my guitarist is annoying the hell out of me

playibanez · #1 05-25-2006, 05:16 PM

il start off that he is a total control freak and an attention whore. at least he chose the right instrument. i have noo say in this becasue i am a bassist, and bassist dont do anything right? he practically runs the whole band. me and the drummer are really close freinds, and we are just fed up. i dont really know what to do becasue we all are really close freinds but i dont really want to be in a band with him, and there is no way that i can give him the boot.

Woodchuck · #2 05-25-2006, 05:26 PM

You don't have to boot him, but I need you and the drummer to practice saying this word: "No". Next time he tries to impose his will, simply tell him "no". If he asks for a reason, just say, "Screw you. You don't need a reason. We're not doing that. Plain and simple, now let's move on." If you guys can't do that, then he is the alpha male, and you should keep your soft white underbelly good and clean, so it'll look good when you roll over and display it.

Steve · #3 05-25-2006, 05:55 PM

Here's a hard learned lesson from 47 years of life:

People will treat you as well or as badly as you allow yourself to be treated.

In other words, he couldn't do it if you didn't allow it.

Self inflicted wound = no sympathy.

Kick him in the nutz.

I'll tel you another thing, it's not considered politically correct but, a little rudeness can cut through a TON of BS and save a lot of time.

Fawkes007 · #4 05-25-2006, 06:05 PM

Aahhh, yes, the lead guitar player is a royal pain in the ass. My world, welcome to it!

I have had similar experience. In fact, I am having one now. My lead guitar player (who actually is a very nice guy and I do like him a great deal and he is a great player) has LGS - Lead Guitar Syndrome. No one does anything completely to his liking. We play coversm and if I don't play the bass line EXACTLY AS IT IS ON THE CD I get a lecture about it. I finally told him to shut his mouth or he would need to look for a new bass player. And, again, I really like him! But he is a bit...anal.

Just stand your ground. Tell this guy you want to play with him, but you are feeling stifled and he needs to let everyone do their thing and if he is not happy about it he needs to leave. He does not know what is best for the band, he just thinks he does. If that doesn't work, find a new guitar player. There are some really good guys out there whoare fun to play with and don't think they are the world's end.

tZer · #5 05-25-2006, 06:46 PM

You don't have to boot him. Ultimately you cannot control or change him, that is his job. What you can do is leave the situation and take your drummer with you. You find another guitar player who want to join your 'new' band... give the 'new' band a 'new but really similar name' and there ya go! So he can stay in the original band - he will just have to either be a solo act or find himself another drummer and bass player... simple.

Disco_Gee · #6 05-25-2006, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by playibanez

...and there is no way that i can give him the boot.

Yes there is. It starts with you deciding that you can give him the boot. Where there's a will, there's a way.

MysticMichael · #7 05-25-2006, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by playibanez

il start off that he is a total control freak and an attention whore. at least he chose the right instrument.

No! A guitarist who's a control freak? Say it ain't so!

Actually, I find this all a bit strange: On the one hand, you say he's annoying the hell out of you. On the other hand, you say he's your friend. Personally, someone who continually annoys the hell out of me is not someone I would consider a friend. Perhaps your definition of "friend" is dramatically different from mine, but I have to wonder: why would you want to continue investing your time and energy in a relationship that brings so much friction and frustration?

Do what you can to improve the status quo. But if it simply won't work, then you'll have to make a choice: Accept a dysfunctional band for the sake of preserving the friendship. Or risk losing the friendship in order make a needed correction in the band. Your call...

It may not be easy. But it is clearcut and straightforward...

MM

Lazylion · #8 05-26-2006, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Woodchuck

If you guys can't do that, then he is the alpha male, and you should keep your soft white underbelly good and clean, so it'll look good when you roll over and display it.

LOL don't sugar coat it now, tell 'em what you really think!
Nicely put sir!

Earwigger · #9 05-26-2006, 02:50 PM

Our guitarist does the same thing occasionally. I find that by playing the "enlightened mediator", I can usually resolve stuff before it gets too mean.

If that dosen't work, smoke him up, get him a beer, and then tell him hes a total dick and should die horribly. He'll get the point then.

quotidian · #10 05-26-2006, 04:08 PM

"People will treat you as well or as badly as you allow yourself to be treated." That's a great quote, bikertrash! My mom once shared a similar quote with me.

I played for a year in a cover band with a guitarist that was a "friend". Comments such as "No one listens to the bass, anyway," combined with narcissistic guitar solos were enough to make me leave.

I view playing music with others as having a special type of conversation, a unique way of communicating. Now, when I consider playing with others, I ask myself, "Do I want to 'talk' or 'listen' to this person? Is it going to be a reciprocal 'conversation' or a is it going to be a one-way tirade."

I'm still friends with the aforementioned guitar-god-wannabe; I just don't play with him anymore. And I feel alot better, emotionally and musically.

Whether, you decide to leave the band or confront your "friend", you need to do something. Playing music should be fun. Whatever you decide to do, just do it tactfully, gracefully and professionally.

Peace,

Dean