will cost you your band. Give them your blessing to play the show. Tell them you're sad you can't make it and wish you could be there. Have a great vacation and hopefully you will reap the benefits of the show you couldn't play.

There will be other shows.

[bluewine]

Originally Posted by Renaissance

I don't see where you're in a winning position either way. I think you have valid points as to why the remaining two shouldn't play the show. Add in the fact if they play the show you're gonna have hurt feelings. These are the kinds of things that cause young bands to break up. If the headliner plays this place monthly, there will be other chances to play.

When your 17 your always in a winning position.

Blue

[eb3mike]

Haven't read all the posts, so this may have already been brought up. Reverse the roles. You're really looking forward to the gig, but the drummer can't make it and doesn't want a sub to sit in. How would you feel?

[eriky4003]

Here's one or two original points with some repetitiveness from above:
First thing, say 'okay I hope you guys have a great time'.
Here are the scenarios - the bass player has the time to write his parts and the band loves them, gig goes off without a hitch. Great! You come back and your band will be on a high and hopefully it's all good.
Bass player has the time to write his parts but the band doesn't love'em. Your bandmates have the opportunity to sink or swim the gig. Not an ideal situation to gig.
Bass player doesn't have the time to write his parts. Practices go awry and your bandmates have to decide to sink or swim the gig and/or bass player pulls out of gig.
In all these scenarios, you come up looking like roses. The guys may also develop a newer, healthier respect for your role in the band.

[Tampabass]

You're overthinking it,and by doing so putting yourself and your bandmates in a bad position. Are you trying to create a band crisis?

Take your vacation and enjoy it. Let the sub bassist play the gig. When you come back, play more gigs with your band.

There! That wasn't so hard, was it?

[jive1]

If you're going to do this for a while, part of the learning experience is that people quit, people get fired, people can't make every gig, bands use subs, and bands come and go. One of these situations will present itself to you, and how you handle it will play into where you will be in the future.

This is a good opportunity to network with another band, and another bass player. Most of my sub work comes from other bass players. Don't take the short view of a single gig. Instead look at it with a long view of doing this for a while. You get to network, the band gets exposure, you get to take a vacation, another bass player gets a gig.

[Bassmanbob]

You may have heard of this fairly popular band from the early 1960s called The Beatles. Their drummer, Ringo, had a tonsilectomy and missed four or five gigs. They used a sub. If they can sub Ringo, your band can too.

Have fun on vacation, come back and enjoy playing with the band again.

[electracoyote]

Originally Posted by Phuffu

Am I just being selfish and greedy, or do I actually have a valid point?

Well, perhaps a little.

I am going to assume (and I think you should too, until proven wrong), that your band mates would much prefer to do the gig with you.

I am going to also assume that it is a great opportunity to advance the band, get some exposure, and enhance your marketability. That's why they are putting so much emphasis on it.

Now, if you take your emotions out of the equation and look at it objectively for a moment, (1) your band mates are not kicking you out; in fact, they wish you could be part of it, and (2) this will advance your interests as it helps your band progress.

Sometimes, we have to be a pro and do what's best for the band, putting our needs and emotions aside. As long as it's the rare occasion that you have to make this sacrifice, you should suck it up and be an adult/pro musician/good mate about it.

[kennydakid]

My band had a similar situation happen recently. We had the opportunity to play a show with 3 days notice I had a prior commitment that I couldn't get out of and the other two decided they wanted to play the show. Back when I was in high school I would have had my feelings hurt and what not but at this point in my life (28 y.o.) it doesn't bother me if my band wants to play a show without me. The show fell through but I told them to play without me (even play it as a two piece if that's what they wanted to do).

I see both sides of the argument but I do think that it really depends on your role in the band. In my band I am the Bassist and I do a little booking here and there. In prior bands I had different management roles which carried much more weight but in this band, between running my own business and what not I just don't have the time to do all the things I used to do.

[WalWarrior]

Originally Posted by Bassmanbob

You may have heard of this fairly popular band from the early 1960s called The Beatles. Their drummer, Ringo, had a tonsilectomy and missed four or five gigs. They used a sub. If they can sub Ringo, your band can too.

Have fun on vacation, come back and enjoy playing with the band again.

And his name was Jimmy Nichols. Ringo felt sad at first, thought the rest of the band didn't love him anymore. When he rejoined the lads in Austrailia, all was well again for Ringo.

[LiquidMidnight]

Originally Posted by Phuffu

well what's the point of being exposed to only 2/3rds of the band right?

I don't say this to be harsh, but nobody is that important and nobody is going to care as long as the music is good. I played in a band that had the same lead vocalist for 9 years, who had good stage presence and was the "face" of the band. We ended up having to replace him. A few people didn't stick with us as fans, but for the most part, we kept all of our fans; and after a few months, nobody cared about our former singer.

Edit: Two Fingers pretty much already said what I said.

[sambass]

I would echo what others have said in this thread, if you are confident in the subs ability to play well, meet up with him and go over the material. This is an opportunity to network. It sounds like the sub is already busy with another group with a larger draw, he won't steal your band mates. If the show goes well it could lead to more, especially if you are on good terms with the sub and his group. I would still explain your point of view to your band mates, communication is key to any group. But if I were in your shoes, and was sure the sub wouldn't play poorly, I would let them play and enjoy your vacation.

[bassybill]

The band may not get the chance to do this again, so if they miss that, resentment will kick in and you're a dead name to them in that scenario.

I would show some professionalism by doing everything I could to help them play the gig and being generally supportive. That will earn you a lot of respect. Try to make time to score or record your bass lines for the original songs and share them with the sub bassist. Let him come along and play a rehearsal while you are there to show him what you do for each of the songs. And so on.

The argument about it being only 2/3 of the band is bogus, I think. If they play the gig really well while you're away and go down a storm and then do the same again with you on bass next time - who loses?

If you act up about this, you'll personally lose out in the longer term, imo.

[Kenzy]

All these posts are actually making me wish I were in a similar situation just so I could teach a sub my lines and see how it all went down when I came back...that actually sounds kind of fun, haha

[iriegnome]

Valid point, but let your band play the show without you. You can't be there. It's not like you are being replaced, just the fact you can't be there. I have missed 1 gig in 13 years with my band. They did not use a bass player. I used to miss practices and I encouraged them to have a different bassist sit in for practice so they could be keeping up with writting and playing. I have also filled in for a bassist who had to bail on a show. several hundred people and they were all ready at the festival. Funny thing is they were our opening band, so I played in our opening band and then played our set..